Lost Without You (26 page)

“I'm still here,” Chip said softly.

She nodded, too overcome to speak.

“Aren't you the one who told Ben during the last show that his prosthetic leg was either a scar or a trophy and the choice was his to make? Why can't you take your own advice?” Chip asked. “Shouldn't you look at your scars as a trophy for all you've overcome in your life?”

She shrugged. “It's always easier to say it to someone else than to live the words yourself.”

Chip stroked the line of her jaw with the backs of his fingers. “You could be covered head to toe in imperfections and I would still find every single inch of you amazing.” He touched the rough edge of her scars and she suddenly noticed how bright the lights in the room were. A pit formed in her stomach.

Chip could see her scars.

And he still looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on.

Tears welled up in her eyes again but this time they were the happy kind. “I'm sorry I pushed you away. I've never felt for anyone the way I feel for you, and I got scared you wouldn't like me if you knew the truth.”

Chip brushed his thumb across her lip as it quivered. “You're right. I don't like you.”

She gasped at his admission, pain constricting in her chest like a vice grip.

“I love you, Zoe. I think I have since the first time I watched your audition tape for
The One
. Something about you stuck with me and I couldn't get you out of my head. Believe me, for a while I tried. But you were always there and the more time I spent with you, the more I knew you were the one for me. I just never knew how to make you realize it too.”

“I love you too. I have for a long time. Of course, most of that time I told myself I didn't and that there was no way you could ever love me … the real me.”

“I do love you, all of you. Scars, flaws, annoying personality traits, and all.”

“Hey, you have annoying personality things too, Mr. Bossy Producer Guy,” she teased, hitting him playfully on the arm then wrapped her arms around his neck and peered up at him. “Kiss me.”

“With pleasure.”

His lips touched hers and she pressed against him harder, trying to get closer to him. The need to be with him — really with him, without any more secrets — finally bubbled to the surface. She had tried to ignore it for as long as she could, but now there was no need to stop her feelings anymore.

Before she was ready, he broke away from her kiss and took her by the hand, pulling her toward the bathroom.

“What are you doing? I wasn't done with you yet,” she said, her voice laced with desire she couldn't hide.

“I'm not done with you either. But we both need a hot shower to wash the chill of the rain away. And I don't know about you, but I think those camping showers were crap.”

She laughed as he started the water, steam pouring out of the shower enclosure and fogging the mirror over the vanity. “I thought you were a big supporter of the solar heated showers? Weren't you the guy who told me how awesome they would be, how luxurious they were to have out in the wilderness?”

“I was full of crap. You shouldn't listen to me. I'll basically say anything to keep my crew happy so they'll do their jobs without complaint.”

He stripped naked in front of her, letting his clothes pile on the floor. She'd thought he looked amazing in the lantern light in his tent, but holy hell, in this lighting he looked like a god. His muscles were toned and tanned as if he spent long hours working outdoors. His stomach rippled with indentations around a perfectly formed six-pack while his breathing grew more labored as he stared at her. The length of him stood at attention, ready and waiting for her, and she suddenly wondered how he had fit so easily inside of her given the massive length she was met with now.

She pulled her eyes from his manliness to meet his gaze. She saw hunger and fire and lust gazing back at her. But she also saw love in his eyes. And a tiny bit of humor too. “What's so funny?”

“I'm enjoying you checking me out. I've wanted to see that look in your eyes for a long time and finally I'm getting what I want.” His smile grew. “And I'm wishing I had time to jump in the shower first to do a little grooming. I hate you're seeing me unkempt. Things are usually much more landscaped down there then they are now. Those damn camp showers were too cold to spend extra time in them.”

She laughed and stroked a single finger along his length to the base where the tiniest hint of hair grew. “Seems pretty landscaped already to me. Any more and it would go from acceptable manscaping to ‘oh my God are you kidding.' Rest assured, I like what I see.”

