Lola Rose (25 page)

When we got to Harpreet's house she whispered in my ear, ‘I love your Auntie Barbara, Lola Rose.'

‘I love her too,' I whispered back.

I wished I was young enough to swing on Auntie Barbara's hand like Kendall. He started whimpering to go to the aquarium the minute he'd finished his ice lolly.

‘Now who's acting like a baby?' I said crossly.

I knew why he was. I almost wished we
could
go to the wretched aquarium. I was sort of scared of seeing Mum even though I'd missed her so much.

I was scared that she'd still look really ill.

But when we let ourselves in the front door we heard Mum talking. Someone was with her. I thought it must be Jake.

It wasn't Jake.

It was Dad.

The flat started spinning. I nearly fell over.

I heard a harsh laugh.

It
was
Dad.

No, it couldn't be Dad. He didn't know where we were. He couldn't possibly find us. He couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening. I had to be dreaming. If I closed my eyes tight and then opened them really really wide I'd wake myself up.

I closed my eyes. The flat stopped whirling. Dad's voice stopped too. It
was
a dream.

I opened my eyes wide. And there was Dad, right in front of me, his mouth a great grin, showing all his teeth.

I gasped. Kendall cried out too. ‘Dad! Dad! It's my
dad
!' he whooped.

He hurtled forwards, skinny arms elbowing me out of the way. Dad caught him and whirled him round and round. Kendall's shoes hit me hard on the head, making me reel again.

I felt hands gripping my shoulders, holding me up. Auntie Barbara.

‘Did
you
call Dad?' I whispered.

She shook her head. She looked over at Mum, lying on the sofa, white jacket over her black nightie, her face a mask of make-up.

I dodged past Dad and Kendall and ran to her. She put her hands up quickly to stop me.

‘Careful, careful! I'm still blooming sore, like I've done ten rounds with Lennox Lewis. Hello, darling. Glad to see your mum safely home? And Dad too? Isn't it a lovely surprise, eh?'

I stared at Mum. She stared back at me, her chin up, but she couldn't quite meet my eyes.

‘It's time we got together again, Jayni,' she said. ‘We've all missed Dad terribly, haven't we, Kenny?'

‘Yeah! Yeah! Oh, Dad, you're the greatest! Wheee!' Kendall yelled, as Dad stuck him on his shoulders. ‘I'm the king of the whole world! Look, I can touch the ceiling.'

‘Watch that light fitting, Kenny, you'll electrocute yourself,' said Mum.

I felt as if Mum had stuck us all into an electric socket. Fear sizzled through me, making my hair stand on end.

Why
had she done it? We'd spent all these weeks hiding from him, taking such care to start a new life so he couldn't trace us.

I knew why. She'd been so scared in the hospital. She needed someone to make her feel good. To make her feel she still
looked
good. Jake had been useless. So she started thinking about the one man in the world who was crazy about her.

She started spinning a little fairy tale, the way she always did. She'd kid herself it would all be so different now. Dad would be shocked she'd been so ill. He'd feel really bad and want to make it up to her. He'd have missed us so much. He'd realize just how much we meant to him. So he'd come back and he'd treat Mum like a queen. He'd never ever raise his hand to her again. He'd love her and cherish her and make her feel his special babe. We'd all play Happy Families and live Happily Ever After.

Mum had done her best to turn herself into a fairy princess. She couldn't raise her bad arm but somehow she'd bent over the basin and washed her hair one-handed. She'd painted her face with elaborate care. Her eyeliner was smooth, her lips outlined without a single smudge, though her hands were shaking now. She'd shaved her legs and painted her toenails pink.

She lay back in her careful pose, her jacket hiding the bulky bandage over her breast. She wanted the fairy tale to be real. Her eyes were going blink blink blink. She was wishing it inside her head.

I wished it for her too.

Maybe it really would come true. Dad wasn't laying into us, he was all lovey-dovey.

‘I've been doing my nut without you, babe,' he said, sitting down beside Mum. Kenny stayed squealing on his shoulder. ‘I couldn't credit it when you played that vanishing trick on me. I thought OK, you were teaching me a lesson, you'd stay away a couple of days, but you really meant it, didn't you, darling?' His voice thickened.

Mum snuggled up to him, touching his face with her carefully painted fingers. ‘Not really, Jay, sweetheart. I don't know what I was thinking. I was scared, you know? I suppose I just flipped. I needed to protect the kids.'

‘But you know I'd never lay a finger on my kids,' said Dad. He yanked Kendall onto his lap and tickled him. ‘I love this kid of mine to pieces, can't you see that?'

I felt as if I was falling down a tunnel. Dad was acting like he only had one kid. What about
me
? And what about the last time we'd been together? He didn't just lay a finger on me. He clenched his fist and punched me on the jaw, nearly knocking me out.

I stared at Dad, shouting inside my head. He looked over at me as if he could hear. He smiled. It was a shark smile.

‘Ah, Jayni,' he said, as if he'd just clapped eyes on me. ‘Aren't you going to give your old dad a kiss and tell him you're pleased to see him?'

Mum held her breath, staring at me pleadingly.

I pretended for her sake.

I pretended for my sake too, because I was scared out of my wits. I wanted to run right out the room, down the stairs, down the road, run away for ever. But I walked up to my dad. He put his arm round me. His lips nuzzled my ear, my neck.

‘That's my good little girl,' he whispered. ‘Was it you who put your mum up to all this, eh?'

I didn't know what to say. I started shaking.

‘Hey, are you shivering? You shouldn't be cold in that natty furry jacket. Nice little bit of clobber, that. So where's my fancy jacket, eh?'

‘We'll buy you one, darling,' said Mum.

So she hadn't let on that the money was all gone.

