Linda Ford (7 page)

“Sit.” He nudged her so she had no choice. “And stay there while I get the ointment.”

Neil left the other children and hovered close by. “You should have left the digging for Roper.”

Cassie sighed. Bad enough to have Roper nagging at her. Now a twelve-year-old boy had taken up the cause. “I was only trying to help.” She wasn’t helping Roper. She was helping herself. It was her house, her responsibility not his.

Roper returned and knelt before her, turning her palms upward. He tsked and blew on them, cooling the heat in the blisters. But his attention did not calm her insides. He had flipped his hat to the table and she looked down at his brown hair, noting—not for the first time—the little wave that gave his hair a natural pompadour. She was a little tempted to flick her fingers through the wave and see if it flipped back into place automatically.

She swallowed hard and tried to ignore the proximity of the man. But she couldn’t ignore the way he tenderly touched her hands, spreading a yellow ointment over the blistered area. “What is that?” Her voice sounded positively strangled but she couldn’t help it. When had anyone been so attentive to her needs? Not in a very long time. Since she was a child younger than Neil, who rocked back and forth as he watched.

“It’s something I use on my horse.”

She jerked away.

He laughed up at her and captured her hands again, but his gaze remained locked on hers, edging past her hard-earned, hard-learned defenses and laying silent claim to a tender spot deep within that she had long denied—and intended to keep denying.

Correctly reading her silent defensiveness, he grinned. “Don’t think my horse will mind sharing.”

She huffed. “Maybe I do.”

He bent back to his task. “What were you thinking? I’ll finish digging the cellar. Cassie, when are you going to learn to leave the hard stuff to me? It’s part of our agreement.”

Again that demanding look.

Again she deflected it.

“Ma says some things are man stuff.” Neil fairly burst with the need to speak his mind on the matter. “She used to say that when things were too hard for her to do. ‘Man stuff for Pa to do when he got home.’”

Cassie shook her head. “I don’t aim to be beholden to a man.”

Roper had finished applying the ointment but still refused to release her hands. He pulled out a wad of white material and wrapped each hand.

How was she going to work with her hands bundled up in such a fashion? She’d leave the bandages on until morning then they’d come off so she could make bread.

Roper’s gaze rested on her.

She didn’t miss the fact that he burned with the need to say something almost as urgently as Neil. Then he ducked away to secure the end of the second bandage.

“Thank you.” She tried to extricate herself from him, but he kept his fingers around her wrists. His hold was firm, yet his touch was so warm and gentle it clogged her throat with unfamiliar emotions. He perched beside her and watched her.

She studied some distant spot although she focused on nothing in particular except the need to maintain a protective distance from the emotions threatening to rage through her.

“Cassie, I don’t know what happened to make you so prickly. I don’t know why you feel you must stand alone when there are those who would stand with you. I expect it was something very hurtful. I’m sorry and I pray God will heal that hurt. But hear me carefully.”

When she continued to stare at nothing, he released her wrists to catch her chin and turn her to face him, waiting until she met his gaze. She immediately wished she’d continued to refuse as the kindness and concern in his face almost melted her resistance. The war inside her made her dizzy with fear and longing.

Seeing he had her full attention, he nodded. “Cassie Godfrey, we have a business arrangement. That means we each give something to this situation. You provide meals and shelter and care for the children. In return, I help with the children, dig your cellar and build your house. But hear me and hear me good. Even if we had no arrangement I would help you if you let me. I think you know that. No strings attached. No expectations except to do what Neil calls ‘the man stuff.’”

She rocked her head back and forth. It sounded nice. But she couldn’t trust such generosity. Best if she depended on no one but herself.

“Fine.” He let her go, leaving her off balance.

She tried to clasp her hands together but the palms were too tender and she settled for folding her wrists at her waist.

“If that’s the way it is at least we still have our business agreement.” He headed for the cellar hole, grabbed a shovel and jumped down. In a few minutes, he pitched earth over his shoulder.

She felt his anger clear across the few feet and in the vigor of the dirt being tossed. But what else could she do? Accepting anything but business between them would give him the right to be angry at her anytime and for any reason. This way they would part when arrangements were made for the children. They would go their separate ways. It was for the best.

Scoops of dirt flew from the hole.

She did not look forward to living with Roper’s anger even temporarily. She stared at her bandaged hands, remembering his gentle touch, and seemed unable to move.

Neil touched her shoulder. “You should be happy he can help you. My ma sure wished Pa was around to help her.”

