Keep Breathing (15 page)

Seth

I WOKE WITH
a start, my heart hammering in my chest. It’d been just a dream, the same dream of the past, of Penny, I’d always have. The one where I watched her heart crush under the lies I’d told her as I wrapped my arms around the wrong girl. It was a memory etched so deeply into my brain, I couldn’t rip it out even though I’d wanted to for years and years. Having Penny back in my life, even taking care of my son Cam, was heaven-sent, but my fear of losing her again was still there, even more so than ever before.

I haven’t had this nightmare for months and it made me wonder why it had returned with such a vengeance. It left me feeling exhausted, anxious and restless.

Sitting up in the dim light of early morning, I rubbed my face and scratched my head. Cam was sleeping in his room just down the hall, but the longing to have Penny there with me hit me like a freight train. I didn’t want to rush the relationship, but I felt like I was running out of time once more. She was worth waiting forever for, but I wanted more now, and I was sure she wasn’t ready for that yet.

Cam had taken to Penny exceptionally well, which had been more than I could’ve asked for. He sometimes shut down and didn’t speak a word to strangers, but with Penny, he’d accepted her like she belonged with us. It made my heart warm to the thought. She did belong, we just had to figure out how to get there.

I pulled open the drawer of my nightstand and plucked out a dark velvet box. Running my fingers over the smooth surface, I eased it open and studied the shiny diamond ring sitting in it. I’d had it for years. It had been my mother’s engagement ring, all the way from Moldova, and I’d wanted to give it to Penny so many times in college, but the uncertainty of the future had held me back, and it’d been my downfall in the end. I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

This still belongs to you…Penny.

I shut the box and replaced it in the drawer. I knew that this time, she’d have it. No longer would it be just a dream, I’d make it real for both of us and mend our broken hearts. This time, I wouldn’t hesitate when the time was right to slip it onto her finger. I didn’t want to wait. I would’ve rushed over to her place and done it immediately if I’d known she’d be willing. I would ask her…soon. I just didn’t want her to take it the wrong way when she found out about my upcoming trip to Moldova. I’d left the States right after we’d broken up, and I was pretty sure she’d heard of the trip through our network of friends. I don’t know if she’d figured out why I’d left back then, but having to leave again now after barely getting our relationship off the ground might send her into an attack worse than any prior to it.

I hadn’t planned to return home for a while, but t
here were issues with my parent’s estate that my mother needed help with. I should’ve taken care of that ages ago, but I never did, and eventually it had crept back up on me again, like a scorpion, stinging me in the ass. My brother Sergei couldn’t be trusted with such issues. He had a good heart, but his own destructive habits and a trail of debt from gambling had him neck deep in stuff that I had to keep away from mother, from me and Cam.

It might be too
early, but I had to do it soon. I’d ask her after my upcoming trip to Moldova. I didn’t want her to believe the only reason I’d want to marry her was for permanent status in the US; I already had residency, but if she knew anything about that, she’d freak out. I wanted her to know how much I loved her and to wear the ring proudly, without apprehensions. I wanted to do it right, without any other reason but love. I had fixed my visa after college, saved by my cousin Nicolai, who’d been part owner of the county fair even back then. If I’d known he’d be able to get me back to the States so quickly after spending a summer back in Moldova after my visa had expired, I would’ve never had to hurt Penny the way I did, never have had to push her away. It had all been for nothing, and I was still paying for my juvenile mistakes.

So many ways to screw life up and so few ways to keep it on track.

Leaning back on my pillow to see if I could catch a few more hours of sleep, I figured I’d find a way to solve these issues, ask her to marry me, and make things right again. The looming trip to Moldova gnawed at me. I hoped it would go as planned so I could return to her loving arms and my son’s life sooner rather than later.

I hoped.

Penny

THE DAY WAS only two hours spent, and I was ready to rip my hair out. There were six of us sitting in the hospital conference room and no one had any idea why. The knot of dread sat in my stomach like a brick, and I tapped my foot in a nervous twitch, over and over. Even Teresa, who was sitting next to me, had started throwing me nasty looks mixed with nervousness. I was sure it wasn’t helping that I was so agitated, but it definitely doesn’t help when the CEO has the entire Liaison and Social Worker staff sitting in a conference room at nine a.m. without a clue about what was going to happen.

It was days like this I wished the day was already over and I could be spending more time with Seth
and even Cam. What were they doing right now? Was Cam with him? I wondered how much he missed me when I was gone. I hoped he missed me as I did him, already. How easily he’d become part of my life again. Not much time had passed by and I was aching to see him again. Funny how in just a few days, they’d become such a huge part of my life. Nothing really would ever be the same.

