Love or Something Like It (3 page)

Later that night, he showed up at my window, and we made out on my front porch for a long time. I thought everything was great, but now it's Wednesday and I haven't heard from him since, and I have just one question …

WHY?

Thursday, March 20, 10:54 p.m.
DAY 4

Now it's been FOUR DAYS since I've heard from Matt and I can't decide if I'm mad or desperate. I don't like using that word—it makes me sound like I'm stranded on a deserted island with no food or water. But I honestly don't get what's going on here. Everything was fine one minute, and now, it's like he forgot I even exist.

I'm giving this one more day. Then, I'm going to do something. I'm not sure what, but in the infamous words of Scarlett O'Hara … I'll think about that tomorrow.

Friday, March 21, 6:45 p.m.
DAY 5

OK. I said I was going to do something and I am.

When I went to dance practice, I made a cosmic deal with the universe that if I could just naturally bump into Matt and spend a few minutes talking and catching up, I'd forever have a happy, sunny disposition that would spill over positive stuff into the lives of everyone I ever come into contact with. Ever.

Honestly, I didn't think it was that much to ask for. Matt goes to school in the same building, so it wouldn't have been that hard to arrange. But the karma gods were not working in my favor this afternoon, which is why I'm now giving them a second chance. As I write this I'm sending out a prayer to the universe that Matt will call me.

Call me, Matt Parker. Call me.

8:45 p.m.
Taking real action

Matt hasn't called. I said I was going to do something about it, so I called Sophie and told her that I haven't heard from Matt since Sunday and it's freaking me out. One of my favorite things about Sophie is that since she doesn't live here, I feel like I can tell her things I couldn't tell anyone in Faraway.

“Call him,” she said.

“It's not that simple,” I said back.

“Yes it is,” said Sophie. “If you want to talk to someone, call them.”

I shook my head silently into the phone. “It doesn't work that way with boys.”

Sophie laughed. “It works that way with anybody.”

10:27 p.m.

OK. Maybe Sophie is partly right. If you want to talk to someone, you should be able to call them, but I can't just call Matt. I'm going to text him.

10:42 p.m.

I texted Matt and he texted back, but it didn't make me feel much better. Our text exchange went something like this. (Actually, it went just like this.)

And he didn't explain why I haven't heard from him all week. I mean, I get that he's busy with baseball. Whenever there's a show or something for dance, Ms. Baumann makes the team spend
all
our time at practice. Maybe Matt's baseball coach is the same way.

But still, what I don't understand is how during spring break, Matt seemed so into us, and now he seems like he's forgotten we're even going out. Something had to have happened, and the only thing I can think of is a little, tiny thing from Sunday night on my front porch.

I was sitting on Matt's lap and we were kissing. “I like these PJs,” he said. I felt his fingers on the thin straps that crossed over my shoulder blades. I silently congratulated myself on ditching my oversized T for a fitted cami with a built-in bra.

Anyway, one minute Matt and I were kissing and his hands were on my upper back, then I felt them drop lower. I sucked in my breath as his fingers moved towards the sides of my rib cage. I kind of laughed and pulled away like it tickled, which it did, and we stopped kissing. Matt looked at me and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then he closed it again.

I don't think he was going to do anything. Plus, he knows I'm ticklish. So it seemed like a little, tiny thing to me. But maybe Matt didn't think it was so little or so tiny. What if it made him think that I thought he was going to go further and I didn't want him to? What if it made him think I'm the kind of girl who won't do more than kiss?

What if I am that kind of girl?

Saturday, March 22, 5:54 p.m.
Called Matt
Can't decide if it was a good or bad idea

I had a good reason to call Matt. I wanted to find out how his game went. I was calling to show interest, which is totally different from calling him because he hasn't called me.

When he answered, he said he was helping his mom bring in groceries and that he'd call me back. Then he didn't call back for almost thirty minutes. I don't see how groceries for two people could take half an hour to bring inside. At first, I was worried that maybe it was an excuse and he didn't want to talk to me, but the rational side of my brain knows that since it's just the two of them, he helps his mom a lot. When he finally did call back, I asked him about the game, and he told me every detail about the times he was at bat and what happened in the field too. He talked for a long time about baseball. He even explained to me how batting averages work.

Part of me thought I should just stick to talking about baseball. It seemed like he liked talking about it. But I had to know how he was feeling. It's all I've thought about all week. “So, it seems like you're not that into us,” I blurted out.

There was an uncomfortable silence. “What do you mean?” he finally asked.

I hesitated. Part of me wished I hadn't started the conversation. “No big deal,” I said, trying to sound like it wasn't. “It's just that I'm usually the one who texts first or calls. You know?”

“Um, not really,” said Matt. He actually sounded confused. “It's not that I'm not into us. I'm just really into baseball,” he added.

“Oh,” I said, like that explained it.

But does it?

Sunday, March 23, 4:04 p.m.
T.G.F.F.

Thank God For Friends. Especially Brynn. It has been a long time since I've written something like that, but today, being with Brynn felt like old times.

Billy and I went to her house for lunch and our official countdown-to-camp meeting.

“This is an important summer,” Brynn said as soon as we sat down with our sandwiches. “We'll finally be on the senior side!”

Then Billy started talking about all the things the ninth- and tenth-grade campers get to do that the younger campers don't, like how we'll even have our own beach. “This will be the best summer ever,” he said.

But while he rambled on about midnight swimming, my mind drifted. I was thinking about Matt and if he really hasn't been around lately because he's been busy with baseball or if it's something else.

