Kiss of Noir (16 page)

“I will say this, your clothes are fine.”

I smiled at her. “Good enough, puddin’.” I strode to the front door saying, “Later, Hambone,” to Ellis, who gave me an approving nod.

“Don’t get too wild, T-Bone, you gotta work tomorrow.”

“Yeah, boss,” I said.

I decided to bypass Marcie’s even if I could find my way, which was doubtful. I would drive to New Orleans and try my luck at a straight bar.

After driving for half an hour, I approached downtown New Orleans. I had a nose for clubs and knew the right one would turn up. Downtown was dead. I headed for the river and the French Quarter. Plenty of hunting there. I cruised by the old Jax brewery, St. Peter’s, and Café du Monde. Luck like no other favored me when a car pulled out of a space and I swerved the vehicle in.

At last I was walking. My legs sang with movement. I must start running again and play more one-on-one in the driveway with Ellis; my high-octane body was getting sluggish and twitchy. I operated best when I exhausted myself with vigorous exercise and slept long and hard. Otherwise, I was disoriented, wobbly, and weak. I was strong enough for tonight; that was all that mattered now. I saw ferries, lighted to blazing like floating birthday cakes, gliding up and down the black river.

The myths and legends attached to the mighty Mississippi were too much for me to get my mind around when I saw it. I just walked to the edge and smiled at the water.

Tourists passed behind me, people in the throes of drunken merriment. If attending a convention they were free of the spouse, the family, and for a time, the job. Drinking in the Quarter of the Crescent City gave people visions that they were cowboys and rock stars and supermodels and all dangerous.

Down an alley, I glimpsed a faint light. Ellis had specifically warned me against alleys, but that just made it more exciting. I boxed the air a couple of times, doing the quick step. “I can take care of myself,” I declared in a whisper.

“Hey, handsome, need a date?” A long maple drink of water emerged smiling from the shadows wearing only stiletto heels and a g-string. I grinned my widest.

“Mmm mmm mmm, I do need a date, baby, look at you. But I never pay for my dates.”

The woman stopped, her smile dropping. “Then you can fuck
yourself
.” Faint tittering sounded from the blackness.

“That’s right,” a woman called as the hooker switched back toward the shadows.

“Listen, honey.” I spread my arms wide. “You don’t want me to pay you anyway.”

The woman turned and scowled at me over her bare shoulder. “Come again?”

“I’m a jasper and I would turn you inside out.” I tilted my head and rocked on my feet. Hooting from the shadows.

The hooker approached me and pointed with a bright, dagger-nailed finger. “Do you
have
money? ’Cause that’s all my job is. I don’t care what you are or what you
think
you would do. It’s all the same to me, know what I’m saying?” The woman sniffed.

I bowed my head, conceding the point. The woman put her hands on her naked hips. “Now, do you want a date?”

“No, baby, I’m just on my way somewhere. I never pay.”

“Then why are you talking to me?”

“Why are all of you hiding here in the dark?” I squinted in the direction of the laughter.

“We’re on a work slow-down. Labor negotiations.” The woman smiled. Titters from the dark.

I strode to her, grabbed her hand, and kissed it. “Good luck, baby.”

“That will be ten bucks.” The woman snatched her hand back and shook her breasts.

I laughed and handed her a bill. Surprised, she took it, held it over her head, and danced back to her colleagues. I headed alone down a wide, dark alley toward the light.

Halfway down, a bar revealed itself. There were large storefront windows and inside, leather banquettes and dim lighting and a large gleaming bar. A plump, choice blonde perched on a stool sipping something dark while chatting with the bartender. The small, wooden sign outside said T
HE
S
NOOTY
F
OX
.

“Just the kind of woman I’m looking for,” I said and went inside.

I sat on the stool next to the blonde. “Gin and tonic.”

“Sorry, mate, this is a brew pub. Fancy an ale? How about a Guinness?” the bartender replied.

“What’s she having?”

“Mead,” the woman answered, her familiar voice curling like hot smoke.