Shifting in my seat and uncrossing my l
egs to keep them from twitching, I studied the white cardboard cup, half empty of the morning’s coffee. The others were whispering their predictions about what was going on, but from the sound of it, the CEO, Thomas Richter, never called in a meeting with an entire department without someone getting axed. I prayed it wouldn’t me this time and tried to mentally find something recent that might’ve pissed upper management off. There were always issues—we were the “red tape” department—but nothing had happened which warranted anyone getting sacked.

As the clock ticked loudly, cutting through the
whispering coworkers, Thomas strode in followed by his anorexic secretary who appeared so frazzled all the time. I was sure she’d already overdosed on caffeine that morning. Gulping, I straightened in my chair and tried to remember to breathe. My heart was already in overdrive, and I wasn’t sure I could take any more suspense.

“Good
morning, everyone. I apologize for calling you here unannounced so early in the morning, but I must address some issues with several members of this department before further problems are made.”

That was not what I wanted to hear.

“Miss Caroline, a very rich debutante from Texas, was recently treated here for emphysema exacerbation and pneumonia. While she was here, she acquired an additional infection and had to remain for further treatment. Well, she did recover as best as someone with terminal lung cancer can, but the equipment she needed for her at-home care never arrived when it was supposed to, and repeated calls from her staff for her medication routine, nursing visits and further instruction on the machines that did eventually arrive were deflected and never answered or took too long to resolve. After having my internal investigation team and risk management putter through her file and other records, I have come to the determination that we have to reorganize this department.”

“
Reorganize” was a fancy word for laying off, firing or demoting everyone in the department. I flinched at his words, and my straight back slowly melted into a defeated slouch.

“Will there be more investigati
ng on this? None of us were interviewed or even notified there was a problem,” Renee, the head social worker, said. She was a short, plump woman with startling, ice-blue eyes. She’d been the head of the department for ten years, and from the rage on her face, this was not going over well at all.

“No further interviews will be done, but each one of you will now be answering to Marianne Furlow, the new head of Social
Work and Patient Liaison.” A tight faced, raven-haired woman stepped forward, a stack of workbooks in her arms. She passed them out and informed us what the new structure was and who was in charge of what.

“Also, I will need to speak to
the following people privately: Renee Taylor, Ann Calvin, Roy Vickers and Penny Weldings.” With that, they all left the room, leaving us all with our mouths hanging open. One by one, we left for Marianne’s office and waited in the chairs outside of it like we were sitting outside the principal’s office. The stress of it made me want to run to the toilet. We sat there, stunned and nervous, as the moments ticked by.

All there was left to do
now was breathe. I had to keep myself together. It was always easier to not lose it at work because I restrained it so much there. But now, I wasn’t so sure I could hold it together.

Finally, Renee
opened the door and, without even throwing us a second glance, rushed out of the office. Her face red and her eyes swollen from crying, she ran past us and around the corner without even a farewell.

The rest of us exchanged grim looks as Ann stood up and entered Marianne’s office. No matter what, I wasn’t going down without a fight. I wasn’t going to let this woman tell me I did something wrong when I knew darn well I had
n’t. Ann left the same way Renee had, and then Roy walked into the office and I was left alone. I knew that after today, my life would be vastly different from the plan I’d had so painstakingly laid out for myself.

I sucked in a deep breath and felt each and every minute tick by, like a countdown to the end of my world.

Penny

THE SUN FELT like hot, molten lava melting my skin as I lay out by the pool. I didn’t care. I had smeared SPF 2000 all over my skin in preparation. It was one of the many hazards of living in hell on earth—Las Vegas—in the middle of summer.

I was feeling morose. No one could accuse me of being a social butterfly, especially when I seemed to be one of the only people not in the swimming pool or chatting around the food laid out for Joss’
s Fourth of July party. Everyone and their mothers was there, but I was just not into it, especially not after leaving my job like I had yesterday. Still in shock from it, I couldn’t believe I’d walked out, quitting after almost three years working there as an exemplary employee. I was the only one of the bunch that had been called to the office yesterday that was not fired, just demoted since I was guilty by association. I hadn’t done a thing, and I’d still been blamed because it was my department. I couldn’t believe that boatload of crap.

I’d finally had enough. Somehow, knowing it had been my choice
to leave did almost nothing to make me feel more secure. My life was spinning out of control, and I was being dragged along with it. When had I lost the steering wheel? Why was this happening?

“Hey there, pretty lady,” a
familiar voice twanged from my left side, making me turn and shield my eyes from the intensity of the bright sun’s glare. Spotting Seth’s charming smile as he took up the lawn chair next to me, I attempted a sorry, halfhearted smile.

