Layers Off (7 page)

“I don’t know if I can do this, K. I mean, this is big. It’s a huge business and an important one, with lives at stake.”

Yes, that was quite a bit of pressure on a twenty-one-year-old who was still planning to get his Masters degree.

“Julian, if there’s anyone who can do it, you can,” I tried to convince him, knowing how weak the words of a seventeen-year-old must have sounded to him. I turned to him, saying, “You’re like the smartest guy I know.”

He acknowledged me with a lopsided smile and fixed his gaze on me. For a moment I thought his sight lowered to my cleavage. My breasts had finally filled out and I felt myself take a deeper breath, pushing the twins up higher.

“Thanks, K. And you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”

The way he looked at me that moment, I felt like the world ceased to exist. I scooted my knees under my butt and turned to face him. Julian was so close, and he looked so damn sexy in that suit, I found it difficult to concentrate. The alcohol in my veins didn’t help either. But he needed me now, and as a friend, I couldn’t just leave him here on his own to ponder.

“You need to relax, Julian. You’ve been working and studying so much. Boxing isn’t nearly enough to let go of the stress,” I said, my voice shaky and my heart pumping as if I were in the middle of a flood, about to drown.

And instead of acknowledging his inner conflicts, Julian focused on me once again, turning my way. His arm rested on the back of the couch, supporting his head. At that moment, I knew this beautiful man beside me chose to see me for who I was.

“What happened to you? Your eyes are sad.” He drew his finger along my eyebrow. The touch seared through me like a drug-filled bullet, exploding deep in my belly.

How in the world could he tell? Here I was trying to lift his mood, but Julian still managed to see through me.

“I think Tristan just broke up with me. I feel like such a fool, ya know?”

“Really?” His brows rose. Julian reached to the side table and poured himself a scotch. That was such a manly thing to do. I mean, I didn’t know too many men his age that enjoyed the taste of an expensive alcohol. Most of them drank beer or straight-up shots. But when Julian took a sip, I could tell it was for the taste of it. The smell of his yummy breath hit me when he spoke. “When did this happen?”

Why did he sound so excited about my news? This was devastating, yet it didn’t feel like it sitting here beside the older brother.

“Just now. He thinks I’m drinking too much, and he needs to concentrate on a job. I don’t think I’m good enough. I want to be. I’d love to show him my plans for the club.” I wanted so badly to show someone, anyone, that I could survive – that I too could make something of myself.

“Club?”

I didn’t think Julian would listen, but he did. The conversations I had with Tristan, when serious, always revolved around Tristan’s work, which I didn’t mind. I’d learned so much from him. But it was nice to share my hopes and dreams with someone as well-educated as Julian, and to know he was actually listening.

“Yeah, I want to open a club. Not now. After I finish college.”

“Not a bakery or a restaurant?” he teased.

“Please,” I rolled my eyes. “
I
know how to work and have fun.” I reached for the glass in his hand and took a sip. He didn’t pull back; instead, one of his eyebrows rose higher, intrigued.

“I always knew you had a little bad streak in you, K.” His tone had changed to a raspy one. It did something funny to my body, and I squeezed my knees together. Feeling a swell of bravery, I slid my hand up along his bulky arm, wishing he could remove that suit so that I could feel the size of his arms in my hands.

“What do you mean, bad?” I coerced.

“I mean, you don’t take bullshit. You say what you mean, and you’re so strong.”

Strong?

“I don’t know many women who could go through what you have been through and adapt so well.”

He really thought of me as a woman? Not a girl?

I felt my breasts tighten at the thought, and I reached for his glass again. He handed it to me without hesitation and I took another swig. The scotch burned in my throat, but feeling it flow through me was liberating.

“You’re trouble, K.” He took hold of the glass, grasping my hand around it and sipped with my hand underneath his, then let it go. I half expected him to take the drink away from me, but he didn’t, and I found that enthralling. Since the day I’d met him, I’d always known Julian had a streak of danger and excitement in him, yet I’d never seen him act on it. He controlled who he appeared to be in front of others, but he couldn’t hide it from me. Julian was locked inside that suit, and I wanted nothing more than to free him. Had he ever felt what true freedom was like? Without worries or responsibilities – like riding a bike downhill as a kid, pushing through the wind.

