Lacrimosa (21 page)
Authors: Christine Fonseca
“A noble endeavor,” he says, nodding. “Is there a particular type of wisdom you are pondering?”
“Yes, there is.” I pause, searching for the courage I need. Can I really do this? I take a calming breath and stare into Gabriel’s green eyes. I force out the only word in my thoughts. “Redemption.”
Gabriel chuckles. “Redemption. Now that isn’t something I expected to hear from a Sentinal. Warriors tend to deal only in absolutes.” The laughter leaves his voice. His eyes pin me where I stand. “But then, I have only known of one other Sentinal to have loved another as you do.”
Shoot. No secrets in Celestium. Forgot about that one.
Heat rises up through my cheeks.
“You thought I would not know? Ah child, everything the brethren of the Council know, I know. There are no secrets between us.”
“Then you know why I’m here.”
“I know you love the one you have vowed to vanquish. I know the idea of killing him pains you deeply.” There is no malice in Gabriel’s voice. Only concern, like a father to his child.
“Yes, it does.” Saying the words out loud takes the breath from my lungs. I shove the feelings aside. I have only one shot at this.
It has to work.
“And I know you wish to speak to the Council about his redemption.”
“Yes.”
“You know the rules on such things?”
“I do.”
“Then you know that I cannot grant what you ask, regardless of my personal feelings.” Gabriel speaks softly with an unyielding firmness.
“But you
are
the Council. The others answer to you,” I plead. He has to help me.
“No, young Sentinal, we answer to each other. No voice is greater than the others. Our rules were not made by us. They are in place to serve a specific purpose. I do not have the power to overturn them.”
“They will listen to you, though. Mikayel will listen.” Shameless desperation drips through my words.
“As he will listen to you. Have you told him what you feel?”
“No. But I know he knows.”
“That is not the same,” Gabriel says, the firmness returning to his voice. “You must speak with him directly. He will understand more than you think. Much more.”
“Mikayel? No. He lives in a world of rules and order. He can never understand love. Or redemption.” Anger seeps into my words.
“He listened before, did he not? Helped you find peace.”
“Yes, but—”
“He will help you again. He understands in a way few can.”
I think about Mikayel’s past kindness. I owe him so much. But this? This is nothing he will ever be able to grasp. Without Gabriel’s support, I’ll fail. I know I will.
“Child, just because he is absolute in his resolve does not mean he has no idea of love. No, you must speak to him first. Then, if he wishes, you can speak to the Council.”
I swallow back my tears. “There has to be another way.”
“No. That is it how it must be.”
Gabriel disappears before I can object further, Cass and Zane walking through his faded image.
“What are you doing here?” Cass asks. “Did you finish?”
“No. Not yet.” I feel Zane’s accusing glare slash through me. When did he get so darn judgmental? “I still have a day,” I say.
“And why are you wasting it here?” Zane’s contempt is palpable.
And getting on my last nerves.
“If you must know, I came to talk to you about Gabriel. But he found me first.”
“Gabriel?” Zane asks.
“Yeah, I needed his advice about the Council.”
“Why not go to Mikayel?” Cass asks.
“Gabriel was better suited for my questions. At least, I thought he was.”
“Thought?” Zane furrows his brow.
“He is making me talk to Mikayel.”
“Nesy, what are you planning?” Cass’s words echo the concern I feel from Zane.
No point in hiding this from them. They’re bound to find out sooner or later.
“I’m going to ask the Council to allow Aydan back into Celestium. Let him earn a position with us again.”
“What?” Zane bellows. “No!”
“Yes, Zanethios.” I match his anger, word for word.
I’m done listening to his lectures on duty. This time,
he’
s wrong. And so is the Council. “He isn’t what you think he is. He deserves another chance.”
“He’s killed angels.”
“He was protecting himself.”
“Was he protecting himself when he devoured the human girl’s soul? Or the countless others he’s killed over the years?”
My mind spins. Aydan stands for everything I hate, everything I’ve sworn to fight. But he also holds my heart. And I am forever connected to him.
There must be good in him somewhere. I wouldn’t feel this way if there wasn’t.
“Aydan has vowed not to feed again. He’ll renounce Azzaziel and lead Mikayel to him.” The words come out too fast. “He deserves a chance to make this right.”
Cass places her arm across my shoulders. “It doesn’t work that way, Nesy. Not for angels. There is no second chance for us. Not once the Council makes a decision. You know that.”
“Yeah, I do. And it’s wrong.”
“We have choices humans don’t. Everything we do is a choice. Our jobs, our friends, everything. Nothing happens by chance. Only by choice. You know this.” Cass holds my gaze, trying to read my intentions, no doubt.
“And humans? They get second chances just because they don’t understand the weight of their choices as we do? Because of destiny? Fate? It’s not fair.”
“Humans aren’t ready for this type of freedom. Or for the responsibility that comes with pure choice. But we are. Our entire existence revolves around our decisions. Our duty to protect. You know this. Aydan knew this when he ignored his duty.”
Not acceptable. Not to me.
“We deserve redemption, a second chance, just like humans.” I wipe my damp eyes. “Aydan deserves this.”
