Keep Breathing (18 page)

“
Seth?”

He c
raned his head to the side as he sat up a little, letting me melt into our embrace. His arms made their way around my body as though they’d been forged to be there, always and forever.

“I love you
,” I said. “That’s all I need right now. You’ve made me happier than anyone else ever could. Thank you. Thanks for never giving up.” I met his glistening blue eyes as they studied mine. To watch the little spark which lit them up whenever he was content or laughing, slowly flicker its way back into them was to witness the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Just like that, it wasn’t so hopeless; I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

“I love you back.”
He pulled me closer, hugging me strongly enough to make it feel as though we were one person.

“Clean slate?”

He nodded. That mesmerizing smile returned in full force. “Brand spankin’ new. I know I don’t deserve it, but I will do everything in my power to make up for it, Penny.”

Why did he have to be so humble? It was impossible to hate him in any way
, and as I peered into his gleaming blue eyes, I knew it was something I’d never be able to understand. How easy it had been to curse him when he wasn’t in my life. But the days of nursing my broken heart and building up the steel walls around me were long gone. I was certain that if it’d been me who had run into him at his coffee shop first instead of Joss, things wouldn’t be like they were now. It would’ve probably taken me one glance at him to turn around and run out of there as fast as my little feet could carry me, never to see him again.

I decided that t
he fates were definitely having fun with me. I sighed, feeling weary from the weeklong fog I’d cocooned myself in and ready for sunnier days.
For goodness sake
, I thought,
look at him!
He was cooking for me, begging on his knees, an awesome father, and damn good looking. I’d been completely his the moment he jumped into the Ferris wheel ride. Now, I knew I could deal with that.

Penny

“JOSS?” I PULLED open the door, wrapping my robe around me tighter. No one ever visited me so late at night. Only Seth, maybe, but he was in the bedroom at the moment. Who else but Joss would be knocking on my door so early in the morning? But why hadn’t she used her key? Maybe she’d lost it.

I flatten
ed my hair, which was in a matted mess from the night before. Seth had been spending almost every waking hour he had with me. Even Cam had taken up residence at my place for part of the week.

But
it wasn’t Joss standing with Leah outside my door that day. The poor girl looked spooked, her red eyes swollen from crying. I let her rush into my arms. She wrapped her arms tightly around me, and I felt her silent sobs explode as she soaked my shirt. The man with her turned out to be a police officer, his badge shiny and stark against his khaki shirt. His Metro badge was sewn securely to his shoulder, and his shirt was bulky, like he wore heavy Kevlar underneath it. He waited patiently as Leah’s little frame shook from crying, and I processed the scene before me. I was nothing but shocked. Where was Joss?

“Miss
Weldings?”

“
Yes, that’s me.” I answered, bewildered by why Leah was here without her mother. A growing dread spread through me, hoping to choke the breath in my chest before he said what he was going to say. I suddenly feared it and didn’t want to know what was going on anymore.
Don’t speak… don’t say it,
I silently pleaded with my eyes.

“I’m really sorry to be the one bringing you this news, but…
Leah’s mother, Ms. Wetherson, was in a car accident tonight. The babysitter told me that you’re listed as the emergency contact and also named as the girl’s guardian if anything were to happen to Ms. Wetherson.”

I didn’t hear much of what he said after the car accident part. My
heart had arrested at his words. “Wh…what did you say? Is Joss okay?” My voice sounded far away, and my knees felt weak and unsteady. If not for Leah’s whimpers bringing me back to myself, I was sure I would’ve blacked out.

Breathe,
Penny. Just breathe….

“Ms. Wetherson
is at the hospital and needs to be monitored for a concussion. She should pull through but…” He glanced down at the Leah. “She listed you as Leah’s guardian if she was incapacitated. Is it alright if she stays here with you in the meantime?”

“
Of course.” My voice quivered, and I shook my head. “Are you sure she’s going to be alright?”
Maybe sitting down would be a good idea
,
I thought. I stepped back, Leah still fused to me.

“The
doctor said she would be okay. Just needs to be observed, and her broken arm needs to be surgically fixed.”

“What’s going on
, Penny?” I heard Seth come up beside me, observing Leah in my arms and the officer patiently waiting at the door.

“Hello, I’m O
fficer Golding. You are?”

“I’m
Seth Kingston. How can we help you, Officer?”

“I was just letting
Penny know that her friend Joss has appointed her as guardian for her daughter. Ms. Wetherson was in a car accident tonight and can’t care for her while she recovers.”

Seth
nodded and slipped his arm around my shoulders, gripping it tightly. He must’ve seen my distress, because all I remembered next was him maneuvering me toward the couch, with Leah in tow.

“Can you tell us what happened?”

“Yes. A drunk driver hit her car as she crossed Tropicana Avenue past Maryland. Some college kid who’d had a few too many at a fraternity party, apparently. Unfortunately, he hit her on the side head on. Jostled her quite a bit and snapped her left wrist.” The officer shifted on his feet, eyeing Leah as he spoke. He must have hated giving out bad news. His job had to be hard to bear sometimes, and I didn’t envy him one bit.