“But you like trouble, don’t you?” I felt something funny brew inside me as I stood up and leaned in to help Julian remove his jacket.

The surprise beamed from his eyes, but he didn’t resist.

“More than you know.” There was that rusty sound from his throat again. He lowered the jacket to the side of the couch and loosened his tie.

I sat back down beside him, a little bit closer, and took another sip. The alcohol cruised through my veins as if the sails of its boat were fully open.

“So, if I showed you this” – I pulled out a joint from my purse – “would you freak out?”

He regarded me for a moment and I wondered whether he’d take it away from me.

“It helps me forget some stuff.” I shrugged. “Maybe it could help you?”

“What stuff do you need to forget about?”

“It’s dreams mostly. You know, the past. But I think it could help you relax a little,” I said.

“There’s only one thing that could relax me now, K.”

Julian’s voice was different, now. It held hunger and despair. I wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but I didn’t get a chance. He unbuttoned the top of his shirt, which really distracted me. The patches of darker curls on his taut skin captivated me. Julian reached for the weed, grinning from the side. “You got a lighter?”

Julian’s house – present day

There was no way Julian remembered everything from that night, was there? We were both so high – him forgetting about his new responsibilities, and me finally enjoying the company of a man I’d felt I belonged with since the beginning. He listened to everything I told him, he shared my excitement for my vision for Kissed, and then, for hours, we got lost in each other.

I finally found the courage to ask him, turning to face him. “What exactly did you remember?”

Flurries of snow danced to the wind outside. The fireplace flickered and my heart pounded like it had just gotten a shot of adrenaline through a needle jabbed right in my chest.

Julian’s eyes glowed with excitement and danger, the same way they had that night. He shifted on the swing, adjusted his crotch, took my knees from underneath me, and stretched my legs out over his. Julian’s chocolaty breath smelled so different now, but I didn’t doubt it would taste just as delicious.

“How much I enjoyed your mouth.” His finger touched my lips. “The smell of your skin and the soft curves of your body.”

With one swift pull on my legs I was almost straddling him, as he continued, “How wet you were for me that night, and how much making love to you in my office was one of the best nights of my life.”

I covered my mouth with my hand. Suddenly I was back at Cross Enterprises, pressed against that white couch, kissing those perfect lips I’d longed for. We’d finished off half of that scotch together that night. After the weed made the rounds from Julian’s mouth to mine, we kissed. He locked his lips around my mouth and I inhaled his breath to exchange the gray smoke.

My thighs tightened at the memory of feeling his muscles flexing over me, his weight so perfect between my legs. His eyes were shiny and dilated as for the first time, he stretched me with ease and care before plunging into me. I’d never forget his eyes as he hit his groin against me, over and over again. His lips roamed over my body, caressing my nipples and swollen folds until that sweet release blasted as I called out his name.

I couldn’t get enough of him that night. Our first time together had been spent drunk and high; and while I relished every single inch of him, raking my fingers through the scattered hairs on his chest, feeling their delightful tickle, I never thought he remembered. Afterwards, Julian had called Charlie, the company’s driver, who took me home. Neither one of us ever spoke about what had happened in his office.

And tonight, six years later, the memories I’d always cherished and kept close to my heart stirred something else: a sensation I didn’t want to know again. Not after what had happened to me. Remembering the way he touched me there that night, skimming his lips along my silhouette, trailing his tongue through my warmest crevices, brining me completely undone—now it opened fresh wounds I had hoped already healed, but which hadn’t. I shifted awkwardly away from Julian.

Reminiscing about the special time we’d shared led me directly to the black dungeon I’d escaped. They led me into the arms of disgusting men who abused me. Their sweaty smell and bile taste filled my mouth. Rough skin scraped against my palms as I was forced to fondle unkempt body parts. Their tight grip on my hair stung my scalp until I moaned in pain which they mistook as pleasure.
Don’t touch me! No! Never again!
I screamed in my mind.