She nodded, her tongue suddenly wooden and unable to form a word even if she could have dragged it from her brain. She could not allow herself to be happy Roper was around for any reason—chalking up favor after favor.

Something he’d said slipped back her stalled brain.

I’ll pray for you.

Ah. No wonder she was feeling out of sorts. When was the last time she’d prayed? Several days ago if she wasn’t mistaken.
God, I trusted You to provide this opportunity so I could be independent. Seems I’ve gotten a little confused about my intentions what with the children needing help and Roper striking an agreement.
Remembering how she’d originally thought his offer of a business arrangement was an answer to a prayer, she let her tension ease out. God had provided a way she could accept help without being in anyone’s debt. She would accept it with gratitude and make the best of it.
I’ll just be sure to uphold my end of the bargain.

She pushed to her feet and set to work making supper. It was difficult with her sore hands but she managed and a little later announced the meal was ready. If Roper faced her with anger she would simply ignore it and do her duty.

Hadn’t she learned that lesson over and over until it was branded indelibly on her brain?

Just as she’d learned to ignore the pain of those memories.

Chapter Six

R
oper tossed the shovel aside at Cassie’s call to supper. His muscles burned from exertion. A satisfying feeling. And it had effectively soothed his frustration with Cassie. He knew he was right when he guessed something, or more likely someone, had hurt her badly even though she neither admitted it nor denied it. He could only pray God would heal that hurt.

He paused in the bottom of the hole to stare up at the sky. Reading the Bible every morning with the youngsters reminded him of God’s love and power. It was a good habit. If he ever had a family of his own, he’d do the same thing.

Whoa! Where had that come from? He didn’t expect to ever have a real family. That would mean putting down roots...trusting someone would want him to hang around forever. That wasn’t possible. Besides, he liked being free to do his own thing. Seemed he had to say it louder and more often of late.

He shifted his thoughts back to his morning prayer.
Watch over us. Keep us safe. Help us be happy.
A man could wish for no more.

Calmed by his prayer, he scrambled from the hole and jogged to the river where he ducked his head into the icy water and scrubbed off dirt and sweat.

Lacking a towel, he wiped water from his hair and shook his hands then trotted back to the table where everyone sat waiting. He grinned as he saw Cassie had carefully positioned herself across from the boys. As if he’d let that dissuade him. He sat at the end of the bench, next to Neil and nudged him over, chuckling at the scowl on Cassie’s face. “Gal, I sure do like the welcoming way you have of looking at me.” He hoped to bring a smile to her face or at least a flash of amusement to her eyes

He was pretty sure the flicker he saw signified uncertainty rather than amusement. Her mouth worked as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Then she turned away. “Glad to make you happy,” she murmured.

He wanted to see her face better, look into her eyes and read her meaning, but she suddenly found the bench between herself and Pansy needed to be brushed off though he suspected there was nothing on it but imaginary dust.

Amusement continued to stretch his mouth. “You do make me happy,” he murmured, not sure what he meant by it but knowing the words were true. He liked helping her. He liked sitting across the table from her, holding her hand as they prayed. He reached out to claim one hand now. Out of consideration for her tender palms, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist instead.

He also liked sharing the table with a woman and children. Doing what he could to ensure their safety and happiness. He knew it wouldn’t last but he didn’t figure to let that steal any joy from the present.

He bowed his head and thanked God for the food.

The “amen” said, the food passed, they all dug in.

“Good meal,” he murmured, enjoying the tender beef, rich brown gravy, potatoes and carrots. “You’re a good cook.”

“Thank you. I’m hoping others will agree.” She glanced about. “I think I could start offering meals to travelers. I’ll let Macpherson know.”

“I’ll get some fresh meat in the morning.” He saw her ready protest. “You might want to save the jarred meat for when you don’t have fresh.”

She nodded. Again the expression in her eyes revealed uncertainty. He wished he knew the source so he could fix it. He almost laughed aloud. Yup. She’d start running to him for help in fixing her problems all right.

Maybe in another life.

“There’s a snake in the woodpile,” Daisy announced.

“They were afraid of it,” Neil said.

Daisy gave her brother an accusing look. “So were you.” She turned to Roper. “Cassie had it in her arms.” She shuddered.

“It must have been in the wood when I picked up an armload,” Cassie explained.

