Love Exactly (16 page)

“I’m sorry,” I leaned back and ended up with a very wet bottom.

Evan saw and had to hide his smile in his arm.

“I want this for you, but the last thing I want is to lose you. It hasn’t always been easy for me to let people in. I’ve never been in a real relationship before—I’ve never cared for someone the way I care about you. You have to know I’d give everything I have up just for one more night with you,” he explained as he reached for me and pulled me, wet skinny jeans and all, over him.

I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart as he breathed in and out. I could feel the hot tears making their way down my skin onto the part of his chest that was exposed from being to half unbuttoned.

“Hey,” he whispered, his hands stroking my hair. “What’s wrong?”

I moved and rested my chin on the bare skin as the tears came heavier than before.

“You don’t think I feel the same?” I finally managed to say as I ran my fingers over the shape of his face.

His eyes fluttered before he answered, “I know you do.”

“You were nominated for an award in the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame, weren’t you?”

His brow furrowed as he looked down at me. “Yeah, it’s in two months.”

I moved up his body so I was looking directly down on him. “You think there are any designers that would be able to get me a dress between now and then?”

His eyes widened. “That’s bigger than the Grammy’s.”

I shrugged. “Jump in with both feet.”

“That’s like going head first!”

Instead of answering I kissed him first on his thin upper lip and then full on the mouth before pulling away and saying, “I’ll face every single fear I have to be with you.”

He sat up, pulling my legs around his waist as he moved with his lips still crushing into mine. It made it very hard to breathe when he kissed me like this and made it even harder to keep my mind on anything but the way his tattoos glowed in the moonlight, accentuating his muscles in a painful, gorgeous way under my lips. I slipped the buttons of his shirt loose and slid it over his shoulders while his fingers set my skin on fire as they softly made their way up my shirt, lifting it over my head before he kissed my collarbone. I learned early on to never underestimate his strength, and I was glad when he was able to stand with my legs wrapped around his waist, his hands solid against my upper thighs. We left our shirts and shoes behind as we made our way back up the beach to the car. When we reached it Evan leaned my body up against the cool metal hood, and I shivered as his hands slipped my remaining clothing off. He pulled me up into the warmth of his body before carrying me to the back seat. His hands pressed mine into the leather as he moved over me with a slow, deep motion that sent my nails digging into his back. This was love exactly as it was supposed to be, slow, sweet, and agonizing in its perfect way.

As we stared up at the stars through the over sized moon roof with our naked bodies molded into the leather seats, I knew no matter what he was the only thing that mattered. There were so many things in my life that were unlucky and I realized now, as I ran my hands over the rose on his chest, I would do everything all again—deal with all the pain in my life and never regret it as long as I got to have this. I was unlucky in everything else but with him, yet he was all the luck I needed.

He kissed my forehead and I looked up at him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He ran his hands over my jaw line, and I closed my eyes as I felt the guitar calluses on his fingers. I had memorized the feeling of them the first time, every time and now I did again.

“I hope I never have to face any of my fears.”

“What do you fear?” I whispered as the trees stirred in the wind around us.

He shook his head. “I only fear losing one thing,” I nodded and he continued, “losing you.”

Walking around the downtown waterfront with Evan was something I only dreamed about. I didn’t think we would ever be able to do it without people swooning at him and asking for autographs, but my normalcy seemed to have benefited the situation. We sat on a park bench, watching as the sun began to disappear over the water. Its light settled on the water and reflected my mood. It was peaceful as I rested my head in his lap, my feet tapping to the beat he was humming as we looked through the pictures on my camera’s screen. When we came to the last picture Evan ran his hands over the waves of my hair spread out in his lap with a crooked smile on his face.

“Where should we eat?” he asked as his stomach growled.

I laughed and stood up, pointing to a restaurant on the other side of the bridge. “There—I hear the food is amazing.”

Evan stood and stretched, looking over at the building and then down at his plain black t-shirt and unbuttoned gray vest. He buttoned it and ran his hands through his hair before asking, “Do you think we’re dressed for it? It looks fancy.”

I looked down at my plaid shorts and pink halter top. “I look cute.”

“Yes, you do but you’re wearing shorts.”

I shrugged and put my hand in his. “There’s only one way to find out.”

As we walked over the dinner crowd was just starting to arrive, and there was already a line. When the hostess looked up at us she turned red in an instant.

“Two?” she asked, her neck flushing along with her face. She was a little younger than me and it was obvious she knew who Evan was.

“Yes, are we dressed okay?” Evan asked with his hands in his khaki’s pockets.

She looked him up and down and swallowed with a nod of her head.

“Great,” Evan replied, taking one of his hands and sliding it into mine. I was trying in desperation to not giggle.

