Loving Tenderness (11 page)

She stopped and gazed into his eyes, aware of the pain that exuded from his words and reflected in his expression. “You know I’ve struggled with my faith, too, but I’ve never forgotten that God can look into our hearts. He sees our repentance and our sorrow. Jesus died to forgive our sins. They’re wiped clean, making us as pure as baby Philip Junior. You have to believe that.”

His eyes looked deeply into hers, but he didn’t respond.

“Do you remember yesterday during the sermon when pastor read the lessons?” she said, praying he would understand. “One really struck me, and I reread it when I got home. It was from Second Corinthians. I have it bookmarked at home so I can read it each day. It says something about God’s grace being all we need. That we should rejoice in our weakness—our hardships, persecutions and trials—because then we’re drawn closer to the Lord, and we become stronger because Jesus is our strength. Think about it, Andrew. Your trials have made you a better person through Jesus.”

Andrew shook his head. “I guess I wasn’t listening yesterday. I had to hit the depths of despair before I finally pleaded with God to lift me up.”

“And He’d been just waiting for you to call on Him again.” Hannah felt amazed that God had given her the words and the strength to say them.

The sun slipped behind a cloud, and a cool breeze blew off the water. A chill shivered down her back.

Andrew drew closer and slipped his arm around her shoulders. “This leads me to what I wanted to talk about.”

The heat from his body radiated through her. Yet his statement made her uneasy. What else would he drop on her? “Aren’t we talking about it now, Andrew?”

His gaze softened as he drew her more fully into his arms. “Only part of it. I wanted you to know the truth before I tell you how I feel.”

How I feel.
Hannah held her breath. This is what she’d longed to know, and today she would have her answer.

“You said we’re friends, and we are, but Hannah, I’m feeling more than friendship. I can’t get you or JJ out of my mind. You fill my thoughts and dreams.”

“Andrew, if you’re—”

“Wait. Let me finish before you say anything. It’s taken a lot of courage to say this.”

She closed her eyes a moment to steady herself.

“I have nothing to offer you. Yes, I have a job and a house, but my life savings have been wasted. My feelings have grown beyond friendship. I’d like the opportunity to date you with the idea that—”

“Andrew do you know what you’re asking?” A thrill coupled with dread filled her at his admission, and her hand slid to her belly, knowing another child was grow
ing there, a child Andrew might resent, a child she’d been unable to tell him about. “I have a ready-made family. I have an ex-husband who wants to destroy me. What do I have to offer you but more heartache and problems?”

He drew her to his chest. “You and JJ are worth more to me than I can tell you. I can handle problems, but I can’t handle being without you.”

The fragrance of his aftershave washed over her, and she breathed in the scent, longing to put away her fears, but still she couldn’t help questioning whether she was Andrew’s atoning mission, a way to earn forgiveness, a sacrifice for his sins.

“I’m not asking you for a commitment, Hannah,” Andrew said, breaking into her muddied thoughts. “I just wanted to let you know how I feel about you.”

She found the courage to raise her eyes to his, and there she saw a gentleness that made her weak. “I care about you, too, Andrew, more than I can say, but I’ve been through so much. I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep. My life has been a mess and it still is, more than you know.”
Dear God give me the courage to tell him.
“I—”

“I’m asking for us to spend time together. I want to hold you in my arms.” His grasp tightened around her until she felt his heart beating against hers. “I want to kiss you.”

Her heart thundered. She felt her lids droop and close as his mouth touched hers. Gentle, warm pleasure rolled over her as her pulse quickened and her heart danced. It had been so long since she’d been touched with such tenderness, when soft lips had touched hers, sending her head spinning.

A tremor rolled through her, and Andrew eased back, his gaze riveted to hers. “This kiss is worth more than money, more than success.”

Hannah couldn’t find words to respond. If she admitted her feelings, she would have to tell him about the child and ruin the lovely moment still vibrating through her.

“If you understand what you’re in for, I’d love to spend time with you,” she whispered, longing for his mouth to capture hers again.

He seemed to hear her thoughts. His fingers wove through her hair, cupping her head against his palm, and his lips sought hers, the kiss deeper and longer, sending her on a journey to the sky.

