Laying Low in Hollywood (3 page)

   “Jill!”  I seethed.  “You’re kidding me, she’s a child, she’s like twenty five years old!”

  “She’s twenty seven, and I love her,” cried Greg.

   “Greg you are forty five years old!  You are old enough to be her father!  I can’t believe you’re going to abandon me after more than twenty years of marriage for that little slut!” I cried, I was already in serious danger of hyperventilating.

   “She’s not a slut, I love her.  It was you who abandoned me!” snapped Greg.

   “Oh, so being home alone gave you a little too much time on your hands, you couldn’t help yourself, you had to have a little fling with your secretary!” I snapped.

   “It wasn’t a fling, I told you, I love her.  We’re going to get married,” exclaimed Greg.  I was rolling my eyes miserably and shaking my head in disgust.  I was glad that the restaurant wasn’t busy yet, because I was in grave danger of going off the deep end. 

   “You’re pathetic Greg!” I snapped.

   “It’s your fault Lane, you never have time for me anymore, you’re always running off somewhere with your skaters.  I need someone who wants to be there for me,” cried Greg.

    “Greg, that’s my job now, remember?  I used to make TV commercials.  Now I’m a choreographer, travel is part of my job, you were the one who encouraged me to do it in the first place! Remember how lonely I was after leaving all my friends and family behind?  Go to the ice arena and get back into skating, that’s what you told me Greg!”

   “Well now I’m the one who’s lonely,” he seethed. 

   “Get a grip Greg, I’ve been taking care of you for more than twenty years, for the past several years I have finally been doing something for me, something I enjoy.  I love skating, I’ve always loved skating and I pretty much gave it all up for the past nineteen years while our kids were home.”

   “I have taken care of our family and I’ve done every crazy thing you asked me to do.  I left my job in Chicago, moved here, said goodbye to all my family and friends, all for you...and then you tell me you want a divorce,” I cried, I was shaking my head miserably, I just couldn’t believe it!

   “I didn’t do this on purpose, I was just lonely.  I didn’t plan it, it just happened,”

   “Is she pregnant?” I asked, almost sure that she was.

   “No, but she does want to start a family, so I guess sometime soon...after our divorce is final,”

   I cringed, the words hit me like a knife through my chest.  He was going to start a new family with a younger woman.  I choked back a sob and put my face in my hands, this was worse than anything I could ever have imagined.

   “I’m sorry Lane, Jill loves me, she wants to take care of me, start a family with me,” he said.

   I was staring at him in shock, that was it!  I had always teased him about being a bit of a mama’s boy.  He still was, only he had switched mamas.  He needed someone to take care of him constantly, since I had began traveling extensively, he had found someone else to take care of him.  I sighed miserably.

   “You’re right Greg, we should get divorced.  I can’t live the rest of my life being your mama.  Let Jill do it.  Where do I need to sign?” I snapped.  I knew I might as well go along with this as gracefully as possible.  It was perfectly obvious, Greg had already made up his mind, the decision was already made.  He had left no room for working things out with his wife of more than twenty years.  What he needed was a caretaker, not a wife.  Our kids were grown, I was done with being a caretaker.  It was time for me to live my life.

   “Lane please, I haven’t even talked to a lawyer yet.  I wanted to talk to you first.  I don’t want this to be painful, I didn’t want to hurt you.  I don’t even want anything, you can have the house, the furniture, whatever you want,” said Greg.

   “You don’t want this to be painful?” I mouthed, unable to believe he had even said that.  Maybe it wasn’t going to be painful for him, he was in love.  I was an empty nester, all of a sudden, alone in my nest.  I had been completely blindsided, I still couldn’t even come up with a single emotion for what I was feeling right now.  Maybe homicidal, I wasn’t quite sure.

   “I just want out, it’s over for me.  Don’t worry Lane, you’re beautiful and smart, you’ll find someone else,” he said, speaking to me like I was a teenager who was breaking up with her high school crush.  Did he not realize how ridiculous this was?  I was forty two years old!  I didn’t want to date!  How could I ever find someone to grow old with?  I was too old to start over again!

    “Don’t you realize, I don’t care about any of that,” I snapped.  “I loved you, I thought you loved me.  I thought we were going to grow old together, I’ve spent half my life raising our kids, taking care of you, now you’re throwing it all away!”

   Greg was just staring at me numbly as I ranted, I could feel the distance.  I could see it in his eyes, now that he had someone else, he had turned off his feelings for me...he was right, it was over.

   “I’m sorry Lane.  Hey, maybe you and Justin could...”

   “Greg!” I cried.  I was staring at him in shock.  He totally didn’t get it!  He thought I was afraid to be alone, that was the furthest thing from my mind right now.  I was worried about our family, I had spent the last twenty years of my life nurturing our kids to ensure that they would be well adjusted adults.  Granted the kids were grown now, but I still worried what they would think, their dad dumping their mom and moving in with a twenty seven year old.  The very idea was preposterous! I rolled my eyes miserably.

