Love Songs (Secret Songbook #1) (13 page)

She stopped dead in her tracks, not sure if she wanted to see him now or not. She couldn’t decide whether he was friend or foe yet. An almost-kiss on her porch could only go so far to convincing her one way or the other. In her dithering, she ended up just staring at him.

Eli didn’t stop to talk, he didn’t even acknowledge her presence. He looked right at her, knew it was Kaley, and yet pretended like she wasn’t even a blip on his radar. Not a nod, not a smile, not a wave, nothing.

He had completely ignored her.

That was her sign. Kaley knew at that very moment in the crowded hallway she was just a pawn in his chess game. He had picked on the invisible girl, one that would jump at the chance to go out with a guy like him. She had been the perfect mark, gullible and eager.

She was so humiliated that she had fallen so willingly for it. Their five hours spent together was one huge act. He deserved to be in the drama club.

Kaley hurried out the corridor, weaving through all the people that didn’t see her. It was too stuffy inside, she needed some fresh air and quickly.

She didn’t slow her pace until she was at the school’s front gate. She leaned on the fence and took several deep breaths.

She waited there for Harvey, in their usual place. She promised herself she wouldn’t ditch him, even though she didn’t want to deal with their awkwardness. Especially now when she was falling apart.

Kaley didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want anyone to see what he had done to her. It was her humiliation and hers alone. For other people to see her like that would make it a hundred times worse. She just stood there, waiting.

Harvey finally approached, shuffling his feet like he was in no hurry. Of course he wasn’t in a hurry, he didn’t just get crushed into a million pieces by the words of a vapid girl. He had all the time in the world to walk home.

“Are you okay?” He instantly noticed something was up.

“I’m fine, I just want to get home.”

“Well, let’s go then.” Harvey shrugged and starting walking toward home.

She followed, staring more at the ground than the other students mingling around them. She almost walked into a few but they didn’t register with her. All she could think of was Abigail and Eli.

If what she said was true, then they deserved each other. They could live their lives together in their bubble of meanness. All that bad karma would eventually accumulate and come back to bite them – hard. At least Kaley hoped so anyway. People like that tended to get away with a lot without karma noticing.

They were halfway home, having walked in complete silence, before Harvey spoke again. “Are you going to tell me what’s got you so upset?”

Kaley was flipping between angry and hurt, but she guessed upset covered it all. She had no intention of telling Harvey the story of her afternoon. It would probably make him happy, like he had expected it to all end that way anyway. She didn’t need to hear it, she knew herself she shouldn’t have been so stupid.

“I told you I’m fine,” she muttered, however it was clear she wasn’t. Fine people didn’t tell you they were fine, they used other words like great or good. Fine was practically a codeword for ‘yes, there’s something wrong but I don’t want to talk about it so leave me alone’. Unfortunately, not many people understood that, especially the people that heard it.

“You obviously aren’t fine, you look like you could kill someone. It might help if you told me what it was. I might be able to help.” Harvey had his hands in his pockets as he walked along. He didn’t look at her, he kept his eyes forward.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did Eli do something?”

“No.”

“I can beat him up if you want me to.” Harvey’s smile indicated he was joking, however Kaley suspected there was probably some truth to the offer. “I could take him.”

“Thanks.” Kaley couldn’t help but return his smile. “But I would hate to think what a footballer would do to you. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for your premature death.”

“He’s no match for me.” He flexed his muscles, or what he had of them. Eli would have him on the ground begging for mercy in no time. “At least I could outsmart him. It’s not the strongest that survive, it’s the most intelligent.”

“I thought it was the ones most adaptable to change.”

“But you have to be smart to work that out.”

He nudged her with his elbow until he got a laugh out of her. By the time they arrived home, Kaley was already starting to feel the anger subsiding. It left her with a sense of sadness about the whole situation. The humiliation she could probably have dealt with, it wasn’t like anyone in the school knew who she was anyway.

What hurt the most was losing what could have been. She had dreamed of what it would be like to be Eli’s girlfriend and it was sad that it wasn’t going to happen.

Of course, there had been no guarantee their relationship would take off, but at least she had a chance. Now she had nothing. One date that was nice but didn’t even end in a kiss. It was hardly something to blog about.

She said goodbye to Harvey and opened the front door. It was locked, at least she would have some time to herself before her parents arrived home. Mother Barbie would hound her until she heard every detail about what had upset her. She didn’t need that right now. She went straight for her bedroom, she needed some therapy.

Picking up her guitar, Kaley sat on the edge of her bed. She glanced over at the window, Harvey wasn’t in his bedroom yet, she didn’t have an audience. Good, she needed to be alone right now.

She started strumming, unsure where her rhythm was going to go. The vibrations of the strings coursed through her, reminding her how right the instrument felt in her hands. They were one entity together, no separation between her and the guitar.

She started humming along, trying to put everything out of her mind and just think about the music. Her humming turned into words, flowing from her like they had been trapped inside and now released.

You were just what I was looking for,

The one whom I awaited.

You were too perfect for words,

I should have known better.

Images of Eli popped into her head, the way he had laughed on their date and his eyes sparkled. The way he leaned in close when he wanted to say something for only her ears to hear. The way his cheeks dimpled when he smiled.