Then suddenly I started thinking about what will happen with Matt when I go to camp. I mean, how am I even going to tell him I'm going? It's not something we've ever talked about, and it's not like I can't go. This will be May's first summer there, plus I want to go. I love camp. And since Mom and Dad didn't let me go last summer, I've been looking forward to going back all year.

“Earth to April,” Brynn waved a hand in front of my face. “Are you OK?” she asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” I lied. I didn't want Brynn and Billy to know what I was really thinking about. I flashed a grin at them like I was just as excited about camp as they were, but Brynn wasn't fooled.

When we finished lunch and Billy and I were getting ready to leave, Brynn looped her arm through mine. “Can you stay and help me go through my T-shirts? I have way too many and I'll never be able to decide which ones to take this summer.” She gave Billy an apologetic look. “Girl stuff,” she said like that was his cue to leave.

“So?” she said when he was gone. “What's going on?” She had a concerned look on her face like she really wanted to know, so I told her how I didn't really see or hear from Matt all week and how he claimed it was because he was busy with baseball. “He can be such a mystery. It's like one minute he's in and the next he's out.” I shrugged. “I can't figure him out.”

I waited for Brynn to tell me she's always thought of Matt as a jerk, but her response surprised me.

“I'm sure he really has been busy with baseball,” she said. Then she paused like she was thinking about what she wanted to say next. “I know I haven't always been that open to Matt. But if you like him … he must be a great guy.”

I smiled at Brynn. It was awesome to hear her say that.

Brynn reached over beside her bed and picked up a magazine. “I saw this quiz called ‘Are You Friends or Are You Dating?' Want to take it?”

I nodded. I guess it's better to know than to not know. So I lay down on Brynn's bed while she sat next to me and asked me twenty-five yes-or-no questions about my relationship with Matt. I imagined it was like being in a therapy session. I tried to answer the questions honestly. It was torture waiting while she tallied up the results.

I said a quick prayer.
Please God, let me fall into the you-are-dating category.

When Brynn was done counting, she looked up at me and grinned. “You had seventeen yeses which means you're definitely dating!”

“What's the cutoff?” I asked.

Brynn waved her hand at me like that was irrelevant. “Who cares!” she said. “You have a boyfriend and he'd be crazy not to like you!” Then she stood up and started jumping on the bed. “You have a boyfriend!” she chanted.

“Thanks,” I smiled up at Brynn. She stuck her hand out toward me like she wanted me up and jumping. I don't know if it was the relief of her acceptance of Matt or the goofy sight of both of us bouncing around on her bed, but I started laughing and Brynn did too.

And we couldn't stop for a long time.

Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I'm a hundred.

—Christopher Robin,
The House At Pooh Corner

Saturday, March 29, 10:44 p.m.
I need new clothes
Or a new family

Matt invited me to his baseball game today!!! I'm so excited. It's the first real thing we've done together since we watched
I Know What You Did Last Summer
at his house, unless you count making out on my front porch as a real thing. I know Matt does. He showed up twice this week. The second time he came over, I pulled away while we were kissing. “Don't you think it's a little weird that all we've done together lately is make out on my porch?” I asked.

Matt grunted like he didn't think it was weird at all. “This is our place,” was his response. Then he pulled me into him, and we started kissing again.

I let it go, but it's been bothering me. Until today!

Matt asked me to come watch his game, and then we're going to get lunch and walk home together. I officially have no problems in life except what to wear! It's actually what I was trying to decide when May and June came into my room.

“Why are all your clothes on your bed?” asked May. Gilligan had followed them in, and he jumped onto my bed and settled into the pile. I shooed him off. I didn't want everything I own to smell like dog. I had something important to get ready for, so it wasn't great timing for May, June, and the dog to decide to hang out in my room.

But I was in a good mood, so I answered May. “I'm going on a date, and I have to find the right thing to wear.”

“What do people actually do on dates?” June asked.

I was trying to decide how to explain the intricacies of love to a seven-year-old when Mom came into my room. When she saw me, she frowned. “Those shorts are way too short.”

I met her frown with my own. As self-designated family seamstress and wannabe designer, Mom probably thought her opinion was valid, but I wasn't budging on it. “I'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt so it's balanced.”

Mom shook her head like my explanation made no sense. “April, it's not summer yet. Your legs will be cold.” June looked as confused as Mom. “If you have long sleeves on your arms, don't you need long pants on your legs too?” she asked.

“I think that top would look cuter with jeans,” said May, who is in no position to give anyone else fashion advice. Her sense of style consists mainly of oversized athletic shorts, a worn out SpongeBob T-shirt, and the Mickey Mouse ears she bought last summer on our trip to Disney World.

“I agree,” said Mom. “Why don't you put on jeans?”

But she didn't say it like a question. The last thing I wanted was for Mom to change her mind and not let me go to the game, so I put on jeans and made a mental note to never discuss clothing with anyone in my family.

Ever.

4:44 p.m.
Home from the game

The game was great, but it wasn't even close to the best part of the day.

I immediately found Matt on the field before the game. He looked super cute in his uniform, and it was cool how he looked up and did a head bob at me right when I got to the stands, like he was watching and waiting for me to show up. Once the game started, he was so intense and focused. It made me realize he really is totally into baseball.

But the best part of the day is what happened after the game. When Matt was finished, we went to get a burger at the stand across the street from the field. While we were waiting for our food, I asked Matt if he's always played first base, and that led to him telling me about all the teams he's been on since he played in Little League. It was fun picturing Matt as a little boy and hearing more about his childhood. He was in a really upbeat mood. We were talking and laughing. He even made a mustache out of french fries and let me take a picture him of him like that.