“One of those. Large,” I said, then digging in my pockets, turned to face Julia. I flipped the business card on to the bar and smiled. Julia’s slightly crossed eyes gleamed. I thought again—Siamese cat. I affected a soft falsetto. “You’ve got to stop following me or I’ll tell Ellis!”

“How did you know I would be here?”

“Get over it. I didn’t. I’m out looking for action.”

“And you think you’ve found it with me?” Julia asked incredulously with a withering sneer. She was wearing a god-awful power of jewelry.

“You’re still sitting here, aren’t you?” I said, laughing at Julia’s haughtiness. The glass of mead came and I raised it to my mouth, very aware of Julia watching with her crossed Siamese eyes. I took a large mouthful and almost choked. The drink was room temperature, thick, dark, bitter, and sour, but also yeasty and sharp. I swallowed, my eyes watering, and shook my head. Julia giggled.

“That shit is nasty,” I said and then grinned. “But good.” I drank again. “Just like you, baby.” I licked away my mustache.

“Check!” Julia called, then to me, “I don’t know how you dare to face me.”

I put money on the bar for both of us and I gulped half the drink, breathing heavily. I tapped the business card with my forefinger. “That’s how, dumplin’.”

Julia reached to retrieve the business card but my finger pressed it on the bar.

“That was just…that was only…that wasn’t…” Julia shrugged.

“I know,” I said, taking Julia’s arm and helping her off the stool. “Where do you want to go?” I walked her toward the door.

“St. Louis.”

“What?”

“Thanks, guvnor. See you next time, Julie-pie!” the bartender called and Julia waved at him.

On the sidewalk, I noticed again how the streets were identified by their names in tile set into the concrete. Magazine, Napoleon, Tchoupitoulas, Bourbon, Chartres, Dauphine, Canal, Annunciation.

Julia removed her keys from her poufy little bag. “It’s not far, I’ll drive.”

I checked myself, adjusting slightly and following Julia around the corner.

Once in her Jaguar, I asked, “Why do you go to that bar?”

Julia started driving. “Because it’s in the Quarter, the tourists don’t know about it, and I get to meet the most interesting people.”

“So you’re a regular.”

“No, I’m highly irregular.”

I was a little woozy from the drink and laughed myself breathless. When I calmed, I sank into the leather seat, resting my head and closing my eyes.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Julia said.

“I’m not,” I said dreamily. “Nice ride.”

“I hope so.” Julia grabbed my crotch.

I was too relaxed and experienced to be shocked, so I patted Julia’s hand and held it there. “See? I’m all ready for you, bitch.” Julia pursed her lips and pulled her hand away to shift.

“Come on, get out,” Julia said as she turned off the car.

I opened my eyes. We were parked at a cemetery. “What the hell?”

“St. Louis. We’re here.” Julia grabbed her purse and marched to the entrance.

“You crazy, baby? What the hell am I supposed to do in there?”

“Same thing you do everywhere else. But extra good tonight.”

My crotch throbbed. It always overrode my decisions in my head. Graveyard? Mighty fine. I leaped out and followed Julia, slowing my long stride because high heels caused the Siamese cat to mince steps. The darkness was palpable. I squinted to read the names off the ornate crypts. Le Doq, Chevalier, Mendez, Gonzalez, Taliaferro. The cemetery was an enormous suburbia of tiny stone homes for the dead. Each had a little yard, a front door, windows, and a cross or an angel on top.

“How far are we going?” I asked, my cock drooping a little bit as we walked farther from the gates.

“Not much farther.” Julia smiled at me, the brilliant moonlight making her teeth look like fangs. Our footsteps echoed down the little sidewalks, through the silent marble neighborhoods. My skin began to crawl. We saw another couple disappear around a corner. I suddenly knew what being a lab rat in a maze was like. Julia led me deeper and deeper, turning, walking. The quiet was spooky.

I grabbed Julia and shoved her against the nearest tomb. “I need you now, baby.” I nuzzled behind Julia’s ear, getting poked by her gaudy earrings and scraped by her necklace. I had to get this going or leave this creepy place at a run. Julia gasped and gurgled laughter. She shoved me away.

