Keep Breathing (12 page)

Trying to change the subject, I scanned the room, feeling somewhat underdressed. “Why didn’t you tell me to wear something nicer? I didn’t know we were going out to eat.”

He laughed, making me feel even more self-conscious. “This is Vegas, Penny. Everyone is in shorts, tanks, bikinis and flip flops in July. You’d only be underdressed if you were in a bathing suit without a cover up.”

I frowned and picked up my menu
. He was right. No one dressed up at restaurants here, especially family ones. Only the fancy Strip Hotel restaurants got that strict.

I settled in when
I felt a small finger tap my arm. “Can I sit by you, Miss Penny?” I turned to find Cam standing next to me and I nodded, shifting over to make room for him. He’d taken to me quickly, and got himself comfortable next to me. I lifted an eyebrow toward Seth. He just beamed like I’d given him a million dollars.

Picking the menu up again
, I scanned it, unsure of what to eat.

“The A
lfredo pasta is my favorite!” Cam exclaimed, as if reading my mind. It sounded more like “afado” when he said it, which brought a smile to my face. His own face was brilliant, just like Seth’s, and it melted my insides. I’d only been close to Joss’s daughter, but I liked babysitting her whenever Joss had needed one. The kid really knew how to melt my heart. It made me wonder if Cam would be the same.

“Really? That’s great
, because I didn’t know what was good here. I think I’ll get that, too.” I winked at him, and his face lit up even more. He grabbed the set of crayons and coloring menu placed before him, looking determined as he began scribbling.

“See? He likes you.
” Seth’s grin was as bright as a thousand-watt floodlight—and contagious. It was hard to not smile at him when he looked so handsome with his teeth flashing and his eyes brilliant. Why did he have to be so intoxicating? It made me lose focus every friggin’ time!

“Thanks for inviting me to lunch.”

“My pleasure. I should be thanking you. It’s always nice to have such enchanting company.” His face was serious now, and I tried in vain to rip my eyes away from his. “My two favorite people in the world having lunch with me. What more could I want?” Those jeweled orbs sucked me in, and I wanted to melt into them right there and then. It made me think that maybe, just maybe, he knew what he was doing, and I was the one falling for game plan that wasn’t mine all over again.

No.
I looked away, acting like I was still studying the menu. He wouldn’t get to me again like he once had. Not that deep. It was just for fun now, right? I could do this. I could be the heartbreaker for once, couldn’t I? If either of us walked away this time, it would be me doing that first.

Glancing toward Cameron, I wasn’t so sure
about anything anymore. Every step I took in the direction I wanted to go kept leading me around to a place I never expected to be. Why did it have to be so hard? Why did I feel like I was being pulled along by some unseen force? Maybe I needed to let go. Maybe it was something I had to keep an eye on. Maybe I wasn’t as sure of myself as I’d thought I was. Whatever it was, it was confusing as hell.

Cam
’s little blue eyes flicked up at me and crinkled with his wide grin. One pair of indigo eyes was bad enough, but two? That was just a fatal amount of blue. The fates were messing with me epically this time and I was pretty positive they were rolling around laughing at my dilemma like nobody’s business.

Lunch
ended up pleasant if uneventful. Back at my apartment, I bade them goodbye and watched as Seth led little Cam away. Toward the end of our meal, the little guy had been chatting my head off about his drawing, what color was his favorite and why, all while managing to get me to name five types of pasta. I couldn’t believe it, the kid was a little walking genius, still wet behind the ears. I was impressed, but I hadn’t had any time to talk with Seth.

But h
e hadn’t seemed too upset about that; in fact I’d never seen him look so happy. I hoped that next time I’d have a little more time with him. He was addicting and each time he came around, it was getting more and more difficult to push him away. I wanted to see him again, even Cam too.

Watching the car
pull away, I was pretty sure there would definitely be a next time and it made me smile as I clicked the door shut and leaned against it, sighing with an unfamiliar kind of happiness.

Seth

“WHO’S THIS GIRL now?”

My cousin
Nicolai was throwing another bag of stuffed animals into the pit behind the water table of the Snag O’ Fish Game. I’d been refilling the tiny tub full of rubber ducks with a hose I’d dragged over from the last game of water balloons. The hot morning sun was already melting my skin, and sitting under the canopy while splashing some of the water onto my neck and head were the only relief. The fair was due to open in an hour, and we were scrambling to finish stocking the stalls as the many fairgrounds workers poured in and checked their assignments.

