Love or Something Like It (6 page)

“I've got something for you,” he said as we both sat down. Matt reached behind him and produced a small box. When he placed it into my hands, I liked it already. “Open it,” he said.

Slowly I lifted the lid off the box. There was a silver necklace inside with a little moon charm on it. “It reminds me of all the nights we've sat on your porch and looked at the moon.”

I wouldn't have put it exactly like that. I don't really think we've spent much time looking at the moon. But I loved that he gave it to me.

“Do you like it?” Matt asked. Without waiting for my response, he lifted the necklace out of the box, unhooked the clasp, and fastened it around my neck.

I reached up and felt the cool silver of the charm at the base of my throat. It was hands down my favorite gift I'd gotten all day. “I love it,” I said softly.

“I'm glad,” said Matt. Then we started kissing. Our tongues wound around each other, like that day in the park. I don't know if it was excitement over the gift or feeling older today, but something in me was feeling braver than usual. I think Matt could feel the difference too. I let him pull me closer. His fingers pressed into my waist. We were kissing even more intensely as his hands moved from my waist, up my back, to just below my shoulder blades. Everything felt so good and so right, being wrapped up in each other. It was just how I'd pictured celebrating my birthday.

Then I felt Matt's hands starting to separate. Slowly they made their way towards my ribcage. I could feel the tips of Matt's thumbs and fingers moving to the front of my shirt. I knew within nanoseconds they would be touching the Saints logo that covered my boobs. Matt's fingers pressed upwards into me. I tried to take a deep breath through my nose as we kissed. The last time Matt's fingers had ventured towards my chest, I thought maybe it was an accident. This didn't seem like one.

I pulled away. “Not yet, OK?” My voice didn't sound like my own.

Matt paused like he wasn't sure what to do next. “Yeah, sure. No worries,” he said.

I smiled and went to kiss him again, but then he stood. “I better go,” he said. “It's late.”

I wasn't sure what to say. One minute, everything was great, and the next, completely awkward. “OK. Um, thanks for the necklace.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Matt did his head bob. “Happy birthday,” he added. Then he left. After he was gone, I sat by myself on my front porch, looking up at the moon.

I had on the necklace Matt gave me and the T-shirt Billy gave me, and somehow, I'd never felt more alone.

I guess it's just my woman's intuition. Every woman has one, you know.

—Nancy Drew

Monday, April 21, 6:55 p.m.
Home from dance

I'm freaking out about what happened last night with Matt.

I thought Matt was trying to touch my boobs, but maybe he wasn't. What if that wasn't what he was trying to do, but when I stopped him, he realized that's what I thought he was doing, and that's why he left? Was he mad? Is he mad? What is he thinking?

Maybe I handled the whole thing completely wrong. Should I have just waited to see what Matt was going to do? What if he did try to touch my boobs? I know I don't want him to do that. But I didn't let him do it, and now it's all I can think about! I couldn't even focus in dance today. Thank God, Ms. Baumann didn't seem to notice. But Emily did.

“What's going on?” she asked at break.

I made up some lame excuse about having a big test tomorrow, and I think she bought it, which was good because there was NO WAY I was telling her (or anyone else for that matter) what's really on my mind.

8:59 p.m.

I'm so dumb.

I don't need to tell anybody what's on my mind. I need to talk to Matt. I need to just take a page out of the Sophie book and call him and tell him. That's what I'm going to do. He needs to know how I feel about things.

Dear God, please let this be a good idea.

9:35 p.m.

It wasn't a good idea. It was a great idea!

I just had the most amazing talk with Matt. I think we just took our relationship to a whole new level. I know that makes me sound like I've been watching too much Dr. Phil, but I'm so happy!

When I called him, I said, “I feel a little weird about what happened last night.”

“Don't worry.” His tone was softer than usual.

“I was really embarrassed,” I said.

Matt laughed a little. “Me too,” he admitted. He sounded relieved.

I hadn't even thought about what he was feeling. Then he said, “I guess I thought since it was your birthday and you're older, you might want to try something new.”

