Libera Me (7 page)

“Fight back, baby. Fight back.” The words come out as nothing more than a whisper. She gives into my hold. Her movements slow and I know I can do what I want with her.

Resisting instincts that should no longer exist, I spin her around, her arms still bound in mine. She locks eyes with me, the color draining from her face. A tear slithers down her cheek. For a moment I am stunned. She looks so broken, so afraid—nothing like the warrior I know her to be.

Nothing like my Nesy.

My heart beats once...twice...as we remain locked in this moment. My thoughts war. Part of me needs to protect her; part of me wants something else.

Something vile. Wrong.

I swallow hard.

And everything changes.

Nessa’s face grows hard, her gaze, icy. She pulls her arms from my loosened grasp. The fear once etched on her face turns to rage. She strikes me, the blow landing on my arm as I block my face. A tremor vibrates through me and another blow greets the block.

Within a moment, blows and kicks unleash at a dizzying pace. She strikes my arms, my side, my legs. Kicks, blows, punches. Her fury can’t be contained as she pummels me over and over.

I block the attack, absorbing the anger in every move. I take a step back, then another. She has me against the ropes. There’s no escaping her rage—one caused by me. Again. Blow after blow, kick and kick, I feel every ounce of her anguish. And although I am not sure how much more I can take, one thing is certain…

Nessa fights like a warrior.  

The endless blows continue as I wiggle out of her assault. “Nessa, stop. You’ve proven your point.”

She gives no response save the constant barrage of more punches.

“Nessa! Stop!”

Her fist connects with my jaw, sending me spinning back into the ropes. I turn and duck, avoiding the next assault. “Nessa!”

Nothing comes from her—no words, no mercy.

Nothing except a palpable anguish unlike anything I’ve felt. Her eyes are aflame, focused on one thing.

Injuring me.

Maybe even killing me.

I can’t slow her assault. My skin bends, absorbing a hatred I’ve never felt from her. Bruises already form as she pounds my body. A strong kick lands in my gut. Another to my ribs. My breathing grows shallow as the attack continues. Her attack. There is no way to stop her, no way to end this.

Except to fight.

My markings sizzle, urging me to end the struggle. Stop Nessa. But I won’t. Can’t. I refuse to give into that urge, no matter how strong.

Refuse to be anything like the UnHoly. The Beast.

“Nessa! It’s me, Aydan. Stop.”

She grunts as she throws another punch. I catch her hand this time, turn it on itself. She spins out of my grasp, growling at me. Wiping the sweat from her brow she paces, sizing me up like I’m nothing more than her prey. I stand, frozen, refusing to engage.

“Well?” She snarls.

I say nothing as I stare into her eyes, trying to lose myself in them. But there is no recognition now. She is lost in some distant place, some distant memory. She launches into me again. My footing gives way as she sweeps her leg under me and sends me crashing to the mat. I land with a loud thud. She is on me in moments, unleashing hell. Blow after blow, she continues the attack. I react on autopilot, blocking as many as I can. I feel the fatigue in her strikes. A few more minutes and I should be able to regain control.  

More blows, more anguish—all directed toward me.

Her arms tremble as the onslaught continues. Her breath comes in heavy pants. My moment is almost here. She slows her attack and I take advantage, catching her arms and spinning her onto her back. I straddle her body, pinning her. She squirms underneath me, her eyes still wild with a mixture of fear and anger.

“Nessa, it’s me. You’re safe.”

She writhes against my hold.

“It’s me, Aydan,” I say again. “You’re safe, baby. Stop. You’re safe.”

She slows her movements, her eyes clearing. Recognition replaces the hatred as she stops moving. Tears burst from her eyes.

“Wh...wh...what happened? Why was I fighting you like that? H...how?”

“I don’t know. But I don’t think we need to worry about your ability to fight anymore.” I release her arms, moving off of her. She sits up, her body trembling.

I pull her to me as she begins to sob.

“I’m so sorry,” she says between sobs. “I don't know—”

“Shh. It’s okay. Shh.”

She pours her sorrow into my chest. I want to hold her forever, make her feel safe. An impossible task, I fear. There is something so broken now, something I don’t fully understand and can’t reach.

