Kev (12 page)

“Good question, but I don’t know the answer.
Anyway, you should know, but your memory is terminally
impaired.”

“Great, what do we do now?”

“We could hang out for a few eons. Maybe
you’ll figure out how to fix it.”

“So, wait a second, does this mean that the
girl never existed? What about Clive? How can I remember them if
they never existed?”

“If I knew the answers I would know many
things, but I don’t.”

“Well, I want them back.”

“If I had the Proth Sphere, you could have
them back, probably, although the new universe might be pretty
different. I’ve had more than a few new dreams and nightmares since
the last time I created the universe.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Thirty-seven years ago, your time.”

“What is this my time crap everyone keeps
talking about?”

“Ask yourself.”

“Dammit, I’m pretty sick of getting
non-answers to my questions.”

“Well, don’t ask questions I can’t answer.
So, what should we talk about for the next billion or so
years?”

“How do I fix this?” I said.

“You know, Kev, for someone with a class nine
mind you can be quite dense sometimes. Haven’t I already said
enough?”

“You haven’t told me how to fix this, if
that’s what you mean,” I growled.

“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have any cubes
on you, would you?”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“Which ones?”

“A black one, a blue one and a red one.”

“Oh, you’re on The Show, huh? Poor
bastard.”

“Look, are you going to tell me how to fix
this or not?” I said.

“I don’t know. To be completely honest, I
kind of like things this way. The sphere is a real pest sometimes.
Maybe a multi-billion year break is a good thing.”

“Please tell me, Bri.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should make a
wish.”

I paused, now thinking about the cubes. I
knew the black one, at the very least, allowed me to time travel.
The blue cube was for The Show. What was the red cube? Had that
allowed me to wish the Proth Sphere never existed?

If the red cube gave me that wish, would it
give me another wish? Maybe I could wish the universe was back and
that it was not going to be sucked into a giant nozzle. Maybe I
could wish that I knew what the hell was going on. Maybe I could
wish that I had all of my memories back and that the universe was
back and that I knew what was going on.

“The red cube gives me wishes, doesn’t it?” I
said.

“What would make you think that?” said Bri,
hesitating before he said it, sounding more than a little
nervous.

“What would happen if I wished
you
didn’t exist, Bri?”

“Not nice, Kev. Anyway, it wouldn’t work. If,
in fact, it is a wishing cube, the only wish you can make right now
is for the Proth Sphere to exist again.”

“Why is that?” I said.

“Rules are rules,” Kev. “Ah, whatever. Look,
if you wish the sphere exists, then you will be free to make other
wishes, but only three more and then the red cube has to recharge.
You know, when this is all over don’t get mad at me for saying any
of this. If you weren’t so dense, I wouldn’t have to say
anything.”

“Gee, thanks. So, all I can do now is wish
the sphere exists. Then what?”

“Then the sphere and I recreate the universe
and you go on your merry way.”

“And I can make more wishes, right?”

“I do believe I said that.”

“By the way, who made these rules?”

“You did, you moron. Now are you going to
make the wish or not?”

“I wish the Proth Sphere exists,” I
cried.

“Hey guys,” said a voice. I saw a yellow
sphere hovering nearby. “What’s going on?”

“Now what?” I said.

“You ready for a new universe, Kev?” said
Bri.

“You know, Bri,” said the sphere. “This time
I get to choose how many possible types of jelly donuts there are
in the universe. I think there should be thirty-seven types.”

“No. It’s my turn,” said Bri.

“Is not.”

“Look, it is my turn. Anyway, who said you
were allowed to determine anything about the universe? I am the one
with the dreams and nightmares, not you.”

“Yeah, well, I have dreams and nightmares
too, pal. Why can’t I choose?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” shouted Bri.

“Guys,” I said.

“No, you’re an idiot,” said the sphere.

“Guys,” I shouted.

“What?” said Bri.

“Would you stop fighting and recreate the
universe, please?”

“Absolutely not,” said the sphere.

Bri and the sphere continued arguing,
ignoring my pleas. Eventually, sick of waiting for them to resolve
their differences, I said, “I wish you would stop fighting and
recreate the damned universe.”

