Love Is Overdue (35 page)

And just like that he rolled over and
pulled the pillow up between his arm and his head, making himself
comfortable. I smiled to myself, cuddling up next to his warm,
strong body. He always fell asleep so easily in my bed, just as if
he was in his own. He was at home with me, and I loved every bit of
it.

Chapter
Sixteen

When I awoke a few hours later I felt
the most intense pressing on my bladder, and then I remembered the
bottles and bottles of water I’d been drinking out in the heat at
the festival, and I needed to go – bad.

I jumped up out of bed, turning and
seeing Ben still fast asleep there next to me. It was a sight I
would never grow tired of. I scrambled into the bathroom just in
time and once I finished I wrapped myself back up in my sarong,
which was still crumpled up on the bathroom floor, along with my
bra and panties and all of Ben’s clothes. I gathered everything up
and brought them into the bedroom, laying out Ben’s clothes for him
on top of one of my clean laundry baskets, before wandering back
down the hall to the kitchen for another glass of water.

The time on the microwave read 4 am. I
smiled to myself realizing I had at least three more hours to
cuddle up next to my man before the festival in the park dragged
him away from me for another long day.

There was a buzzing coming from the
electrical socket where my coffee maker was plugged in. Ben’s phone
was lying on the counter, the charger plugged into the wall. Then
silence. It was obviously just a reminder message, not a phone
call… Then again, it could have also been a text
message.

I
took a long sip of my water, still just staring at his phone. I
couldn’t.
Just go back to bed,
Gabriela.
But I stayed put. I
didn’t move. And another moment or so later I was next to Ben’s
blackberry and picking it up.

I knew it was wrong. My head was
shouting out for me to stop, but that tiny little nagging voice in
the back of my head that kept trying to convince me I wasn’t good
enough for Ben, was getting stronger and stronger.

I turned on the phone. One new text
message. Sent at half past midnight.

I opened it. “Amira” popped up on the
screen. Who the fuck was Amira?

My fingers were shaking as I opened
the message.

pop by next week, cuz you obviously got something to tell me.
Anyway it was still nice to see you today Ben – looking fine as
always. Even if you were preoccupied with some other chick all day
long. Big girl too. I guess it was a mistake for me to take all
those Pilates classes this winter. Haha>

I swallowed hard. What? My mind was
desperately racing trying to process what I had read. But instead I
checked the text history.

12:35 pm, Amira

1:20 pm, Ben
too. You lookin’ good. How you been?>

1:25 pm, Amira
day?>

1:35 pm, Ben
What about you?>

1:39 pm, Amira
later?>

1:56 pm, Ben

2:02 pm, Amira
then?>

2:25 pm, Ben
but I got family shit goin on later. Nice seeing you today
though>

2:29 pm, Amira

3:01 pm, Ben
know it ain’t like that. I’m busy that’s all. But
sorry>

3:13 pm, Amira
haven’t seen you in forever. What happened? I miss
you>

3:37 pm, Ben
talk. Come by the restaurant some time next week>

3:47 pm, Amira
I stated earlier. BLOW OFF>

4:36 pm, Amira

5:12 pm, Ben
of your business>

5:17 pm, Amira

5:32 pm, Ben
will call you next week. Calm the fuck down. And go have some fun.
I think I saw Theo by the gates about 5 mins ago. You know he likes
you>

5:40 pm, Amira

5:49 pm, Ben
Funny. I miss you too. I guess I do owe you a drink>

6:01 pm, Amira
shit. Who is that girl though? Seriously. Don’t lie to
me>

6:22 pm, Ben
girl I like>

6:25 pm, Amira
Ok>

There was no other reply from Ben.
Just the new text from her after midnight. My head was spinning.
There were seven other contacts on his text history from that day.
I scanned through them. Patrick. Lena. Me. Johnny – his sous chef.
And three other female names I didn’t recognize. I opened them all
one by one.

4:58 pm, Melissa
and you weren’t even there anymore…>

No reply from Ben.

5:47 pm, Julia
mister. Long time no see. That was me in red. I saw you
looking>

No reply from Ben.

6:12 pm, Amanda
already>

No reply from Ben.

“
What are you
doing?”

I jumped and practically dropped the
phone. “Shit.” I turned to face him suddenly. “You scared
me.”

My face fell and I got an aching pain
in the pit of my stomach as I noticed Ben’s eyes scanning over me
and his blackberry – which I had just dropped back onto the counter
– and back to me. Slowly. Deliberately. He didn’t say
anything.

“
Ben, I’m sorry…” I found
my voice. “I just…I heard it buzz. You have a text. I should have
just…you know…” My voice trailed off as Ben made his way over to
me, picked up his phone and scanned the screen for a
moment.

He sucked his teeth softly, clicking
his phone back off. “Why you goin’ through my phone, Gabriela?” His
voice was soft. Calm.

I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
I hated myself. “I’m…” But I didn’t know what to say.

Ben sat down on one of the kitchen
chairs, wearing only his boxers. How the hell hadn’t I heard him
get up?

He looked up at me then, leaning back,
resting his arm on the kitchen table. “Why don’t you trust me?” He
was still so fucking calm.

I swallowed, forcing myself to meet
his eyes. “I never said I didn’t trust you,” I mumbled
pathetically.

Ben sucked his teeth at that. “Come on
now…you goin’ through my phone…but you trust me?”

“
Ben, I’m…” I racked my
brain, telling myself not to panic. “I’m probably just sleepwalking
or something. Either way I’m not thinking straight. I shouldn’t
have done that.”

