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Her body glides up mine so she can kiss me. She kisses me harder than I expected. She grabs my bottom lip with her teeth and releases it slowly. “Thank you.”

Anytime.

* * *

Day three. There’s still no change in my dad’s condition. As each day goes by, I lose more hope. The longer he is in a coma, the worse it is for him.

I try to remain positive for Annalisa. The more time I spend with her, the more I understand that her feelings for my dad are just as strong as my feelings for Caydon. Seeing her in pain is worse than feeling my own pain.

I made Caydon return to work. He didn’t want to, but I assured him that his mom and I would be fine. Besides, my dad’s brother and his family have also been here day and night.

I cannot help but think that if my mom had half the support my dad has that maybe she would have made it. However, I cannot think that way.

I have a love/hate relationship with the chair in my dad’s room. Today, I hate it. It irritates the shit out of me. I think I’m just antsy. I want things to change. Since I cannot take my frustration out on anyone, the chair will have to take my wrath.

I stand up and push the worthless piece of shit into the corner. “I don’t need you. Stupid chair. Pretty soon, I won’t need you anymore. Because he is going to fight and leave this Goddamn hospital. And you, my friend, will be left behind. You’ll offer your comfort to some other poor sucker.”

I can’t believe I’m having an argument with a chair. I should be talking to my dad…cheering him on.

Embarrassed by my conversation with the chair, I focus on my dad. Anger fills my heart.
Dammit, why isn’t he fighting this? Why? He’s so Goddamn strong, right?

“All of that training in the gym isn’t helping you now. Was it worth it, Daddy?” I ask sarcastically. “All of those days you’ve spent at the gym don’t mean squat now. Here you are…wasting away in a fucking hospital bed.” I get in as close as possible to his ear. “You’re letting them win, Daddy. Those men who beat you up are alive and walking around. Not you. You’re here lying down like a vegetable.”

“Get up!” I scream. “Get the fuck up!”

I don’t feel the tears streaming down my face. I don’t feel my hands clenching the sides of his bed. I barely hear myself shouting. “Fight me for me, dammit! Fight for your little girl!”

My sobs must have reached the nursing staff. Forceful hands are pulling me from my father. Arms are wrapped around my body. Someone is telling me to calm down.

Once I’m in the waiting room, I fall to my knees. I cover my face with my hands and allow my face to tumble to the floor. As I’m crouching on the ground, my cries become quieter. I sort of rock back and forth trying to gain some control back.

There is an arm draped around my shoulder. I don’t really care to look who it is.

“Reece? C’mon, Reece. Look at me.” It’s my dad’s brother, Eddie. My bloodshot eyes look at him. “Good. That’s my girl.”

I search his eyes for censure. There’s none. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I sob.

He rubs my back. “Hey, don’t apologize. You’re scared. I get it. We all are, Reece.”

I sit on my legs, still on the floor. “I’m so tired of being strong.”

“Then let us be strong for you. You don’t have to do this alone. We are all here with you.” My dad's brother smiles kindly.

I nod. “I need to get out of here for a while.”

“Good idea. If anything happens, we’ll call you,” he says.

I won’t hold my breath.

* * *

I walk for hours trying to clear my head. At the end of the walk, I’ve come to a few conclusions. The first conclusion is that I cannot stand the thought that I might have to write another eulogy for someone that I love. The second conclusion is that I’m petrified.

It’s not only that I’m scared of losing my dad. I’m scared of losing everything that I’ve gained back. The happiness I’ve experienced these last few months has been like a high for me. I don’t want to come back down from that.

I try to think of what really makes me happy and hold onto that, because it’s Caydon. He makes me feel, well, everything. He’s what I need right now to get me through this crappy day.

It’s as if my feet have their own GPS and they are guiding me toward Shorty’s shop. I can’t walk quick enough to get to him.

My body wakes up, as I get closer. I just need him to touch me and I will be okay. I can make it through this day if I can get to him.

From the outside, the shop looks empty. That’s a good thing. It means I won’t have to wait too long for Caydon to finish with his client. I approach the glass storefront with anticipation. I look inside.
No.

It can’t be. Hannah. Hannah is in the shop with Caydon. I move closer to get a better look. Caydon is sitting in his chair facing her as she stands. Suddenly, she moves behind him and drags her arm across his back in a slow, seductive way.