He had
called me in to help again because he was short on the days when the trucks brought in the shipments of stuffed animals and other supplies he had to distribute across the enormous fairgrounds. It was usually once every two weeks, like the afternoon I’d finally run into Penny again. It was worth helping him out to get away from the insanity of the coffee shop, even for just a few hours. Nicolai was the only family I had in Vegas, and it was a good time to catch up without being too formal.

“Penny. You know…the girl I dated in college.”

“Oh, that skinny brunette with the big eyes?”

He had a way of describing people that made them sound like aliens.

“Um…yeah. The one I was dating when I had to return to Moldova when my father got sick.”

Nicolai
stopped to grab the hose from me and took a long swig of the cold water before splashing some onto his face and neck. His face was bright red and I wondered how much sun he’d already gotten today.

“She was a hot one, ey?” He laughed, his accent
was much thicker than mine since he’d moved here when he was eighteen. Even so, his English was very good.

“Yeah,” I cleared my throat and shut off the
spray from the nozzle as I wound the hose and dragged it to the storage shed behind the stall. “She’s still gorgeous.”

“She
give in to you yet, or still think you a jerk?”

I bi
t my lip and sighed, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans. “I hope she doesn’t still think that. I’ve been making it up to her, but it’s been difficult. She doesn’t trust me anymore. She has every right not to.”

“Why’d you leave her anyway? I thought you were going to marry that one.”

I shaded my eyes from the scorching morning sun, blinding as it made its way higher into the sky.. “Yeah well. I thought I wasn’t going to be coming back here any time soon.”

“Not a really good reason to let her go.”

“I know that, thanks for rubbing salt on the wound.”

Nicolai slammed his hand on my back, giving me a hard slap. “
Just kidding, cousin. Women. You just can’t get right with them, no matter what, no?” His laugh echoed down the row of games and I wanted to shake my head and go home already, but there was one more truck load to empty before the patrons started pouring in.

“
She have a friend or sister?” Nicolai let his eyebrows wiggle at me and I shook my head. Not that he wouldn’t be a good husband, but he had a tendency to be a playboy at the moment. We looked similar, but his frame was huskier than mine, and his blonde hair was shorter with darker streaks through it. He needed to get his wandering ways out of his system before I was going to go around setting him up with anyone decent.

“No.”

“Ah, too bad. Mindy dumped me last week. Missing the feel of a woman already.”

It was my turn to slap him on the back. “When you decide to settle for one lovely woman, I might help you then. Right now, you’ll scare them off like a piranha.”

“Aw, come on!”
Nicolai rubbed his scruffy stubble and sighed. “Okay I get it, you don’t want to ruin no friends around me but I’ll make sure to remind you to get me a good one when I’m done having my fun.”

“You do that.”

“Now that Penny…you got to be adventurous with her. Take her sky diving, that’s always scary enough to through them into your arms afterwards. That or take her kayaking in the Colorado. I bet she’s the outdoor type—daring, adrenaline junkie.”

I shook my head, chuckling at his suggestions. “Nope, she’s definitely not the outdoorsy adrenaline junky kind of girl like you
tend to date, Nikolai. What happened to that one crazy chic that used to drag you on hikes and liked to rock climb? Anna something?

“Amanda Ryles. Whoa, she’s a hot one
, man, but I can’t keep up with her.” Nicolai tapped his belly where a few too many beers had settled. “She’s an animal in bed, wears me out every time.”

“Sounds fun.”

“You’re right, she’s insane, but man…I do miss those crazy, daring things she dragged me into. Kept me fit. I should call her, she was always up for a romp. Hey…” He paused and tapped me on the shoulder. “I think I should invite Amanda to dinner tomorrow. She’ll come. I know she always had a soft spot for me. Why don’t you bring that girlfriend of yours over so we can have some nice dinner times again, like we used to?”

I scrunched my eyes together, feeling the sweat beads forming on my forehead as I thought about his offer.
Bring Penny around my obnoxious, but well-meaning cousin? Why not, right? “Yeah, okay. Sounds good.”

“Awesome. See you tomorrow at six, my house. Oh, bring some wine or whatever you want to drink. I just have beer.”