I wasn't sure how to respond, but I didn't have to because Matt kept talking. “It's kind of like when you turn sixteen and you get to start driving a car.” He paused. “But it's not just that.”

“What is it?” I asked. I didn't want to push too hard, but I had to know what he was thinking.

I heard Matt let out a breath. “You're super cute.”

“Yeah?” I said. I liked where this was going, and I wanted to hear more.

Matt made an “mm-hm” sound into the phone. “Kind of irresistible.”

Wow. I couldn't believe Matt Parker had just used that word to describe me. “Kind of?” I said flirtatiously, even though I don't see myself as irresistible at all.

“Very.” Matt was talking in a low voice, like what he was saying was for my ears only. “I really like you, April.”

Even though he was next door in his room on his phone and I was at home on mine, I felt like we were right next to each other. I wanted to stop time and stay in that moment forever.

“I really like you too,” I said quietly into the phone. “But I don't know if I'm ready for …
that
.” I paused. I hoped he knew what I meant. “I guess that makes me sort of babyish.” It came out like a statement, but it was a question and Matt knew it.

Matt laughed. “I still really like you.” Then he had to go and we hung up.

I'm still not sure if Matt thinks I'm a baby or not. Either way, I don't care. He said I'm irresistible.

Monday, April 28, 6:02 p.m.

Today at dance, Ms. Baumann reminded us that the competition to qualify for States is next Saturday and that we'll be working even harder this week than we worked last week.

“Impossible,” grumbled Vanessa, who was sitting next to me while Ms. Baumann was talking. I don't see how it's possible either. It feels like all I did last week and over the weekend was dance.

“Girls, I will need your complete focus,” said Ms. Baumann.

I sucked in my breath. It has been really hard to focus on dance lately. Especially since Matt and I had our talk. It's weird, but it's like everything changed when we talked, and even when I'm not with him, I think about what he said.

That makes it sound like I've been with him a lot. I haven't—I've been so busy with dance. But when we have been together, we've been super close. Like this weekend. We took Gilligan and Matilda on a long walk. While we were walking, I kept brushing my non-leash-holding hand against his. A few times, Matt winked at me like he knew I was trying to get him to hold hands, but he didn't.

As we walked, I told him how nervous I am about the upcoming meet. “It's such a big deal to go to States. Ms. Baumann really wants us to qualify.” I shrugged. “I guess I'm just scared. I don't want to let my team down.”

When I said that, Matt picked up my hand and held it as we walked, like he didn't care who saw. Our neighbor, Mrs. Wallace, passed us and raised an eyebrow.

She might not have liked it, but I did!

Friday, May 2, 9:07 p.m.
Conflicted

Ms. Baumann canceled practice tonight. We had dress rehearsal yesterday, and she said she wanted us to rest tonight so we'd be fresh for tomorrow's competition. I asked Mom if Matt could come over after dinner and watch TV, and she said yes!

When he came over, I wanted to watch Survivor, because I know he likes that show, but May and June wanted us to play Monopoly with them. I was just about to say no way when Matt said, “Sure, I love Monopoly.”

So we played, and it was actually fun. Matt was the banker, and he let June be his assistant. She's really into math these days, so he put her in charge of telling him how much change he should give back to people. Matt kept complimenting her on how fast she could add and subtract. He was sweet to May too. She bought a lot of hotels and houses and Matt nicknamed her Wall Street. She had no clue what that meant, but I could tell she liked it anyway.

Even though I would normally find it annoying that Mom and Dad kept coming in and out of the room to “see how it was going,” they could see how sweet Matt was being to May and June. Thank God. My family loved Billy, and even though it's different because Billy and I had been friends before we were boyfriend and girlfriend, I guess I realized how important it is to me that my family likes Matt too.

When we finished playing, May and June turned on the TV and were watching
SpongeBob
. Matt and I sat down next to each other on the couch. Our pinkies hooked around each other. I didn't think my sisters were paying any attention.

“This was fun,” said Matt.

