Kieran & Drew (15 page)

Toby lifted his chin slightly. “Come here.”

Kieran’s mouth went dry. Something didn’t sit quite right, and he had a feeling that it was his lingering feelings for Drew, or the persistent hope he had of somehow magically working things out with him, that was stopping him. He frowned. It was stupid to hold out for Drew. Drew had moved on and forgotten him. And here he was, alone, unattached, and desperate to be touched.

He shifted closer and decided to ignore the lift at the corner of Toby’s mouth that wasn’t so much pleased as it was smug. He didn’t have to move more than a fraction; Toby took it as a green light and leaned up across the stick shift to kiss him.

It wasn’t great and it wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t Drew. He knew he should just stop thinking. He should just let his mind float away and enjoy being kissed, maybe even try to participate a little, but Drew had been his first kiss, and there had been more than the urge to get off driving it. Their kisses had been playful, tender, and affectionate as well as hot. Toby’s kiss was hot, but ironically left him feeling cold.

He jolted slightly when Toby took his hand, pulled it across the stick shift, and laid it on his groin. Toby was hard, and though the feeling of a hard dick felt right under his hand, his stomach fluttered with nerves that had nothing to do with anticipation.

Experimentally, he flexed his hand and squeezed gently. It was nothing he hadn’t done before, but it became new again when it came to touching someone unfamiliar. Toby’s tongue slipped from Kieran’s mouth as he smiled against his lips, clearly enjoying Kieran’s hand on his dick. He unzipped his pants and encouraged Kieran to slip his hand under the band of his boxers and wrap around his cock.

“I knew you’d love this,” he murmured, and dragged Kieran close by the back of his neck to kiss him roughly before he could reply.

Kieran couldn’t deny that while this felt different than his experiences with Drew—it being something simpler, devoid of emotion, and casual in a way that felt unimportant—he himself
was
aroused.

He could do this. There was no reason for him to not enjoy it and just go with the flow. He mustered up some courage and slowly began to jack his hand up and down, and felt a thrill at Toby’s hiss, at the way he broke away from the kiss to let his head fall back and his eyes close. He was just starting get past the sense of going through the motions and starting to enjoy it when he felt Toby’s hand at the back of his neck. Expecting to be pulled into a kiss, he abruptly let go of Toby’s dick and shot his hand out to brace himself against Toby’s thigh when the hand on his neck didn’t pull him closer, but was instead trying to push him
down
.

“Whoa, uh, just-just wait a sec….” He scrambled, something inside of him rebelling against the sudden shift of making out and jacking off to something that required him to give more of himself.

“What? What’s up?” Toby asked, sounding breathless. “Nothing, nothing. That’s just, um….”
“What? Was I being rough?”

Toby seemed to blink out of his pleasure-induced haze and was suddenly present. The tone of his voice, which was a fraction softer but implied confusion, abruptly made Kieran feel childish.

“Ah, no. You just— I wasn’t
expecting
….”
“Oh, shit.” He seemed genuinely flummoxed. “Sorry.”

Kieran flushed red and shook his head, feeling pathetic. This was what guys did, right? Gay or straight, at his age he was
supposed
to be looking to hook up, right? “No, it’s fine.”

An awkward pause fell between them as they stalled out, though Kieran couldn’t help but watch as Toby’s hand strayed to his own dick, squeezing the base at first and then stroking up once. Kieran’s breath caught, and his fingers itched to return to their previous activity.

Toby watched this. “Do you
want
to blow me?”

He did. And he didn’t. He wanted to get off, and he wanted to suck dick, but it felt…
less
without Drew—without feeling like he was someone’s boyfriend. However, actually being asked, rather than Toby assuming, took the sting out of it—made it feel normal and okay. If he couldn’t have the warm, heart-pounding and breathtaking sensation he’d had with Drew, then he’d settle for the quick fix.

He nodded, and his voice sounded small and weak when he spoke. “Okay.”

Toby lifted one arm, laying it along the back of Kieran’s seat and watching as Kieran’s head lowered into his lap. Two things happened the second Kieran took the tip of Toby’s dick into his mouth. First, Toby hissed. His arm left its resting place along the back of Kieran’s seat, and his hand came to settle gently on the back of Kieran’s neck. And second, Kieran’s eyes closed in bliss.