“Name?” the girl squeaked out.

“Levesque.”

The girl went from red to white and Evan stepped forward to steady her with his hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

She looked at his hand on her shoulder, eyes wide and nodded. Evan dropped his hand and looked over his shoulder at me. I was now covering my growing smile with my hand. He mouthed the words
stop
and I dropped my hand, looking down at my flip flops.

“How long is the wait?” Evan asked as he looked back at the girl who was now holding her hostess stand with both hands and white knuckles.

“George?” she called out over her shoulder and a waiter came up with a smile. “We have a table open now, right?”

He looked at her pale face and then over at Evan and I. Evan now had his arm wrapped around my waist. I was starting to feel like we were creating a scene as the kid’s mouth dropped open. “Evan Levesque?”

Evan nodded and put his finger to his lips, feigning silence. I didn’t know who was more smitten, the waiter or the hostess. They both stood staring between the two of us.

I smiled. “Do you think my boyfriend and I could get a seat by the window? I’m from the area, and I told Evan the great things I’d heard about the restaurant.”

The girl’s eyes narrowed on me, saying a silent,
you bitch.

“Yes, yes, this way,” the waiter took the menus that the hostess had somehow managed to procure while staring me down.

“This is our best seat,” George said, picking up a crayon and writing his name on the paper table cloth. “Mine name is George, and I’ll help you with 
whatever
you need.”

Evan nodded as he reached across the table and took my hand in his. “Please don’t let anyone in on the fact I’m Evan Levesque. If they ask I’m his evil twin brother, mhmm? I’ll leave my autograph here for you as thanks—same thing with the hostess?”

George nodded and shuffled back to the hostess. She looked over at us, her face red and nodded as she smiled at Evan. He winked at her in response and she gripped the hostess station.

“Wow,” I managed to say through quiet giggles. “You sure have an effect on the ladies.”

“That,” he said, nodding over his shoulder. “Is why you were so special—are so special.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t my coffee breath?” I teased.

“All it took was one cup and I was hooked,” he replied and the look he gave me over the menu sent my heart thudding in my chest. “So do you want some wine?”

As if on cue George appeared to the right of us. “We have a special today, half a bottle of our best Chardonnay with fresh iced fruit?”

Evan looked at me for approval and I nodded.

“Do you always get treated like this?”

Evan shrugged. “Not exactly. In LA I can’t go anywhere without having a camera shoved in my face. This is minor, at least I can eat with the other normal people around me.”

“You must like coming here then?”

His brow furrowed in sarcasm. “Yeah, that’s the reason I like to come here.”

I looked out the window over the water just as the first stars began to reflect on it. Evan squeezed my hand so I would look up at him.

“This is perfect,” he whispered as he lifted my hand to his lips.

Our wine was brought over in record time and our appetizers where on the table before we could even get the order out of our mouths.  When our main course came George nodded over his shoulder across the room as he poured us two glasses of champagne. “The gentleman over there says that this is on him.”

I scanned the dimly lit room until I found the green eyes I could never forget. They were filled with that familiar distaste, and I suddenly had no appetite. Evan’s eyes were watching my face, which I imagined was about as sheet white as when the hostess figured out who he was. Evan glanced over his shoulder to where I was glaring and his knee jerked against the table, spilling champagne over the rims of the glasses onto the table.

“You fucking piece of shit,” Evan hissed under his breath.

George recoiled. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

“Not you,” Evan snapped, taking both of the glasses and standing. “Him.”

“Evan!” I grabbed his arm, but he pushed me off. “Don’t!”

Evan didn’t seem to hear me, and he continued to walk right towards Eric.

“Evan!” I begged. “Stop!”

I saw Evan stop mid-step, his shoulders tense before he continued towards Eric who was already backing up in his chair. He hadn’t thought Evan would do anything in public. I hadn’t thought he would either.

“We meet again,” Eric said, beginning to stand. His date looked mortified, and I saw the edge of a bruise on her elbow, no doubt from him.

“Sit,” Evan ordered and Eric fell back in his chair.

Evan looked over his shoulder at me as if he was trying to decide what to do. His eyes followed mine and the girl yanked at her three-quarters sleeve shirt so the purple was covered. I could see the vein in Evan’s arm starting to show; whatever he wasn’t going to do he was sure as hell going to do now. He’d seen the bruise just as I had. He didn’t say a word as he tipped the champagne glasses and dumped them onto Eric. The woman squealed in surprise and Evan turned to face her, kneeling down so he was at eye level with her. He put his hand over hers, and although I couldn’t hear his words I could read his lips.

“Leave him,” he said; “you’re not the first.” Evan’s eyes drifted to me and so did the woman’s. “And you won’t be the last.”

