Lola Rose (28 page)

She's going to die and there's nothing you can do about it
.

‘I'll wish, I'll pray, I'll promise anything.' I thought of all the fairy tales I'd read at school, the dangerous quests, the impossible tasks. ‘I'll do anything.'

‘Yes, anything!'

‘My dad?'

He doesn't scare you so much now
.

‘Then . . . what?'

‘Sharks.'

You got it. So go back to the aquarium. Stand at the shark tank. Lean against the glass so they swim right up close
.

‘I can't!'

Stay there and count sixty seconds. And again and again, sixty times, till you've stayed a full hour
.

‘But I'll scream. I'll be sick. I can't!'

I knew the Voice wasn't real. I knew it was me, making it all up. But I couldn't control what it was saying.

I thought of those great fishy heads gliding past, those awful staring eyes, the rows of jagged teeth. I started shaking as if they were swimming just the other side of the window. I couldn't do it.

Yes I could. It wasn't much to ask. Any other child could do it, easy-peasy. I had to try for Mum.

I went to the sofa bed and buried my face in Mum's pillow, breathing in her sweet, musky scent. Auntie Barbara came back as dawn was, breaking. Her face was screwed up. When she saw me she tried to smooth it out into a smile.

‘It's OK, Lola Rose. Mum's being looked after in hospital. They're pumping antibiotics into her.'

‘I'm not going to school today. We'll come to the hospital, Kendall and me.'

‘You can't, my love.'

‘Yes we can!'

‘No, Mum's being nursed in a side room. You can't see her in case you pass on another infection to her.'

‘Did I give it to her then?' I asked, appalled.

‘No! Well, it could have been any of us. Your mum's just so vulnerable at the moment.' Auntie Barbara struggled, shutting her eyes. ‘I'd give anything to make her better, Lola Rose.'

‘Do you love her, Auntie Barbara?'

‘Of course I do!' said Auntie Barbara, wiping her eyes.

‘But she was awful to you. She stole your boyfriend.'

‘Yes she did. She was very naughty even as a little girl. I had a special china doll with a long silky crinoline and a parasol—'

‘I've got a picture of one. I love those dolls!'

‘Well, your mum cut off all her golden ringlets and scribbled blue biro tattoos all over her arms. She said she'd turned her into a punk. I made a fuss, even though I was a bit old for dolls by that age. Dad heard me and saw the doll and then he laid into your mum. He was so hard on her. I cried buckets because it was my fault your mum had red slap marks all over her legs. Yes, I've always loved her. Like you love Kendall.'

‘I don't think I'd love him if he mucked up
my
doll.'

‘Yes, you would. You'd
hate
him but you'd love him too. It was awful when I lost touch with your mum. And now that I've found her . . .' Auntie Barbara let her voice tail away. She took a deep breath. ‘I'm so glad I found her. And you and Kendall. Now, darling, we'd better go to bed for an hour or two before we have to get up again for school.'

Auntie Barbara set her alarm clock but didn't stir when it started ringing. I switched it off quickly. I got Kendall washed and dressed and then organized myself.

‘Where's Mum?' he asked. ‘She hasn't died already, has she?'

‘Kendall! Shh! No, she's had to go back to hospital because she's got a fever.'

‘Is she going to die there then?'

‘No! She's not going to die – how many more times? Now, we're going to have breakfast
quietly
, OK? We don't want to wake Auntie Barbara.'

‘But she'll be late taking us to school.'

‘I'll take us, like I used to. Auntie Barbara needs to sleep, she's been up all night.'

Kendall nodded and started eating his breakfast, George on his lap. George got smeared with butter and sprinkled with crumbs. Kendall had dreadful table manners, especially this morning.

‘Don't suck your toast. It's not an ice lolly.'

‘You said I had to eat quietly. Toast goes crunch crunch crunch if you bite it,' said Kendall.

I had to smile at him. At least I was going to be doing him a favour this morning.

I wrote a note to Auntie Barbara telling her we'd gone to school. I sent our love to Mum. Then I let us out of the flat, shutting the door behind us very gradually so it didn't bang.

Kendall ran down the garden path and turned right.

‘No, this way,' I said, grabbing his hand.

‘But school's
that
way.'

‘I know. But we're not going to school.'

‘Where are we going then? To the hospital to see Mum?'

‘No, we're not allowed to now. Not till the fever's gone.'

‘So where
are
we going?'

‘You wait and see.'

I bought two children's travel cards at the tube station. I was using Auntie Barbara's money again but there was nothing else I could do.

‘We're going up to town?' said Kendall. ‘All on our own!'

‘Yes. It's an adventure, OK?'

‘It won't get scary, will it?'

‘Not for you.'

He didn't know what I was getting at. He didn't twig until we were walking along the embankment.

‘This is the way to the aquarium!'

‘Yep.'

‘Oh, Lola Rose, are you taking me to see George?'

‘That's right.'

‘But you hate sharks.'

‘Yes.'

‘You won't go in.'

‘I will this time.' Though I wasn't so sure now. I stood still for a moment.

‘What's the matter?'

‘I feel a bit funny.'

Kendall peered up at me. ‘You
look
funny. All whitey-green. Like you're going to be sick.'

‘I do feel a bit sick.'

‘You'd better wait outside. I'll go in all by myself.
I'm
not scared,' Kendall bragged.

‘I'm coming in too.'

