Kelly Hill (19 page)

Kelly

Kelly hadn’t slept in days, maybe years. He felt the weight inside his chest gnaw at him and he hoped it would just go away. He laid in the dark of the guestroom and stared at the shadows on the ceiling, hoping for absolution.

They all had made mistakes. Everyone involved had done something that lead to this point. Everyone was at fault here. No one was innocent.

Kelly closed his eyes and held his breath, trying to pretend it wasn’t his fault. Trying to pretend he could be the man Rachel wanted him to be. But that would never be true, would it?

In the end, Melody was right about him and Rachel should have stayed away. If she had just stopped trying to be nice to him none of this would have happened. He had still been angry, and he wanted to make Jefferson angry. He wanted to hurt the man that hurt his sister.

He never accounted for Rachel being so nice to him. It made him feel like a real person. Like someone deserving forgiveness. And everyone knew he couldn’t be farther from that concept.

At the end of the day, the only person that really knew him was Jefferson. And now they would be going back to see him. Back to where everything had started. Back to where everything fell apart.

Kelly heard soft footsteps against the carpet and he knew who they belonged to without opening his eyes.

It was just like that last night they had spent together. She was curled up next to him for comfort and he held onto her for some reason he explained away as love.

Rachel laid down on the bed next to him and he could feel her cheek against his back.

“Kelly,” she whispered, her tone finally telling him she was going to be honest with him.

“
Yeah?” he whispered back, not moving.

“
I’m scared,” She breathed out.

Kelly felt moisture on his shoulder and knew she had been crying. He rolled over, facing her. Kelly cupped her small face in his hands and brushed away a newer tear. “Don’t be scared.”

“What if I lose you?” Rachel asked, her heart breaking to pieces in front of him.

“
You’re not gonna lose me.” Kelly pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. “I promise.”

He knew he was lying to her the moment those words left his lips but that really wasn't the first time. Kelly had no intention of returning whole from Charleston. He was going to end the war with Jefferson if it was the last thing he did. Rachel didn’t need to know that. She just needed to know he was here now. A man far greater than him would sort out her grief later.

Chapter Fourteen

Phillips Academy

Charleston, West Virginia

October 13th 2008

Ryan

Ryan wasn’t sure where the compulsion to go to the library had come from, but he followed it because he had nothing better to do with his time. And because, like all good compulsions, he thought it would to lead to nothing in particular.

He really should have known better.

In plain sight of everyone in the quad, Ryan Prescott watched Jefferson Williams kiss his girlfriend.

Now, Ryan was left with two very different options. He could either A: do absolutely nothing and pretend like it didn’t happen. Or B: he could storm up to them and cause an even larger scene.

The reason Ryan chose option B over option A was not for any of the reasons a normal person would choose option B.

Ryan had had a difficult early semester. He wasn’t doing as well as he hoped in any of his honor roll classes and he was looking for someone to blame. Naturally, his parents’ house guest could take the fall and no one would really bat an eye. But Kelly had taken a lot of falls lately and Ryan just felt bad throwing him under the bus for yet one more thing.

It was true he had been under more stress from avoiding his parents because he was avoiding Kelly and it was also true his parents had repeatedly asked him to bring home his girlfriend, the one that had just been kissed by his best friend in the quad, so that they could meet her properly.

Ryan knew his parents would like Rachel right away. It seemed everyone did these days. He knew she would hit it off with them and his mother would request they have more dinners together. As a family. Whatever that happened to mean to her at the time.

Rachel hailed from a wonderful family. She wasn’t a legacy, but when you have parents that rich, and breeding that good, it didn’t really matter. Jefferson must have thought so as well, or else he wouldn’t be planting his lips on her right at this very moment.

It wasn’t like Ryan didn’t know that Jefferson liked Rachel. Of course he knew. Everyone knew. Jefferson had this weird infatuation with the girl that no one really understood, except for Jefferson, who thought he was hiding it quite well.