“You look l
ike your dog died. What’s up?” he inquired, taking a long sip from a red Solo cup filled with soda, or maybe liquor. Who knew? Mine was empty. I’d had two Midori Sours already, and it wasn’t even noon yet. There were definitely more in the near future too.

“Not really in the festive mood
, I guess.”

“It’s Fourth of July. F
irecrackers, coconut sunblock lotion and drunk swimming? What’s not to like?” He wrinkled his nose at the crazies hollering to each other nearby.

I snickered, sitting up from my slouched position,
and observed the guys jumping off the diving board in the most contorted ways they could imagine. I was pretty sure they were blasted already and weren’t even close to finishing their drinking spree. This was like a college party all over again. Where the hell had Joss met these people? I was pretty sure one of them would end up in the ER before the day was up.

“Yeah, terrible fun. I feel
like a chaperone at some fraternity party,” I muttered.

Seth
choked on his drink and coughed, laughing through the fit. “You could never be mistaken for a chaperone. You’ve got to stay young at heart, right? Kind of reminds me of good old times.” His smile faded as he noticed my ever-increasing frown. “Alright, it’s a bit immature for everyone to be losing it just because it’s a national holiday, but you have to loosen up a bit. What’s going on?”

I sighed, blinking as the pool water reflected the harsh sunlight. “I quit my job yesterday.”

The silence felt almost as unbearable as his incessant chatter had been, making me turn to make sure he was still sitting next to me.

“I’m sorry. Mind if I ask why?”

I shook my head and rolled my empty cup between my sweaty palms. “Had enough. People are so abusive at the hospital, everyone thinks I’m either there to get yelled at or stepped on or blamed for things not going right. They were going to demote me to secretary, and I was not going to stand for it. They fired the rest of my crew and we didn’t do anything. I walked out. I should consider myself lucky since three of my other coworkers were axed. It’s so not worth it anymore.”

“Well, then that’s good you left. You don’t deserve to be treated so badly.”

“The thing is,” I sat up, taking a deep breath as I chewed on my lip, “I don’t know why I didn’t think it through. I’m terrified. I’ve never
not
worked. I’ve always had a plan and security to focus on. What the hell do I do now?”

“Do you have savings?”

I nodded.

“
Good. Find something you love. There’s no better time than now, when things look hopeless, to pursue your dreams. Remember what makes you happy.”

His voice was comforting
, and I glanced back toward him, a tiny smile emerging on my lips.

“That’s my g
irl. There’s that smile I love to see.” He leaned forward, brushing one of my loose strands of hair behind my ear and lingering on my cheek for a moment. His touch felt cold from the icy drink he’d been holding, but it was oh so good on my hot skin.

“Hey, you two
lovebirds.” Joss’s voice sounded off from behind me, and I swung around to find her smug grin pasted across her face. I was sure that under those sunglasses, her eyes were gleaming with satisfaction. “I thought I saw you here, Seth. Thanks for coming and cheering up my grumpy bear Penny here. She really needs a pick-me-up.”

Seth
stood to give her a hug, like they were old friends. I was glad she’s given him a second chance already. I was still working on it, but I was definitely coming around in more ways than one.

“Speaking of needing something, can I get you another drink,
Penny?” Seth held his hand out, and I handed him my empty cup.

“Sur
e, some cold coke would be nice. I think I’ve drank enough alcohol for now.” He nodded and headed off inside, where the food and drinks were.

“Seems you guys are looking cozy.” Joss t
ook Seth’s chair and sighed happily as she patted her flyaway hairs down. “Great turn out! Most of these guys and gals are from the office. They love to party.” She sipped on a margarita and patted my hot knee. Her skin felt soft and cool from her drink, too, and my parched mouth ached for that cold soda I’d sent Seth for. “Penny, hun, you’ll find another job. Good riddance to that misery pit you were dwelling in for far too long.”

“I don’t need another job.
I need my old job back. How could I be so brass? So stupid! I’ve never walked out on anything before. What was I thinking?”

“You hated it there, get over it.” She gasped
, and I dreaded the coming inspirational speech that had surely struck her. “I have an idea! Seth probably could use help with his coffee shops! Ask him, I’m sure he’d love to have you there, working alongside him. He’d love to see more of you, I bet.” She squirmed in her chair from excitement, making me mentally roll my eyes as I stared at her, throwing her a not-so-thrilled look.

“No.”

“Oh, come off it. You never know. It could be amazing. You’d get the perks of free gourmet coffee all day long. How awesome is that?”

“I said
‘no,’ so stop it. I’m not asking Seth for a job.”