“Shh, K. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

Julian held me tight against him as I trembled. When did I start shaking so badly? And when did he pull me into his body? I sat in a fetal position, cuddled in his lap.

“Let it go. Let it all go,” he said, tightening his arms around me, pressing my head to his chest. “You’re safe with me, always.”

My sobs were muffled against his chest as Julian kissed the top of my head. I concentrated on the rhythm of his heart under my face and inhaled his sweet aroma. The comforting smell of freshness filled me. Calmness slowly rolled over the shakes, smoothing them to manageable ripples as he brought me back to the present. My breathing calmed and I realized where I was – far away from the dark hole I’d been buried in. I snuggled into his arms, nuzzling deeper into his body as if I were an infant. But that’s exactly how I felt in those moments. Although irrational now, the vulnerability and helplessness I’d felt that month was founded on the torturous days and nights during my capture. In Julian’s arms, I felt as if he’d given me a new beginning: another chance at life not many women in my situation were given.

Once I remembered I was safe, I wiped my cheeks, saying, “It’s still difficult remembering the good times. I don’t want it to, but it reminds me of that month.”

Julian lifted my chin with the tip of his finger. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s too early. All I want is for you to be healthy.” He kissed the top of my head again, breathing me in.

“No, I’m glad you said it. I didn’t think you remembered.” I let out a long breath, running my fingers through my hair. Things could have been so different if I’d acknowledged what had happened between us six years ago.

“How could I not? You were my first.”

Did I just feel Julian flinch? I could swear the words had just slipped out of his mouth. I pulled away and regarded Julian’s face. That slight hint of pink covered his cheeks, and the way he looked at me right at that moment, with the innocence of his youth and adoration meant only for me, I couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy inside. After all these years, this man still had the same effect on me as the day I met him.

“Really?” I whispered. “But you were like, twenty-one?”

“So? I never found anyone I could connect to the way I did with you, that day on the train.”

“But you could have had any other woman.” Was it really possible that the hunk I’d met on the train lost his virginity to me? He sure hadn’t looked like a virgin back then. And what he did to me in that office – it surely couldn’t have been the work of a first timer. And more importantly, could it be true he’d only wanted me?

“Having a high profile name draws in the wrong kind of crowd, so I stayed clear of
any other women
. You know how busy we were with the business and all,” he stuttered nervously. “There was barely any time for fun. Besides, I only wanted you. Always did, and always will.”

Holy crap!

“Those moves you did that night seemed quite experienced.” I hesitated, feeling the warmth swoosh in my belly again.

“I may have been a virgin, but I was not a saint, K. I’ve had my share of fooling around. There’s so much you can do with a woman’s body, and you know how much I love learning.” That rusty growl rolled off his tongue like a promise to show me exactly what he could do. Shivers coursed through me, centering deep in my core, and I found it difficult to swallow. Hearing him say things like that, and not feeling them directly on my skin or remembering from my own experiences, was so different – in a good way.

“I’m sorry. I should know better than this. I shouldn’t be this forward with you.”

“No, baby steps are all right. Talking is good; remembering not so much. It’s like I’m getting ready for you to be my first all over again. If that’s what you want, that is.” My voice shook. Did I just ask Julian if he was waiting for us to have sex? Was that even on his mind? Why was it on mine? Our relationship had been so casual yet so intense the past few weeks of my recovery, I wasn’t too sure how to compartmentalize it. Part of me wanted no physical contact, yet another wanted it all.

Was this even a relationship? Perhaps Julian just wanted to help me get better, that’s all. And here I was thinking it was more than that.

I’m such a freak!
I felt my cheeks heat and turned to face him. I needed to know where we stood. What we were exactly? I’d been living at Julian’s house for weeks, and he didn’t seem to keen on me leaving. Did that mean something, or was I reading too much into this?