“Yeah,” I said. “Really fun.”

Matt squeezed my baby finger with his. “It'll be cool this summer,” he said. “When we're not so busy with school and baseball and dance, we'll have lots more time to just hang out.”

I was just about to say how cool that would be when I saw May was staring at us. “April is going—”

“It's getting pretty late,” I said, cutting her off before she could finish her sentence. I didn't want her to tell Matt I'm going to camp. I did a big pretend-yawn and stretch. “I have to get up super early for the competition.” I walked him to the door and said bye. As I got into bed, all I could think about is how well everything went tonight with Matt.

It's almost like there are two of him. There's the Matt who doesn't say much, who shows up on my front porch after dark, and doesn't always seem so into the idea of us. Then, there's the sweet, sensitive Matt who holds my hand while we walk and plays games with my sisters. It's weird. I never know which Matt I'm going to get. But I know I like the one I have right now who can't wait to hang out with me this summer.

How am I going to tell him I won't be able to do that because I'll be away at camp?

Suddenly … I'm not so sure I'm going to camp.

I used to be indecisive, but now I am not quite sure.

—Tommy Cooper

Saturday, May 3, 5:48 p.m.
Home from Regionals

Today was such a great day! Our team did awesome at the competition and qualified for States, but the best part of the day was what happened on the bus on the way home. I was sitting next to Emily, and Matt texted to see how it went.

“That's so sweet!” said Emily when I showed her the text. “You're so lucky to have such a cool, cute boyfriend.”

I grinned when she said it. I did feel lucky. I also felt like there's no way I can go to camp this summer. How could I go and leave Matt behind? I can't. Hanging out with him this summer will be so much fun.

Sunday, May 4, 9:03 a.m.
Decision made

When I woke up this morning, I kept my eyes closed and told myself I wouldn't open them until I'd made a decision about whether I'm staying home this summer or going to camp. I figured whichever option I pictured first would be the one I would go with.

Home it is.

5:03 p.m.
Back from Brynn's

Brynn texted me this morning that she wanted Billy and me to come over. She said she had a surprise. I was glad she wanted us to come over because I figured it would be the perfect time to tell them I decided I'm not going to camp. But when I got to Brynn's house, the surprise was that her mom had found a website with really cool camping stuff.

“I know how much camp means to the three of you,” Brynn's mom said to us. “I told Brynn you can each pick something from the website and it's my treat.”

“Isn't that sweet?” said Brynn.

“Thanks!” said Billy to Brynn's mom. “That's so nice.” He scooted his chair next to Brynn's so he could get a better look at her laptop.

Brynn's mom looked at me. It was my turn to thank her, so I did. Then I scooted up next to Brynn too. But as we debated the merits of LED headlamps, Nalgene water bottles, and personalized stationary, I knew making that decision would be simple compared to telling my friends and family that I wouldn't be going to camp.

Thursday, May 8, 6:45 p.m.
Dance practice for States officially begins

Rehearsal for States kicked into high gear today. Ms. Baumann gave us a long lecture on being in sync with each other. “It's all about timing,” she said. “If one dancer is off, the dance doesn't work.”

As she talked, I tried to focus on the importance of timing in dance, but I kept thinking about camp and why I haven't told my parents and Brynn and Billy that I don't want to go. It's because I haven't found the right moment.

As Ms. Baumann said, it's all about timing.

Friday, May 9, 1:47 p.m.
Study hall

Brynn just asked me if I wanted to come over on Saturday to plan what we're taking to camp. I didn't tell her I don't need to plan what I'm taking if I'm not going. “I can't come,” I said. “I have dance practice.”

She shook her head like I needed to get my priorities straight. “I invited Billy too.”

It seemed weird that she'd include Billy in this plan. “Why would you invite him?” I asked. “He doesn't care what he takes to camp.”

“He's coming,” she said, like I was wrong to assume he didn't care. Then it dawned on me that Saturday would be the perfect time to tell them I'm not going to camp. “I finish practice at two. Could we do it then?”