Lessons of the Heart (36 page)

“I love you,” I whisper, taking a step back from him.

He tucks some hair behind my ears and smiles at me. “I love you too.”

With a final goodbye, he climbs into Liam’s car and they back out of the driveway. I stand and watch them until the tail lights disappear from sight. Turning to go back into the house, I walk back to my room and retake my spot on the bed. The pillow still smells like him and I hang onto it like a lifeline. I close my eyes briefly as a new sense of calm washes over me before opening my book back to the page he left off at. The words blur together and I can’t concentrate with his scent still around me. So I close the book and turn to look out my bedroom window before falling into a peaceful sleep for the first time in over a week.

“D
ID YOU SEE THE NOMINATIONS?”
Penny asks me.

I shrug my shoulders as we walk down the hall. “Yeah, I did.”

“And?”

“And what? Ow!” I rub my shoulder. “What the hell was that for?”

“For not being more excited about your prom queen nomination.”

I sigh and lean against the wall by the locker bay. “I don’t care about any of that crap and you know it. In fact, I hope I don’t win because I don’t want the attention it created the last time I won some stupid title.”

Penny kicks my foot. “Whatever. You know you’re going to win.”

“I can also guess who’s going to be king and I’d rather not think about that.”

“True, but you never know. Maybe you’ll get lucky. I saw Lyle was nominated too so maybe he’ll win.”

“Maybe. I wouldn’t mind that, just like I’m sure Cami wouldn’t mind winning queen too.”

Both of our friends have been nominated to the royal court along with me and I’m praying like hell that they win instead of having a repeat of Homecoming where it was Chase and me.

“I’d like to think the student body would be a little more creative this time around, rather than elect the same two people again,” I say.

“It’s a popularity thing and you know it. And unfortunately for you, you’re popular,” she says while putting her books into her locker.

“And I still have no idea why. It’s not like I’m into sports or any of the clubs. I’m just me, the quiet girl who gets good grades.”

She turns to me as I put mine away. “Your good looks and sparkling personality I’m sure have nothing to do with it either.”

I smile back at her. “Yeah, maybe that’s it.”

Our laughter dies when Chase appears next to us. Right on time as usual. Somehow I’ve managed to tolerate his controlling moods from the short leash that he’s put me on. But lately, he’s been getting sloppy. His watchful eye isn’t always pointed in my direction. But I’m still cautious because I don’t trust him. That was broken the minute he decided to blackmail me and ruin my life.

“My two favorite people,” he says and lays his arm across my shoulders. I try to shrug it off, but he just holds on tighter.

“Fuck off,” Penny says. She clearly doesn’t care what he thinks and isn’t afraid to tell him so.

“Aww, love you too, Pen,” he says, pulling me toward the cafeteria. Despite being forced to eat with him, I’ve actually enjoyed being in there with the rest of the student population. Perhaps I have been a tad antisocial these last few years at lunchtime, so being able to talk with other people for a good hour isn’t all bad.

We enter the line and I grab my usual salad and Diet Coke. Chase pays for my lunch again, even though I repeatedly tell him not to. He says it’s his boyfriend duty or some bullshit. I ignore him and just chalk it up to a perk of his blackmail.

I spy my friends sitting at a table near Chase’s friends. I turn to him and smile sweetly. “Chase, I’m going to sit with Penny and the group today.”

He eyes me cautiously and purses his lips. “That’s not part of the deal,” he says.

I narrow my eyes at him. “No, you stated that I had to eat in the lunch room. You didn’t say explicitly that I had to be chained to your side the entire time. Besides, I’m at the table right next to you. You can still monitor me to make sure I’m not sneaking out, even though I haven’t broken any of your stupid rules yet.”

Chase thinks about it quickly before giving me a subtle nod. “Fine. But if I see any funny business that’ll be the last time you eat with them.”

“Why thank you, master. I promise to be a good girl and behave,” I say sarcastically. But I quickly dart up the aisle before he has a chance to reply. Penny squeals in delight as I take my seat next to her.

“He let you off your chain?” she asks.

“Yep, the warden let me have a day pass.”

“I don’t get it,” Drake says. “Why do you put up with him if you clearly don’t like him? I mean, it’s obvious to everyone that you’re not into him.”

I stab at my salad because I don’t know how to respond to him. “It’s complicated,” is all I can come up with.

“Complicated how? I mean, if you’re going out with someone, shouldn’t you actually
like
the person?” Cami asks.

Crap! Think, think.
I take a bite and chew it slowly.

“Let’s just say it’s an experiment that I’m doing. I’m trying to see if I can piss him off enough for him to leave me alone permanently.”

Dez dips a French fry in some ketchup and points it at me. “Yeah, but you’re the one who looks miserable.”

“It’ll be fine. I’m keeping an eye out for my girl,” Penny says and pulls me into an awkward side hug.

“See. What could possibly go wrong if Penny’s looking out for me?”

Everyone laughs and we drop the subject entirely. Justice and Drake both talk about how they’re excited to attend UConn this fall. Cami and Lyle talk about the prom nominations and I wisely choose to stay out of that conversation. Instead, I ask Dez how her track season is going and she goes on and on about her improved times in the relay and sprints.