A
ndrew sat in his car outside the candy store, his mind racing. He and Hannah had spent the past month together as he’d dreamed. They’d walked the beach, spent time at the park with JJ, sat together on Sunday mornings in church, enjoyed visits with friends and with Philip’s family, but today he feared things were about to change.

Something had happened. He sensed it. Hannah had become quieter, her kisses not as yielding, her face masked by an unknown element that set him on edge.

He’d reviewed their time together, looking for something he’d done to offend her or something about their relationship that put a barrier between them. He could think of nothing.

The sedan engine purred while the air conditioner sent a whooshing sound from the vents, circulating cool air to diminish the August heat. Even in the cooler car, beads of perspiration dotted his hairline and above his lip. He wiped them away, wondering if it was the sun or his edginess making them appear.

Garnering courage, he turned off the ignition and opened the car door. The summer sun’s rays engulfed him as he stepped onto the concrete. He gave the door a push and hit the lock button, then turned and gazed at Loving Chocolate.

Jenni’s store had grown since its opening. The front window displayed candy boxes decorated in seasonal packaging. Today, large gold-colored bows held silk roses or daisies—and boxes of every size. Multi-colored bags of coffee beans had been placed in one corner of the window with a table set with fancy cups and saucers and a dish of cookies. Jenni and Todd had good business sense, something he envied.

Andrew prayed he could catch Jenni alone for a moment without alerting Hannah to the fact that he was there. If anyone knew Hannah’s problem, Andrew figured Jenni would. He tugged at the handle, and a bell tinkled as he stepped inside.

Cool air washed over him along with the scent of fresh ground coffee and rich chocolate. Jenni’s head bobbed up from behind the counter. “Hi,” she said with a look of curiosity. “You usually come in the back.” Her arm swung toward the kitchen door.

He held a finger against his lips. “I wanted to talk with you alone.” He glanced toward the kitchen, praying Hannah hadn’t heard his voice.

Jenni shifted from behind the display case and came around the counter, a frown spreading across her face. “Is something wrong, Andrew?”

“I just need your input.”

Her frown changed to a look of anticipation, and she waved him toward the coffee brewer. “Have a cup. I can sit with you a minute until a customer comes in.”

He grabbed a chocolate-colored mug with the store’s logo imprinted on it and poured the coffee, then took a seat at a small round table where Jenni had just settled.

“I hope this is good news?” she said, her voice not as convincing as her words.

“It’s nothing like that.” He saw her grimace. “Not yet anyway, but I’m worried about Hannah. Something’s wrong, Jenni. We decided to see where things would lead us, but I sense her pulling away. What have I done? What’s wrong? If anyone would know, you would.”

Jenni’s gaze lowered to the table, a frown spreading across her face again. “Don’t ask me Hannah’s business, Andrew, please. You need to talk with her. She cares about you very much. I know that.”

“Then what is it?”

“Are you listening? I’m not going to answer questions that Hannah needs to answer for you.”

She gave him a questioning look as if he should know what was wrong. He felt his shoulders sag. Maybe he should know, but he didn’t. He didn’t understand women any better than his business ventures.

Disappointment grew when Jenni rose from the chair and returned to the counter. He’d counted on her, and she’d let him down. He swallowed the last of the coffee before rising. “Is Hannah in the back?”

Jenni nodded. “You can go inside.” She gestured toward the employee door to the kitchen.

After talking with her, he felt more confused than when he’d come into the shop, and, despite a warning within that he shouldn’t force Hannah to talk, he followed Jenni’s invitation and pushed open the door.

“What are you doing here?” Hannah said when he stepped into the kitchen.

“Coming to see you.”

“But you usually—” She motioned toward the back door.

He captured her arm and drew her closer. His lips touched hers, and she returned the kiss until that same barrier stopped her.

“Is something wrong?” she asked brusquely, pulling away.

His gaze captured hers, and he wanted to tell her that was the question he planned to ask her, but he knew he had to ease into it. They needed to talk, and he scuffled for a logical explanation for his visit. “Nothing’s wrong with me. I was just passing and wondered if…” He grasped for an idea. “…if you’d like to go to the Coast Guard Craft Fair tonight at the park in Grand Haven.” He lifted his shoulders, thankful he’d recalled reading about it in the morning paper.

