Love Is Overdue (49 page)

I just nodded again and kept my mouth
shut.

Tammy stared me down for a good
moment. “I’m going to give you an opportunity to remedy this,
Gabriela. But if we have to have this conversation again, it won’t
end the same way. So please…pull yourself together.”

“
I will.”

“
Okay. Go grab yourself a
coffee and regroup. I could use a cappuccino myself. Jeannine, you
want anything? Gabby’s gonna make a coffee run.”

Ω

I stepped
out into the back alley with their order and fished through my bag
for my cigarettes. Ben’s Escalade was in its stall behind the
restaurant. I saw it nearly every day and every time it made me
almost burst into tears. The reality of the situation was finally
hitting me. I was going to have to look for a new job and not just
because Tammy was on the verge of firing me. Every single thing
around me reminded me of him. And the worst part was that even when
I went home there was no escape. The apartment I lived in had Ben’s
name written all over it too…

I took a deep breath and started
walking. But before I’d even made it past his car I heard the
remote lock go off and the headlights flash. And then the back door
of the restaurant swung open and there he was.

It was strange because in over three
weeks we had managed to not run into each other even once. And now
because of Tammy and her fucking insistence on turning me into her
errand girl, even that had failed me.

He looked so handsome, like a painting
or a photograph…I would have sold my soul to have him to myself
again…

I steeled myself though. There was no
way I was breaking down again.

Our eyes locked immediately, but as it
was so often, I couldn’t read his expression. He walked slowly
toward me and his car. “Hey.”

“
Hi,” I managed. “I was
just…going for coffee…” I gestured up the alley and just started to
walk again.

“
Wait a second…” His voice
pulled me back.

I turned around.

“
How you doing,
Gabby?”

That was it?

“
I’m fine.”

“
How’s your
mom?”

“
She’s fine.”

He raised his eyebrows at me,
questioningly. “You sure?”

Fuck, if I didn’t get out of there
soon I was going to start to scream…

“
Yes, I’m sure,” I
repeated.

He nodded slowly, just watching
me.

I stared back at him, waiting. “Is
this…is this conversation going anywhere or can I just…?” I
gestured pathetically again.

He bit his bottom lip for a moment,
still staring me down. “It’s just nice seeing you, that’s all,” he
told me quietly.

What the fuck did that
mean?

“
Okay…thanks…you too, Ben,”
I stammered. “I should probably go so…”

He nodded again. “Okay…just…” He
hesitated for a moment, like he was debating what he wanted to say.
“You know, if you ever need anything…”

My eyes went wide in confusion. “Need
anything?” I couldn’t let that one go. “Need what? What the hell
does that mean?”

He let his breath out. “I don’t know,
Gabby.”

I stared back at him, completely
confounded.

“
I just mean…in general,
y’know…” He paused. “I guess that’s just my nature…old habits die
hard.”

I swallowed. “Well, thanks for the
gesture, Ben, but I think I do a pretty good job of taking care of
myself.” Lies. All lies…

But Ben kept his eyes locked on mine.
“Yeah, I know you do.” He sounded like he meant it. It was a small
victory perhaps.

I nodded. “I’ll…” I stumbled over my
words again though. “I’ll see you later, Ben.”

I turned and headed up the alley then
and the only consolation I took with me was that in my rush out of
the office, I had forgotten to swap out my knee-high brown-suede
heels for my mid-calf flats. If anything, I hoped as he watched me
walk away that a small part of him still wished he could fuck the
shit out of me just one more time…

Ω

“
So what happened to your
boyfriend? Why won’t you talk to me about it?”

I was in the
kitchen trying to cook dinner, and my mother was in her housecoat,
her wheelchair pushed up against the kitchen table, as she
absentmindedly skimmed through the newspaper, while simultaneously
distracting me with random articles she came across. She was always
fascinated with crime – for some reason it excited the hell out of
her.

But now she decided to get
personal.

“
There’s nothing to say
really,” I shrugged it off. “We just decided it wasn’t working out.
No real reason.”

“
You’ve never been a good
liar, Gabriela, I don’t know why you are attempting it
now.”

I heard her turn another page. I
turned back to the garlic I was mincing for my Greek salad
dressing. I sprinkled it with some salt and began to mash it into a
paste with the back of my knife. Ben was always notorious for
giving me little tips and tricks like that. As much as I hated to
admit it, they seemed to come in handy a lot…

“
Mama, I’m not talking
about this with you.”

“
Why not? It will help to
get it out – you can’t keep it inside. Was it another woman? Be
honest.”

I sighed. “No, Mama.”

“
That you know of,” she
threw out casually.

“
No.”

“
Well, you’re heartbroken.
That I can see.”

I sighed,
slicing down through the middle of a massive red onion. I kept my
back to her, telling myself I would blame the tears on the onion if
she noticed. But as usual, my eyes had welled up long before
that…

Ω

He answered
on the fifth ring. I had almost hung up when I realized the time
difference made it after 11 pm in Montreal. But his voice didn’t
sound sleepy when he answered.

“
Hey…Laz. It’s
Gabby.”

“
Hey…what’s up, Gab? Is
everything okay?” His voice was immediately laced with
concern.

“
Yeah…no, everything’s
fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late for
you.”

“
Oh…yeah, it’s cool, I was
actually just rehearsing. Andrea and the boys are in Joliette with
her parents for the weekend.”

“
That must be nice for you.
Surprised you’re staying in,” I teased him. “Shouldn’t you be out
drinkin’ with the boys or something?”

He sighed. “Nah…I’m an old married
guy, remember? Most of the guys lost my number years
ago...”

I laughed. “Well, as long as you’re
fine with it then hey…” My voice trailed off. “So what are you
rehearsing?”