He was gay. He was so completely and totally fucking gay and he
loved
doing this. He loved it so much that he could forget everything else. He could forget how lonely he was, and he could forget the feeling of something close to shame and just enjoy sucking on the velvety, rock-hard flesh in his mouth.

“Shit,” Toby said with no small amount of surprise and admiration. “That-that is fucking
perfection
.”

It shouldn’t have, but the praise went a long way to making it easier to ignore that it was Toby—someone he couldn’t say he knew or so far cared for much—he was blowing. He bobbed his head up and down, sucking and getting lost in the sensation so much that he barely noticed the hand on the back of his neck slide up into his hair. He did, however, notice when that hand balled into a fist, pulling tight on his hair, and began to guide his head.

Kieran frowned, grunted, and felt the beginnings of panic when he found himself unable to pull off the dick in his mouth. His head was pulled up enough for him to take a breath, but before he could speak he was harshly pushed back down, Toby’s cock lodging almost as far as the back of his throat.

“Oh fuck
yes,
” Toby hissed. “Suck it.”

Kieran grunted and felt the corners of his eyes stinging as the jarring up and down rhythm, guided by the tight grip in his hair, took away all control.

Toby pushed up with his hips and down with his hand, his eyes squeezed shut. “That’s it, fucking…
bitch
.” He grunted and thrust up hard.

Any confliction left Kieran. He lifted a hand to slap at the wrist with the hand that held on so tight to his hair. He pushed against Toby’s thighs, and took a deep breath as soon as he was able. To Toby’s credit, he let go immediately.

He liked to go down on a guy; sure, he knew that without a doubt. But not when it was being used as some sort of domination over him. It had worked with Drew, and he still wasn’t sure why, but with Toby, it didn’t feel—or no longer felt—like just getting off.

Toby wet his lips, oblivious to Kieran’s conflicted feelings. “Get in the back.”

“The back?” Kieran coughed, his voice rough. He blinked hard and wiped at his mouth. One look at Toby and his stomach dropped. The whole “I like you” bit? Bullshit.

Toby leaned close and ran his fingers through the hair at the back of Kieran’s head, tugging slightly. His smile that had always seemed to be a mish-mash of forced confidence and something smug looked nothing but cocky now. “I’ve got lube and condoms,” he said in a low voice.

Shocked, he shifted away from Toby as something inside of him slammed on the brakes. “Whoa,
no
. No way.”

 

“Why not?” Toby frowned at him. “You were up for it a second ago.”

“No, I wasn’t!” Kieran spluttered. “So that wasn’t you sucking my dick like a Singapore whore?”

Kieran was left speechless for a moment, just staring and shaking his head. “That was… I was only—”

“Look, you need a little tit for tat?” He looked down to Kieran’s lap and then met his eyes again, lifting his chin slightly. “Unzip. I can get you in the mood.”

“Uh.
No
, you couldn’t.”

 

Toby blanched slightly, looking for just a second as unsure of himself and as lost as Kieran. “What, you’re… you’re not into me?” Kieran let out a harsh breath, looking at him in disbelief. “I don’t like having my head screwed down on someone’s
dick
,” he ground out. Toby glared and gestured down to Kieran’s lap, or more pointedly, down to his erection. “Yeah, well that says otherwise.” “This hard-on isn’t for you,” he snapped.

Toby frowned, but then an emotion Kieran couldn’t quite pinpoint—jealousy?—shuttered across Toby’s face. “Fucking
Anderson
?” He spat out the name.

Kieran really hadn’t meant to bring Drew into it. He’d meant that Toby hadn’t been a part of it, he’d been looking to get off—to see if he
could
just get off with someone that wasn’t Drew. He supposed he had his answer.

“What, are you in fucking
love
with the guy?”
“No!”

“Because I know you’re not frigid. Fuck, how long before you rolled over for Anderson, huh?” He sneered. “How long before you were down on your elbows and knees?”

Heat slammed into his face. “That’s… I-I’ve never—!” “What,” Toby scoffed. “You’re a virgin? Yeah, sure you are.”

Kieran spluttered, enraged. “Just because you saw me with Drew
once
does not mean I’m going to willingly let you—a guy I barely
know
—fuck me in the back of a car!”