“Nesy.”
“No!” I step out of Cass’s reach and her suffocating sympathy. “I’m going to do this. You can help. Or not. Your
choice.
”
I walk away from my friends and towards the Sentinal’s tower.
Set high above Celestium, I can see my entire world from the windows of the Sentinal’s chambers. Unlike the halls of the Anointed or the Mediators, the rooms are not adorned with images of angels or beautifully woven linens. Only swords. A tribute to the endless battle against evil and all those lost to Azzaziel and his UnHoly.
I walk across the wooden floor to Mikayel’s private study. The door opens before I get a chance to knock.
Or breathe.
“Enter.” Mikayel’s voice is as it always is—hard and unyielding.
“Sir.”
“You’ve not yet completed your task.” Mikayel stares out of the arched windows, his back towards me.
“I have one more day.”
“Yes, you do. But you are here instead. Why?” He turns to me, anger contouring the lines of his face. But not just anger, something else as well. Concern? Grief?
“You know why.”
“And still, I ask.” His expression darkens, along with the timbre of his voice. A lump settles in my throat.
You can do this. You can do this.
I calm my thoughts and force out the words. “I came about Aydan.” My resolve crumbles with every syllable, unable to withstand the intense stare of my master.
“And?” he asks.
Aydan’s face forges into my thoughts. I have to do this. For him.
For us.
“I came to ask you and the Council to give him a chance at redemption. I want you to offer him grace.”
“There is no redemption for any of the fallen.” The bitterness in Mikayel’s voice surprises me. I expect anger. Even disappointment.
But not this. Not…
Regret.
“He deserves this.” The words escape my mouth too fast.
“You have strong opinions.”
“I do.”
“Why?” he asks. In a heartbeat he drills into my thoughts. My soul.
I allow him to see everything, hoping it will make a difference.
“I know Aydan,” I plead. “He’s ready to turn his back on Azzaziel. Renounce his life.”
Mikayel retreats from my thoughts and for a brief moment a deep sadness grips my heart. Mikayel’s sadness. I reach for it, trying to fathom any situation in which my master would harbor such strong emotions. Such anguish. But he retreats too quickly.
Walking back to the window, his body tightens and the familiar detachment returns.
I settle my heart and try again. “I think Aydan should come here and be offered a second chance.”
“Why?” Mikayel’s voice resumes its hard edge. “Because he’s finally willing to forsake the Dark One? What about the four hundred years of killing he has done for him? Does that count for nothing?”
“No, but—“
“Or the members of my army he has killed?” Mikayel walks into the central chamber, waving his arms to the sword-encased walls. “Do your brethren deserve less from you than this fallen?”
“No,” I say as I follow Mikayel. “It’s—”
“And what of the choice he made with the Council? He could have stayed. Gabriel would have offered grace. But he
chose
to leave. Chose to fulfill a destiny with Azzaziel. None of that was forced upon him.” Mikayel again faces me. Rage and disappointment mar his face. “Did he tell you that part when he brushed his lips on your human skin?”
I fume, frustration boiling into a cold, hard rage. My hands shake with anger as I ball them into fists by my side.
“Oh,” he says. “You didn’t realize how much I saw, did you?”
“That doesn’t matter,” I force through clenched teeth. “That isn’t why I’m here.”
“It matters to me.” Mikayel nods towards the Sentinals guarding the outer doors of the chamber. They come and stand behind me.
This is really really bad.
“I know you can’t understand this yet, but the UnHoly must be cast out. Regardless of your feelings for him, or of his feelings for you. Duty must come before love. Terrible things happen when we lose sight of that; things we can’t undo.”
I don’t care what he thinks.
“Aydan is capable of redemption,” I hiss. “We have to give it to him.
That
should be our duty. Not blind obedience to rules and retribution.” The words are angry, rebellious.
And completely against my training.
“Enough! I will hear no more talk of this. You have clearly made
your
choice. Briathos, Zaapiel. You will see to the UnHoly.” Mikayel turns away. “Nesayiel, you will stay here, confined to your quarters where you can contemplate that choice more fully.”
My mind swims as his words continue. This can’t be happening.
“. . . when Aydan has been vanquished you can talk . . .”
Nonononono
“. . . we will see what
your
future holds . . .”
My body stiffens as he raises a hand to dismiss me. I’ve messed everything up. There is no way out now.
Now way of warning Aydan.
Or saving him.
“Take her to her room,” Mikayel orders. “And take care of the UnHoly.”
The Sentinals nod, taking my arms. I wrestle against their hold. “No, Mikayel. Please. Don’t do this. I have one more day.”
“Take her now.”
Zaapiel and Briathos tighten their grasp, dragging me from Mikayel’s chambers.
“You don’t have to do this. You’re my brothers. Don’t do this.” My pleas fall on deaf ears as they toss me into the room, trapping me in a fate I won’t accept.
I turn, locking eyes with Zaapiel. “Please. Don’t—”
A portal opens, revealing the gardens, the statues of Mikayel. And Aydan. The Sentinals draw their swords and step into the portal. “No!” I scream as they disappear into the void.
Chapter 29 - Redemption