“
It’s a contemporary piece
by Phillip Glass. You heard of him?”

“
No,” I
admitted.

“
You should look him up.
You can find almost all his music online.”

I pulled my mother’s afghan tighter up
around me as I curled up on our ratty, sagging sofa. I adjusted
myself slightly to keep a wayward spring from poking my
hip.

“
I guess I could,” I
admitted and then hesitated, as a thought circled through my head.
“But do you…could you play it for me instead?”

Laz didn’t say anything right away.
“Play it for you? You mean like now?”

“
Yes.”

“
Well…it’s long,
Gabby.”

“
I don’t mind,” I
insisted.

“
Like thirteen minutes
long.”

I laughed softly. I couldn’t blame my
brother for his surprise. I hadn’t taken an interest in his music
since I was a little girl. “I wanna hear it. What’s it
called?”

He was quiet for a moment. “
Mad Rush
.”

“
Seems fitting. Put your
phone on the piano and let me hear it.”

“
Ahh…okay. Sure – hold on a
sec.”

And so I waited. It took a minute or
so but all of a sudden I heard the faint whisper of the piano keys
start up in my ear. I strained at first to hear it but it gradually
increased in pitch, and I caught my breath in wonder. The gentle,
haunting melody filled my head then and I closed my eyes to let it
resonate and it seemed to seep and flow through my whole body. And
I just listened. I couldn’t think. I had no thoughts. I was never
without thoughts, without worry, without pain, without fear, and
suddenly – somehow – miraculously for those brief passing minutes,
it just all washed away. Somehow I felt free. And all I knew is
that I wanted that feeling to stay so badly. I didn’t want to lose
it. Not at any cost. Not anymore…

When my brother and I were children we used to play a game
called
Cinco
Marias
. It was basically just
a ghettoed-up version of Jacks – you’d just use some flat stones
instead. I had amazing reflexes and I used to beat him every time,
even though I was much younger than he was and it would piss him
off more than anything. He kept insisting at first that it was just
luck and so he kept forcing me to a rematch, over and over again
and I would just get better and faster and quicker at grabbing
those stones…

When he finally realized he was
fighting a losing battle with me, he decided to control the
situation in another way. He told me I should seriously consider
training to become a boxer. I would be able to throw out and duck a
punch faster than anyone else. Even though I would never make as
much money as a male boxer, I could probably still scrape by a
decent living. I made a face and told him he was an
idiot.

“
Well, what do you wanna do
when you grow up then, Gabriela? Sit around and play with your
dolls all day?” he sneered back at me.

“
No. I’m going to be a beautiful princess. Or a mermaid.
Like Mama. And I’ll live in the ocean.” I was adamant.

But Lazaro just rolled his eyes. “No,
you won’t. You would just drown.”

Ω

“
You there,
Gabby?”

My brother’s voice on the other end of
the phone knocked me back into reality.

“
Yes. I’m here. That was beautiful. I probably haven’t told
you lately how talented you are.” I found my voice.

“
Or ever,” he corrected
me.

I laughed. “You’re probably
right.”

“
Well, hey. Better late
than never. I appreciate it, Gabby.”

“
Laz…” I hesitated, trying
to figure out how to form my next words. “You know…when you told me
about Mama…what happened all those years ago, I just…”

“
We don’t have to talk
about all that again, Gabby,” Laz insisted. “It was a long time ago
and…it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie, as they say right? What
matters is now…it’s all we can change anymore. I’m sure you know
that.”

“
That’s true,” I admitted.
“But I’m not sure I’m very good at changing much of anything. I
never have been.”

“
What do you
mean?”

“
Well…I mean…I think…” My
voice broke. The tears had been falling silently until then, but I
could no longer hold back my sobs. I caught my breath. “I think you
were right all along, Laz. I think I’m ready now.”

Laz listened to me in silence for a
moment. “Ready for what, Gabby?”

“
Everything,” I said in a
whisper. “I’m ready to live my fucking life, Laz.” I wiped at my
face with the back of my hand, but there was really no point. My
tears weren’t about to stop falling. “I want you to…if you still
can…get me that stuff you have for Pine Hollows…and then I want to
know if I can come visit you some time…I really want to meet my
nephews…I really want to get to know them and spend time with
them…with you…your whole family, Laz. I’m ready now.”

Chapter
Twenty-Three

“
So what are you saying,
Gabby?” Tony wanted to know.

“
Just what I said. My mom
is moving into a personal care home at the end of the month. Laz
and I figured it all out. But it also means I’m gonna have to move
– I can’t afford the apartment on my own,” I explained, turning and
eyeing myself in the full-length mirror. “I don’t like it.” I made
a face at the top I had just put on. “The back is too short – makes
my butt look too big.”

I had dragged Tony to the mall with me
to do some post-break-up clothes shopping. It was the only activity
that I knew for certain wouldn’t bring me to tears. That is, unless
the super-hot dark-wash denim skinnies I was about to try on didn’t
fit me…

“
That’s unavoidable,” Tony
reminded me, eyeing my back-side like a plastic surgeon
contemplating a face-lift for an ogre. “I don’t get it, though,
Gabby. I thought you were against shippin’ your mom off like
that.”

“
I was,” I said, sinking
down onto the stool in the change room. “I mean, in a way I still
am but…after everything that happened with Ben and my mom’s
accident…I don’t know. Something just had to give – inside me, you
know. I can’t explain it.” And it was true. I couldn’t. All I knew
was that the decision I had made had lifted an unbearable weight
off of me – it had given me something to wake up for in the
morning…for the first time since I had lost Ben. Now the only
obstacle left was breaking the news to my mother. But I wasn’t
ready to worry about that just yet.