Keep Breathing (9 page)

Penny

“CLOSE YOUR EYES.”

I
heard him tinker with something before it clicked together. A moment later, a trickle of classical music filled the air. I recognized it, and wanted to say so, but the title slipped my mind. My nervousness distracted me from thinking clearly and the anticipation was killing me. Where had I heard the song before?

“
Tell me what you like.” Seth’s voice was soft, and hummed against the sensitive area under my ear where my jawline curved toward my neck. The warmth of his body spread from his to mine, and I gasped from the sudden rush it gave me. “Anything you want, I’ll give it to you, Penny. I meant it when I said I would do anything to win you back, and I intend to show you many times over.”

His kiss lingered
on my flesh, burning like a distant memory. It excited me, and my heart literally skipped a beat as my breath caught in my throat. What could I say to that? It’d been so long since I’d been with someone, but my body was responding against my wishes, eager to meet with his proximity. Throwing all thoughts of celibacy out the window, I realized that I wanted him back, too, but it defeated everything I’d promised myself. I hadn’t wanted it to go this far, well…maybe. I just didn’t know. Could I do this? Could I take what I needed and still keep my head on straight? What was going to happen when the time came to push him away again? What if he got too close again? I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Especially when this man was so dangerously close. His enticing scent was scrambling my senses into oblivion as his lips explored my body, sending sparks down my skin along the trails of his mouth. I was pretty sure I was done for.

T
he lights were dim in his room and added to the sensual atmosphere. I’d been turned into putty as his hands made their way seductively down my sides, lifted my tank and slipped under it while pulling me closer. His body rocked slowly to the light music, making me dizzy as I pulled the air into my lungs, which were tightening dangerously.

The alcohol swam in my head
, though I knew exactly what I was getting into. It may have loosened my wound up nerves, but I couldn’t say that I didn’t want him as badly as he wanted me. Each kiss was a taste of ambrosia, and every caress of his fingers made me want to rip his clothes off, shove him onto the bed and have my own way with him, over and over.

Of a
ll the places in the world, that was the most dangerous place to be. How could I have let him bring me here and still remain focused? As his body moved, hot and hypnotizing, I had to let go. There was no fighting it. Surrendering, I let him slip my clothes over my head. He allowed me to pull the buttons of his shirt apart, the color a dark blue in the dim lighting, like his eyes, like the ocean beach where we had spent so much time together. I wanted to remember that love, to feel it again coursing through me like lightning. It was a long forgotten high I craved with each cell of my being.

He le
d me toward the bed, and I let him. Sitting down, he pulled down my jeans, kneeling down as my eyes followed his movements.
ishsfdkf
His skin was searing mine as he traced my thighs on the way down, leaving a trail of tingling until he tossed my shorts to the side. He smelled amazing, even with the residual saltiness of his sweat, it had just intensified the pheromones surely jumping right off him and luring me in. Pulling his shirt off, he stood up and unbuttoned his pants until only his boxers remained, hugging his slender hips and muscular stomach.

If I had any doubts that he still desired me, they went out the window as I took in the entirety of his body.

My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. On and on it fluttered like a hummingbird trapped inside my ribcage, pounding my chest and making my breath escape too fast. It was dizzying, but exciting. I crawled back into the pillows and let him hover over me, his incredible body lean and hard, making it obvious that he worked out and took care of it. It flared up the air around me, making it hot and sticky. His body let me know what he thought of mine, and I relished what it was doing to him. I wanted him badly, enough that I tugged at him longingly, willing him to proceed and take me back to the days where our bodies were one, over and over in complete surrender. There was no turning back now.

He bent forward, his eyes flashing as they
reflected the soft light glowing around us. “Penny.” His breathy voice sent prickling gooseflesh down my neck and arms. How he did that with just a whisper of my name had me losing my resolve to deny him anything. Soft, flighty kisses sent me in overdrive, and I didn’t think I could stand to wait any longer.

I place
d a finger on his lips and shook my head, finally feeling a bit more sober as I came up for air. Just to breathe him in again. “Don’t say a word.”