Really, Ryan only dated Rachel because Jefferson told him it was good idea. That he should go for it. Ryan didn’t know at the time Jefferson’s plan was to try and steal the girlfriend  Ryan didn’t even want in the first place. A fact Ryan found a little bent and immature.

Jefferson didn’t need to prove anything, in fact, if he had just said something Ryan would have gladly given up the chase with Rachel and moved on. There was a very nice woman in his Health and Wellness class he was particularly fond of.

But now, Jefferson was standing there, looking like he just won something. But he hadn’t won anything because he didn’t know Rachel found him to be creepy. And not just your regular average, ‘please don’t talk to me’ creepy, but more along the lines of ‘he probably murders puppies’ creepy. Ryan knew this because Melody told him. Melody knew this because well, it was Melody. How did she really ever find anything out?

So why then, did Ryan choose option b over option a? Because it was simple. He had had enough.

Ryan was a man about to break. From having Kelly back in his life, to Jefferson wanting to talk about Kelly all the time, to Rachel wanting to talk about Kelly all the time and Ryan was expected to go along for the ride like he was a supporting character in this whole thing. It was a wonder he didn’t lose control any sooner. God only knew how many times he thought to himself, ‘just shut the fuck up already.’

Ryan felt his legs pull him forward at a rapid rate, and he saw Rachel’s surprised eyes stare at him while she opened her mouth to explain away what just happened.

“So, do you want to tell her? Or should I?” Ryan asked, looking at Jefferson, but not waiting for a response. He turned to Rachel, “Jefferson’s been helping me and Caleb here make a lot of money selling test answers to students who don’t feel like studying. It’s a lucrative business we don’t feel like getting rid of.”

Rachel’s eyes were even wider now. He didn’t know eyes could get that shocked. He smiled, feeling pleased.

Jefferson stayed interestingly silent.

“
Is this true?” Rachel looked from Ryan back to Jefferson, her tiny little head putting all the pieces of the puzzle together.

“
Sort of.” Jefferson had been successfully blindsided by Ryan who felt rather pleased with himself and the issue he had caused.

Jefferson wanted to steal his girlfriend that he didn’t really want? That was fine. But Ryan wasn’t going to make it easy for him. And the last thing Rachel would want in a boyfriend was one who didn’t apply himself as much as she did.

“That’s terrible.” Rachel had gone into lecture mode. Rachel’s lecture mode was like feeling your brain slowly seep out of your ears, it was painful and it could bore you to absolute death.

“
It wasn’t my idea.” Jefferson tried to defend himself; he knew his obsession was slipping away.

“
Yeah, but you’re hurting other people!” Rachel was really upset now.

Ryan looked back to Jefferson for a response.

“I’m not hurting anyone, it’s not like I’m forcing them to buy the answers. They’re just doing it themselves.” Jefferson was becoming indignant.

“
Yeah, but that’s like dealers saying they’re not responsible for an addict’s behavior, they’re not forcing them to do drugs.” Rachel’s eyes were narrower now. Very accusatory.

Ryan raised his eyebrows and looked at Jefferson, had Rachel hit the nail on the head? Did she just so happen to know where Anna had gotten that last little bit of heroin that had done her in?

“It’s not like that, Rachel.” Jefferson was dismissing Rachel’s points in the argument, “But if that’s what you think, I won’t do it anymore.”

“
And what about the people who’ve already benefited from this business? What’s going to happen to them? They didn’t earn those grades.” Rachel was shaking her head, “I’m going to have to tell Grear about this.”

Grear? Ryan was curious if this tiny girl really had the guts to stand up to a guy like Jefferson. She didn’t even know what he was capable of.

“Please, Rachel, don’t say anything. I promise we won’t do it anymore.” Jefferson’s tone was softer; he thought he was going to get away with it.

He clearly didn’t know Rachel.