Something that will never allow her to feel safe again.

She pulls away after a moment, wiping her tears along the back of her hand.

“Can you tell me what happened?” I ask, trying to hold a smile in my voice. “What was in your mind while you were attacking me?”

Fear clouds her features again. “Nothing, really. It was more like instinct. One minute I felt you behind me and the next all I could think about was hurting you. It scared me.” Nessa pulls her knees to her chest, looking more like a little girl than someone who just beat me up. “I don’t remember ever feeling like that before. It was as though someone else directed my movements. Made me hurt you. I kept hearing you ask me to stop, and I couldn’t.” She closes her eyes. “I sound crazy,” she whispers.

“Not crazy. Just confused. Your memories are starting to come back.”

She stiffens, inhaling a deep sob. “I refuse to believe that. I’m not a killer. These can’t be
my
thoughts.  They can’t be.” The tears come faster. “This isn’t me,” she says through strangled sobs.

How do I tell her she is a trained assassin for Celestium, a Sentinal whose job it is to kill? How do I help her see that her memories are real?

 “It’s okay,” I say, wrapping her into another embrace. “You’re not a killer. You wouldn’t have killed me; I know you wouldn’t.”

“So you say. But what if you’re wrong?”

I rock with her, trying to soothe her fears. She trembles as the sobs begin to wrack her body.

“I should go,” she finally says as she inhales her fears and stows her emotions behind a familiar mask. “My aunt will wonder what happened to me.”

“Are you sure?” I don’t want her to leave, not when she’s so close to remembering everything. “Come over. Just for a little while.”

“No. She’ll kill me if I’m late again. I’ve been in enough trouble after Friday. I can’t risk messing up again.”

Reluctantly, I take her home. The drive feels silent and cold as we wind up the road to her house. The clouds continue to darken around us.

“Call me later,” I say, my voice tense with worry.

She nods and climbs off of my bike.

I grab her hand and pull her to me. “Don’t be afraid of who you are.”

She trembles and looks down. “I’m not
that
girl. A fighter. Trust me, I know I’m not.”

I slide my hand behind her neck, threading my fingers through her hair. “It doesn’t matter,” I say as I taste her lips in a brief kiss.

“And I know it does.” She kisses me again, her lips trembling.

Part of me wants to grab her and take more than just a kiss—a part of me that’s supposed to be dead. A part I refuse to acknowledge now.

A part that grows stronger every day.

Nessa pulls away and walks to the door. “I’ll call you later,” she says as she walks into the house.

I leave, fighting back the urgings of the monster threatening to consume me.

Chapter 10 – Visions

Zane

It’s been two days since Caim’s orders; two days and nothing. Not one word. I knew I couldn’t trust him.

I leave my chamber, unable to stand the confines of the room any longer. The sun streams through the buildings of the city, casting shimmers of light across the streets. I walk past the towers and toward the practice fields. A cool breeze ruffles my wings as I walk. My mind races, unfocused.

I stop at the edge of the city. I can’t sense Caimael anywhere. Closing my eyes, I draw a stilted breath. I still miss the vanilla that used to linger in the air whenever Nesy was home. Miss the flutter that scent used to cause.

Now all I feel is anguish.

“Looking for me, Zanethios?” Caim’s voice filters through my thoughts.

I open my eyes. Caim leans on a tree just outside the gates, a sardonic grin plastered on his face.

“Why haven’t you checked in?” I have no time for his games this morning. I need to know about Nesy.

“What makes you think I’ve started that assignment yet?”

My back stiffens and my wings tuck behind me. 

Caim laughs, his voice without joy. “Don’t worry, I’m leaving this morning. You really should trust me; I know what I’m doing. Sariel trained me himself.”

“Did you
know
what you were doing with Lorelei?” I square my shoulders, my jaw set.

“I owe you no explanations about the Seer.”

“Oh, I think you do, actually.”

“Alright then, out with it. What’s your problem with me?”

Anxiety tightens every cell. There are so many things I want to yell, so many accusations I could make. Anger wells up from the depths of my soul.

I release a deep breath. And another, desperate to refocus my thoughts before my emotions get away from me.

“What? Nothing to say now?”

