Life Is Not a Reality Show (24 page)

I wanted to pick up on the blush and the grayish lavender, so we used touches of purple and blue as accent colors. I put out a lot of flowers in those colors, and I have a gorgeous purple crystal geode on my dining table—it’s supposed to be good energy.

I’m not a professional like my friend Faye, but I do have my own decorating moments. I love to go the flea market and buy old things. My favorite pieces come from flea markets, because it’s so much fun shopping at them. I usually bring my girls, and I’m so proud and excited when I find treasures!

One of the best things about flea markets is that you can get beautiful, stunning things for a fraction of what you’d pay at a store! Going to the flea market is a great, cost-effective way to decorate your house.

You have to get up really early, usually on a Sunday, and spend the whole day shopping. We meet our friends and have lunch there, and then at the end of the day I leave with a truckload of stuff. My kids laugh because they’ve never seen somebody squeeze as much into a car as I can.

During one of my recent flea market adventures I accumulated so much stuff that the kids were already laughing at me, and then I found a beautiful chandelier that was a real steal. By the time I got to it I looked like something the cat dragged in. I tripped and fell as I was trying to wheel all of my things to the car and flew over my cart! I actually think I broke a bone in my leg, because it’s still not normal. It’s my flea market injury. But I saved my chandelier!

My kids said, “Let’s go and take care of your leg. Leave the chandelier and we’ll get it later!”

I said, “No! No! Forget about my leg, I need instant gratification!” So I got the chandelier home.

Buying stuff at a flea market really can save you money. But what I love most about it is bringing home things that have a memory attached, of fun times I’ve spent with my kids.

No spinach to stick in people’s teeth, please. No chicken wings, either—they look unattractive, for one thing, and your food should always look elegant. But wings are also messy. You need to have little delicious bites that people can pop in their mouths, like shrimp with sauce, small pieces of sushi, tiny meatballs on a toothpick, little goat-cheese pastries, sausage bites with Dijon mustard. And everything has to be really good! Oh my, that’s nonnegotiable! If you’re having a big party I also think it’s nice to pass the food on platters, because it makes people feel special and taken care of. They’re being
served
. If you can hire someone to help, you’ll not only be giving your guests the royal treatment, you’ll also free yourself up to swan around looking like the calm, collected hostess—and that makes your guests feel good!

We celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah at our house. We’d be happy to celebrate Kwanzaa too, because I love holidays! We always say, twice the holidays, twice the fun! But it can be challenging, especially when they fall close together on the calendar. I always decorate for both holidays, the red and green and Santas for Christmas, and the menorahs and lots of silver and blue for Hanukkah. One time a teacher from my kids’ Jewish school called and wanted to stop by. My kids were running around, “Mom! Oh no! Hide the Santas!” We couldn’t stop laughing!

I believe it’s important for kids to grow up in a home that truly celebrates the holidays and creates traditions. I am a fanatic about Christmas. I listen to Christmas music from the minute they start playing it on the radio until the minute they take it off—to the point that my husband and kids are ready to kill me!

I also totally do up the house. My mom always made a big deal about Christmas. My sister Kathy inspired me with all of her decorations too. She puts out so much stuff. I mean, she has a life-size Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus! You just walk in the door ofher house and instantly feel festive.

I have a Santa figure reading to a little girl. And of course we get a big tree, and decorate with the family every year.

At Christmastime, candles are especially important. They create a warm glow, both literally and figuratively, that makes it feel like the holidays. It's the same feeling you want to give guests any time they’re in your home. You want them to feel
at
home in your home.

We have family over for Christmas Eve either at Kim’s or at my house, and then Kathy does the big dinner on Christmas night. And in between, Kim and Kathy and I each do the huge present-opening ritual with our families. On Christmas morning we make a big breakfast. No holding back on calories during the holidays! I mean, that’s the time to have fun. So we have an omelet or scrambled eggs and cinnamon rolls. And bacon, of course! We’re Jewish but we do like to have crispy bacon—I’m not gonna lie! Normally I don’t eat pork, but at the holidays, all the rules go out the window!

Holidays are special because of family. Family is part of what you celebrate.

And that’s what entertaining is too. At least for me. It’s about sharing and celebrating with people you care about. Opening your home and honoring your friends and making them happy.

For drinks, it’s fun to create one special cocktail for the occasion that’s passed around, in addition to the wine and spirits you have set up as your bar. It’s another way to make the event special.

At the holidays, for instance, I might do apple martinis with the glasses dipped in red sugar. It adds to the festive mood!

Nothing does more to set the mood, though, than the lighting and the music. Mauricio and I went to a party the other night that was just boring. I asked Mauricio, “What was the problem there?” And then we figured it out: the lighting was too high and the music was too low. For a successful party, you’ve got to do it the other way around: low lights, which will be flattering to people, and music cranked up just high enough that it sends the message through your guests’ ears into their brains: it’s party time!

Bright lights make people feel self-conscious, as if everything they do is being watched. In low lights, they have a little more freedom to enjoy themselves. For me, candles are everything! I cannot have people over without a million candles being lit. They give off the perfect light—low, flattering, romantic, dramatic, intriguing, and welcoming all at the same time. And put flowers out in as many spots as you can. Flowers make people feel cared for, and they bring freshness and life to a room. I always go to the wholesaler’s flower market in downtown L.A. to get flowers for my parties, because they’re much cheaper there, so if you have a similar market in your area, take advantage of it.

I generally like to have fun, upbeat music that you can dance to, like Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, and old-school stuff like disco. Whatever you want to say about disco, it’s great to dance to, and I think in some ways it’s people’s guilty pleasure. But for particular themed parties I might do something different. Maybe Latin music for a Cinco de Mayo party. I have also had mariachis perform at one of my Cinco de Mayo parties.