“Thank you
, Officer. What can we do to help?” Seth’s voice sounded so certain, so steady, it made me wonder if I’d ever be so sturdy and what I would’ve done without him.

“Well,
all the paperwork is in order. Her mother had guardianship set up at the hospital already in case anything happened to her. I just needed to know if you were unable to take Leah. If you weren’t, I’d be taking her to set up foster care, so please let me know as soon as you can what you decide.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card.

This ma
de me snap out of my delirium, and anger shot through me as I shook my head. “No. No, she’s not going to foster care. Absolutely not.” Leah gripped me more tightly, making me suck in a deeper breathe to keep from passing out.

Officer Golding g
ave me a curt nod. “Well, that’s good. Here’s my card, and I have the keys to Ms. Wetherson’s residence. You may want to retrieve whatever Leah wants to keep from there. Ms. Wetherson’s instructions were for you to keep Leah until she could get back on her feet. You can visit her in the morning, after her surgery.” He took another card. “This is the card for the lawyer Ms. Wetherson set it up through if you have any problems.” Seth took the keys and card, thanking the officer. I couldn’t even speak anymore, my mouth was as dry as the desert. I barely heard the door click shut after Seth took the bag the officer handed to him with Leah’s overnight things and placed it on the couch next to her.

How could this
have happened? Joss…hurt? It wasn’t something I could even fathom, not even with a sobbing Leah next to me. I let my fingers stroke her long brown hair, offering small, comforting words. I hated the pain she was in, and I had no idea how to comfort her. What could I do? What could I even say that would make it any easier? There was nothing, nothing I could do but let her cry it out into my shirt until the tears dried up and her poor little weary soul passed out from grief.

“Leah, honey…y
our mommy will be okay. She just needs to get better okay? She’s getting all fixed up for you at the hospital. It will be just a little while before she’s back. Okay?”

The little girl nodded, still sniffling and looking glum.

Seth offered a glass of water to the girl, a gesture I found heartwarming, especially when he then offered me one, too. I didn’t know if he and Joss had spoken much outside of setting me up with him. They had never interacted much back in college. I’d had Seth back then, she’d had her baby and husband to fill up her time. There was the time she’d had words with him after our breakup, yelling at him across the college campus about what a man slut he’d been when he’d kissed that other girl at a frat party and left me hanging.

The thought helped
me collect myself even more. Joss had been such a strong soul. Leah would need someone like that while Joss got better.

“Leah?” I whisper
ed softly to her. Her disposition was much calmer as her large brown eyes, reddened from the crying, peered up at me. An engulfing sadness spilled from them, ripping my heart out. “How about I make up the bed in the guest room for you? It’s quite comfy. Remember when you’d sleep there when I’d babysit you sometimes?” She nodded sadly. “Just think of it as a sleepover, okay? Eat all the goodies you want and watch all the TV you can handle. Sound good?”

“Can I use my iP
ad, too?” She sniffled and pointed toward the overnight bag. I nodded, giving her the most comforting smile I could manage.

“Of course!
Anything you want. We’ll visit your mother in the morning, when she’s awake, okay?” I winked at her and she gave me a weak grin as she nodded. Sipping on her water, she waited for me to move first.

Offering out my ha
nd to help her up, she took it and got to her feet. Scooping up her bag, I followed Seth to the guest room and allowed him to pull the covers back. Leah placed her glass of water on the nightstand then slipped onto the soft sheets, dragging her bag closer to unzip it. She pulled out a framed picture. Joss’s brilliant smile, much like Leah’s, made my heart wrench. All three of us were in it, and I was making a silly face on the other side of Leah. It was the Three Musketeers, as we had called ourselves. She kissed her mother and placed the frame on the nightstand, close to the bed.

“Let
me know if you need anything, okay?” I said. I know she’d want to change into her nightgown before turning out the light, so I signaled Seth to head out. He took the hint and left, but I waited for her answer.

“Thanks
, Auntie.”

Kissing
the top of her head as she leaned in for another hug, I enjoyed the calm of the moment. She smelled of strawberries and whipped cream, like her favorite shampoo. She was the closest thing to a daughter I’d ever had, but this wasn’t the way it was ever supposed to be. Not like this. It was the
Three
Musketeers, not two. We needed our third and I was going to make sure Joss pulled out of this mess just fine.

Leah
eventually straightened and began pulling out her night clothes. I told her goodnight, and she whispered the same back to me. Closing the door softly behind me, I stood there, staring down my darkened hallway, feeling empty and sullen. How could this have happened? Why her? The mix of fear, anger and grief hit me all at once, making my chest seize. I couldn’t breathe.
Oh God, Joss… She could’ve been killed!