I surround myself with silence as I force myself to focus. “Just guard Nesy,” I finally say.

“My mission is to investigate Vanessa and determine who, what, she is. Nothing more.”

An awkward pause grows in the space between us. My emotions swirl back into a tempest. Too many words weave through me.

Traitor.

Can’t trust you.

Won’t leave this, her, to you.

I choke on the foreign feelings too strong to deny and push the words past my mouth. “I’m going with you.”

“The heck you are!” Caim rises to his full height and steps to within inches of me. “I won’t endanger the lives I’m charged to protect because I’m stuck babysitting you.”

His words steal the air from my lungs.

“Oh,” Caim says. “You didn’t realize I knew about your
injury
, did you?”

I have nothing to say.

“Cass filled me in, since we are a team and all. You remember what it is to be a team, right?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Every word is measured, deliberate.

The air stiffens as Caim taps the top of his sword. “It means, Mediator, that you don’t trust me. You blame me for Nesy’s death.”

“Of course I blame you! If you had done your job, Nesy would have—”

“Killed Aydan? Not fallen in love with him? Maybe.” Caim wraps his hand around the hilt. “Maybe not.”

“Regardless, I have no reason to trust you now.” My hand reaches for my sword. “And the last time I checked,
you
are accountable to me. Not the other way around. I owe you neither an account of my thoughts, nor my trust.”

“I am accountable only to Sariel.” Caim draws his sword and begins to circle me.

I will not be challenged by him. Not ever.

“And to me.” I draw my sword. “I head this team. Not you.”

Caim swings, his blade narrowly missing my neck. I parry, weakened by the emotions surging through me.

“I’m sick of you looking down on me.”

“What?” I ask as I block another blow. “No one looks down on you.”

“Everyone does. One mistake and none of you can forget it.”

“Angels died because of that mistake.” I parry again, lightly tagging his shoulder.

Caim releases a growl.

“What’s wrong? Can’t handle the truth?” Anger coats my words.

“Don’t lecture me about what happened,” Caim snarls. “They were my brethren. Mine! I am well aware of my shortcomings that day.” Caim lunges at me again. “And it’s between me and Sariel. Period.”

Caim strikes faster. Harder. I counter each one, my anguish fueling every blow.

“We are supposed to be a team, Caimael. Your difficulties are between all of us now.” I swing, my blade scraping across Caim’s back.

“Azryel’s Wings,” he snarls under his breath. “You’re supposed to trust me, be loyal to me. Not that human girl.”

I lunge forward, stripping Caim’s sword from him.

“Zanethios!” Cass materializes between us. “What in the realms is going on with you two? We are angels, not some group of mindless, demonic idiots.” She raises her hand and sends my sword flying. “What would Gabriel say?” She shoots a glance at Caim. “Or Sariel. You’re both pathetic.”

“But—”

“Save it for someone who cares, Caim. Now get your sword and get out of here.”

“This isn’t finished,” he says as he takes a step back.

I step forward before Cass lays her hand on me.

“Not one word,” she says.

When did she get so tough?

Caim storms away.

“This is your fault, you know.”

“What? I didn’t do anything. Besides, that idiot needs a little humbling.”

“As do you from time to time.”

I look down and release a strangled sigh.

“What’s going on between you guys anyway? I thought you wanted him on our team.”

“It isn’t that.”

“Then what is it?”

“He’s just so, I don’t know…”

“Cocky? Just like Nesy.”

“He’s nothing like her.” I walk away, refusing to accept any comparison between them.

“Whatever it is, you need to figure out a way to work together. The Council expects nothing less.”

“I need to get out of here,” I mumble as I push past Cass.

I walk to the outer fields that surround the towers of Celestium, away from my brethren and the questions I can’t yet face.

Why don’t I trust Caim?

Does my blindness make me weak?

Can I let go of Nesy?

The questions come in quick succession. I shake my head, focusing only on one thing—getting back to Earth. And Nesy.

Taking a deep breath, I open a portal to Aydan’s house. Pain and anguish rip through me as the scene splits open and his room comes into view. Waves of nausea pass over me and I suck in a sharp breath to avoid being washed away in the tide of emotions. Something has changed.