King of Campus (42 page)

My breasts may be small but they’re sensitive as hell.  And he’s learned that as well.  Over and over he continues toying with them, pulling at the elongated little buds until I’m on the verge of climaxing once more.

“Not quite yet,” he grits out.  With his hips still jerking, his thick cock slides in and out of my slickness until I feel like I could literally burst into a millions pieces.

Ceasing the torture, he palms my small firm breasts, gently squeezing them.  His eyes lock on mine before he grounds out, “I’m so close, baby.”

I moan, feeling exactly the same.  Any given moment I’m going to…

His body shudders beneath mine.  His lean muscular hips becoming even more frenzied as he strokes my body from within.  It’s enough to send me tumbling right over the edge as well.  When we both finish, our breath comes out fast and heavy. Feeling spent, I lower myself until my lips can brush tenderly against his.  As they do, he whispers thickly, “I love you, Ivy.”

“I love you, too.” I murmur the words right before laying my head against his big broad chest.  As I lay there listening to the quick thudding of his heart, I realize I didn’t tell him about the call, about Cincinnati.

Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, all those conflicting emotions tumble their way back into my brain again.  It has me wondering if that’s what I really want anymore.  Because in this moment, the one unfolding right now, all I want is Roan.

I want
this
.

I’m scared that if I leave, I’ll lose it.  I’ll lose
him
.

It suddenly feels as if no matter what I choose, I’m going to lose something precious.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Awwww, yet another ooey-gooey photo snapped of Roan King and his girl…  Is anyone else getting sick of seeing these two lovebirds together???  I know I am.  KingOfCampus.com

“Babe, I’m so sorry you didn’t get it.”  Roan pulls me into a big warm hug, holding me close as he gently rubs my back, offering me comfort.  “You must be really bummed.”  He drops a series of light kisses on the top of my head.  “Those bastards don’t know what they’re missing out on.”  He sounds angry.  Like he’s actually affronted on my behalf.

Which is so sweet…

Staring out over the rolling lawns of Barnett, I watch as people rush past us on their way to and from class.  Its early November now and the trees are completely bare.  The winds have grown chilly making it necessary to wear a warm winter coat when heading out.

Clearing my throat, because I absolutely hate lying to him, I finally murmur, “Yeah, I’m bummed about not getting it.”  Which isn’t necessarily a lie.  I
am
bummed about not going to Cincinnati.  But I feel like it would be even worse if I went and lost out on my chance to have this relationship develop into something more.

Honestly, I have no idea if I’m making the right decision or not.  I was panicked by the thought of losing Roan after I agreed to the position in the corps de ballet.  But now that I’ve decided to turn it down, I can’t help but wonder if that’s a mistake as well.  I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what I choose, I’m going to miss out on something.

I haven’t called Mr. Moliter back just yet because I wanted a bit more time to mull it over.  But that, unfortunately, hasn’t gotten me any closer to feeling settled about my decision.  I’m just as conflicted as I was before.  God, I was so thrilled when I received that call.  And within ten minutes of jumping for joy, I was crashing back to reality unsure if I should even take the position with the company.  Then, after making love with Roan, I’d decided the best course of action would be to stay at Barnett.

But that doesn’t feel like the right choice either…

“I’m so proud of you for going there and auditioning.  It takes a lot of courage to go after your dreams.”

Even though he’s trying to bolster my spirits, his words only make me feel worse.  And I can’t even tell him that.  I can’t tell him I was offered a position but plan on turning it down.

Forcing my lips up, I say, “Thanks.”

“You just have to look at it as a test run.  Can you call and maybe see if they’ll give you some feedback on your performance?”  Again he presses a kiss gently against the top of my head.  “Constructive criticism is always helpful.”

“Ummm, yeah…  Maybe.”  I bite down on my lower lip until it feels as if I’ve drawn blood.  Any moment the truth is going to come bursting out of my lips.  Before that can happen, I quickly untangle myself from him. “I should probably get going.  I need to talk with Eric before class starts.”