“Craft fair? What about JJ? He’d be bored.”

“But you wouldn’t be. Let’s see if we can find a sitter.”

She focused on the melting chocolate and stirred the large pot before turning her attention back to his offer. “All right. I’ll get a sitter.”

Her quick smile lifted Andrew’s spirit. Maybe it was only his imagination, but his gut told him they had a problem.

Hannah held the package while Andrew dug into his wallet for the cash. “Thanks for buying JJ the wooden train. He’ll love it.”

“I always wanted one of those when I was a kid, and my dad got me a real Lionel set with all the tracks and a village.”

Looking at the expression on his face, she couldn’t
help but grin. “Poor child. Most kids would give up the rest of their toys for a train with tracks and a village.”

“I was different.”

“I guess,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted, but her mind kept coming back to their differences. He might have wanted a wooden train, but his father had the wherewithal to buy him something even better. Andrew seemed destined for better things than Hannah could offer him.

“Want to sit and listen to the music awhile?” he asked, motioning toward the country tune drifting across the park.

She nodded and turned in that direction, sensing Andrew had more on his mind than music. He wove his fingers through hers as they passed the fountain and headed toward the band.

Tents dotted the lawn where stained glass, hand-crafted jewelry, quilts and fancy pillows were displayed. Near the trio Andrew guided her to an empty bench, and she sat, trying to focus on the activities around her rather than on the thoughts running through her mind. She set the packages on the bench and rested her tense back against the slats.

Andrew drew her closer and kissed her hair. “Would you like something cold to drink?”

She started to answer, but instead said what had been on her mind. “What I really want is to know what’s on your mind. Something’s bothering you, Andrew. I know you well enough to spot it in your behavior.”

“I guess I’m not very subtle.”

She saw his jaw tighten while apprehension filled her. She’d hidden her secret too long, and now she feared someone had suspected and told him. “Is this about me?”

“Yes.”

“Did someone tell you something about me?”

His eyes narrowed as a frown settled on his face. “No, but I wish you would.”

She nodded as relief washed over her.
Thank you, Lord. I know I have to tell him even if it ends our relationship. I can’t put it off. Dear Father, give me the courage to say it right so he’ll understand.

She lifted her eyes to Andrew’s and witnessed a depth of sadness that startled her. What had he been thinking?

“This has to do with us?” he said, more a question than a statement.

She shook her head. “In a roundabout way.”

His frown deepened while she struggled for the words. “I don’t know how to tell you, Andrew, and I can’t believe you haven’t noticed already.” Her hand slid to the growing bulge she’d tried to cover with loose-fitting tops.

“Noticed? What is it? Don’t play games. Just tell me.”

“This isn’t a game. It’s difficult for me to talk about it. I’ve been distraught over the situation, and I’m trying to accept it and be happy.”

“Please, Hannah, get on with it.” His eyes burned with questions.

She drew in a breath and forced the words into the air. “I’m pregnant.”

His back straightened like a puppet jerked on a string. “You’re what?”

The look in his eyes—disbelief, disappointment, shock—broke her heart. “I’m pregnant. I’m expecting a baby.”

“A baby?” He glanced at her abdomen, then looked at her with disbelief. “I don’t understand.”

What more could she say? “There’s nothing to understand. I’m expecting a child. It’s due in mid December.”

“Mid December? How long have you known this?”

“I saw the doctor over two months ago. At first, I’d thought it was stress. I couldn’t believe the truth.”

He didn’t respond but stared at her while his face twisted with emotion. “I don’t understand how…” He waved his hands in the air. “You should have told me.”

“I was afraid.”

His head jerked around to face her. “Afraid of what?”

“Of this,” she said, gesturing to him. “Of how you’d react. I care for you, Andrew. You’ve been wonderful to us, and I—”

He stood and leaned over, his face inches from hers. “I don’t understand, Hannah. You mean you and Jack—”

“It’s not like that at all.”

His arms dropped to his sides. “Then what is it?” He caved onto the bench.

“The baby is J—” She couldn’t say the name. Her stomach churned as tears welled in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter.” She rose. “Please take me home. Or should I call a cab?”