“He wants to be with you, can’t you see that? Of course
, that means he’d do anything to help you out. What’s a small favor like that?”

“I d
on’t want to owe him any favors,” I groaned, slumping back down in my chair.

The silence emanating from Joss was surely her steaming in frustration. “You’re a stubborn brat, you know that?”

“Love you too?”

“Mom! Can I have some cake? Oh
! Hi, Auntie!” Leah popped up between us and threw her little arms around my neck. I hugged her back and smiled. It’s hard to stay glum around a happy child.

“Hey
, pumpkin.” I watched her hang on her mother and lean her head on her shoulder. They looked so content together.
Maybe one day,
I thought,
I’ll have that with my own kids.

“Sure
, hun, but only one piece. We haven’t eaten lunch yet.”

“Yaay! Oh, oh! I saw that man from the coffee shop! He’s so nice!” She turn
ed toward me and touched my arm. “Auntie, I think he really likes you. He said he was looking for you that day, and Mommy said she’d help him get you back. Is he your boyfriend now? He’s really cute!”

I stared at Leah, flabbergasted and stunned. “What did you say? When were you guys at his coffee shop?”

Joss groaned, patting Leah on her back before sending her away. “It was a couple weeks ago.”

“A couple weeks ago? You mean
before Leah’s birthday?”

My questions made
her squirm even more, and she began to fan herself like mad with an empty paper plate I hadn’t noticed she’d been holding. Realization made the growing sick dread knot up in my stomach.

“Yes, right before.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? What does she mean you would ‘help’ him get me back?” My voice dropped off as my own words hit me like a baseball bat to the head. No. It couldn’t be…“Did you set me up?”

She did
n’t answer and sipped on her margarita once more. This was no time to act all innocent, so I grabbed her arm, making the drink slosh onto the ground.

“Hey!”

“Joss?”

“
Ow! Okay, okay. I didn’t know it was his coffee shop when we went there. He recognized me and came over to ask if I was still in touch with you. I told him I was, and he insisted that he’d been looking for you and wanted to make up for how horrible he’d been to you in college. I told him to fuck off, but he was persistent. He followed us into the parking lot and practically begged me to help him get you back. All that crap about making things right and all. I gave in, got his number and told him you’d be at the fair on Leah’s birthday with me. I just want you to be happy. It’s not like you had that many prospects going on.”

“Did you text him when we’re heading toward the Ferris wheel?”

Under the already reddened tone of her sunburnt face, I was sure it was getting even more scarlet. “Yes. I told him where we were heading so he could catch up and ride with you.”

“What the hell, Joss? How could you do th
is to me?” I slammed my hand on the hard plastic arm of the lawn chair and seethed. My best friend, and she’d set me up when she knew darn well I hated to be set up. And with Seth of all people, the one who’d broken my heart. The one I swore I’d never have to deal with again. She’d just handed me right into the jaws of the lion.

“I’m
sorry. He seemed genuine enough, really regretful. It’s been years, babe. You can’t tell me he hasn’t changed. You practically glow when he’s around. Tell me it hasn’t been good for you.”

“That’s not fair. You can’t go behind my back and do these things.”

To her credit, she sat silently, looking defeated. “I’m sorry, Penny. Really I am. I didn’t know you’d get so upset about it. I just wanted you to be happy, to find love again. It kills me to see you so alone. You may not notice it because you’re so good at avoiding these things, but I see it. I see the longing in your eyes when you see couples walking by. I see the hurt you hold inside yourself when you think I’m not looking. I know how lonely you are, but you won’t admit it. I just want you to have a little piece of the happiness I’ve known.”

I shook my head, still angry
, but calming down a bit. That is, until a moment later when Seth’s voice broke through my thoughts, bringing the whole conversation rushing right back.

“One coke on i
ce for M’Lady.” He held out a red cup, full to the brim with the sides sweating and the ice already melting in the intense heat. I threw him a glare before abruptly standing and rushing past him toward the house.

“I got to go.”

The look on his face was full of confusion, and Joss’s was full of remorse. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to see either of them for a while, if ever again.

I burst out o
f the house and jumped into my car, screeching the tires as I hightailed it out of there toward my apartment. The smell of burning rubber made my eyes tear up even more, but I didn’t care as I slammed my hand against the steering wheel over and over, screaming at the windshield. If I could have, I’d have yelled at both of them in person, but this would have to do.

Of all the people in the world, my best friend
was the last person I’d expect to betray my trust, even if she’d thought it was for my own good. Even Seth’s sweetness felt sickening to me now. Good intentions pave the road to hell, and I was already on it.