“Not yet, sweetie.” Julia took my hand and we stumbled back onto the walk, continuing. “New Orleans is below sea level, did you know that?” she asked as she pulled me along.

“That right?” I watched for bats and vampires.

“Yeah, that’s why the graveyard is set up like this. We can’t bury anybody in the ground, they just float to the surface. Funny, huh?”

“Yeah.” I listened for footsteps.

“So you buy six inches of space in a mass tomb. They lay your body inside, carve your name on it, give you a few months, and when you’re decayed, they press your bones into the back and lay another body in and so on until it’s full. ’Course, if you have money, you don’t have to share.”

“Uh-huh.” I was jumpy, my skin prickly.

At last, Julia stopped and lay on her back on a large, flat concrete plot with dozens of names engraved. I tried not to think of the collections of skeletons beneath.

“Here we are, stud.” Julia raised her skirt and spread her legs. I grinned at what I saw. Even in the shadows I could make out a naked muff and plump, stocking-clad thighs.

“Oh, yes, you nasty whore.” I ran my hands down Julia’s thighs, pinching and slapping.

“Call me Blondie,” Julia breathed.

I shrugged. “Okay, Blondie.” I enjoyed seeing Julia writhe on the tomb, her legs spread wide, aching for me to plunder. I snapped on rubber gloves and caressed Julia’s cunt to see if I needed to add lube, a sample size of which I always carried along with my latex goods. Julia was swollen and wet so I shoved my fingers inside her pussy. I groaned as her cunt sucked me in. Julia undulated, straining to gulp more of me deeper.

“Get in my purse,” she grunted, thrashing on my fist.

“Why? What do you want with that right now?” I laid on top of her, staring into her face, but not kissing her and continually stroking her cunt by clenching and unclenching my fist. With my free hand, I covered her turgid clit with a dam, bent down, and sucked it.

“Oh, oh, oh, oh!” Julia’s eyes clamped shut and she tried to shove me off. “No. Not yet. Not yet!”

I stopped and Julia opened her eyes. “Get the knife out of my purse and put it against my throat.”

I was too aroused to care what this crazy bitch wanted so I did as she asked. I removed my hand slowly and carefully fumbled in her purse until I found a large folded knife. I unfolded it and placed it close to her neck. Being aggressive and promiscuous, I had seen and done it all. It was against my principles to deny a hot pussy anything she desired.

“All right, Blondie, you bitch. You’re gonna get fucked now.” I fell on her, pinning her to the tomb and rubbing my large black cock on her clit.

“No, please, don’t!”

I pulled away. No means no.

“You silly idiot, come here and fuck me right. If I want you to stop, I’ll say, ‘acquit.’ Come on, come on.” Julia stretched her legs high in the air. She fondled her cunt, spreading her lips. Furtive footsteps crunched by, everyone ignoring each other.

I got a condom out of my pocket. “Here, bitch, put this on me and hurry.”

Julia sat up, smiling and obedient. “God, you are so sexy,” she said, staring up at me and I just glared at her. She rolled the condom down slowly and then lay back, raising her knees to entice me. “You have that Greek god look like he does.”

“Forget that, Blondie, roll over and get on all fours.”

Julia’s eyes widened. “But…”

I grasped a fistful of her hair and held the knife to her face. “Do it.”

Julia smiled and complied.

“Now raise that skirt.”

Julia did as she was told, her delectable, giant beach ball behind glowing. I approached, my cock standing stiffly. I rubbed the head on the wet entrance of her cunt.

“No, no, no!” Julia pressed against my cock. I deftly avoided her.

“Now grab your ankles,” I ordered.

This wasn’t part of the game. “What? Do you know how old I am, you jerk? I can’t do that. I’m already on my knees, now just do it.”

I swatted Julia’s ass. The smack echoed off the headstones. Julia jumped and sucked air. I held the knife where Julia could see it. “What did you say, Blondie? I know I didn’t hear you say that.” Julia’s eyes widened. I smiled.