Had she turned a little pale? Roper glanced around the table, seeing an unspoken message. Ahh, he understood. The children expected him to deal with the snake. He met Cassie’s gaze. Would she insist she could handle this by herself or ask for help? She ducked away but he waited and slowly she returned her gaze to him. She swallowed hard enough he wondered if she would choke. Oh, but it felt good to think she needed him. He would make her ask. Make her acknowledge the need. Perhaps if she did it once...

Would she ever realize that his caring carried no obligations?

Except to appreciate him.

He mentally shook himself. Where had that come from? He wanted to help her for her sake not his. Maybe she needed a little prodding in asking for his assistance.

“A big snake, you say?” He made his voice sound worried. “Could have been a hognose.” Not that he’d ever seen one. But he’d heard tell of them farther south. About the only poisonous snake he knew of around here was a rattler and if she’d held it in her arms—

He shuddered. It could have struck out, the bite filling her with poison. Every cowboy knew the symptoms. First, lips tingling, then a struggle to breathe then a person’s muscles stopped working. Some people survived but their muscles were never strong afterward. If Cassie had been bitten, they would not be sitting around the table. He wouldn’t be teasing her.

He rubbed at a spot beneath his breastbone that developed a sudden pain.

“Are you afraid of snakes?” Cassie asked him.

Neil laughed. “’Course he’s not. He’s a man.”

“Nice to have your support.” Roper squeezed the boy’s shoulder. “I don’t much care for the way they sneak around but I guess I’m not scared of them.” He continued to wait, his eyes on Cassie.

“Would you—?” She puffed out her lips.

If only she would say the words, she’d learn that asking for a favor didn’t require selling her soul.

“I’d like it if you could get rid of the snake.” The words came out in a rush.

His grin stretched to its limit. “Of course I will.” He rose and headed for the woodpile, two boys in his wake, chattering about how they’d take care of that nasty old snake. Roper chuckled. He guessed “they” meant him as the boys stopped a good ten feet from the pile.

He kicked the stack to alert any sneaky critters, then picked up one piece of wood at a time, carefully searching for snakes or other things.

“There it goes.” Billy jumped up and down, pointing toward the woods.

Roper saw the little green snake slither away. “Only a garter snake. Harmless as a fly.” He watched it disappear. “Don’t expect it will come back.”

Cassie and Daisy, with Pansy safely in her arms, watched from a wide distance.

Roper replaced the wood, dusted his hands and went to face Cassie. “I doubt it will return but from now on let me get the wood.”

“You planning to make wood gathering your new job?”

He understood what she didn’t say. She had no intention of depending on him for this simple job. Fine. “When you get wood, pick up each piece carefully. You give him a warning and he’ll be glad to get out of your way.”

Again, he read confusion and uncertainty in her eyes and was at a loss to explain it. He took her elbow, pleased when she made no attempt to pull away, and guided her toward the cellar hole where they could talk away from the youngsters. “Cassie, what are you worrying about?”

“I’m not.”

“Something is troubling you. I’ve seen it in your eyes all during the meal and even now.” When she would have turned away, he caught her chin and gently insisted she face him. “Have I done something?”

For several moments she studied him, searching his eyes. He was at a loss to know what she sought.

“You aren’t angry?” The words were barely a whisper.

“Me? What would I be angry about?” He couldn’t imagine.

“I insisted we stick to a business arrangement between us. You seemed upset. I thought—”

“You thought I’d hold a grudge? Even go so far as to inflict some sort of punishment in retaliation?”

He waited for her answer and it came in the form of a single nod. Despite his finger on her chin she refused to meet his gaze. He slouched down until he could see into her guarded eyes. “I’m not that sort of person. You should know that by now.”

Her eyes widened. A flicker of something he could interpret as both surprise and acknowledgment crossed her face.

A sigh came from deep inside. “Cassie, maybe someday you’ll explain why you are so prickly. And maybe, God willing, you’ll see whatever your reasons, they don’t apply to me.”

This time he knew the look that flashed across her face was surprise and his heart swelled with victory at the thought she might be changing her view of him.

“Now that you’re in a mellow mood I have some more news from the ranch.” He paused. “Could be Linette wants to tell you herself...” He considered the possibility.

Alarm made her features harsh. “You said she was okay.”

“She is.”

Cassie’s breath whooshed out. “Then it could be that once you start an announcement, you ought to finish it.” Her tone was as dry as a prairie wind. A chuckle rippled up his throat. This Cassie sure beat the prickly one of a few minutes ago.

She crossed her arms and gave him an I’m-waiting look.

He grinned. “What if Linette is disappointed not to be the one to tell you?”

She tapped a toe. “You’re assuming you’d live to hear the words from her mouth.”