“It’s Jack.” Disgust filled his voice, but he didn’t move. Appearing frozen to the spot, he peered at her as if deciding which to do. “Explain to me how this happened?”

His words struck her like a knife. “Use your head, Andrew. What do you think?” She clenched her teeth, aching with regret. Andrew didn’t want to hear the truth, and she wouldn’t grovel to ask for forgiveness. She’d done nothing. If he couldn’t figure that out, then he could stand there with his mouth hanging open forever. She didn’t care.

“Thanks for the lovely evening.” She let the sarcasm
pierce him, then grasped the packages she’d purchased and sped across the lawn toward the sidewalk.

“Hannah!”

She refused to slow her steps or even glance over her shoulder. Andrew had demoralized her. What did he think? Did he think she would give herself to Jack voluntarily?

As she charged away, her foot sank into a rut and her ankle twisted, but the pain that shot through her leg could not compare to the stabbing ache that tore at her heart. With determination, she yanked her foot free and kept walking.

Andrew watched Hannah dash toward the street, and a moment passed before he came to his senses. He grabbed the package she’d left on the bench—the wooden train—and bolted after her. “Hannah!”

She ignored his cry and hurried ahead.

He stopped calling and used his energy to run after her, doubling his efforts when he saw her stumble. When he reached her, his chest ached from the exertion and from the shock of having her walk away without an explanation. “Please, don’t leave without resolving this, Hannah. Please.”

She turned to face him while tears rolled down her cheeks. “I can’t talk about this now. Please. If you have any respect at all—any mercy—just take me home.”

He helped her to the sedan in silence while his mind struggled with what to say, what to do. He was in agony as he relived how a pleasant evening had turned into a nightmare. What had she expected? Had she thought he would be joyful to hear she’d been sleeping with her ex-husband?

Carla’s comment the day he picked up Hannah’s be
longings had set him on edge. Today the words blared in his head. She’d mentioned Jack had left Hannah’s apartment about three in the morning. He’d asked himself why Jack had stayed so long. Now it made sense. Hannah had sneaked out after Jack had fallen asleep.

They’d been in bed together. The image sickened him.

Horrible thoughts charged across his mind, and, not wanting to say anything he’d regret, he clamped his teeth together until they ached. The silence stressed him, and when they reached Loving Treasures, Andrew still had nothing to say.

“I’ll get out here,” Hannah said as he turned into the driveway at the side of her apartment. Before he could tell her he’d pull closer to the entrance, she’d opened the door and gingerly stepped out, slamming the door without a goodbye.

He sat staring at her, wondering what to do and what to think. The dusky sky had grown darker, and Andrew turned on his headlights as he backed into the street and pulled away, his heart heavy and his mind burdened with Hannah’s confession. Pregnant with Jack’s baby.

Pregnant. Confusion rolled through him, then envy. He’d been dreaming of the day he and Hannah might marry. JJ would be his little boy, and he’d hoped, prayed, that he and Hannah would have a child of their own. Two children. Even more.

His gut ached as he continued down Washington Street. Ahead he saw the shelter where he’d taken Hannah that first night. He’d felt sorry for her, a woman abused and broken. Suddenly the truth struck him. How could he have been so dense? Hannah wouldn’t give herself to Jack. He must have forced her—violated her and beaten her. Or… Speculation wouldn’t offer the
answer. Only Hannah could tell him the truth, and now he’d angered her with his lack of sensitivity, and he didn’t blame her.

As he drew closer to the shelter, next door he noticed Ken Dewitt and his kids outside their house. He hesitated, longing to consult someone wiser than he’d been. Instead, he pushed on the gas pedal. Then at the last minute his foot shifted to the brake.

Ken lifted his hand in greeting.

Almost without control, Andrew pulled to the curb and stopped.

Ken seemed to be waiting for him and grinned as Andrew pushed open his door and stepped into the street.

“I’m babysitting,” he called, holding Dillon on his arm and Gracelynne at his side. “Glad you stopped by.”

Babysitting.
The word sent his thoughts back to Hannah, and his gut ached again. Why had he stopped? “I’m just passing by. I dropped Hannah at home.” He realized he couldn’t tell Ken the details of what had happened. How could he explain? How could he divulge Hannah’s startling news?