Chip pulled her shirt over her head and added it to his pile of clothes on the floor. “My turn to see you.”

He kissed her shoulder while reaching behind her to unfasten her bra.

“Wait,” she said nervously. “There are scars you haven't seen yet. The ones on my face are pretty minor comparatively.”

He didn't stop working on her bra while he gazed into her eyes. “Whatever they are, wherever they are, I won't care. The only thing that will ever bother me about your scars is seeing how much they bother you.”

The straps of her bra slid down her arms and she swallowed the fear in her throat. Chip cupped her breasts in his hands, his fingers skimming the surface of the jagged scar that had long ago turned white. She blinked back tears. No one but her doctors had ever seen it. Whenever she'd had drunken sex with men in the past, it had always been with her bra on.

Chip paused, eyeing the scar while his fingers traced the outline of it as if he were studying it, committing it to memory.

“I'm sorry. I know it's awful,” she said, the tears she couldn't hold back falling down her cheeks. She pushed against his shoulders so she could step away from him. He wrapped one arm around her waist while the other hand stayed on her breast.

“I won't let you push me away again. You're mine — good, bad, awful, ugly, or beautiful, you're mine and no matter how you look, you will never be less than incredible to me. I've never been with anyone more amazing than you.”

Chip kissed the top of her breast, his lips brushing against her scar. “I love you, Zoe. All of you.”

As he sucked her nipple into his mouth, toying with it, teasing it, her tears dried and she wiped the already fallen ones off her cheeks. She arched her back as he caressed her breasts — kneading them, kissing them. Her breathing came faster with his attention. She'd never let anyone touch her this way before. Granting the privilege to Chip was strangely easy.

Feeling a sudden urge to be with him in the shower, she stepped away from him and quickly stepped out of the rest of her clothes. Taking his hand, she pulled him into the shower behind her, shuddering as the hot water hit her chilled body. It had been too long since she'd had a shower that was more than lukewarm.

They stood together in each other's arms under the hot water for a few minutes soaking up the heat. When she finally felt the chill start to subside, she grabbed the little bottle of body wash provided by the hotel and squirted a dollop into her hand. She rubbed her hands together creating lather then ran them across Chip's broad shoulders and down the ridges of his chest. When she stroked his length with a soapy palm, he groaned and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back.

She squirted another dollop into her hands and scrubbed herself clean while Chip shampooed his hair. When they were both done, he motioned for her to turn her back to him so he could massage shampoo into her hair. The feeling of his hands in her hair, massaging her scalp, cleaning her, almost felt more intimate than actually being naked with him.

Almost. The persistent erection pressing against her back was pretty intimate too.

And distracting.

She tipped her head back under the water, washing the shampoo out. It felt amazing to finally be clean again after so long spent in the woods with minimal hygienic luxuries. While she used her hands to make sure the shampoo was completely rinsed from her hair, Chip pressed against her back, his hands snaking around her waist and exploring south. A moan escaped her mouth as he rubbed her sensitive skin. When his fingers found her opening and slipped in, her knees went weak.

“Are we done with the whole ‘get clean' part of our shower yet?” Chip asked, running his tongue along the outside edge of her earlobe.

“We're so fucking clean it's scary.” She reached behind her back, stroking him while his fingers worked magic on her body. Her climax came quickly, shattering any remaining inhibitions she had with him.

He spun her around to face him. “Let's get out of here and to the bedroom. I'll grab a condom from my wallet along the way.” He started to pull her out of the shower, but she held him back.

“You don't need one with me.” She looked into his eyes, knowing the next thing she said might be the thing that sent him packing. But she couldn't lie to him. She had to share the truth about herself with him. Every awful detail.

“I know we're both healthy adults and I'd love nothing more than to be with you one hundred percent naturally, but there's still the risk of a baby to consider.”