Evan turned on his heel and came back to sit in front of me. I was grinding my teeth at him in my livid anger because he hadn’t listened. George was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, fascinated, cell phone in hand.

“Evan!” I hissed. “That kid has a freaking iPhone and he taped that whole hissy fit.”

Evan’s eyes narrowed on me. “I wasn’t throwing a hissy fit.”

I put my hands in my lap and looked him in the eyes. “What would you call it?”

“Defending you,” he growled, his hands in fists on the table.

I looked over his shoulder and saw Eric throwing a few hundred dollar bills on the table before grabbing the woman by the wrist and yanking her towards the door. George was still taping the scene and when Eric was gone he turned the camera on us. Evan stood and this time I didn’t say anything. I just sat and looked down at my dinner, still untouched. When Evan returned to the table he had the device in his hand; he cracked open the window and thrust it into the water.

I looked up at him shaking my head. He sat back down and picked up his fork. “I’ll leave enough to cover it.”

We ate the rest of our meal in silence, and when George offered dessert I refused. Evan ordered something for each of us anyways and had it boxed up. When the bill came he brought out the black credit card and left a tip that would have set anyone else into panic mode. It was enough to not only cover the cell phone, but to buy some silence about the situation that had occurred. I didn’t say anything but let him slip his hand into mine as we left. When we got to the car I turned my body and my face away from him to stare out the window. His own anger showed in his lack of creating any kind of beat with his hands and his accelerated driving speed. We made it back to my place in no time.

“Enough!” Evan slammed the car into park so hard my head jerked back. “Why are you mad at me?”

I was still so angry at him I couldn’t speak; instead I got out of the car and headed for my apartment door. It wasn’t until I was standing there staring at the doorknob that I realized he had my keys. His arm reached around me and opened the door. He threw the keys on the entryway table as I turned to face him with my arms crossed.

“Seriously? You think I’m perfect? I snapped—any guy would’ve! You’re not perfect either,” he said pointing between the two of us. “We’re not perfect. I don’t know what the hell you thought this would be. I mean with your—”

“My what?” I hissed.

“With him,” he answered, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

I took two deep breaths as I waited for him to open his eyes.

“Yeah, like your past is really easy for me to handle. At least I haven’t slept with every supermodel known to man,” I fired back at him, my voice filled with venom that wasn’t like me. I knew the reason I sounded like this. I hated he was right. I hated he made me feel like such a complete ass.

His jaw clenched before he opened his mouth and then closed it with a shake of his head. Evan never yelled at me and he wasn’t going to now. It was with one look I knew I crossed the line, but I was so angry I didn’t say anything to repeal the venom. I let him take his keys and walk out of the door with his hands in fists. He yelled at the sky before getting in the Audi, and I listened as the turbo screeched when he slammed on the gas on the way out of the driveway.

I stood in the hallway, staring at the door, the rise and fall of my chest rapid. I had screwed up royally by mentioning one of the things he was most ashamed of; the thing he had been very open and truthful with me about. It was all because of Eric and the worst part was the hate I felt rising up within me like toxic bile. The feeling of physically wanting to hurt another human being wasn’t one I felt pleasure in, especially because that had been his whole game, hadn’t it? I didn’t want to believe I was anything like him; that Evan was anything like him, but we both had acted more than once on our feelings towards him with violence. Last time it had been physical while this time it had been verbal. The thought that sent me into the bedroom with a pillow over my head was that this was probably exactly what Eric had wanted. 

I finally flipped in the bed and stared up at the ceiling with the tears streaming down my face. What the hell was I doing? I had found someone who respected me despite everything and instead of being thankful he was defending me, while trying to protect someone else, I was livid with him.

When Evan came back a half an hour later, he crawled into the bed next to me and when I turned to face him he took my face in his hands, wiping away my tears with his thumb and kissing my forehead.

“We can’t let him win,” he whispered as he enveloped me in his arms and kissed my hair. “Please don’t let him win.”

“I don’t want to be the pawn in his sick game anymore. I thought I wasn’t, but somehow I still am.”

Evan shook his head. “No. He won’t win if we don’t let him.”

I looked up at him and saw his eyes were rimmed with red. “Hasn’t he already won? He’s gotten us to settle down to his level.”

Evan nodded. “But what do you think he really wanted?”

“To make me as miserable as ever…to prove he can control me without being in my life but he can’t, because I’m happy.”

Evan pressed his forehead into mine, sighing as he closed his eyes. “I was wrong. This is perfect.”

“Always,” I whispered back.

“You know I’ll mess up again?” he asked, opening his eyes. I watched them as they moved back and forth over my face, studying my reaction.

I smiled. “And so will I.”

He kissed each of my eyelids. “Perfect.”