Keeper of the Wolves (23 page)

I shook my head and my eyes burned. “I
can’t,” I said softly.

He pushed me against the wall. I felt the
bite of stone against the scars along my back. “You don’t let her
go,” he said in a growl that would have done a full-grown wolf
proud.

I didn’t care about the pressure of the
bricks against my shoulders or the way his fingers dug into my skin
with the urgency of his words. I felt a fist closing around my
heart, choking off anything but my love for Koya and the fact that
she was lost to me before we even had a chance. I blinked against
angry tears. “I am an animal,” I said past the knot in my
throat.

Brayton shook his head, his eyes never
leaving mine. “Abilene’s lowly birth and blood mattered nothing to
me, do you hear me? Nothing! If you have love, don’t let it go
because you don’t live up to Koya’s birthright. She doesn’t see you
as inferior.”

A shudder ran under my skin. The wolf was
breaking free and I couldn’t hold it back much longer. “I can’t,” I
repeated again through gritted teeth.

“
Do you love her?” Brayton
asked, his eyes searching mine intently.

Unable to speak past the control I was using
to keep my animal side at bay, I nodded mutely.

“
Then you have-” Brayton’s
eyes widened. He lifted his hands from my shoulders and took a step
back.

I dropped to the ground. I couldn’t fight it
anymore. My shirt tore and pants shredded as my form changed. Fur
ran over my body and my nose and mouth elongated into a muzzle with
teeth made for tearing flesh instead of mulling over honeyed yams
and salads laced with vinegar dressing. My fingers shrunk into paws
suited for traveling the shadowy depths of the forest in the
mile-eating lope of the wolf. My ears grew pointed and shifted
higher on my head where they caught echoes of laughter and the
faint chink of glasses at the ball.

I rose slowly, comfortable in my wolf form
but out of place once more. I took a deep breath and turned my head
to look at Lord Brayton. He watched me, his mouth open and a hand
out as if to shield him from what happened. “Victus,” he whispered
softly.

I lowered my head at the fear in the single
word and walked away on silent paws into the night.

Chapter 13

When I reached Koya’s rooms she was nowhere
to be seen, but her scent was fresh as if she had left only moments
ago. The smell of a servant I recognized from the ballroom tangled
with Koya’s and held a citrus and pine touch of worry. I followed
the meadow gold and vanilla trail to a part of the castle I had
never been before.

There was a stark contrast between the
tapestried and elegantly decorated main areas of the castle and the
wing I now walked. The carpets were a strange color, an off shade
of green with shell pink interspersed. Oil paintings of fish hung
on the walls and several statues in odd, indiscernible shapes stood
in small alcoves. Smoking sticks in holders gave off acrid scents
that probably smelled like roses to the human nose, but clouded my
senses and left a dull taste in my mouth.

“
How long ago did it start?”
Koya asked further down the hall.

“
Moments, my lady. I ran to
get you as soon as she showed the signs,” an anxious female voice
replied.

“
Where is Teritha?” Joven
asked. His presence surprised me. I thought the hall I traveled was
the only one leading to their mother’s wing, but Joven’s scent in
the hallway was weeks old. He must have entered another
way.

“
She went to retrieve your
mother’s salts,” the young woman answered.

A moan and the sound of footsteps followed.
I reached the room in time to see Joven pick his mother up from a
couch near the fireplace and carry her as though she weighed less
than a pine bough to a green and pink spread bed beneath a window.
The concern on his face made me pause. He settled her gently on the
bed and both he and Koya tucked the blankets carefully around
her.

I studied Duchess Ramielle from my place in
the shadows. She looked small in the massive four poster bed as
though she was a child instead of a ruling monarch. Her body
convulsed and her eyes were closed tight as though in pain. I
wondered what caused her ailment. It was obvious by the actions of
her children that they were familiar with her condition.

A servant in black and red robes handed Koya
a rag; she patted it gently along her mother’s forehead and cheeks.
Joven spoke softly to his mother in tender tones. “You’re going to
be alright, Mother. Teritha will be back soon. Koya and I are right
here.” The notes he used were the same as a mother wolf crooning to
an ailing pup. I studied the siblings, touched beyond thought.
Their expressions were the same, the caring way Koya smoothed her
mother’s hair from her face and how Joven held his mother’s hand as
her convulsions died down.

