Knight in Shining Suit (55 page)

And for the first time in
months, I prayed that she had not yet given up on me.

31.

SOMETHING NEW:

Brides are supposed to
wear something—anything—new during the wedding ceremony. It can be
as small as a trinket, jewelry, an undergarment,

or the gown
itself.

Astrid.

I
met up with my friends at Starbucks.

“
So, because Ryder forgot
about you, we all have to be sober now?” Dannie asked. I knew what
he meant. Since Ryder forgot about me, I had been steering clear of
Oil Rig and Rig Style. It was too painful for me to go there. The
sweetest guy I’d known didn’t want anything to do with me and
looked down at me as if I was the biggest gold-digging slut on the
face of the Earth.

“
No, Dannie. No one is
preventing you from getting drunk out of your wits. As long as you
don’t do it with me and in any of Ryder’s bars,” I said.

“
But those are my
favorites!” he complained.

“
Oh I feel
so
sorry for you!” I
said, a little irritated. “My problems are nothing compared to
yours!”

That shut him up. He
smiled at me apologetically. “You’re right,” he said. “I’m
sorry.”

“
So, still no
development?” Nicole asked.

I shrugged.

How do I tell them
that,
No, Ryder still has not remembered
even an inch of me, and he still has not changed his opinion about
me being after his money. But hey, he made it clear though, that he
wanted me and couldn’t get his hands off me in bed!

That was a slip. I thought
about last night and felt confused more than ever. I was happy that
at least he was still attracted to me. But I knew there was no love
in that department. He touched me last night because he wanted me.
He wanted my body. I was a woman he wanted to warm his bed. He
didn’t touch me because I was his Astrid and that he loved me with
all his being.

Last night, I didn’t make
love to Ryder Van Woodsen, the guy who would go to hell and back
for me. I had sex with a guy who looked a lot like the man I love…
the man who went to a place where I couldn’t reach him.

Right from when his arms
snaked around my waist and he crushed his lips into mine, I knew it
was a mistake. I didn’t know this man. He didn’t know me. He wanted
my body. I wanted a piece of the man I had been aching for for too
many nights.

I told myself I would not
give up on him. But I was only human. It was painful to be near him
and yet I knew it wasn’t really him. He looks at me with wanton
lust and all I wanted was the man who looked at me with so much
love and tenderness. They look the same, but I knew they
weren’t.

“
I… returned Ryder’s
investment,” I said.

“
Oh my, you’re shutting
down?” Dannie asked.

I shook my
head.

“
Wow!” John breathed. “At
least now, you won’t owe him anything. He won’t think that you’re
just using him for his money.”

I didn’t have the heart to
tell them that Ryder was the one who pulled out his investment.
That my choices were to either shut down or pay up.

I kept telling myself that
Ryder was not fully aware of his actions and everything that came
out of his mouth was based on the fact that he didn’t know me at
all. He was disturbed and confused with my existence in his
life.

But I knew not everybody
could be forgiving. And if Ryder came back to me again, I didn’t
want my friends or my family to hate him.

Speaking of my family, I
hadn’t even had the courage to tell them that Ryder had forgotten
about me. Whenever they called and asked about him, I told them
that he was out of the country, somewhere in Europe.

My phone rang. It was
Rose, my assistant.

“
Astrid, Mr… Mr. Van
Woodsen is here,” she said in a whisper. “He’s looking for
you.”

My breath caught in my
throat.
What does he want now?

Did he think that just
because I slept with him last night, it was going to be a regular
occurrence between us now?

Oh no! He’s dead
wrong!

Okay, I slipped. I was
weak for a night. But that didn’t mean I would be willing to accept
the way he saw me, the way he thought of me.

I want my Ryder. Not this
asshole that thinks all women are trying to get into his pants to
get into his pockets.

In a way, I felt like I
was cheating. I should not have gone to bed with him. I had only
been with one man in my entire life. And he loved me. Even that
first night he touched me, I meant more to him than just a woman he
wanted to warm his bed.

The last time I was in
Manhattan, Ryder was having a date with Alizia. Of course, he
didn’t remember me. But he’d known Alizia for more than a year. It
was no surprise. And if he was with her,
God! What have I done?
I should not
have slept with him! If he’s seeing Alizia, then he’s cheated on
her with me. Well, if he is with Alizia, technically he’s cheated
on me with her!

God, it’s so
unfair!
I couldn’t even blame him if he
tried to sleep with Alizia. How can you accuse a man of cheating if
he doesn’t even know you were his girlfriend in the first
place?

“
I would never touch
Alizia,” he said,” he said. “Because I would never cheat on
you.”
My heart breaks at the memory. But
the man who promised me that was gone now. In his place was a man
who looked exactly like him, but does not feel an inch of affection
for me. The man who would go to hell and back for me… was gone. I
didn’t know when he might come back. And all the waiting is killing
me.

“
Tell him you don’t know
where I am,” I said.

“
Huh?” my assistant asked,
obviously confused. Usually, I would jump at the chance to see
Ryder. Now, I was running away from him.

I still had not given up
on him, but that didn’t mean I was ready to face him already after
sharing a night of insane passion with him.

What happened between us
was a game changer. We were already complicated in the first place.
Why did we have to give in to our dark desires and think we could
get out of it unscathed?

Because I showed him how I
could go wild and mindless in his arms, I’m sure the term
‘
mercenary slut
’
now applied! And I was not ready to hear that from him just yet. I
didn’t know if I could stop myself from killing him if he said that
to my face.

I was confused. And more
than that, I was scared. So I guess, it didn’t hurt to lay low for
a while, and just… take a deep breath.

“
You heard me,” I said.
“I’m not around. You don’t know where I am.”