His eyes linger
ed on mine, and I knew he was trying to decipher if that was a good thing or not. But he let it go, succumbing to the hunger dwelling within his adoring gaze and closed the gap between us, pressing his lips on mine. My mouth opened slightly to let his tongue explore, reciprocating in deep, hungry kisses as though nothing could quench the thirst we had for each other. Nothing less than intense bursts of energy filled me, and I’d never felt so wanted, so cherished.

Seth
was the most dangerous man I’d ever met, and he had me under his power again.

Oh,
dear sweet Lord.

Penny

I SAT UP, jarred and disorientated. Seeing the blinding light of the morning sun streaming in through the slightly parted window curtains, I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus on what had happened the night before. I wasn’t sure where I was or how the hell I had gotten there. One too many cocktails from the night before were still swimming in my head, making it murky for several moments before I pushed it away and realized, with a growing dread and panic, just where I was.

Shit!

I hopped out of bed and tried to gather my clothes off the dark maroon carpet.
Who has maroon carpet?
I collapsed back onto the bed, feeling my mind swimming while sparks shot across my vision. I had stood up too fast and was paying for it. Groaning, I gripped my head between my hands and let the blood return to my brain. Seth wasn’t in the room, and I didn’t know where he’d gone off to, but I had to get home if I was to salvage any of my pride in the process.

I tried
to stand up again, but much more slowly, before shimmying my clothing back on. Frantically, I searched for my purse, pulling apart the room to no avail. Finally, I pulled it out from under the bed and flipped open my phone to check the time.

6:45a
m. I groaned and pulled my travel brush out, heading toward the master bath attached to the room to quickly freshen up before I hightailed it out of there. Even the smell of bacon, which was now deliciously permeating the air, didn’t keep me from locking myself in the bathroom and leaning back on the door, letting out a deep, groaning sigh.

I
had fucked it up. Not even a week had gone by, and I’d let him in,
just like that!
Just dropped all my defenses and let the enemy waltz right in through the gate so he could gallop around and have his fun, then traipse right out of my life once more. Not that I hadn’t had an exhilarating time, for my body ached in all the right places, and it was begging for more. The tender spot between my thighs was proof enough how much fun we’d had the night before, and it had my insides bursting at the thought of each moment of lust and sex. It played like flashes of a movie over and over in my head, and it had me holding my breath as the excitement filled me up once more. This, above all else, made me groan as I yanked my brush painfully through the knots of hair, tousled from the night rumpus we’d enjoyed.

Why can’t things be simple? I was the queen of complicated, and it was usually because I let things get the best of me.

I furiously rubbed the smeared makeup off, splashing it away. I also rinsed out my mouth before staring at myself in the mirror. Shaking my head as I took in my sad appearance, it was horrid. I looked exhausted with the bruising of dark circles forming under my eyes and puffy sleep lines tracking one cheek. I licked my lips, still pink and puckered from being kissed. Kissed. By. Seth. I’d never thought I’d ever be doing that again. Even if it had been a delicious roll in the sack. It was disturbing how easily I’d let him in and how good it had been. It wasn’t supposed to be that good. If it hadn’t been so mind-blowing, I might have had more fuel to keep my resistance going. I remembered making love to him in college, but it’d never been like that. Never so hot and sizzling. It felt as though my body would burn into ashes from the desire running through me.

Dammit Seth!

He’d left me breathless, and I could still feel those plump lips of his trailing down my body, down my stomach, and sending pulses of pleasures all over, which had heated me up to the point of boiling until it sent a jolt shooting down my thighs. He’d been good before, but now…now he was an excellent lover. He was no longer the young man I’d known in another life. He was a different kind of poison. The slow, scorching, addictive kind that could kill a person if let to burn hot enough. I had to get out of there. No,
run
out of there as fast as my feet could possibly take me before I wouldn’t be able to leave, and my willpower waltzed out the door once more.