Rachel shook her head, “I’m gonna have to think about this.” She turned and hurried away. Or ran. It was sort of a jog. A hurt jog. An upset jog. A jog with stiff shoulders and hurt feelings.

“
What the hell?” Jefferson was turning on him then.

Ryan hadn’t really thought this part through, but he spit out the only logical thing he could think of, “You kissed my girlfriend. I figure we’re even now.”

Agoura Hills, California

June 13th 2010

Rachel

They had fallen asleep in each other's arms that night and she almost didn’t want leave the warm cocoon. But she knew she had too. It was a new day. A different day.

Nothing had changed and she knew she needed to prove it. She still had to protect Kelly and that meant letting him go. They were going back to Charleston together but that didn’t mean they would be together in the conventional sense.

How did you tell a person that you loved them and because of that, you couldn’t hold onto them? Was that too cliché? Was saying the words too teenage drama chic?

Rachel made some strong coffee and leaned against the countertop, listening to the chrome machine percolate. She wanted to have everything and none of the consequences, but that wasn’t the way life worked out.

She couldn’t be afforded that amount of happiness because she didn’t deserve it. Or at least, that’s how she felt, and who was she to deny herself feelings? Feelings were free. Acting on them was not.

It was after she poured herself a cup Ethan appeared from the basement, his eyes blurry from a lack of sleep.

“
Hey.” Ethan approached like the kitchen like Rachel was a wild animal, trying not to startle her.

“
Listen, Rachel.” Ethan began before Rachel had the chance to escape back upstairs. “Kelly told us a while ago, about Jefferson and how he’s the reason you left Phillips.”

“
Ethan, I got kicked out of Phillips for stabbing Jefferson in the shoulder with a pen. I didn’t leave on purpose.” Rachel corrected him, hoping he wasn’t going to victimize her. She was too far committed to believe she was a victim anymore.

“
Yeah, I know.” Ethan shook his head. “And ya know, Kell didn’t really tell us anything but we’re here now. I’m here, Rachel.”

Rachel shrugged and shook her head, “Ethan, this isn’t your fight. I mean, you don’t have to pretend like you care.”

Ethan looked hurt, but he understood what she was saying. They never really had a real relationship. They had gone three years without speaking and that felt normal to them.

“
Listen Rachel, I know I wasn’t around for a lot but I’m here now, and I’m coming to Charleston with you. I don’t care if you don’t agree, or you don’t think I should. I’m your brother and its time I start acting like it.” Ethan’s voice was stronger than Rachel was used to. This was the Gunn resolve she was afraid he hadn’t inherited.

“
Ethan, you don’t know everything-” Rachel tried to point out but he shook his head and grit his teeth.

“
Doesn’t matter, Rachel. You’re my sister, that’s all I need.” Ethan was firm in his decision, “I already did the math, we can take the beast and we’ll be there in less than forty hours. Just in time for the memorial.”

“
You want us to take your van?” Rachel was frowning now. What in the world could Ethan possibly be thinking?

“
Yeah. It’ll give us time to bond.” Ethan cleared his throat, “You know, like proper siblings.”

Rachel didn’t know what to think or say. Ethan had never cared about her before, what changed his mind now? Could it really be what Kelly had said got to him? No. Logan said Kelly had just mentioned the regular scandal, not everything that happened after. That wasn’t something to worry about, or care about. It was over.

“What about Logan? We can’t just leave him here.” Rachel protested.

“
Nope, that’s why he’s going to come with us.” Ethan reasoned. “We’ll all take turns driving, it will be easy. Plus when it’s all done, we can even stop in Hartford to see that author you like.”

Rachel’s frown deepened, “David Warren? How did you know I liked David Warren?”

Ethan shrugged, “Mom told me.”

Rachel wanted to cry. Her whole family was so screwed up. But they were hers, so what could she do?

Rachel laughed, “Alright, fine. But don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”

This wasn’t going to end well.