He stared. “Live?” Then he realized she’d threatened him. In fun, of course. Delight as pure and sweet as fresh honey ran through his veins. “Why, Miss Cassie, I do believe you’re intent on getting me to tell.”

“I perceive that you are mighty sharp—especially for a man.”

He hooted and slapped his leg as pleased as could be at her playfulness.

She quirked an eyebrow and continued to tap her toe but he knew he wasn’t mistaken in observing that her eyes danced with amusement.

He forced his laughter back though it refused to leave his throat. He held his palms toward her in a gesture of defeat. “I’ll tell. Just don’t hurt me. Promise?”

She chuckled. “I promise. Now what’s this news that you’re making me wait for?”

He glanced about as if afraid someone would hear and signaled her to lean closer. No need for such secrecy but he was enjoying this playfulness too much to bring it to an end.

He whispered in her ear. “Linette is going to have a baby.” His breath disturbed strands of her hair and they blew against his face. He brushed them aside, smoothing them into place.

He’d never touched her hair before. It was so silky, he wanted to run his hands over it again but she drew back and stared at him.

“She is?” She laughed. “I knew it. I told her I thought so before we left. I’m so glad for them.”

Her gaze grabbed his in a triumphant look and in it he saw her joy for her friend. Her smile flattened and he saw something else...something he guessed she was unaware of. A deep sadness. He remembered the writing in her Bible—the two babies who died the same day they were born.

He acted without thinking and caught her arms. “Cassie, I read about your babies. I’m sorry. It must make you sad to hear of Linette’s baby.”

She swallowed hard. She stared at his chest, then she blinked and jerked back. “That’s water under the bridge. I never think about it. I’ve got the future to consider. Macpherson is expecting me to deliver biscuits and bread to his store.” She spun away and returned to the shack so fast she left a dusty blur in her wake.

* * *

Cassie thundered toward the shack. She sank to her bed on the floor, pulled her knees to her chest and rested her forehead on them. Anger and pain intermingled in her throat like a bitter medicine.

She pulled in a deep breath and held it, forcing her emotions into order. But her anger refused to dissipate.

He had no right to talk of her babies. She did not want to think of that part of her life. The joy and anticipation of the little lives. The tiny flutters of their first kicks. Their growing movements and her growing belly. With the first one, George had shared every joy. But after their little son was stillborn, he refused to allow himself any joy over the second baby.

And he’d been right to fear it would happen again. The little one never drew a breath and they buried a little girl.

Cassie rubbed at her chest but it provided no comfort.

Roper had snooped. Read words that weren’t his business.

She snatched the Bible from where it rested and opened it to the page of births and deaths. Her fingers trembling, her jaw clenched, she plucked at the page, drew it toward her until it grew taut at the binding. But before the paper began to tear, she dropped the page and smoothed it. She couldn’t rip it out. This was all that was left of her babies. She bowed her head over her knees and breathed hard, fighting for calmness, peace...relief.

The backs of her hands grew damp and she swiped them on her skirt then scrubbed her eyes dry. Crying accomplished nothing. Work. That was the answer.

For a second she couldn’t recall what it was she should do.

Then she saw the stack of biscuits and loaves of bread. She meant to deliver them hours ago but had been sidetracked by one thing, and then another.

What kind of way was that to run a business?

She pulled to her feet, her body strangely heavy, gathered up the biscuits and bread, and left the shack.

The children played nearby and Daisy watched her.

Cassie forced a smile to her lips and hoped it looked real. She did not allow herself a glance toward the house site but heard the thud of earth hitting the ground.

Sucking in a deep breath she squared her shoulders and headed for the store. Macpherson would be pleased with her work.

Work was the antidote to foolish emotions. She needed to keep that in mind and focus on what she could do.

A short time later, Cassie rushed back from the store. “Macpherson said he expects a stage before the day is out.” It was already late in the day but a rider had seen the stage on its way. “Says he’ll direct the travelers this way for a meal.” She laughed, hardly able to contain her excitement. Her dream would soon be fulfilled.

Her words brought Neil and Roper from the cellar hole.

“Do you need any help getting ready?” Roper asked.

Cassie sobered. She didn’t want him hanging about making her remember things put to rest. Besides, she meant to manage on her own. “I have things under control.” Then she remembered her manners. “Thanks.” Her grin returned as she hurried to the shack. She ripped the bandages off her hands and turned her palms to examine them. They’d be fine. She didn’t have time to worry about a little discomfort.