My heart throbbed painfully. The siblings
loved their mother dearly. Even though her lack of attention to
castle matters threatened the existence of their duchy, and her
strange consideration of decorations instead of the attendees at
the ball set her apart, they looked past it all. I realized her
condition and her peculiarities might be related. Perhaps the
convulsions messed with her thoughts. The vacant look in her eyes
matched the hint of sickly-sweet confusion in the air. She was lost
and her children didn’t know how to find her.

I swallowed against the tightness of my
throat. I never knew my parents. I used to pretend the wolves were
my family, something that had been easy when I was a pup, but
became harder with each change. They had accepted me and raised me
as their own, but my origins were a mystery. Wolves were family
animals, and the lack of those who bore my blood had haunted me
since my first change. To see Joven and Koya act with such tender
love toward their mother who barely seemed to recognize them made
my eyes burn. What I wouldn’t give for someone like her in my life,
for a mother, even one as lost as Duchess Ramielle.

A shriek sounded behind me and I turned to
see a servant with red hair that stood up in all directions pressed
against the hallway wall, her face white and hands shaking; she
held a bowl that let off the pungent scent of hartshorn.

“
Teritha, it’s alright,”
Joven said quickly. “That’s Koya’s dog.” He mouthed sorry as he
passed me to retrieve the shaking handmaiden. She eyed me anxiously
when he led her into the room and handed her bowl to Koya. Koya
waved the salts under her mother’s nose; the woman’s convulsions
calmed noticeably.

I disappeared into the shadows of the
hall.

***

The guards stood aside and let me leave the
outer gate unchecked. The mint-laced scent of respect touched my
nose when I passed and I glanced back to see them whispering to
each other in low tones. I recognized several from the battle
against the Viel. A strange surge of pride and fellowship flooded
my chest. We had bled together and defended Vielkeep against
danger. The camaraderie softened the painful aching of my
heart.

When I reached the tree line, golden eyes
reflected the moonlight. I let out a quiet huff and the wolves
stepped out into the starlit grass. A surge of relief filled my
chest at the sight of the eight wolves. Gull pranced forward and
licked my face. Cricket jumped through the grass like a pup while
Pond Jumper bit at his tail. I was filled with joy at their
presence. Being surrounded by the wolves again felt like coming
home.

Shadow Runner walked up slowly. His black
fur blended with the shadows and his gray eyes regarded me calmly.
I lowered my gaze and bowed my head in gratitude for their
continued loyalty. They had left their home and all they knew to
follow me after I was captured. Without their howls at night to
give me strength, I would have perished long ago under the Cruel
One’s possession. Shadow Runner let out a humored breath. I looked
up and he tipped his head toward the forest. I took a step toward
him and he vanished beneath the trees.

Silver Leaf, the closest thing to a mother I
had, pushed against my shoulder with her nose and breathed in the
scents from my fur. She had cared for me after my first wolf
parents, the silver-tipped graceful Stardancer and her mate Darkest
Night, Shadow Runner’s father, passed away. The hardest part with
the change was that I took on the years of a human instead of those
of a wolf. I aged slower and lived longer. It had been painful to
watch my adopted wolf siblings and family grow old and die while I
was still a child. No one could explain to me why I was different,
but the wolves accepted me for what I was and cared for me
anyway.

Their quiet acceptance was a balm to the
chaos that swirled through my thoughts. I pushed away the confusing
human emotions and gave in to being just a wolf. The thoughts and
human language dimmed as I followed the pack though the trees. The
mossy, rich forest loam sunk under our paws so that we walked
soundlessly beneath oaks, evergreens, aspens, and maples that grew
older the further we traveled.

Shadow Runner picked up the pace. My heart
sped at the scent of a loan elk, an older fellow that scored the
trees with his antlers. Fresh leaves littered the trail; we were
close. We spread out like a fan. I took the right flank next to
Trace. He ghosted through the trees in the tireless lope of the
wolf.