If it’s possible, I try to have one extra entertainment going on in some quiet room of the house, like a psychic or a magician. People enjoy going from the music and people and laughter off to another little world for a whole different experience in the middle of the party.

I’ve given so many parties that one day I decided it was silly for me to be renting tables and tablecloths and chairs and dishes and glasses all the time. So I bought everything I need. I researched everything pretty thoroughly first, and found places, mostly online, where I could find party essentials pretty cheap. I had to order my tablecloths, though, because you just can’t find them big enough to cover 120-inch tables and fall to the floor. Since I was going to spend more on them, I chose two basic colors: white for all-purpose and summer, and burgundy for fall, winter, and holiday. Sticking to a few basic colors will help you stretch your entertaining budget.

Here’s another idea I came up with that I’m rather proud of. I got together with a couple of friends of mine and we bought a bunch of the same kind of plates, plain white with a silver border. And we did the same thing with silverware. So now, if I’m having a huge party, I can call them and say, “Bring it on over!” Or they can call me. It works perfectly.

You have to call on your friends when you’re having a party. I couldn’t throw my big parties without their help. My friends Faye and Pauline always help with decorating and flowers and I’m so crunched for time I can’t do it all on my own. Everyone actually likes getting involved. They get excited and say, “Okay, what can I do?” It’s fun. It’s like the party before the party!

That’s what it’s all about—friends having fun. That is the holy grail of entertaining. If you nail that, you’ve got it made.

When I was first approached to do
Real Housewives
, my closest friends were very skeptical. They’re not in show business and in fact won’t even let themselves be seen on the show. I’m like, nice friends! Ha! They were always very supportive of my acting career, and they wanted me to stick with that.

But the acting business has changed so much. I took off a lot of years to have kids, and when I went back, there were huge stars in little guest roles on TV and I just basically felt like I’d been pushed way down the totem pole.

I never wanted to do a reality show or a soap opera. But eventually I agreed.

Real Housewives
has been quite an education! I never would have put this job in the category of being “difficult”—until I started doing it! It’s not the backbreaking or heart-wrenching kind of difficult—of course not. But it takes up a lot of time, and because there’s a lot of stress, it can be psychologically difficult! I think all of us on the show quit a couple of times apiece before we finally finished season 1.

Over the course of doing the show I got to know the other girls better, and I learned a lot from them. I even learned about myself! Camille and I clashed big-time in season 1. The dinner-party-from-hell episode with the psychic was just the tip of that iceberg, and the issues between us lingered long after filming ended. But I eventually came to understand Camille as a person, and we became friends.

In some ways the show goes against everything I try to teach my kids. I don’t want them arguing with people, being catty with their friends. I want them to learn how to deal with conflict in a constructive way.

But on the other hand, the show is everything I try to teach them. I want them to be honest and speak up for themselves. Avoiding drama is good advice to give to my girls, but in life, you can’t always avoid it. Drama happens! And you have to get through it. Ultimately, I try to teach my kids that they have to accept their friends’ flaws. That’s what friends are all about. As long as they aren’t toxic friends.

My daughters find
Real Housewives
entertaining. They know that what I’m like on the show—a bit of a fighter, I guess you’d say!—is just a small part of my personality. They like my strength, but they know a much softer, light-hearted, funnier side of me at home.

By now I don’t have to tell you what really matters to me: my daughters, my family, being a good mom, being a good partner to Mauricio, and being a good friend too.

I’m grateful that I have a great husband and a great marriage, but my mom didn’t—and she was still happy. I have single friends who are happy. And I have some single friends who worry, and ask me, “What do I do if I never get married?”

I say, “Well, if you don’t, it’s okay, because you can have a great life without being married.”

Women are very important in my life. I’d be lost without my friends. Thank God for the telephone! It’s impossible to spend as much time with your friends as you’d like, but that phone is a lifesaver. It drives my husband crazy. I say to him, “But this is my time to spend with my friends, don’t you see?”

It all comes down to the concept of family—whether family means you have a bunch of children or a bunch of sisters or a bunch of friends. Cherish the people you love. That’s the very best advice I can give you.

People ask me what I’ll do when I finish the show, whenever
Real Housewives
is over.

My honest answer is this: “I’m going to go back to the way I was—being a
real
housewife again!”

I want to thank my dad, Ken Richards, for being the most kind and loving father. I love and miss you.

I want to thank everyone who made this book possible. My publisher, HarperOne, for making me an author! My editor Nancy Hancock and my publicist Suzanne Wickham. Robin Micheli, I couldn’t have done this book without you. My manager, Bette Smith… Dahling! Thank you for always being there for me 24/7.

Doug Ross, the crew of
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
, my Housewives co-stars/friends, Adrienne, Camille, Lisa, and Taylor, Alex Baskin … for keeping me somewhat sane and making me laugh along the way. All my friends at Bravo, The Lady Sitter Justin Sylvester … my right hand during all the craziness! Rick Hilton, Dr. Estella Sneider, Eduardo Umansky, and the Benton clan for being the best in-laws/family a girl could ask for! The Wiederhorn family, the Sneider family, and the Moghavem family.

My nieces and nephews who I love with all my heart … Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton, Brooke Brinson, Barron Hilton, Whitney Davis, Chad Davis, Conrad Hilton, and Kimberly Jackson.

To all of you who loved and supported me along the way, Lorene, Tina, Faye, Pauline, Jana, Michele (aka Tiny Dancer), Chris, Barbara, Tiffany, Christine, Brooke, Tracy, Wendy, Roxane, Sue. I love you all. Thank you for being the best friends in the world!