I grip
ped my stomach as I ran toward the hall bathroom and barely made it to the toilet, lurching out whatever was left in my stomach from dinner. I don’t know how long I was there, but Seth flicked the light on and helped me up, letting me brush my teeth before taking me to the bed. I hadn’t even realized where I was until he slipped in next to me, spooning close as he reached over to turn off the lamp.

In the
silence of the night, I felt the heat of his body engulfing mine, bringing some thaw to the iciness of my soul. He ran his fingers softly through the tangled mess of my hair and kissed the back of my head. Saying nothing, he understood what I needed right then like no one I’d ever known. What would I have done without him? Letting him steady me, I fell asleep, comforted that maybe it would be alright. It had to be, somehow. There was no choice in that matter. The shadows always faded with the daylight, and the fears that plagued my mind would hopefully go away with them. Time took care of things like that. Maybe it would play in my favor this time.

Seth

THE NEXT DAY had been a blur. I hardly remembered being there with Penny, who’d gripped Leah’s tiny body, which was tightly wrapped around hers, too. The doctor had met us in Joss’ room and explained again to her and us how well the internal fixation of her bilaterally fractured wrist had gone. The terms swam in my head like a foreign language, but the joy in Penny’s face as the doctor confirmed that Joss would be right as rain within a few weeks was worth the confusion.

Joss had lit up upon seeing Leah and Penny and they had brought her some music to play when they weren’t there
—her favorites, which included an array of classical music. For a lively woman, I’d never pegged her for a classical music lover, but it had been one thing her husband had loved before he died. It’d been calming for him in the many days he’d spent ill in bed, with multiple sclerosis. From what Penny told me, Will’s last years confined to a wheelchair had been incredibly hard on Joss and Leah. It’d been the worst of times for her, but she’d been nothing short of a loving, patient and caring wife. 

Maybe the music reminded her of him, of the good times they’d had. Listening to the soft melody, I felt my tears
prickling. It reminded me of my mother back home, she loved the same music. It reminded me of the time constraints I was facing. Now with this accident, there was no way I’d ever convince Penny to leave her friend behind to join me in Moldova so I could reorganize my mother’s estate. I’d have to go alone, but I’d make sure Penny knew I’d be returning to run into her arms as fast as I could.

Leah
refused to let go of Joss when we got ready to leave, only relenting when her mother told her she’d be home soon. I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could because the hospital reminded me of my father’s stay in one and his long, painful death. I kept that to myself for seeing the joy on Penny’s face as she spent time with her cousin made it all worth it. We had to make arrangements for when Joss got home and couldn’t do everything herself. Penny already volunteered to stay with her until the cast came off.

Once back at Penny’s apartment, I waited for her to settle Leah in for a nap since none of us had gotten much rest the night before. I needed to tell her about my trip now, even though I knew she’d be upset at the horrible timing of it all.

What felt like hours later, she emerged, her face wiped clean of make-up and her hair smoothed back after yanking on it too much. She’d held herself together for her Joss’s and Leah’s sake, but I could see the tiny, cracked slivers of her exhaustion and anxiety breaking free.

Seeing me waiting, she
smiled. I reciprocated, hoping it would calm her. She seemed relieved to have me here, and I was happy to be there for her. I’d never let her down, and I silently prayed she didn’t take the trip as that. I couldn’t bear to see her upset at me again.

“Hey,” I slipped my arm around her shoulders
, and she laid her head on my chest. Sighing, she closed her eyes and relaxed into me.

“Hey.”

“Doing okay?”

“Yeah. Just tired.”

“Me too.” I swallowed and rubbed soft circles on her back. “Listen, I have to tell you something.”

She didn’t move
, but I could feel her heartbeat speed up. “Okay. What’s up?”

“I have to go back to
Moldova. My mother needs me to wrap some stuff up with her estate that my father left her. She needs help with the mess of paperwork and to see what she wants to leave to me and my brother Sergei.”

She shifted and was now staring me in the eyes. “Can’t
Sergei do it?”

I shook my head. “
No. I wish he could, but he can’t be trusted. He has no head for business and gambles any money away.”

Penny toyed with a button on my shirt. Her silence was enormous
, and I was afraid she would burst into a rage at what I’d told her.

“Can it wait?”

“No. It’s been too long, I have to take care of it by next week. I’m so sorry to do this now. I know I have the worst timing.”

“Will you ever come back?”

Her last question made my heart snap. “Of course! Penny…” I moved to hold her up and saw the tears were streaming down her face. “I’ll be back faster than you can imagine. I’m never leaving you again, ever. Don’t you dare think that. I’m so sorry I have to go.”

She nodded, looking relieved as she leaned into my shoulder and buried her face into my shirt again. “It’s okay. Joss is alright, she has me. Just come back as soon as you can, okay?”

“Yes. I will, and I’ll have a huge surprise when I come back.”

“No more surprises.”

“You’ll love this one, I promise.”

“Promise?”

“Definitely.”

Her wet eyes met mine again as a smile spread across her tired face. “Alright then. I’ll be waiting.”