   “I didn’t mean to...it’s just that I worry about you being alone.  I mean now that the kids are grown, maybe you and Justin...”

   I was staring at Greg wide eyed, he was definitely loosing his marbles.  I wanted to start screaming like a banshee, but knowing Greg, he would have me committed.

   “You can never let it go, can you?  After more than twenty years and two kids you still don’t get it!  I loved you Greg, and of course, I love Justin, he’s my best friend.  Do you still not realize what my own parents did to me?  I was only fifteen years old!”

   “He loves you Lane, he loves you more than you know.  I could always feel it.  He gave you up because he wanted you to be happy, to have the children he could never give you...”

     “Stop it Greg!” I cried.  My heart was pounding and I was suddenly struggling to breathe.  I was biting my lower lip and clenching my fists in an effort to suppress the tears that were threatening to come bursting from my eyes.   He was using my past against me again, as if any of that had effected our marriage over the last twenty years.

   “Call me selfish if you want, but I want someone who only loves me.  Jill adores me, she wants to be with me, and only me. With you, I’m always last.  The kids were always first, I was okay with that, but now that they’re out of the house, you’ve changed.  You’ve thrown yourself into your work and you never even have a moment for me anymore,” said Greg.

   “When we’re home together, all you ever do is sleep and watch TV, I hate to watch TV!” I cried.

   “See Lane, we’re just not compatible any more.  Now that the kids are gone, you have all this nervous energy and you can’t sit still, it’s driving me crazy!” said Greg.

   I was staring at him in shock.  “You’re divorcing me because I won’t lounge around on the couch and watch TV with you?”

   “It’s more than that,” snapped Greg.

   “I’m listening,” I said, trying uselessly to disguise the sarcasm that was sneaking into my voice.

   “Regardless, it’s over for me.  There’s really no point in arguing about it, we’ll just go on all day placing the blame on each other,” said Greg, giving me an arrogant glare.  I made a face at him and resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

   “Fine, but you’re telling the kids.” I snapped.

   Baylee and Ramsey were both away at college, but I knew it would be a big shock to both of them.  I figured it would be the biggest shock to Ramsey, he and Greg were close, they hunted together, they liked a lot of the same things.  Greg had never really bonded with Baylee it seemed, the two of them always clashed and I was almost certain that she would not be shedding a tear over the news of our divorce.

   My mind was still spinning uncontrollably, it seemed inconceivable to me, that Greg could throw away the last, more than twenty year of our lives, as if it were nothing but a bad dream. He felt like I had abandoned him, he was jealous of my skaters, he wanted a caretaker.

   I bit my lower lip trying to suppress the tears that wanted to come rushing to my eyes.  I didn’t want to believe it was over, there had to be something I could do!  I swallowed convulsively as my mind struggled to process my whirlwind of emotions. 

   Somehow, I managed to finish my awkward lunch with Greg, though the conversation between the two of us had pretty much ceased once I had come to the realization that it was over for him.  There was no use making small talk after I realized that Greg no longer wanted me in his life.  Greg picked up the check, then we parted ways, without so much as a kiss goodbye.

   Greg headed back to his office, and I headed back to our empty house, which he had pretty much already vacated.  It seemed surreal that this was probably the last time that Greg and I would have lunch at our favorite restaurant, that Greg wouldn’t be coming home to our bed tonight.

   Greg promised he would call both the kids and tell them what was going on.  My heart felt heavy as I walked quickly against the cold wind in the parking lot.  I barely noticed the icy fingers of the cold wind, I was already shaking.  I climbed numbly into to my SUV, started the engine, and blasted the heat in a lame attempt to stop my shaking.  It was only then, that I finally allowed myself to cry.

Chapter 3

   More than two weeks had passed since the day that Greg told me he wanted a divorce.  Time seemed to march determinedly on without me.  I wanted to climb into bed and let life pass me by, but realistically, that wasn’t an option. 

   I battled sadness and regret, Greg had a new life, with a new love, while I spent Thanksgiving alone.  Ramsey and Baylee couldn’t get away for the short holiday, but I was happy that the kids would both be coming home for Christmas, at least that, made me feel a little bit better. 

   For the most part, I felt as if my life had ended and I had been thrust into hell.  The sun continued to rise and set, of course, and I had no choice but to haul my butt out of bed every day and keep plugging along.  I still couldn’t believe this was actually happening to me, it seemed like a horrible nightmare that my body refused to wake up from.

   I kept busy enough at the ice rink, luckily, I was able to throw myself into my work.  Though later, when I came home, my house was empty.  It felt cold and lonely. It seemed so lonely, I wasn’t sure if I could keep the house after the divorce was final.  I guess I was still holding out hope that somehow, Greg would change his mind.