Run.

I need to run. Therefore, I do. I run away from it all. I run from my sick father. I run from my dead mother. I run from Caydon.

* * *

I see her walk in the door as I’m finishing with my client.

What the hell?

I tell her to take a seat. As much as I want to tell Hannah to get the fuck out, I can’t.

My customer leaves and I clean up silently. I don’t look at her when I say, “What the fuck do you want, Hannah?”

Her legs are crossed and she has a smirk on her face. “I am home for a little bit, so I thought I’d come and visit,” she says.

Now she wants to spend time with me. What a fucking joke.

I snort, “I couldn’t get you to visit when we were together, Hannah. And I don’t really want you visiting me now.”

“Caydon, let’s stop fighting. I hate it.”

Yeah, I don’t care.
“Too bad, Hannah. I couldn’t care less about what you like or dislike. It’s your fiancé’s problem now. Or is it Nash’s problem?” The look on her face is priceless.

Ha, ha, ha, bitch.

“What did you say?” She sits up in shock.

“Oh, you didn’t think I know about you and Nash?” I laugh.

She’s in panic mode. “I can explain,” she stutters.

Still don’t care.

“I don’t want an explanation. I don’t care who you fucked or didn’t fuck when we were together.” I don’t. It doesn’t matter now. In fact, it seems trivial to me. The only person I’m concerned about is Reece.

Hannah gets up from her chair and walks toward me. I continue cleaning the tray in front of me, ignoring her. I think she is going to walk out, getting the hint that I don’t want to talk to her.

I underestimate Hannah. She slips behind me and runs her hand across my back. The action makes me cringe. I keep looking forward, not responding. My voice remains calm and low. “I’ve never hurt a girl before, Hannah. But, touch me again, and I will hurt you.” I will. I only want one girl touching me and her name is Reece.

I turn my chair and face her. She looks as if I just slapped her. “Caydon,” her voice quivers.

I hold my hand up to stop her from talking. Her voice hurts my ears. I mean it. It’s fucking annoying to listen to her. “Hannah, go home and be with your fiancé. In addition, if you give a fuck about Nash, leave him alone. He doesn’t deserve your shit.”

There are tears in her eyes. “I love both of you. I don’t love Graham.”

Bitch, you don’t know what love is.

“I can’t speak for Nash. However, I don’t feel that way about you. I thought I did but it was nothing. I know what real love is now,” I confess. “And stop being so Goddamn selfish. Who gave you permission to fuck with people’s lives? You can’t control people the way your dad controls you. It’s not fair.”

Hannah shakes her head and sniffles. “I’m so unhappy, Caydon.”

Good.
“I can’t help you. No one can. Help yourself.”

“It’s Reece, isn’t it? She is the girl you are in love with?” Hannah asks with curiosity.

Don’t say her name.

I don’t like it. I remember how Hannah tortured Reece when we were kids. My stomach rolls just thinking about it. There’s no doubt in my mind Hannah would like to pick up where she left off. I’ll be damned if I let Hannah do anything to hurt Reece. “My love life doesn’t concern you. Now, I’m going to tell you one more time to go home. And if I hear that you even looked at her the wrong way, I will ruin you. Understand?” She gives me a blank stare. “I can’t hear you, Hannah. Say you understand, or else,” I warn.

The tremor in her voice is strong. “Yes, I understand.”

My chair spins around so my back is facing her. “Get the fuck out of here.”

“Bye, Caydon,” she whispers.

“Fuck off, Hannah,” I say under my breath.

* * *

I’m late. My little conversation with Hannah caused me to lose time. Shit.

I sprint to Reece’s door and knock before letting myself in. I call out for her but she doesn’t respond. I’m a little worried, so I head to her bedroom. “Reece?”

Her bedroom door is slightly ajar and I hear her crying. She is lying on her bed with her back to the door. “Reece?” I push the door open and turn on her lights.

There is an eerie feeling in the room. I can’t put my finger on it. All I know is that I’m somewhat scared.

More whimpers fill the room. I scurry toward her bed and try to lie next to her and wrap my arms around her. “Don’t fucking touch me!” she screams.

Baby?