I stumbled into the reception area and paid, pretending we were with another family up ahead of us. It was very dark. There were watery sounds all around us, as if we'd dived straight into an ocean. There suddenly seemed no way out. I saw a door but it said
STAFF ONLY
,
NO ENTRY
–
TRESPASSERS WILL BE FED TO THE SHARKS
.

‘Come on, it's downstairs,' said Kendall, rushing ahead.

‘Wait for me!' I cried, grabbing his hand.

‘Your hand's all wet, Lola Rose. Let go.'

‘No. Please. Wait, Kendall!'

‘I want to see George!'

He jerked his hand free and hurtled down the stairs to the next level. I ran after him, fish wriggling and squirming in tanks on either side of me. Then I saw the great tank looming, crowds gathered round.

‘George!' Kendall cried, rushing to the glass.

I cowered at the other side of the walkway, narrowing my eyes until I couldn't see the dark shapes gliding through the water. I couldn't breathe. It was as if I were in the water too, drowning.

I wanted to walk up to the shark tank and spread myself fearlessly against the glass window, but I couldn't, I couldn't.

I heard Kendall calling, ‘George! Here, George! Here, boy!' as if he were calling his pet dog. Then I blinked and saw George swimming towards him, his mouth opening wide.

‘Kenny!' I screamed.

It looked like he was about to be swallowed whole. I ran towards him, trying to snatch him from those terrible jaws.

‘Stop it! Stop grabbing at me! I'm fine. I'm not a bit scared,' Kendall said furiously, pushing me away.

I
was scared. There I was, against the glass, George darting past, his cold, alien eyes acknowledging me.

‘It's me. I'm here. Lola Rose,' I whispered. ‘I can do it. I can outstare you. You can swim past again and again. You can open your awful mouth and bare all those teeth at me, but I'm not going to move. I'm going to stay here nose to nose with all of you for an entire hour. I'm going to make my mum better, you'll see.'

I counted the seconds, over and over and over. Kendall watched with me for a while but then he hunched up in a corner, chin in his knees, just waving languidly every time George came into view. He was sometimes stepped on. The shark tank was the major attraction of the aquarium. People kept trying to elbow me out of the way but I stood fast. I wouldn't even let little toddlers in front of me.

I couldn't understand why they weren't all terrified. Some of them grinned at the sharks as if they were goldfish. A few of the adults were scared though, squealing and running away.

I stuck it out as the fish swam round and round and round, never once colliding. The ghost-like stingrays followed each other as if they were doing a slow dance routine. The golden trevallies swam in shoals. The sharks swam independently, as if they were each all alone in the tank, the nurse shark, the zebra shark, the sand tiger shark and the brown sharks.

I watched them, and every single time they swam past my heart thumped and sweat sprang out on my forehead. I felt sick, I needed the toilet, I couldn't stop shaking – but I stayed there.

I counted each second until I got to three thousand six hundred. Then I moved. I'd made a misty impression against the glass. It looked like a ghost Lola Rose had pushed her way right through the glass and was in the tank swimming with the sharks.

‘You're obviously a real shark enthusiast,' said an attendant in a bright yellow T-shirt.

I smiled at him weakly, rubbing my forehead.

‘You should come one time when they're being fed.'

I imagined those jaws ripping, chewing, swallowing. I shuddered. ‘How do you feed them? You don't get in the tank with them, do you?'

‘No. We feed the conger eels in the tank, but not the sharks.'

‘You'd end up as food yourself,' I said.

‘No, not these babies. We do swim among them sometimes but not when the public's around.'

‘You don't!' I didn't know if he was kidding me or not.

‘Yes we do,' he said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out something white and pointed. ‘Shark's tooth!' he said. Then he held out his hand. ‘Go on, you can have it, seeing as you're so interested.'

‘Really?' My hand closed round the tooth before he could change his mind.

‘They're meant to bring you luck.'

‘Thank you so much,' I whispered, clenching the tooth tightly in the palm of my hand.

The attendant walked off with a nod and a wink.

‘What did that man give you?' Kendall asked.

‘Oh, just a peppermint,' I said quickly. I put my hand up and pretended to eat it. ‘You don't like peppermint, do you?'

‘I like Kendal mint cake,' said Kendall.

‘I do too,' I said. ‘Come on, we'll buy you an ice cream because you've been so good.'

I kept the shark's tooth hidden in my hand all the way home. I felt mean because I knew Kendall would be thrilled if he knew about it, but he'd want it for himself. I had to keep it safe until I could give it to Mum.

I was sure it was a lucky talisman, able to work magic and make Mum better. I'd endured the hour-long torture of the shark tank. This was a sign that I had completed my task. I had shown the Voice of Doom.

Mum was going to get better.

Auntie Barbara was out when we got back, obviously at the hospital. I wished we'd stayed up in London. It was a long, long afternoon. Then Auntie Barbara came back at last. I heard her hurrying up the stairs. When she burst through the front door she could barely speak she was so out of breath. Her hair was tumbling out of her ponytail and there were damp patches on her blue shirt.

‘Where have you
been
?' she gasped. ‘I went to the school to pick you up and you weren't there. Ms Balsam said you hadn't been at school at all today. How could you do this to me, Lola Rose – at a time like this?'

‘I'm sorry. I – I had to go to the aquarium. I didn't want to worry you. I left a note.

‘Don't you dare do that ever again!' said Auntie Barbara. ‘You went to the
aquarium
? For goodness' sake, hasn't Kendall been there enough times already?'