   I hated to sell the house, as a family, we had so many good memories there.  I could remember all the Christmases we celebrated with the tall tree in the family room and a fire crackling in the fireplace, both the kid’s Graduation celebrations with a barbecue on the patio.  It seemed like a cruel slap in the face that Greg wanted to take all of that away from me.

   It seemed so selfish, after all I had given him, after I had given so much to our family.  Now it seemed, it wasn’t good enough.  Now Greg wanted to spend his life with someone else.  Someone who was younger and sexier, someone who promised to take care of him as if he were a five year child, and actually needed a full time caretaker.

   I sighed miserably just thinking about it, how could I possibly compete with a twenty seven year old?  Everyone always told me I looked good, young for my age.  I was fit and I barely had any lines on my face, most people were amazed when they found out I had two kids in college.  Maybe I didn’t look forty two, but even I, knew I couldn’t compete with someone in their twenties.

   Unfortunately, my troubles didn’t end with the news of my upcoming divorce.  Months had passed and it was late in February, the World Championships were coming up in less than a month.  The only thing that had kept me going recently, was my star pairs team, Kyle and Lucie.

   They had qualified once again to go to the World Championships and this year, I knew they were going to win!  I was excited for them, they seemed to get better every day and the new long program I had designed was going to blow everyone away. 

   It was just after six a.m., I was standing at the edge of the ice, sipping a cup of coffee when Kyle skated up to me.

   “Hey Lane, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked, as he glided to a stop in front of me.
             

   “Sure,” I said, dragging my eyes away from Lucie, who was across the ice, spinning gracefully.

   “I wanted you to be the first to know, Callie and I are getting married,” said Kyle, giving me a big smile.

   “That’s fabulous!” I cried, throwing my arms around him and hugging him.  I was happy for him, he had met Callie at the end of last season, at the World Championships.  She was also a pairs skater who skated with a partner out of L.A.  The two of them had hit it off immediately, they began dating and eventually they had fallen in love.  Recently, they had been struggling to keep up their long distance relationship!

   “Um, the bad news is that I’m leaving,” said Kyle, his voice was suddenly breaking uncomfortably.

   “You’re leaving?” I cried, I was staring at him in shock, as what he was saying began to slowly sink in.

   “Callie and I are going to be partners on the ice too, I’m moving to L.A. so we can work with her coach and choreographer,” said Kyle, giving me a wry smile. 

   I was staring at him in shock.  I loved Callie, she was a sweet girl, but he and Lucie were pure magic on the ice.  Callie and her partner Will, were good skaters, but nowhere near the caliber he and Lucie were.  I winced at the thought of him breaking up our team...it was a huge mistake!

   “But...you and Lucie...you’re going to win the Worlds this year,” I was fumbling for the words, my head was spinning.  I suddenly felt like I might pass out.  This couldn’t possibly be happening, I felt as if, my entire life was suddenly falling apart.

   “I really wanted to wait until after this season was over, but I can’t.  Callie and I need to be together, I’m leaving for L.A. next week.  I haven’t even told Lucie yet,” said Kyle, giving me an uncomfortable smile.

   “You haven’t told Lucie yet?” I whispered.  I couldn’t believe it!  Were all men completely dense?  Lucie was going to totally freak out!  She had been working her ass off thinking that her and Kyle were going to be top contenders at Worlds this year, suddenly her partner was going to abandon her for someone else.  My heart was suddenly aching for her, as I knew exactly how she would feel.

   “I couldn’t tell her, she’s so excited about this season and how well we’ve been doing.  I thought that maybe you could help me...you know, to tell her,” said Kyle, looking at me earnestly.

   I stared at him as if he were a lunatic, there was no way I could tell Lucie, I was already about to come unglued.  My own life was spiraling out of control, there was no way I could be in on it, when Lucie is told that hers is about to do the same!

   “Kyle I can’t,” I told him, tears were already coming to my eyes, I couldn’t bare the thought of Kyle and Lucie giving up everything they’d worked so hard for this season.

   “Please Lane, I don’t know what to say to her,” begged Kyle.

   “What could you possibly say to her?  She’s going to be completely crushed!” I cried, I was totally on the verge of hyperventilating.  Much like myself, Lucie was being completely blindsided.  It was horrible...I could only imagine Lucie’s reaction when she heard.   

   “I know...please Lane..”

   “I’m sorry, I can’t help you Kyle.  When I came home from China, my own husband dropped the bomb on me that he wanted a divorce.  Emotionally, I’m a complete wreck, you’re going to have to do this without me,” I told him.  Then I ran into the changing room, so that Lucie wouldn’t see my tears. 

   I secretly hoped that I wasn’t around when he told Lucie.  It was cowardly of me, but I wasn’t strong enough to deal with Lucie’s grief and mine.  I really didn’t feel strong enough to deal with anything right now!