I smirked. “I know. Can’t wait.” He thought beer was a food group and it was always either that or water when hanging at his house.
Note to self, definitely bring some more palatable beverages.

The morning dragged on as
we finished the last load before I waved goodbye to my cousin. It was good to hang out with him. It reminded me of home in a way. Sometimes Nicolai would slip into Romanian while we spoke, but for the most part, we spoke English. We’d been in the United States long enough to default to it. Still, it was nice to let the familiar language roll off his tongue now and then, and get me jabbering in it too. It’d been a while since I’d been back home, and I was feeling the bitter tendrils of homesickness now and then lately. Maybe if things worked out, I could take Penny back home and introduce her to my mother.

The thought made me grin
and sent a surge of excitement through me for the future. I really wanted to take Cam back home too. He’d been there as a baby, but only briefly and my poor mother was always sending me messages through my brother Sergei to visit again with Cam. It was hard with all the responsibilities I had in Vegas, but it was something I needed to do soon, before my mother got too old. I definitely didn’t want to leave Penny again before I solidified our relationship, either. Somehow, I’d find some way to convince her to take the trip with me soon. It was important, and there was no better reason than to have the two most important women in my life meet before my mother died.

Time was always racing against me, but I was determined to get the best of it
for once.

Penny

“I STILL CAN’T believe that this is your house.” I peered around the foyer and took in the expanse of staircase that made up the entire front entrance. It was enormous and looked like it was pulled right out of a plantation in
Gone With the Wind
. The banister was polished to a bright, reflective shine, and the travertine tiles extended in an ocean of stone from the foyer to deeper into the house. It was a mini mansion, and I’d never stood in such a big house before.

I felt underdressed, like I
had just stepped into a movie star’s home. I peeked down at my shorts, tank top and plain flip flops and really felt like I was slumming it a bit too much, even for a hot Vegas evening. I’d only seen part of the house the day I’d spent the night, and it had been mostly the bedroom. I’d left through a side door off the kitchen which led to the driveway and hadn’t looked back as I drove away. Who knew the place was so big? I fought the urge to spin around and fly out of the house as fast as I could. I hadn’t paid much attention when we’d arrived that night either, too involved in kissing Seth and making it to the bed right away.

The thought made me blush
, and I turned away from Seth so he wouldn’t notice.

“Yep, had it custom built. Though I think
it’s way too much house for just me and Cam.” Seth walked back into the foyer and handed me a cocktail. I stared at it with a slight horror in my eyes. It was four in the afternoon. Way too early to get slammed, especially after what happened the last time I drank around Seth.

“What’s this?”

“A Shirley Temple. You like those, don’t you? Virgin Cocktail.” He winked and downed his drink. From the smell of it, his was hard liquor. I wrinkled my nose at the realization that he’d given me a virgin drink, knowing how bad drinking was for me. It was a tough pill to swallow, but he was in the right. I was not a good drunk person. I accepted it and sipped slowly.

“So why’d you get such a big house made
, then? Seems like you’d get a smaller one if you didn’t want such a big place.”

Seth
laughed, his smile revealing a small dimple in his right cheek. “It was more of the future I was looking at. I always wanted a bunch of family and friends at my house. Doesn’t seem to be the way things are going, though. So far, it’s just me and Cam, for now. Sometimes my cousin hangs out, but not too often, he lives across town.”

I finished off my drink and he promptly took it from me and
hurried away. I followed behind him and found myself at a bar next to an indoor swimming pool. A humongous indoor swimming pool.

My surprise must’ve been written on my face because I caught Seth smiling as he mixed us more drinks.
“Good golly, you have swimming pool?” My eyes widened at the expanse of blue before me. “So you like swimming?” Goodness, I really was going for dumb and dumber here. Who’d have a swimming pool inside their house if they didn’t like to swim?
Geez.

“Yeah, but I don’t get to
jump in nearly as much as I’d like.” He handed me a fresh Shirley Temple and turned to stare at the glistening surface of the water.

“
Honestly, Seth, I didn’t peg you for a rich boy.” I leaned across the bar and watched him in my periphery. He was lost in his thoughts.

“I’m not a rich boy. I grew up poor, you know that. Lots of hard work and luck got me here.” He turned and studied my face, looking like he was search
ing for something. “I didn’t peg you as someone to settle for a job you don’t really like and give up on your dreams of traveling the world and having a family.”