“So, prom,” Lyle says, getting the attention of the table again. “Cami and I were thinking of hosting a party. Just a small one so we have somewhere to go afterward. You guys in?”

A collective yes sounds from the table. I cringe because I want to go. But that also means that I’d have to bring Chase with me and he’s quickly become
persona non grata
with our little circle. Especially after his last few party appearances. I’m glad I didn’t witness his most recent debacle at Travis’s house where he puked over the railing into Tammy Johnson’s hair. Then he tried to feel up most of the cheerleaders that were there. Yeah, my
boyfriend
is a real winner.

“I think I’ll pass since I’ll be attending with you know who,” I say, jerking my head back toward Chase. “But thanks for the invite.”

“That's a shame. We’ll miss you Britt, but we totally get it,” Justice says.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t live it up at prom, though,” Cami chimes in.

I nod, hoping that she’s right. “Yeah, we can totally live it up there. Who knows, maybe that night will actually turn out to be halfway decent.”

We go back into a conversation about everyone’s summer plans and I kick prom right out of my head, not wanting the reminder of what I’m missing because of what Chase is putting me through.

Even though it’s been a month since I’ve seen James outside of a school setting, the sixth period isn’t quite as hard as I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still tough because Chase is glued to my side during class. And the little vein on the side of James’s neck pokes out to the point I’m afraid he’s going to have a stroke. But we’re trying to make the best of it, acting like we did at the beginning of the year when we were professional and avoided any and all contact with each other.

But that doesn’t stop us from silently communicating with each other. He’ll write something on the board and then turn around to ask the class a question and my eyes will drift to his hand as he absently plays with a ring that isn’t there. To everyone else it appears he has developed a nervous tic. But I know better. I know he’s telling me that he loves me, to which I respond by constantly keeping my fist over my heart, making it seem that I have perpetual heartburn. Chase doesn’t appear to notice, which makes me happy to have this one thing that we can do without him being any the wiser.

The bell rings for the end of school and everyone jumps out of their seats, but James’s voice stops everyone from leaving right away.

“Remember, the chapter test is next Thursday and it’s worth one-quarter of your final grade.”

Chase waits for me to get out of my desk before grabbing my arm and pulling me to him.

“We’re going to Sammy’s tonight so you can help me study.”

I wrench my arm away from him and narrow my eyes. “Sorry, but I’m busy with my family. My grandparents are in town and we’re going out to dinner.” I step closer to him and point in his face. “And don’t you ever fucking grab me like that. I don’t care what kind of blackmail you’re holding over me, you will
not
lay your hands on me like that again.”

He quickly leads us out of the classroom and presses me up against the wall. “Look here. I don’t think you’re in any position to give me orders or tell me what to do. If you don't go out with me tonight, then I guess I’ll just have to come over to your house. Some alone time in your bedroom might be good for us. You know, spice things up so we’re not always in public together.” He runs his finger down my arm and my whole body shivers at the contact, and not in a good way.

“That’s not going to happen.” I swallow hard and turn away from him. “Fine. I’ll meet you at Sammy’s around six.”

“You’re sexy when you’re feisty.” He moves closer and kisses the corner of my mouth. “Don’t be late.” He tries to kiss me again, but I move my head, making him kiss my cheek instead. He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. This time he hits his mark. The tang of copper hits my tongue as his teeth clamp down on me. “Don’t ever turn away from me again. You’ll want to stay on my good side, Britta. Otherwise it’s the end for you and your little boyfriend.”

He releases my chin and I work my jaw back and forth to try and relieve the stiffness from his assault. Chase walks down the hallway with his head held high, as if he didn’t just manhandle me. Tears threaten to fall but I hold myself together because I can’t let anyone see how he’s affecting me. This is the first time he’s ever really been this physical with me. I wonder if he’s losing a little bit of the control that he’s been carefully wielding to me.

I move from the wall and quickly look up and down the hall, thankful that most of the people are gone or are blissfully unaware of the events taking place around them.

“Britta,” a pained voice calls to me just beyond the doorway. I turn to face him and can see the repressed anger in his expression.

“He didn’t hurt me. It’s okay, I can handle it,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. I quickly dart into his room because I know if I don’t he’s going to make a scene and we can’t have that.

“He put his hands on you,” James says. He gently turns my head to examine my sore chin. Marks must be forming because his eyes dilate while his brows turn in sharply. “I’m going to kill the fucker.”

I take a step back and brace my hands against his shoulders.

“James, look at me,” I plead. His hands bunch up into tight fists at his sides, turning his knuckles white. My hand cups his cheek to guide his eyes to mine. The storm behind his irises finally calms as his face falls slightly. “I’m okay. We can’t have you going off and creating problems between Chase and me. I know what I’m doing. Don’t worry. I’ve got this.”

“But he grabbed you,” James whispers.

I press my forehead against his, breathing in his calming scent. “And I’m okay. Believe me, I have something in the works for dear little Chase. And if he ever touches me again it will all go down. But until then you need to keep a level head and let me handle this.”

He backs up and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “What are you planning?”

I smirk and kiss his cheek. “Let’s just say that prom is going to be interesting.”

Tingles erupt over my skin as his hands rub up and down my arms. “One month to go,” he says.

I smile and watch his face light up. “Then we’re free.”

I turn to leave, letting his fingers slip through mine.