“Okay, I’ll walk with you,” he offers before giving me another sympathetic smile.  He’s trying so hard to cheer me up.  And it’s all but killing me.

Even though I feel like I did this for the right reasons, it feels wrong that I’m lying to Roan about the audition.  But I know exactly what will happen if I tell him the truth- that I did, in fact, get the part- he’ll tell me to go.  He’ll tell me we can make a long distance relationship work.

And that will be the beginning of the end.

All of these mixed up feelings continue rolling around in my head as we walk in silence to the fine arts building.  Once we’re outside the cement stairs leading inside, Roan envelopes me in his arms.  After a moment or two, his eyes search mine before he says softly, “I really am sorry, Ivy.  I know how much you wanted this.  Rejection sucks.  I guess it’s just part of the process, right?”

Unable to open my mouth because if I do, I’m pretty sure the truth is going to come pouring out, I simply nod.

Then he says, “Everything happens for a reason.”

I almost choke on my own spit.  Oh god… he’s been reduced to useless platitudes to try and bolster my spirits.  I love him for it but I need to get away before I crack. “Okay,” I finally croak before pushing out of his arms, “I’ve got to go.”

“See you later, babe.”  He looks troubled as his eyes continue searching mine.  It’s like he knows I’m holding something back from him.

Barely can I lift my lips in response.  It’s quickly that I wave goodbye before dashing inside the familiar corridors of McKinley Hall.

Once I make my way to the studio, I throw my bag in the corner before collapsing onto the floor.  Drawing my knees up to my chest, I rest my head on them.  Class doesn’t begin for another fifteen minutes.  But already girls are warming up at the barre.  I should be doing the same but my heart just isn’t in it today.  Which is a first.  Even my break up with Finn wasn’t enough to dampen my spirit to dance.  In fact, that was one of the ways I worked through my heartache.

So what am I going to do?

Already I’m being eaten alive by regrets and I haven’t even officially turned down the position yet.  I can only imagine how I’ll feel once I actually call Mr. Moliter and tell him I’ve changed my mind about joining the company.

Oh my god… who does that?

Seriously?

Who turns down such an incredible opportunity?

“Ivy?”

Lifting my head, I glance up at Eric.  Concern is etched across his furrowed brow.  I give him a small smile before resting my chin on my knees.  Even though Eric is one of my favorite instructors, he’s the last person I want to discuss this situation with because I know he’s going to be really disappointed in me.  And I don’t think I can stand that right now.  “Hi.”

Arching a brow, he finally says, “I thought you would be riding on cloud nine.  What’s going on?  Have you spoken with your other professors yet?  Are they going to allow you to finish up your courses?”

Not even for a moment does he consider that I won’t accept the offer to go to Cincinnati.  I mean, we’re both dancers…  You don’t turn down a professional opportunity. I’m suddenly wishing I hadn’t come early to class.

When I don’t immediately respond to his questions, he drops down on his haunches so we’re practically eye level.  “Ivy, sweetie, what’s going on?”  His tone is soft and gentle and so not what I need right now.  Because any moment the dam is going to open and I’ll be powerless to stop it from all pouring out.

“If some of your professors aren’t willing to work with you, let me know and I’ll try talking with them myself.  This is way too amazing of an opportunity to just throw away.  I know how hard you’ve worked this semester to keep your grades up.  I’m sure we can work something out.”

For whatever reason, his words have tears instantly filling my eyes.  Inhaling a shaky breath, I finally force out what needs to be said.  Because sooner or later, I’m going to have to tell him.  “I’ve decided not to accept the position.”

“What?”  His eyes grow wide and his face slackens.  He looks completely shocked.  It would actually be comical if the situation didn’t suck so much.  There’s about twenty seconds of stereo silence before he finally says, “What do you mean
you’re not going
?”  He almost starts laughing except there’s a sharp glint in his pale blue eyes.  “Of course you’re going!  This is an incredible opportunity, Ivy.  It’s not just going to come around again.”