Sneaking down the
hall, the smell of bacon and coffee tempted me to forget my desire to escape. A man who made breakfast was pretty out of the norm for me, and it caught me off guard. I’d dated my share of men after Seth, but it had never gotten deeper than casual encounters and regular dates until I was bored out of my mind. No one had ever gotten close enough to last longer than that. I had made sure they wouldn’t by finding something wrong with them faster than they could put their jockey shorts back on.

They’d been too into themselves, too short, too tall, too skinny, too husky
…Or I would find something minute about them that sufficed to shove them away. I wouldn’t bother to call them back when they filled my machine with their desperate messages, and recited speeches of love to lure me back in. I wouldn’t answer them, and let them fade away into oblivion before marching on to the next sorry date I managed to scrape up.

Sad wasn’t it? How pathetic my love life had turned out since being with this man.
Seth had me scrambled to distraction as these thoughts pummeled my brain with their flashes of regret and emptiness. It was enough that I hadn’t noticed the steps echoing down from the kitchen until Seth had turned the corner, plate of heavenly food on one hand and a glass of juice in the other. He came to a stop, and we eyed each other with apprehension. I was pretty sure he knew just what I’d been up to. I’d been caught with one foot out the door in my walk of shame.

“I made breakfast.” He held out a plate piled high with pancakes dripping with syrup, thick
, crispy slices of bacon and perfectly browned toast with butter. My stomach growled ferociously, betraying me in an instant. I was pretty sure he’d heard its complaints, too. There was no walking out of this one now.

“I hope you have some time to eat
before you go.” He motioned toward the breakfast nook, sitting in the light of the bay window overlooking the city skyline. One of his eyebrows lifted, curiously, as he waited patiently for me to answer. I hated being caught red-handed, trying to sneak out the morning after. I was usually slicker, but I hadn’t had a good look around his house before heading to the bedroom like I usually did with all my doomed dates in the past. This time, I’d had no time to before he’d swept me to the room.

The food taunted me from the plate with its wafting aromas, making my mouth flood in drool.
Okay, maybe I did have a little time for breakfast.

“Wow, um. Yeah, of course! Smells
amazing.” I plastered on a smile and nodded profusely. His face lit up as he slid the plate to my side of the table. I sighed, dropping my stuff off by the door and joined him. Somehow, I highly suspected he’d planned this all along, knowing how skittish I would be. Was I so transparent he could read my every move before I made it? Why else would he be awake at such an ungodly hour?

“There’s more syrup
if there isn’t enough on there for you. I remember how much you loved it smothered.” He winked and grabbed his plate, pulling himself closer to the table as he joined me. Watching him, I felt an odd calm rushing around and tingling my scalp before shooting down my arms as I watched him cut up his pancakes and shove in a mouthful. It was funny how the tiny details mesmerized me, freezing me in my chair. The way his jaw tensed as he chewed, the way his dark blonde eyelashes hooded over his sea-blue eyes. His rough fingers grasped the fork and stabbed at the food. His messy blonde locks were sticking out in every direction. It was charming, intoxicating, yet incredibly familiar all at the same time.

Following the line of his naked arms up to the sharp indention of his collar bone, I found myself etching every notch, blemish and curve of his body into my
memory. Why was I doing this to myself? Maybe it was a subconscious way for my mind to make me take notice of him. I had no idea why it would do such a traitorous thing, but I found myself unable to look away. At least, not until I caught his eyes as they found mine glued on him, and I quickly averted them to the plate in front of me to madly start cutting into my own meal.

“How is it?” He
took a swig of orange juice and waited for me to answer. Managing a grunt with a mouthful of bacon, I nodded and squeezed out an unattractive smile as I chewed. Why do people do that? Ask questions when you’re clearly busy chomping on a meal? I chased the lump of food with some juice before I could answer him properly.

“Excellent, thank you.”

He leaned back and continued to watch me, focusing intently as he wiped his mouth. His goatee was smooth and well-trimmed, a few shades darker than the hair on his head. It made him look like one of the male models in a Calvin Klein magazine, especially since all he had on was a pair of board shorts. It was quite difficult to not stare at his washboard abs as he moved to take his plate to the sink. Watching him walk away was no different. I practically had to rip my eyeballs away from him.

