Live Free and Love (9 page)

They had created life together, and she didn’t want to be the only one that shared in that joy. He had a right to know, but his stubbornness was making that impossible.

Fifteen minutes later, Kristina stood up in frustration. “Really, he’s not going to call. I guess he doesn’t care.”

“Calm down, preggo, he probably hasn’t checked his voicemail. Give it some time,” Janine told her.

“It’s just taking forever. I want this to be over already. I want him to know just like I know.”

She had just finished her sentence when her phone rang. She had never moved as quickly as she did then. She grabbed her phone and looked at the caller ID.

Letting out a sound of frustration, she answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Is Jessica there?”

“You have the wrong number,” Kristina said.

“Oh, sorry about that,” the caller said and hung up the phone.

Kristina almost threw her phone across the room. She hadn’t set it down for a minute before it rang again.

“If that’s that person looking for Jessica again I’m going to scream.”

Without looking at the caller ID, she answered her phone. “Hello?”

“What’s wrong?”

Kristina’s eyes got big. It was Danny. He actually had called her back.

“Kristina, you said you were at the hospital. What’s wrong?”

“Um, hey Danny. Well actually I’m fine after all. Um, how have you been?”

Janine rolled her eyes at Kristina. She hunched her shoulders. She had no idea what to say or how to say it.

“You just called me thirty minutes ago; you’re out the hospital already?” he said skeptically.

Kristina was quiet for a while. “To tell you the truth, I wasn’t in the hospital, Danny. I just really needed you to call me. I need to tell you something really important.”

She could hear Danny take a breath. “Why would you scare me like that? I thought you were hurt or something, Tina.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’ve tried to call you, and you wouldn’t answer the phone.”

Danny didn’t say anything for a while. “Are you still there?” Kristina said into her phone.

“Yeah, I’m here. Look, Tina, I’m sorry about that. I’ve wanted to call you, to answer your calls. I just didn’t know what to say to you.

“I acted like an ass the last time we saw each other. I didn’t know what to say to you to make up for it.”

“I should have told you about the article. It would have been easier that way. Once I saw what you were going through, I couldn’t possibly betray your trust like that. I wanted to tell you, but I just figured since I already found a replacement for you in the article, I didn’t have to say anything. It was stupid, and I’m sorry.”

“I guess we both made some mistakes.”

“Yeah, I guess we did. How are you, really?” Kristina asked him.

“I’m okay. It’s a constant struggle, but thanks to you, I’m learning to deal with it. It’s not like I can run off and get drunk here, so there’s that,” he said, trying to make a joke.

“Well thank God,” Kristina said smiling.

“What is it that you wanted to tell me?” Danny asked.

Kristina’s nervousness came back full force. She didn’t exactly know how to say what she had to say. She especially didn’t want to say it over the phone.

“Kristina, are you still there? You got real quiet on me,” Danny said through the phone.

“Yeah, I’m still here. I’m just trying to find a way to tell you something,” she said, biting her lip.

“Just say what’s on your mind. I promise I’ll listen this time,” Danny said.

Janine mouthed “Just tell him” from across the living room.

“Um, well I did go to the doctor, just not today. I went about a week ago.”

“What did they say? You’re okay, right?”

“I’m perfectly fine. They told me I had a condition that won’t go away for, I don’t know, nine months.”

There was a pause on the other line.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Well that depends on what it is you think I’m saying,” she said.

“You’re… pregnant? Like, seriously, you’re pregnant?”

“Yes, eleven weeks. I guess it happened the first time we uh…”

Kristina took the phone away from her ear. Danny was talking so loudly that he could be heard from across the living room.

Janine looked at her and smiled. “Well, at least he’s happy.”

Kristina laughed and put her ear back to the phone. It took a while before she could understand anything that Danny said, but she was eventually able to tell him the due date.

“Where are you? Did they send you back overseas?”

Danny told her about going to military police school. “I’m in Missouri, at Fort Leonard Wood. I’ll be finished here before your due date, but I would love to see you before that day comes.”

“I’m just happy that you’re happy. All I’ve wanted to do since I’ve found out was tell you. I want to be a family, Danny. I know it’s going to be tough, but I’m up for it if you are.”

“I love you, Tina. I want the same things. There are things we need to work out, and not over the phone. I want to see you, talk through some things.”

“Of course, I understand that. As soon as you’re able to leave or have visitors or however that works out, I’ll be there.”

“Tina, one more thing before I go.”

“What’s that, Danny?”

“Call your parents. I’m pretty sure they would want to know they’re having a grandchild.”

“I… I don’t know about that, Danny. You know how they are. It will just end in an argument.”

“Tina, listen to me. I fight every day not to drink. It’s a constant thought in my head, a constant struggle. Something is going on with your dad. Talk to him, without the yelling and fighting. Find out what happened to him to make him this way. Just think about it, okay?”

Kristina hesitated. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

Danny hung up the phone after telling her he loved her and would call tomorrow to check on her.

“What did he say?” Janine said.

“He wants me to call my parents, to tell them about the baby.”

“What’s the story about your parents? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Kristina got more comfortable in her chair. “No,” she said, “I was going to tell you eventually, anyway. It’s a long story. You might want to pour another cup of wine.”