He really was the one she had been waiting for, if only he had realized it. Perhaps he wouldn’t have thrown her away like something that didn’t matter.

Someone had already won your heart,

But I doubt she even knows,

How incredibly wonderful you are,

But you already chose.

Abigail didn’t even deserve Eli, why couldn’t he see that? She was a manipulative princess who would never treat him like she would. Abigail would always take him for granted, she didn’t know what a great person she had.

Does she see the dimple in your cheek

And want to steal it away?

Does she hear the cute way you laugh

And want to hear it every day?

Does she feel the strength in your arms

And know your fears he’ll allay?

It was so depressing thinking about what she had lost. When she thought about Eli now, she couldn’t help but think of Abigail. Before that stupid dance decorations committee meeting, she could imagine they had never been together in the first place.

I know you’re with the wrong girl,

She doesn’t treat you right.

You have to change your mind, honey,

I’m not going to give up the fight.

Just say that I’m your choice,

And everything will be alright.

That’s all he had to do, choose her and everything would be better. Perhaps not for Abigail, but she would find someone within the hour to boss around and treat like dirt. The solution was so simple, Eli just had to choose Kaley.

Simple.

Sure, it was.

You look at her,

The way I want you to look at me,

With so much affection,

But she never takes the time to see.

For the first time since lunch, Kaley let the tears fall down her cheeks. When she was alone in her room with her guitar, it was safe for her to be herself. And right now, she was so sad she needed to cry. The teardrops landed on her guitar, but she didn’t stop strumming to wipe them away. They would dry on their own eventually.

I think the answer is crystal clear,

It’s staring you right in the face.

All you have to do is ditch her,

And then come around to my place.

I’ll hold you in my arms so tight,

I’ll accept triumph with such grace.

So just go ahead and do it,

I want to win this race.

She let her fingers run over the strings on their own when she ran out of words. She had told her story, she had vented her sorrow. Now it was time for the simple melody to convey what she couldn’t vocalize.

Somehow, the slow notes could say more about how she felt than any lyrics. She let her fingers do the talking and felt the way it healed her. The smooth rhythms repaired her heart like nothing else on earth could.

It was like magic the way it worked.

She reached the end of the song and let her hands rest, using them to wipe at her tears. Despite the wet eyes, she felt better, so much better. She had told her story, even if nobody would ever hear it.

They were too personal for others’ ears anyway. Just one verse would reveal more about her than she would like. They were private details of her personal journey, definitely not for an audience.

Pulling out her songbook, Kaley wrote down as much of the song as she could remember. At times, having to replay the song from the start to try and prompt her memory.

She liked the way the song flowed, the way the musical notes danced across the pages. If only everything could be as easy as her music, her life would be so much better. Not only better, but soul-wrenchingly great.

As Kaley was putting the last treble clef into her song, her cell phone rang. She didn’t even bother with checking the caller ID, no doubt it would be Harper. Nobody rang her besides Harper.

“Hey, Harper,” she sighed.

There was a pause on the line before a male voice said: “Kaley? It’s not Harper.”

Her heart stopped, she hit her forehead and wished she could recall her words. She should really start checking the caller ID. “Hi, Eli. Sorry, I was expecting a call from Harper.”

He laughed. Normally that would be a good thing to Kaley, but not now. She remembered Abigail and the way Eli was probably using her to get back at his ex. She didn’t want to hear him being happy.

“What do you want, Eli?”

“I was calling to see how you are and ask if you’re ready for that second date yet?”

Kaley was confused – and torn. She hadn’t been prepared for him to call, nor even speak to her again. She didn’t know what to ask that would reveal if he was lying or not. She didn’t know whether this was all still part of his plan.

“I don’t know, Eli. I haven’t heard from you all week. I didn’t know if you were still interested.”

“Sorry, I’ve been so busy. I should have called sooner. Forgive me?”

“I guess,” she muttered. Perhaps she could forgive him for waiting so long to call, but that’s where she drew the line. She needed to know if he needed forgiveness for anything else – like using her.

“So how about this weekend? If you don’t have any other plans, I would really like to take you somewhere. I’d make it worth your while.” His voice was so happy, so light. Surely she couldn’t be talking to the same person she had just written a song about?

Then she remembered – he didn’t know she knew about his plan. If he did, perhaps he would be a little upset too – not like the guy from the song. She couldn’t think clearly enough to speak with him, she needed some time to process everything.

“I think I need some time before I give you an answer. Can I take a raincheck for now?”

Eli hesitated, taken aback. He obviously wasn’t used to rejection, especially not from the female kind. “Sure, take all the time you need. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

“Great, thanks.”

“I guess I’ll talk to you again soon. Have a good night.”

“You too, bye.” Kaley hung up, clinging to her phone as she wondered whether she had just done something really stupid.

If Eli hadn’t used her to get back at Abigail, she had probably just ruined something with the potential to be great. She hoped she didn’t make a huge mistake.

She threw her phone in her handbag and put away her guitar, she had done enough thinking for one night. Now, she wanted to sit in front of the television and get lost in someone else’s dramas. At least she wouldn’t mess up anything then.