Sleepwalking?
I was an
idiot…

“
Gabriela, don’t fuck with
me, okay? Am not stupid.” He was still calm.
Unbelievably.

I sighed. I took a deep breath. My
heart was racing so fast I started to feel faint. “I guess I was
just…curious.” Pathetic.

“
About what?”

“
You.”

“
Me,” he repeated.
“So…?”

I swallowed again. “What?”

“
Did you find what you were
looking for?”

Oh fuck, he was pissed. And rightly
so. Why was he still so fucking calm?

“
I wasn’t looking for
anything, Ben.”

He just stared back at me for a
moment. “Awright, fuck it…” He ran his hands down his thighs, the
impatience wearing on him now. “If you ain’t gonna be straight with
me then there’s no point having this conversation…”

He moved to get up but I cut him off.
“Okay look. Ben. I’m sorry. I heard your phone buzz and I…I guess I
was curious why someone was texting you in the middle of the
night.”

There. I said it.

He nodded slowly. “Okay, so ask
me.”

“
Ask you what?”

“
What you wanna ask me,” he
repeated. “About my text messages.”

“
It’s none of my business,”
I mumbled.

Ben’s eyes went wide at that. I could
tell he was getting angrier and it was killing me. “You right it’s
none of your business, Gabby. But you made it your business by
going through my phone, so just ask me what you wanna ask
me.”

I froze. The calmness in his voice was
starting to wear thin. Ben knew how to control himself. He was much
angrier than his tone was suggesting.

“
Maybe we should talk about
this later.” I knew it was the wrong thing to say but I was
suddenly way too scared to continue the conversation.

“
Why the fuck would I want
to talk about this later?”

“
I don’t know…” My mind was
scrambling. “Maybe so you can calm down a bit.” Now I was in
defense-mode. I was just making this worse and worse…

His eyes went wide again as he stared
back at me. “You a real piece of work – fi real.” His words were
slow. Deliberate. Painful. “You really telling me to calm
down?”

I ran my hands over my face then,
waiting…thinking. I felt like I may throw up. Finally I pulled them
back, slowly. Reluctantly. “Can we just go back to bed,
Ben?”

But Ben just sucked his teeth. “I’m
goin’ home…”

Shit. No. This was real
bad.

“
No,” I said quickly, as he
started to get up. “Ben, don’t go. You’re right. Let’s just talk
about this.”

He dropped back down onto his chair
staring me down. Not speaking.

“
Okay…” I sank down onto a
chair opposite him and pulled one of my feet up under my thigh. I
took a deep breath. “Who is Amira?”

Ben kept his eyes on me. “She’s a
friend of mine.”

I nodded slowly. “I never heard about
her before.”

Ben sighed. “I think there are a lot
of friends I have that you haven’t heard about before,
Gabby…”

“
Yeah, but…” I stopped.
“What about Melissa? Julia?” I racked my brain.
“Amanda?”

Ben’s gaze didn’t shift off mine and
his expression didn’t change. “They’re all girls I know – that see
me today at the festival.”

“
Girls you
know
…” I repeated,
stressing the word.

“
Girls I used to fuck.” Ben
decided to clarify it for me.

“
Oh.” My heart
sank.

Ben watched me for another moment, not
saying anything. “You know, I’ve been single for a long time,” he
said then. “There are girls I don’t talk to or see anymore since I
met you so I guess when they saw me today they decide to say what’s
up…”

“
Okay…” I said softly,
taking in his words. “But you still talk to Amira.”

Ben sighed. “Yeah, because…we’re
friends, that’s different.”

“
Did you used to fuck her
too?” I had to ask.

“
Sometimes,” he
admitted.

“
Oh.” Crash.

“
But we were tighter than
that. It wasn’t just about sex.”

“
Oh. You mean, like a
girlfriend.”

“
No. Just
friends.”

“
Friends with benefits.” I
hated that fucking expression.

Ben sighed. “I guess…something like
that.”

I nodded slowly. “So…if you’re friends
then that means you still…” My voice trailed off. “When you hang
out, that means you still…” I couldn’t even say it.

Ben’s eyes hadn’t shifted. They were
still glued to mine. “Are you really fucking asking me that,
Gabby?”

“
Yes. I am.”

Ben nodded slowly. “Okay…so assuming
I’ve even hung out with Amira in the time that I’ve known you,
Gabby, do you really think I have any time to fuck anyone besides
you right now?” He paused for effect. “Be honest.”

I sighed, running my fingers through
my hair. “I don’t know anything, Ben…”

His eyes went wide as he stared back
at me. “You don’t know anything? Really?” He paused, still staring
me down. “You don’t know anything about me? I can’t believe I’m
even listening to this shit right now…”

“
I don’t mean it like that,
I just…okay, so you haven’t seen her or fucked her. I believe you.”
I took a breath. “But she doesn’t know about me.”

“
Hasn’t come
up.”

“
I see…”

Ben paused, thinking. “I haven’t seen
her in a very long time, Gabby, like weeks before I met you….it’s
not really something I feel like bringing up in a text
message.”

I stayed silent.

“
We’ve been friends for a
long time. Since right after Angela and I split. And I know she
always wanted more from me so it’s not really the easiest
conversation to have…” He paused for a moment. “When you consider
the fact that I spent years telling her I’m not ready to be in a
relationship, that I can’t handle commitment and I certainly can’t
be her boyfriend, how do you think she would take the news? So…no…I
never told her about you.”