I leaped a fallen tree, ducked the low-swept
branches of a pine, and dodged a bush laden with blueberries. I
felt myself grinning and forced my lips back over my teeth. Wolves
didn’t smile like humans; they put their joy into the experience
instead of expression.

The scent warmed until I could smell musk
lingering on bent branches and grass. His hoof prints sunk deep
into the forest floor, a path even a human would have been able to
follow. The elk was wandering aimlessly, unaware of the pack hot on
his trail. I swept further to the right, ready to intercept him
should Shadow Runner’s advance cause him to spook. My heart raced
and I forgot my worries at Vielkeep entirely. The thrill of the
hunt pounded with the blood through my veins. I longed to bite into
hot flesh and reaffirm my position in the pack.

The crisp breeze brought the promise of cold
winter nights and snow-laden mountains not long on its tail. The
pack would need to find shelter soon. I wondered if I should go
with them. It felt so right to be running with wolves around me
once more. I could forget the worries at the castle, Koya’s safety,
the heartache caused by knowing we could never be together, the
curious looks and fears of those who didn’t understand, the society
and politics I didn’t grasp. It would be so easy to run away and
leave it all behind. I pushed the thoughts aside and gave myself
fully to the hunt, a wolf once more.

The elk spooked my way as I guessed he
would. Trace jumped up as it neared and it reared back on its hind
legs, its front hooves thrashing dangerously in the air. One blow
with those would end the life of a wolf as quickly as a torn
throat. Trace danced clear just as Pond Jumper bit the elk’s flank.
The animal dropped to all fours and turned with its head lowered.
Both wolves barely jumped free in time to avoid the deadly antlers.
Shadow Runner leaped at its other side. It turned faster this time
and I saw my opening.

I dodged to the right and latched onto the
elk’s exposed throat. The weight of my body pulled it down to its
knees. The other wolves bit into its fur, holding it so I could
take the killing bite. I bit down further and felt my teeth tear
through flesh. I closed my eyes at the sound of its blood pounding
millimeters beneath my muzzle. All I had to do was shut my jaws and
the animal’s life would be over. I could feed the wolves in
gratitude for all they had done; I could feast with them and be one
of the pack again.

The elk struggled, but knew he had no hope.
Blood pounded in my ears. I could hear his breath whistle past my
tight hold. The summer wind lay tangled in his fur, telling of
sun-lit meadows and warm ponds laden with lily pads and willows.
His muscles rolled just beneath the surface, an animal who wanted
desperately to live despite the odds against him.

I shook off the thoughts and told myself to
bite down. The pack was hungry and should eat. I needed to kill the
elk. I owed it to them.

Memories of the Viel slaughtering Rasmus’
men ran through my mind. Bodies lay everywhere on either side of
the wall, men who would never return to their families. There was
no reason for them to die. The stale scent of old blood filled my
nose along with the rot and decay of the white-skinned Viel. I
tasted their putrid flesh again along with the bitter white
substance that was their blood. I saw their bodies lying in droves
along the wall between those of the humans, so many humans who
didn’t deserve to die.

The elk struggled again. I let go of his
throat and stepped back. Surprised, he froze for a moment, then
shook off the other wolves. He stomped one of his great hooves in
warning and relief, then he turned and fled the small clearing as
though the Viel themselves pursued him.

Shadow Runner met my eyes. His chest with
heaving with the effort of holding down the animal and red stained
his lips where he had torn the elk’s flesh. He merely watched me,
his golden eyes betraying nothing. I knew I had let him down. He
didn’t deserve to let his pack go hungry just because one wolf
didn’t know his place in the proper order of things. I had failed
him after all that he had done for me. But instead of growling a
challenge or walking away, he let out a small huff and his ears
dropped back, then forward. I had surprised him, but in the way of
the wolf he accepted it even when I couldn’t.

I gave a whine of apology and turned away.
Silver Leaf pushed against my shoulder with her own, ever accepting
of her strange son. Traveler watched me, his worn eyes knowing and
sad. The world had changed. He knew I was different in ways neither
of us understood. He knew I was going to leave.