That's my babe. And my boy and my girl. My family, safely come back to me,' said Dad, arms round us all. Imprisoning us.

Auntie Barbara was standing free, watching us. She had her arms folded across her chest, hands gripping her elbows as if she was trying to hold herself in. She was looking at Mum like she couldn't quite believe it. Mum wouldn't look back at her.

But Dad did.

‘So, Barbara,' he said. ‘You were telling me porky pies when I came round to your pub.' He put his head on one side, puffing out his cheeks, his voice a silly high-pitched imitation. ‘
Oh no, believe me, Jay, I haven't got a clue where Nikki is. I haven't seen her for years. The last time I saw the kids Kenny was a baby
.'

‘That was true, Jay,' Auntie Barbara said steadily. ‘I didn't even have
your
address.'

‘Liar!'

‘You can call me all the names you like. I'm used to it.'

‘Ooh, what sort of names do you get called, little Barbie?'

‘I'm sure you're familiar with most of them,' said Auntie Barbara. ‘I'll go and make us all a cup of tea, eh, Nikki? How are you feeling?'

‘Fine,' said Mum. She looked grey under-neath her make-up. ‘Barbara just came to look after the kids when I had to go into hospital for the op.'

‘So who called her then?' said Dad.

I stayed very still.

‘I did,' said Mum.

‘Why didn't you call
me
? They're my kids, for God's sake.'

‘I know, darling, but I thought you might be freaked out by the whole hospital bit. Barbara, I'd love that cup of tea—'

‘Yeah, OK, Barbie, you pop the kettle on like Polly, and then you can pop off back to your pub,' said Dad. ‘We don't need you now. We're going home too.' He peered round the room, sniffing. ‘Whatever made you pick this dump, Nik? Are you sure this tumour isn't in your head?'

‘There's no tumour anywhere, darling. They've dug it all out of me. I'm as good as new,' said Mum.

‘I hope so, babe. I couldn't bear it if you had to have one of your lovely boobies chopped off.'

‘That's a really helpful attitude,' said Auntie Barbara.

We all tensed. Dad pushed Kendall so he slid off his lap.

‘She didn't mean it to sound like that, Jay,' said Mum.

‘What do you think I am, thick? Don't look so worried, babe. Jayni, stop that silly shivering. It's OK. I'm not going to blow my top. Even with your fat freak of a sister. Hear that, Barbie? You trot off back to Big Daddy.'

‘He's dead and gone,' said Auntie Barbara, ‘and I don't think any of us should trot off tonight. Nikki's exhausted. She needs to rest. And she has to go back to the hospital next week for the results of her tests.'

‘What tests?' said Dad. ‘I thought you said the tumour had gone, Nik?'

‘It has, it has,' said Mum. ‘They cut it all out. I'm fine now. Just a bit tired.' Her voice cracked and tears started dribbling down her cheeks.

‘Don't cry, sweetheart, you know I can't bear it,' said Dad. He pulled her close so her head was against his chest. There there, my little babe. It's OK, your Jay's here now. He'll take care of you.'

He stroked her hair and kissed the tip of her nose as if she was a little girl. Mum hung onto him.

‘Oh Jay, you promise? You really will take care of me?'

‘I swear I will, darling. You can count on me. You're my little babe and I'm going to keep you safe. Now you lie back. No wonder you're tired. I'll tuck you up, eh? You could do with a little nap. We'll stay here for the night if that's what you want. We'll get you back home tomorrow. I'll carry you in my arms if necessary. I'd carry you clear across the world, babe. You mean all the world to me. I was ready to top myself when you left. But I don't blame you, sweetheart. I'm not angry any more. You were obviously getting sick already, not thinking straight. You panicked, I know. I understand. But now you can relax. We're going to start all over again, you and me and our little lad.'

‘And Jayni,' Mum said.

‘And Jayni,' Dad said.

I hated the way Dad was looking at me. I couldn't be his little girl any more. He thought it was all my fault.

Maybe it
was
my fault.

My head felt as if it was being crushed. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see, I couldn't think.

Then I felt those two steady hands on my shoulders.

‘Come and help me make the tea, Jayni,' said Auntie Barbara.

She steered me out into the kitchen. I leant against her. She wrapped her arms round me, bending over.

‘You can come and live with me if you like,' she whispered.

‘He wouldn't let me.'

‘We'll work it out somehow. I'm not going to let him hurt you, I promise.'

‘But he'll hurt
Mum
.'

‘Maybe they'll work something out,' said Auntie Barbara. ‘Maybe he really will take care of her. Maybe this is his last chance and he's taking it.'

When we went back into the living room Dad was trying hard, plumping up the pillows behind Mum and straightening the covers on the sofa bed.

‘That's my girl,' he said. ‘There! Is that comfier?'

‘Yes, Jay, much.'

‘We'll tuck you right up, eh?' Dad said tenderly. ‘Let me take your jacket off. There now, don't worry, I won't hurt your poor chest. My brave little babe, you never make a fuss, do you? Well, you're not ever going to get hurt again, I promise. We'll tuck you up tight and you can have a lovely long snooze.'

‘You're so good to me, Jay,' Mum said.

‘That's right, babe. No one's ever looked after you the way I do,' said Dad, tucking the cover in firmly.

He felt something stuck under the mattress. He pulled it out. He held something crumpled and blue. He looked at it incredulously. ‘What the bloody hell are these?' he said.

Dad held the blue boxer shorts out and waved them in the air, so that the legs flapped. It looked comical but no one laughed. Even Kendall ducked his head, elbows pressed against his sides.

Mum stared at the shorts helplessly.

‘What are they?' Dad asked.

‘They're underpants,' Mum whispered.