Kristina launched into the story of her childhood, all the pain she had felt growing up in that house her mother had dared to call a home.

She told her all about the times she had to pick her father up from lying in his own vomit, the hurt she felt at how her mother just turned a blind eye to it all.

Kristina told Janine how she felt like they robbed her of a normal childhood, that she had to deal with things no child should have to deal with.

“I just don’t know if I can let enough anger out of my heart to ask them what happened,” she said finally, wiping tears from her face.

Janine had come to sit next to her at some point during the story.

“I think you owe it to yourself, Kris. You need closure, and holding that much anger in your heart isn’t good for anybody.

“I agree with Danny on this one. Call your parents. Hell, you have the time off, fly out there and see them, give them the chance to explain. You might see the whole situation in another light.”

“I just don’t know,” Kristina said, raising her head to look at Janine.

“Do you remember how you felt when Danny didn’t let you explain about your article?”

“Yeah, but that was different,” Kristina said.

“Was it? Maybe all your dad has been waiting on is for you to ask him why. Give him that chance,” Janine said, rubbing Kristine’s knee.

Janine left about an hour later. Kristina sat on her couch and stared at her phone. So many thoughts ran through her head. Could there have been a reason her father was the way he was? Could something have happened to him?

Kristina went back and forth in her head on why she should and shouldn’t call him. Finally coming to a decision, she picked up her phone, called the airlines, and scheduled a flight back to Humble, Texas.

Chapter 9

“The one who loves you will also make you weep.”

Kristina knocked on her parents’ door. She waited a few seconds before her mother opened the door.

“Hey Mom, can I come in?”

“Of course, Kristina, this is your home too.” She stepped back and let her daughter in.

Kristina rubbed her hands together and looked around her. As normal, nothing was out of place.

“Is Dad here?” she said, looking behind her to where her mother stood.

“He’s in the living room,” she said.

“Can you come with me? I want to talk to you both.”

“What’s this about?” her mother asker her.

“I just want to talk to you and Dad. That’s all.”

Her mother took a nervous breath and led the way into the living room. Her father was sitting on the couch, sipping on a beer.

At least it’s not the hard stuff yet
, she thought.

“Hey, Daddy,” Kristina said as her father looked up and saw her.

“If you’ve come to judge me again, you can just turn around and go right back out that door.”

“No… actually, I wanted to talk to you and Mom, if you’ll let me.”

He father looked at her for a while before sitting up on the couch. He motioned with his hand for her to sit down after a minute. Her mother sat next to her father and looked at Kristina.

“So, what’s this about, Kristina? What’s on your mind, honey?” Her mother asked her.

Kristina took an deep breath before she began. She hoped her father would be receptive to what she had to say and not immediately jump on the defensive.

“I know that, over the years, a lot has gone on in this house. I also know that things could have gone a lot better.”

“Kristina,” her dad said in a warning tone.

“Daddy, please just listen. I’m not here to tell you to stop drinking, or judge you for doing so. I’m here to find out why.” She looked her father right in the eyes. “What happened, Daddy? What happened to you that made you this way?

“There has to be a reason for it. I want to understand, Daddy; I always have. Please tell me what happened to you?” Kristina said, tears starting to flow down her face.

Her father looked over at his wife, then looked down at his hands that clutched the can of beer . He sat up straighter in his seat.

“I, um, I’m sorry that all you remember of me is me being a drunk.” Her mother grabbed his hand as he spoke. Her father swallowed several times. When he tried to speak again, Kristina heard the lump in his throat.

Her mother took over there. “You were too young to remember, Baby. I thought it best never to tell you because it was so hard on your father.”

“Tell me now, Mom, please.”

Her mother looked off to her left and rose from where she sat on the couch. She went to the lockbox she had kept there since before Kristina could remember. Her mother took the necklace she wore off and opened the box with the key, which Kristina always thought was a charm.

She pulled out a photo album and walked towards Kristina with it. She looked to her father, who had set his beer on the table. Suddenly he looked years older and what looked like grief took over his features.

Kristina took the album from her mother and looked down at it.

“Timothy,” it said simply. Opening the book, there was picture upon picture of a beautiful little boy she had never seen before.

“Who is this?” Kristina asked her mother as she flipped through the book. She came to a picture of the little boy holding a little girl. The little girl was her.

“Who is this?” she asked again, looking from her mother to her father. “Who is this little boy?”

“Timothy,” her father whispered. “He was your brother.”

“What? What do you mean, he was my brother? I’m an only child. I don’t have a brother. Mom, what is this?”

Her mother sat back down next to her father and grabbed his hand once more. “Timothy was our firstborn, Kristina. He was such a precious child, always so happy and full of life.

“He had just turned three years old when you were born. He loved his little sister, always wanting to feed you and help change your diaper.” Her mother smiled, as if remembering.

“It was a summer day in this very house. It was so hot, and Timothy kept bugging your father to take him swimming. I finally told him to take your brother to the local pool. Just for a few hours, I said.”

Her father took over from there. “I guess everybody had the same idea he did, because there were a lot of people at the pool. We swam for about an hour, but it was just too crowded for him to have any real fun.

“We were walking to the locker rooms when he said he was thirsty. He was pulling on my shorts, tugging me in the direction of the concession stand.