Unable to hold his eyes, I glance away before finally whispering, “I can’t do it.  I’m not ready for this.”

His face hardens before he accuses, “This has everything to do with that guy you’re seeing.”  He actually rolls his eyes while shaking his head as if I couldn’t be any more ridiculous than I apparently am.  As if, in the blink of an eye, he’s lost all respect for me.  Which stings.

The guy won me over from the very first moment I walked into his studio freshman year.  He’s hard core and demanding.  He expects perfection from his dancers.  But he also knows how to tease out a student’s talent with a mixture of constructive criticism and praise.  “
That football player
.”

Not sure what to say, I lick my suddenly dry lips.  But I have to say something because Eric is just staring at me with so much frustration simmering in his eyes.  It only makes me feel worse.  “That’s part of it,” I hedge, “But, I… I don’t know if I’m ready to just pick up my life and move to Cincinnati.  Not right now.”

After another long silence that leaves me feeling twitchy, Eric’s face finally softens.  “Look Ivy, ultimately you’re the one who has to live with this decision.  Personally, I think you’re making a huge mistake and it’s going to be one you end up regretting.”  His eyes continue searching mine.  “Have you already called them?”

Silently I shake my head.  “No, not yet.”

Briefly he closes his eyes.  When he opens them again, they arrow straight to mine before he squeezes my hand with his fingers.  “I know you’re scared to jump into this- to uproot your life… again, when you just returned from Paris.  And there’s this guy who you really seem to like and life here at Barnett is familiar and comfortable. I get it, I really do.  The prospect of taking a chance on this, moving to Cincinnati, not finishing up your degree- it’s all happening really fast.  But this opportunity is what you’ve been working towards your whole life.  You really need to think about that before you just throw it away.”

“I don’t know what to do, Eric.”  Feeling even more confused, I shake my head.  “Part of me wants it so badly and the other part just wants to stay here.  At least until the end of the year.”

“I know.”  Squeezing my hand again, a sympathetic light fills his eyes.  “Moving on, actually grabbing your dream with two hands can be a scary prospect.  If you do this, your whole world will change.  This is it, Ivy.  The CBC is huge.  But I know you’re ready to take on this challenge.  There were over two hundred dancers who auditioned for just two spots.  They wouldn’t have chosen you if you hadn’t impressed them with your skill and ability.  If they feel you’re ready for the rigor and challenge that comes with this position, then you should trust in that.”  His eyes sear mine.  “Can you really just walk away from such an amazing opportunity to live out your dreams?”

Miserably I shake my head.  “I’m not sure…”

“I think we both know why you’re walking away from this.”  His eyes narrow.  “Did he tell you not to do it?  Is that why you’re backing out?”

My eyes flare wide.  “Of course not!  Roan would never tell me not to follow my dreams.”  I gnaw my bottom lip trying to decide if I should tell him the whole truth.  But I just want to get it all out in the open.  I want to be totally honest with someone. I’m holding everything in and it’s ripping me apart.  “I didn’t tell him I was offered the position.”

That announcement is met with wide eyes and yet another deafening silence that leaves me cringing.

Just when I don’t think I can take another moment of his intense stare, he repeats slowly as if he must have misheard me, “You didn’t tell him you got the part?”

Slowly I shake my head.  “I was going to and then…” unsure what to say, my words trail off.

Waiting for an answer he asks, “And then what?”

In a very small voice, I finally admit, “I don’t want to lose him, Eric.  He’s the first guy I’ve ever really cared about.”  Is it so hard to understand that I wouldn’t want to throw away a relationship that actually feels meaningful?  Doesn’t Eric realize what a struggle this decision has been for me?  “Everything is just so different with him.”

“Do you really think he would want you to walk away from your dreams?  Would you want that for him?  He’s the one who’s going to be drafted by the NFL, right?  Would you want him giving that up for you?”