T
he way he could move that body of his…

I had to get a grip and focus on my plan before
he distracted me any further. I’d gotten in over my head. I gulped down another bite and averted my eyes to my half-eaten eggs and toast. Somehow it was easier to breathe if I avoided looking at him. How does anyone even function being around that? I remembered him being sexy in college, but hot damn if he hadn’t morphed into a freaking Adonis since then. This was going to be way harder than I had initially thought. How do you game someone who looks like that? I was going to have to take a step back and make sure I had every inch of the picture accounted for, or I was going to fall flat on my ass again. I definitely didn’t want that to happen, and it was going to take all I had to keep from messing it up.

I flicked my eyes toward him as he walked back to the table and sat down, his orange juice refilled and gripped in his fingers. I can look right? Just can’t touch him again. Way too dangerous.

“Listen, thanks for this amazing ‘morning after’ breakfast and all, but I got to go.” I moved to stand up, but spilled out of the chair as my ankle caught the leg of it. I lay sprawled across the floor feeling every bit of the bruise blossoming on my knee. I wasn’t sure what was hurt more, my pride or my leg but, I turned over slowly to catch my bearings. I really needed to be more careful; I was probably still intoxicated, but I doubted it. What was wrong with me?

“
Penny, you okay? Here.” Seth plucked me up off the floor with the ease of a body builder, his lean, muscular arms securely around my waist. “You probably need some more coffee and water. Dehydration stiffens the muscles.” He led me gently to his couch, and I slipped down onto the soft cushions, madly rubbing my reddened knees. He was probably right, but I hated that he was. “Let me see…”

“It’s fine.” I muttered as he kneeled down and checked out my knees. He rubbed them softly, sending tiny shivers up my legs. I hoped he didn’t notice the goose flesh flaring across my skin.
Much too soon, he stood up and headed toward the kitchen. I was relieved he had retreated, but the empty sadness I felt at his absence sent me into a tiny panic.

Can’t feel that…just can’t right now.

He returned from getting me a tall glass of water and pushed me to drink it all. I’d be rushing off to the bathroom in no time after that, but I would’ve preferred if it was back at my own place. Finishing it off, I stood up again—slowly this time—and made my way to his bathroom, brushing my hair down and frowning deeply at my less-than-flattering reflection. 

“Hey.
” Seth was leaning against the wall as I exited the bathroom, making me extremely suspicious that he was going to attempt to make me stay. “Need anything?” He looked genuinely concerned.

“Hey, thanks for the food,
but I’ll see you later. I promise no more tripping.” I turned and headed toward the door, where my flats and my bag were waiting. I slipped them on and managed to unlock the two bolts on his door before his hand slipped over my arm and down over my fingers.

“Did I do something? I don’t want you to go.” His voice was quiet
and the warmth of his breath made me suck in a breath. I chanced a glance up and peered into his eyes.
Bad idea.
His eyebrows crinkled, worry stamped across his features as he studied my face.

“I can’t do this,
Seth.”

“What can’t you do?”
Confusion replaced the concern as he waited for my answer, not making any moves away from me.

This was so hard!

Flicking my eyes back and forth across his face, I felt my lips quiver. Something about him made me want to throw my stuff down and melt into his manly scented chest, like musk and leather combined, and lose myself forever. I was so stupid to think I could make him pay for what he had done to me. I’d never been one for revenge. How do you break someone’s heart on purpose? Hell, I’ve never done it, not consciously. So how was I supposed to know the way to do it right? This was uncharted territory, a place I’d never wanted to tread in. That was not written anywhere in my agenda.

I was the kind of girl
who wanted to fall in love with an amazing man, get married, have his kids and live happily ever after. Somehow, that image had fractured. I couldn’t pinpoint when exactly I’d let my hopes and dreams warp into happy
never
after. I’d run from every man since I’d been with Seth. No matter the reasons I made up so that they weren’t good enough, I hadn’t moved on from losing Seth. I’d made up every reason in the world to avoid intimacy with anyone who crossed my path. Too good looking, too smart, too nerdy, too boring, too stupid, too… something.