I flinch
ed at his accusation, though his eyes remained calm and studious. “You don’t know anything about me.” I slipped the second empty glass toward him on the counter, feeling glum at his observation. Maybe he was right, but I sure as heck didn’t want to admit it.

“I know more than you think I do. I know you don’t really care for dealin
g with sick people all the time. I know you used to tell me you dreamed you’d have a huge family one day, and I know you haven’t seen the world like you said you would, just part of the US. We dated, remember? You had dreams, you had aspirations. How’s that for knowing you or not? Why haven’t you seen the world, Penny? You don’t have any responsibilities or family to anchor you down. What’ve you been doing all this time?” He sipped his Scotch, watching me as I squirmed at the edge of the bar.

I hated to admit it, but he was so right
and it made me want to vomit. “I—I don’t know. I have a job I just can’t walk away from. It doesn’t matter. Dreams don’t come true for me. That’s all. I just try to not get too disappointed.”

He shook his head, a
tsk, tsk
sound slipping out from between his teeth. My rage was starting to rise, but all I wanted to do was change the subject.

“Where’s Cam?”
I interjected.

“He’s at his grandmother’s house for the week.”

“Oh. His mother’s mom, I assume.”

“Yep. S
he loves having him over. Gives her something to do besides think about how things are. My ex was her only child, so now Cam is the focus of all her smothering. It’s good though, gives me some time to breathe.” He handed me another drink, but this time the smell of alcohol hit my nostrils as I sipped it. “That’s to calm your nerves,” he said. “Why are you wound up so tight?”

I glare
d back at him as I downed the rest of it so fast, the burn in my stomach made me regret it immediately. “Maybe if you wouldn’t point out things about me that I clearly haven’t figured out, I wouldn’t be upset.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.
I’m just curious.” He clicked his glass against mine before lifting it up to salute. “Here’s to the future, whatever it may be.” Winking, he chugged it, his eyes never leaving mine. The ice swirled in my glass as I watched it sweat. The water of the pool looked awfully refreshing; the heat outside was close to unbearable. Heat exhaustion was quite common in Vegas. It took but a little time to zap the energy right out of you in this obnoxious heat.

“Want to go for a swim?”
Seth asked. Before I could respond, he’d stripped off his shirt and tossed it to the side. He was already wearing board shorts, so he just dove right on in. I gripped my glass, knowing full well I wasn’t wearing a bathing suit underneath my outfit, but I could at least dip my legs in. Clothes would dry quickly in the Vegas sun, but that wasn’t what stopped me. I just didn’t want to swim… couldn’t do it.

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh, come on. What have you got to lose?”

Cranking my head as I watch
ed him paddle near me, I make the fatal mistake of inching too close to the edge. I should’ve known better than to let him pull up, sit on the side of the pool, disarm me with his chiseled shoulders and rippling stomach muscles. He then ever-so-suavely grabbed me and catapulted me into the pool.

The shock of the cold water made me kick furiously to find which way was up. The mass
of bubbles disorientated me, but I finally popped up and over the surface, sputtering like an old engine. My feet barely touched the bottom, and I tiptoed toward the shallow end, my heart hammering in my ears.

Seth
was chuckling a bit, but the moment I caught sight of his smirk, I jolted toward him and pummeled his chest with my fists. “That wasn’t funny!” Coughing, I shoved him and headed toward the edge of the pool, where it was shallower, and I could sit on the steps. I continued to cough and attempted to shove back the matted mess which had been my smooth hair moments before.

Seth
waded in behind me and watched as I sat there and regained my composure. My lips quivered from the shock of the water, and it made me wonder why the heck he didn’t heat it up, even just a bit. It was downright frigid.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t swim.”

“Really? Y
ou did fine, you know.”

I huffed, but didn’t move from my step. The water flowed over my chest, where my tank hung heavily over my breasts
, exposing my cleavage a bit more as the water pulled at the material. I was sure I looked like a drowned rat.

“No
, I didn’t. I think I swallowed half your pool water.” I coughed some more and hugged my arms around myself. There was no point in completely getting out, the air conditioner would just add to the cold. “Do you have a towel?”