Toby swallowed hard, looking utterly rejected as he zipped himself back up. He shook his head. “Whatever, man. Thought we could be friends with benefits or something. I’m over you. I don’t care.” His mouth scrunched up in distaste. “Fucking
Anderson
.”

Something connected so instantly that it took Kieran a moment to speak. “Oh my God. This has got nothing to do with me, does it?” He only felt surer of himself when Toby cut him a startled glance. “You’re into Drew, aren’t you?”

“W-what? Fuck off.”

“‘I may have carried a torch for him back in the day’, that’s what you said. You’re totally into Drew.” He shook his head, shocked at himself for not seeing it sooner. “You weren’t talking to me in art class; you were just too scared to talk to Drew.” As quickly as it came, the anger drained from him.

“Oh that is just—you know what? You’re not worth my time, you fucking faggot.”

 

And it was back again.

“You don’t have a goddamn clue what you’re talking about.” Toby gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. “I was talking to
you
, I felt sorry for
you
. Everyone knows how weird you are and that you hang out with the janitor because you don’t have any friends, you fucking
freak
.”

His every insecurity, thrown at him in such a small space and by someone who’d just been using his mouth, was enough to make Kieran want to cower. Instead, he turned to the passenger door and tried to open it. The handle was stuck.

Toby cursed. “Kieran… Kier—ah
shit
, I-I didn’t mean to say that.” His voice wavered, as if he were close to tears himself. “Kieran, I’m sorry, okay?
I’m
the asshole. Look, would you just—” He craned his neck to try and see what Kieran was doing. “Just stop for a second!”

“Open the door,” Kieran ground out through clenched teeth, ignoring the hot, damp streak he felt against his cheek.

“Kieran, I’m sorry, okay? Just let me drive you home.” “Open the fucking door!”

“Look, just… just get out of the way!” He leaned across Kieran, practically pushing him back against the stick shift. “You have to jimmy it.” He pulled up and back, his elbow jutting backward just as Kieran was leaning back up.

Kieran let out a gasp as Toby’s elbow came into sharp contact with the corner of his eye. Toby instantly turned, his mouth falling open in shock at what he’d inadvertently done.

“Shit! Are you okay? Kieran? Oh man, I’m so sorry!”

Kieran, both shocked and dazed, pushed Toby’s hands away. He reached blindly for the door handle, found the door ajar, and lurched out of the car. He stumbled away, feeling dizzy. He touched the heel of his hand gently to the corner of his eye, which already felt sore and puffy. He looked behind him to see that Toby had climbed out of the car, and took off at a slow, disorientated jog away from him.

“Kieran! Kier—for fuck’s
sake
, let me drive you home. I’m sorry!”

Kieran ignored him, and only glanced back when hearing a car door slam closed. He watched as Toby—who had evidently given up on him—did a quick three-point turn and took off in the opposite direction. His shoulders sagged with relief, and it was only then that he let out a miserable, choked-off sob. He wasn’t crying because his eye hurt, and he wasn’t crying because Toby had only been using him because of his previous connection to Drew. He was crying because apparently, it was common knowledge just how much of a freak he was.

A friendless freak. A stupid faggot. And no one was ever going to want him.

When he got home, the house was empty. His dad wasn’t there, just as he’d said he wouldn’t be. Kieran was for once relieved. It bought him a few hours at least to try and explain what he was sure was turning out to be a black eye. He looked in the bathroom mirror and was shocked to see that his eye was swollen and already a dark shade of purple around the socket.

He jumped when he heard the front door open and his dad call out to him. He glanced back at his reflection and then toward the open bathroom door.

“Kieran?” his dad called.

Kieran craned his neck out of the bathroom door, and, seeing the kitchen light flip on, he made a quick dash for his bedroom. Once his bedroom door was closed behind him, he called out to his dad.

“I’m just going to bed, Dad.” He winced when he heard his dad stride down the hallway toward his room.

 

“Can I come in?”

“Uh… I’m just—I’m just getting changed.” He whipped his Tshirt over his head and reached for the scrunched up T-shirt with the logo to his dad’s restaurant on it, which he kept under his pillow, and pulled it on.

“I thought I’d come home early tonight so… so we could hang out for a little bit.”

 

Kieran blinked in surprise, and only felt even more upset that his dad had chosen tonight of all nights to try and reconnect with him. “What do you say?”