She shook her head and dropped her eyes, unable to say it out loud and watch his reaction too. Her voice came out so softly she worried he might not hear her over the sound of the shower. “That's not a risk for me. Another scar. This one isn't visible, but it's permanent and absolute. I'm damaged goods.”

He wrapped his strong arms around her, stroking her back. “No, you're perfect and I'm going to spend the rest of forever proving that to you.”

Zoe's back pressed against the cold tile of the shower wall as his mouth claimed hers. His hands slid down her body exploring every inch of her with a growing hunger that could only be satisfied one way. Wrapping her leg around his waist, she guided him into her, joining them.

“Wait a second. Didn't I hear something about Paige and Miles getting condoms out of your bathroom bag when they fooled around during
Treasure Trekkers
?” Chip asked.

She rolled her eyes, annoyed to be pausing their current activities to talk about Paige and her brother, of all people. “They did. It was all part of my act. Every woman should have condoms with her so if I didn't, I might have to answer why. Now can we stop talking about my brother's sex life and start focusing on ours?”

“Hell yes we can,” he said, lifting her against him, gaining better access.

She hooked her ankles behind his back. They moved together as the hot water flowed over them, washing away her past and leaving behind a clean slate for their future together.

Chip woke as the dawn light filtered in around the edges of the blackout drapes. He'd been far too preoccupied with Zoe to make sure that the drapes had been completely closed the night before.

Being with her was better than anything he'd ever experienced before and he wanted nothing more than to stay with her in bed for the entire day … week if he could swing it. But he knew that wouldn't happen right now. They had a show to finish filming and base camp to pack up. Then he'd be free to steal her away for a while.

And he seriously couldn't wait to have her all to himself with no distractions, no obligations, and no other guys around to flirt with her. He might not go back into the office for a month. He could oversee the editing of the season via email, couldn't he?

Zoe stirred on his chest, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

“Morning,” he said, caressing the valley between her hip and ribs. Her skin was soft and smooth and sent his blood flow rushing south. Maybe they didn't have to get out of bed just yet.

She rolled onto him, kissing his chest and straddling his hips. Apparently Zoe had the same thing in mind.

He slipped into her quickly as she settled herself in his lap, rotating her hips against him. “I could stay here all day with you,” he mumbled, fondling her breasts while she moved on top of him.

“But we can't do that, can we?”

“I'm afraid not. We have to go back and finish filming.”

Zoe stilled. “I don't know if I can go back there. I can't face them. What will happen with the show? I cheated for one of the teams. I probably ruined everything for you. The contestants will never be okay with what I did.”

He sat up and held her, wanting to ease her anxiety. “First of all, you can't just stop once we start. It's unfair and cruel.” He moved his hips, thrusting into her to prove his point. She squirmed against him, instantly driving him wild. “Secondly, I'll fix the problem. Give me a little time when I'm not otherwise occupied and I'll think of a solution. Everyone will understand what you did and why once they learn the truth. I'll make sure they do.”

Zoe kissed him. “You would do that for me? You'd risk your own reputation as a producer to save mine?”

“Of course. You're worth any risk.” He tangled his hand into the hair at the nape of her neck, tipping her head to the side so he could nibble on the sweet skin of her neck. He loved the taste of her skin below her ear and the way licking there made her squirm in his arms. This morning was no different, only the sensation of her body moving around his while she sat on his lap was more intense than ever.

Chip lost himself in the sounds of her breathing as it grew heavier in his ear.

• • •

Zoe let out a shaky breath while she waited for the production crew to finish setting up the final shot of the show. She'd changed back into her clothes from yesterday. They felt dirty next to her shower-cleaned body but she wore them anyway so they could film the rest of the finale as if they'd done it at the same time and not the following day. The contestants had also been instructed to wear the same clothes. The film from the day before was reviewed and small details were matched like Pam's hair coming loose from its ponytail on one side and the streak of mud on Justin's shin. Once everything looked as close to how it had yesterday as they could get it, then they would begin the last few moments of the show where she would announce the winning team.