He approached and sat back on his knees, the water barely reaching his chest.
The way it left droplets which clung to his skin as his gaze burned into me was too much to bear, and I had to glance away, back toward the bar, where the multitude of liquor bottles glistened in the soft, streaming sunlight. I couldn’t look back at him because I’d drown. Maybe not in the literal sense, but metaphorically, it was a certainty.

“
Penny, I wasn’t aware you couldn’t swim. You looked like you wanted to get in. I’m really sorry.”

I shrugged, not looking at him so I wouldn’t lose control of my feelings. I was torn between pummeling him
with my fists again and crying. He never knew why I didn’t like to swim. In the short time we’d spent together, it had never come up, and I’d never told him.

“I can swim. I just don’t want to.” I hugged my legs and rocked as I took a deep breath in. Memory was a terrible thing and I was trying my hardest to shove the reminders of too many bad things back into my head.

Seth reached over to rub his fingers along my arms, sending even more goose bumps flaring across my skin as he tried to soothe me. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on his fiery touch instead of the real reason I had refused to go swimming for years upon years.

“
When I was six, my sister drowned. She was only three.” I blurted out. I kept my eyes closed, afraid I would freak out and run out of his house again. Why was I even telling him this? It had happened so many lifetimes ago, but it was a wound still so unforgivingly raw, it felt as if my heart was breaking for her all over again.

His hands encircled my thighs
, and he rubbed his thumbs back and forth over my goose bumps. The silence was filled with so many things, but it was what I needed at that moment. It stifled the withering cold with his warm touch. Nice, but cautious.

A few minutes
later, he broke the quiet solace when I finally opened my eyes and stopped rocking.

“Want to tell me about it?”
he asked.

“Maybe one day.” I shook my head, still shaking off the dread of that long ago tragedy. My fam
ily never spoke of it much afterwards. It’d become a silent horror that clung to us no matter what, best left covered up in the dusty backrooms of our hearts.

“I can teach you how to swim, I’m very patient.
” He inched forward again, his hand reaching up through the rippling surface as he touched my cheek. I had to look at him now; his fingers blocked the view of the bar enough to make me shift my gaze back to his eyes, looking almost green against blue water.

“I
know how to swim. I just can’t…can’t do it.

“Why?”

“Why do I need to swim? I’ll never need to swim in a pool, especially yours. I don’t ever fly in airplanes, so I don’t have to worry about crashing into an ocean. I don’t ride on boats or yachts. There isn’t a lake nearby worth treading into, and I don’t count Lake Mead as one. It’s disgusting and full of putrid nastiness.” I sighed and closed my eyes. The chlorine was already beginning to sting them. “No reason to swim.”

“
Swimming may not be useful to you now, but you never know, one day, you may be forced to have to swim again. I know your fear stems from what happened to your sister, but she wouldn’t want you to not enjoy the water.” The soft caress of his fingers made me shiver even more. “You just can’t assume you won’t have to one day, just like you can’t predict the future of us.”

I watch
ed the waves lap against his chest and wanted him to pull me toward him, wanted to melt into him. He was right about predicting the future, but did he know how badly I wanted to also stand straight up, turn and run out of the house, into the sun and away from here? One way or the other, I needed some warmth.

“It happened a long time ago and I know she’d want me to enjoy it. She liked the water too, but she was too little, too inexperienced. I’ve just avoided it since then and it’s become an aversion that I have a hard time fighting.”
I wanted to swim. I just didn’t know how to start. Like my panic attacks, I avoided anything that caused any kind of anxiety, even swimming. Why had I dragged it on so long? Why couldn’t I just let go?

Seth
made the choice for me as he circled his arms around my waist and pulled me toward him. I realized too late that he was taking me deeper into the water, and I ended up straddling his waist as he continued to move. Grasping his shoulders, my eyes widened as I scanned the expanse of the water.

“Don’
t be afraid, I won’t let you go,” he whispered, sending another shiver down my spine as he turned and moved farther into the water. I only gripped onto him more tightly, hoping he wasn’t joking this time. The water felt like a weight pushing and tugging at me as I let him carry me farther and farther out. Relieved it wasn’t some body of water out in the wild where the currents could be unpredictable, I cherished the controlled calm of this place, where only his heart beating against my chest filled the atmosphere, and the heat radiating off him kept the chill at bay.