“I mean it. Come near me and I will cut you.” Reece moves her body to a sitting position.

I know I’m late and she has been under a lot of pressure, but this is bat-shit crazy. My hands go up in front of me in a cautionary pose. Her body language is guarded. “Baby, I don’t know what’s going on. Did something happen with your dad?”

I go to touch her but she flings my hand off her. “I saw you with her,” she growls.

Hannah.

Nothing happened. In fact, I’m pretty sure it was our last conversation. “Okay?” I draw out. “She stopped by the shop. I kicked her out.”
Sarcastically, she responds, “Yeah, that’s not what I saw. I saw her touching you, Caydon.”

Touching me? When the fuck did she…oh.
“Nothing happened, I swear. She was there at the shop but it’s not what you think.”

“Tell me what I’m thinking, Caydon,” Reece spits out.

“You’re accusing me of cheating on you with Hannah. That’s not what happened,” I defend myself.

“I saw her slide her hand across your back. And I didn’t see you stopping her,” Reece accuses.

I move toward her again, but slowly. “Reece…I told her not to touch me. You have to believe me.”

Her face twists with pain. She is torn. I don’t know if that is good or bad. “Maybe I do believe you, Caydon. However, it still doesn’t change the fact that she is still in my life. It still doesn’t change the fact that she is trying to take what is mine.”

My stomach drops. This is about more than Hannah. Reece is in an unreachable place. I can see the desperation in her eyes. There is a good chance I might not be able to fix this. “Do you trust me?” It’s a simple question.

“No.” The answer is truthful, yet painful. “I don’t think you cheated on me. But life is fragile and unpredictable. I don’t trust that you won’t be taken from me. I don’t trust that you will be mine for as long as I live. In the end, you will abandon me…whether you find someone else, get sick and die, or just grow tired of me being afraid.”

I try to speak. My chest aches with the realization that she is lost in despair and fear. “Reece, I…”

She cuts me off. “No, Caydon. Don’t try to reason with me. I’ve been thinking about this all day. Everyone I love abandons me. My mom died. My grandma died. My dad is fighting for his life. You…well…you will be taken from me. For some reason, the universe doesn’t allow me to hold on to what I love the most. And I can’t fathom the thought that something bad will happen to you.”

Oh, shit.
This isn’t good. “You’re blaming yourself. Do you think if you break up with me that nothing bad will happen to me?”

“Yes,” her voice cracks.

This is bullshit.

“Reece, you have to stop thinking that way. I’m not going anywhere. I’m with you.” I sit on the bed next to her, wrapping her in my arms with the need to touch her.

Her eyes pool with tears. “Caydon, I’m sorry…I can’t.”

I’m paralyzed with dread. “Don’t do this.” Now, my eyes blink tears away.

“Don’t make this harder than it already is. Please just go.” She pushes my chest...hard.
That fucking hurt.
“Go.”

My voice quakes as I try to restrain from crying in front of her. “No.”

Get it together, you little bitch. Convince her.

Reece jumps off the bed and starts to shout. “Go! Fucking, go! I don’t want you anymore.” I try to reach out to her but she springs backward. “Don’t Caydon. Get out! Get the fuck out!” She’s falling apart right before my eyes and there is nothing I can do.

She won’t look at me. Her arms are crossed her chest. “Baby, I love you,” I whisper. “Stop this. Don’t fuck with my heart.”

Reece drops to the floor sobbing. “I’m begging you,” she heaves. “Leave me alone.”

My body can’t hold back anymore. The pain is unbearable. It consumes me. If I could reach inside of my chest and rip my heart out, I would. It’s slowly, fucking shredding apart. Hesitantly, I head for the door picking up shards of my heart. There’s not much.

“Just go, Caydon.” I barely hear her. Sobs fill the room but I’m not sure if they’re her cries or mine.

I love you.

That’s it. The last piece of my heart disintegrates as I walk out of her room, leaving her weeping on a cold floor.

Suddenly, my world is empty. Once again, I am alone.

My head aches. I walk to my car in a hazed mist. I’m incapable of seeing or thinking straight.

I know that once I’m in my car, I drive. Somehow, I end up at my apartment, although I can’t remember how I got there.

I’m standing in front of the cabinet where I keep all of my alcohol. I open it up and take out every bottle.