I woke up next to the girl in a room with
bamboo walls and a thatched roof, remembering a strange dream, one
in which I had been on some horrible game show, one in which I had
inadvertently been responsible for negating the infinite universes.
I had a vague recollection of a yellow sphere and someone named
Bri, a kid perhaps, or maybe God, but I couldn’t put a face to the
name. I remembered having children, maybe three boys with someone
named Ruby. It had been a long, dark dream, one I wasn’t sure I
wanted to remember. I didn’t remember much else, including the
purpose of the red cube, or that I had made any wishes with it that
came true.

I should note that Bri told a bit of a fib,
and for a very good reason. He did not want me to make any wish
other than wishing for the sphere to exist again. I could have
wished the universe back into existence if I wanted to. I could
have wished to understand what was going on and to have all of my
memories back. Bri knew this, of course, and he lied to keep me
from figuring out what the hell was going on, the clever, little
bastard. However, that had not stopped me from making the wish that
made Bri and the sphere recreate the universe.

“You’re awake,” said the girl.

“Strange dream,” I said. “Where are we?”

“Home, dummy. Don’t tell me you don’t
remember.”

“I remember you, so things can’t be all that
bad.” I kissed her and drew her near.

A little girl ran into the room and yelled,
“Daddy is awake!”

“Um, who is that?” I said.

“That’s Soph, your daughter.”

“Do I have three sons too?” I said,
remembering three young boys tackling me in a strange woman’s
bedroom.

“Yes, Kev. They live on Nidia,” laughed the
girl.

“Am I on a game show?” I said, fearing the
worst.

“Not anymore, but I’m sure you’ll be on it
again.”

I searched my memories, trying to figure out
what I should ask next and recalled a name. “Who is Aputi?” I
said.

“Uncle Aputi is in the kitchen,” said Soph,
smiling.

“Oh. Right. Okay. What else am I
missing?”

“Don’t worry, dear. You’ll figure it
out.”

“Wait, where is Clive?”

“He lives just down the beach.”

“But he’s dead,” I said, suddenly remembering
the pnukes, but not remembering that Aputi had been responsible for
the pnukes.

“You saved him, Kev. He’s fine.”

“Are all the people on Earth dead?” I said,
horrified by what I had just remembered.

“No, you saved them too.”

“Saved them from what?” I said.

“The Canadians,” laughed Soph. “Daddy, you
are such a doody head.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will, Kev. Let’s have breakfast. Aputi
is making your favorite.”

“What’s my favorite?”

“French toast, bacon, and berries. And you
can have a big glass of green tea to help you remember.”

“Oh, okay.”

After my green tea experience, not recalling
the more interesting properties of green tea, I said, “Does it do
that every time?”

“Kev, I swear you have the worst memory of
anyone I have ever met,” said Aputi. I eyed the old man
suspiciously. Who was he? What was he doing in my house? Actually,
where was I? Why didn’t I remember this house?

“Hey, where are we?” I said.

“Uthio Minor, dear,” said the girl.

“Where is that?”

“About thirty-seven billion light-years from
Earth.”

I passed out and later came to on a couch,
the girl looking down at me.

“You are going to have to explain a few
things,” I said weakly.

At the time, I had no memories of ever having
traveled off of Earth. I had no memories other than those of Clive,
the girl (partial memories) and my aunt and uncle, and those
memories were like fast moving clouds in a moonless night sky.

The girl spoke at length, but I could tell
she had omitted many things. She told me I had been traveling in
time quite a bit and that I had lost most of my memories because of
something she called time lag, a thing she would not explain on
account of the rules. She told me I had been on The Show many times
and had always found a way off before B24ME, a name I didn’t
remember, managed to kill me. Many times, when I asked questions,
she would only say, “You’ll figure it out,” or would refuse to
answer on the grounds that the “rules” were quite strict. I asked
about these rules and she said, “I shouldn’t break the rules, Kev.
You’ll figure it out.”

“Lovely, just lovely.”