“
Okay.” And she hung
up.

My friends raised brows at
me.

“
What’s that about?”
Dannie asked.

I shrugged. “Ryder is at
the office looking for me.”

“
Now
he’s
looking for you and
you’re
the one running
away from him?” Nicole asked. “You guys are so
confusing!”

“
Why is he looking for
you? Did he have his memories back?”

“
Doubt it,” I said. “Only
yesterday I wrote him a check for his investment. He doesn’t even
remember why he invested in my talents. Unless he hit his head this
morning, I doubt that he’s looking for me because he remembers
me.”

Nicole and Dannie seem to
agree. But John was looking at me suspiciously and I didn’t know
why. When I raised a brow at him, he just shrugged and looked
away.

“
So why did you tell your
assistant that you aren’t around?” Dannie asked.

I sighed. “Because I’m
only human, guys! My heart can only take a couple of heartbreaks at
a time. I need a break too.”

“
Are you giving up?”
Nicole asked.

I shook my head. “No. But
that doesn’t mean I cannot take a breather from all this… pain once
in a while.”

“
Sure, sweetheart.” Nicole
said, reaching out for my hand. “And I hope you use that breather
to think that you deserve to be loved, Astrid. You deserve a man
who knows what a good thing he has when he has you.”

I laughed humorlessly.
“You sound like the old Ryder. Thanks for the reminder.”

“
She’s right, sweetheart,”
Dannie said. “For how long are you going to keep on doing this? How
long are you going to hang around and get your heart broken over
and over?”

“
I’m a rock!” I recited,
more to myself.

John shook his head. “No.”
He looked at me, and I can see that his heart goes out to me, like
he’s so sad that I have to go through all this pain. “You’re a
precious stone, Ash. And you need somebody who could appreciate you
and not look down at you.”

That was a lot coming from
John, who only seemed to see women as bedroom playmates. And it
warmed me to think that, in spite of what I have been going through
with Ryder, I have friends who really love and care for
me.

“
I had that somebody.” I
said to him, tears brimming my eyes again. “He looked a lot like
Ryder Van Woodsen. But he’s a different man now. And I don’t know
how to get him back.”

Nicole put her arms around
my shoulder and let me cry. I needed this. I needed to let it out
because it gets too heavy sometimes. It felt like this time, I was
the walking time bomb and I didn’t know just when I would lose it
and explode.

Dannie finally had the
sense to change the subject. He told us about his boyfriend and how
serious they were getting. Actually, I knew the guy. He’s the one
who broke the news to me that the engagement ring Bryan gave me was
a fake and that the supposedly fake ring that Ryder gave me was the
real thing.

John told us about his new
apartment. He’s doing pretty well in his father’s company. Now, he
can afford a two-bed apartment with a garage in a prime area in the
city.

All day Ryder kept calling
me. I just chose to ignore his calls. I wanted him to know I wasn’t
a booty call, if that was his intention.
Give yourself some dignity, woman!

He needs to decide what to
do with me. I’m either with him or without him. Nothing in between.
We’ve been down the “friends with benefits” road before, and I’m
not going back there again.

More than that, I need to
breathe, too. Even for just a couple of days. A couple of days
without hearing Ryder insult me, accuse me of things that I am not.
A few days of not seeing him look at me and not place me in his
past.

Last night, after we made
love, he actually held me in his arms until we both fell asleep.
For a while, he felt like the old Ryder… my Ryder who was content
and happy to have me locked in his embrace. And I wanted that to be
my last memory of him… at least for now.

***

I stayed with Nicole for
the next couple of days. I could not be alone, even for just a few
moments. Ryder’s been showing up at my office every day.

I decided to conduct all
my business outside. I can easily meet my clients at their place or
at any restaurant in the city. Plus, I was office and apartment
hunting. I had all the excuses in the world to not be in the
office.

However, after three days
of crashing at Nicole’s I had to move out. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but
my mother is coming to the city and well… she’s gonna be staying
with me,” Nicole said. “You can stay with us if you want, but I
honestly don’t recommend it. My mother is unrelenting, you know
that.”

I knew. Her mother wanted
to know everything about the person she speaks to and I know she’ll
pry on my love life. And the reason why I’m staying away from my
house in the first place is because I’m avoiding the love of my
life.

“
Oh, that’s fine,” I said.
I looked at Dannie. “Can I crash?”

Dannie smiled at me
apologetically. “Sorry sweetie. You know I haven’t been single
since last month.” Yes, right. And I don’t want to get in the way
of Dannie and
his
love life.

Rats! I didn’t want to go
to my place yet. I just… want to surround myself with my friends
right now. Otherwise, the first ring from Ryder, I know I will pick
up. And if he asks me to come to his house for some fun, I just
might blindly accept it… I think. That’s how vulnerable I am to
him. And damn, he knows it! And even if he didn’t, then I have just
proven it to him a couple of nights ago.

I’m a rock. I’m standing
my ground. Maybe if I give Ryder a little bit of distance, he’ll
have time to think about why I returned his investment… why I
didn’t take the severance pay that Adam is so willing to fight for.
I’m not the mercenary slut he thought I was.

Adam! I remembered him.
He’s got a nice place and he will take me in in a heartbeat. But
Adam would smell that something was up. The guy has a talent for
pulling information out of me. He will know that I slept with Ryder
again and he will not like that. He’ll give me a good beating for
being stupid. Plus, Ryder knows he’s my cousin, so if he is looking
for me, he might look Adam up. And Adam is already losing his
patience with him. I don’t want it to turn into a fistfight,
particularly since Adam seems to be a fan of martial arts lately.
He doesn’t talk about it, but the mild bruises on his face, and the
wounds on his knuckles tell the whole story.