“Reach into your pockets,” said the girl.

I reached into my pockets and pulled out two
cubes, black and red.

“The black one you use to travel in time.
You’ve never explained how to use it though. Do you remember
it?”

“Vaguely. What’s the red one?”

“You won that on The Show some time ago. I
don’t know what it does, but I know you’ve had it before. You’ve
had the blue one before, but you always manage to get rid of it. If
you see that cube again or if someone tries to give it to you,
don’t touch it. It will land you back on The Show.” Note that when
Bri and the sphere recreated the universe, they took the blue cube
away from me, thus taking me off The Show.

“I’ll probably forget.” I looked around, and
not seeing any sign of Aputi, I said, “I don’t trust Aputi. Why is
he here?”

“You don’t trust him? Why?”

“I don’t know. I think he’s up to no
good.”

“Well, you’re the one who brought him here to
live with us.”

“I did? Why?”

“You do many things I don’t understand, Kev.
But, if it’s any comfort, I don’t think you have to worry about
Aputi. He’s harmless. A little annoying at times, but perfectly
harmless.”

Weeks passed, time spent with the girl, Soph,
Clive, Aputi, Ruby, whom I did now remember, and the three Kev’s. I
adjusted to living on this distant planet and found myself quite
happy. Of course, there were many things I didn’t remember, and I
spent quite a lot of time trying to remember those things, but only
recalled a few things here and there.

I remembered Bri and the Proth Sphere, and
remembered that they recreated the universe, and that I was now in
that new universe. I suspected that might have had some
relationship with my memory loss, and possibly with the fact that I
no longer had the blue cube, but could get no straight answers from
anyone.

I remembered the re-enactment of the Battle
of Bwar Nit and Via, but suspected that had been a dream. Then
there was a dragon that burned off all my flesh, a dragon I killed
with a squirt gun, probably another dream.

Then there was The Show and B24ME. Those
memories, quite vague, stirred other memories of a time when Clive
played a game with me called The Show. I wondered if there was some
relationship between the two, but Clive could shed no light on
things, or at least he wouldn’t. After all, the rules were very
strict.

Clive and I would go to the bar down the
beach from time to time. The bartender, Brok, whom I now knew but
didn’t remember from the past, would sometimes tell me stories
about things I had done.

He claimed I had once gone to a planet named
Surth Beta and visited a brain in a vat that had given me the
memories of trillions of beings, and that immediately after that I
had trapped the Proth Sphere and recreated the universe many times,
each time fouling things up, until after something like three
thousand, seven hundred, thirty-seven tries, I gave up and sent the
sphere to Bri so they could fix things. He also told me that after
the last time I recreated the universe with the sphere, I had wiped
out all of my memories from those trillions of beings. I didn’t
know what to believe. Part of me thought I was trapped in some
bizarre dream. Another part of me thought I was being played by
pretty much everyone in the universe.

Clive would also tell me stories, but those
were mostly about things we had done when we were children,
although he never mentioned The Show.

One day, while sitting at the bar, Clive
said, “Do you believe in God?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Why? Are you taking
a survey?”

Clive laughed in his easy way. “Seriously, do
you believe in God?”

“Well, if I do, I believe God is really
messing with me right now.”

“You have that right, Kev,” said Clive,
slapping me on the back.

At one point, the girl showed me a little
yellow cube and told me she used it to manipulate matter. In that
moment, I gasped, remembering Aputi, the pnukes, and Aputi’s plan
to wipe out humanity and re-engineer the minds of some three
million that would not be killed in order to save the universe.

“Does Aputi know you have this?” I said,
horrified.

“No, why?”

“Don’t let him know. Didn’t I tell you what
he was going to do?”

“What was he going to do?” said the girl. I
detected something in her tone, perhaps a hint of amusement.

“Aputi is going to wipe out humanity. Well,
he is going to save three million, and re-engineer their minds so
he can save the universe. Don’t you remember telling me that was
all a crock of shit? He killed everyone. He didn’t save anyone. He
wants that yellow cube to do something horrible. You don’t
remember?”