Loving Tenderness (12 page)

“Out for dinner?” Ken asked.

“We went to the Coast Guard Craft Fair at the park.”

Ken chuckled. “Did you see Annie?”

“No.”

“She’s helping one of the church ladies at her booth. You know women. They love shopping.”

Andrew tried to smile, but his face felt as if it would crack.

Ken’s expression shifted to concern. “Something wrong?”

Andrew shook his head, irritated that he couldn’t
keep the stress from his face. “A little misunderstanding that’s all.” He brushed away his response.

“Amazing how a few words can ruin a nice evening.”

His comment caught Andrew by surprise. “You and Annie argue much?”

“Not often, but sometimes we butt heads.” He beckoned Andrew toward the house. “Come in and have a drink. I can make coffee, or we have pop.”

Now that he’d stopped, Andrew wanted to escape, but Ken seemed so pleased to see him, how could he leave?

He followed Ken and the kids up the steps, noticing the homey porch swing. He would prefer to sit there in the gloom rather than have Ken see his face in the light, but Ken opened the front door, and Andrew could do nothing but follow.

“Have a seat. I need to get Dillon into his crib and Gracelynne ready for bed. I’ll be just a minute.”

Andrew settled into a chair, his mind rushing like a brush fire trying to figure out how to get out of the situation he’d gotten himself into with Ken while pondering what had happened between him and Hannah.

Why didn’t Hannah realize that hearing about her pregnancy would throw him off balance? His thoughts billowed like the Lake Michigan waves, trying to imagine why Hannah would allow an abusive man, no longer her husband, into her house.

The vision struck him. She hadn’t. That was obvious. Jack had forced his way in, just as he had forced himself on her.

Anger bristled up his spine as he pictured the burden Hannah had carried alone. Why hadn’t she just told him from the beginning? Why hadn’t she told the police that Jack had sexually assaulted her? He leaned
back against the chair, his thoughts raging like a stormy sea.

Ken’s voice traveled from the distant bedroom as he talked with Gracelynne. He heard Ken’s goodnight, then footsteps.

“How about that drink now? Sorry, but if Annie came home and the kids weren’t in bed, then you’d see some head-butting.” He grinned and motioned toward the kitchen. “Cold or hot?”

“A cola is fine. Thanks.”

Ken vanished through the doorway while Andrew drew in a calming breath. He tried to sort through his reaction to Hannah. Anger. No, he felt rejected. Andrew’s shoulders ached with the knotted emotions. He’d learned to harden himself to hurt. Or he thought he had. Had getting involved with Hannah been a horrible mistake?

Emptiness shot through his chest. What would life be like without Hannah now that he’d found her? If she’d only explained. If Jack had done the unthinkable, why hadn’t she confessed, and—

Confessed? She would have been the victim. Why would she confess? She would have been mortified, vandalized, violated. His hands trembled when he raised them to his jaw, and Andrew longed to leave, to forget facing Ken while his thoughts were in such upheaval.

“Here you go,” Ken said, striding into the room holding a glass with ice and cola.

“Thanks,” Andrew said accepting the glass and taking a lengthy swallow. His dry mouth welcomed the drink.

“So you and Hannah had an argument. Don’t let it weigh on you. One thing I’ve learned is love is far more valuable than gold. It’s worth fighting for.”

“This problem is complex, and I’ve hurt Hannah with
my reaction.” Andrew winced as he realized he’d opened his mouth and said too much.

“Nothing is too complex for the Lord. I’m listening if you want to talk about it.”

T
he last thing Andrew wanted to do was talk about what had happened with Hannah, yet if he truly believed in God’s promises, nothing was too big for the Lord. He’d left God out of the picture.

He leaned forward, his hands folded, elbows resting on his knees, and stared at the floor. What could he say? What could he reveal? He wondered if Annie knew about the pregnancy and had already told Ken, but he couldn’t take the chance.

Andrew’s shoulders raised as he gathered courage. “I know God can move mountains and part seas, but I doubt if dealing with my confusion is important.”

Ken’s eyebrows raised. “God counts the hairs on your head. Wouldn’t he care even more about what’s in your heart and mind?”

“It’s just that we’re human. We make stupid mistakes and say stupid things. It’s nothing, really.”

“It’s up to you, Andrew. I don’t want to pry.”

“I know you’re trying to be helpful. I’m not like you, Ken. I was a strong Christian once, but I slipped, and
even now I forget to act like the Christian I say I am. Someone like you who’s been close to the Lord all your life, you—”

“Hold on.” Ken raised his hand like a traffic cop. “You’re wrong. I’m a new Christian, Andrew. My past doesn’t win a prize, either. I’ve made horrible mistakes, and Annie’s faith is what helped me to understand how full life can be when we let Jesus carry our load.”

Andrew’s chest tightened, looking at Ken’s serious expression. Feelings. He hated them sometimes. Emotions. They were a woman’s MO, not a man’s. Yet feelings had taken hold of his life. “I wish I was more like you, Ken. You always seem confident in your faith. Annie’s mentioned you attend Bible study and go to church every Sunday. I figure—”

“You figured wrong. I had a troubled childhood. My dad’s view of scripture was that discipline meant a punch in the face. My past is a mess. I got into serious trouble when I was a teenager. None of us is perfect.”

His face paled as he searched Andrew’s face. “I sense the Lord wants me to tell you this, but it’s still hard to talk about even today.” Ken released a ragged sigh that reached Andrew. “I served a prison sentence for breaking and entering along with destruction of property. I lived with that guilt and fear of people finding out, Andrew, until I finally had the courage to tell Annie before I asked her to marry me. I became a stronger Christian through Annie’s efforts. I don’t like to talk about the past, but I know I’m forgiven.”

Ken’s confession fell on Andrew like a barbell while his own past added a hundred pounds to the pressure. “You’ve shocked me, Ken. You’ve always seemed the epitome of a devout Christian, so free from sinful ways.”

“Free from sin? I don’t know anyone who is.”

“You know what I mean. You always say and do the right thing.” Andrew shook his head, then took another swig of the soft drink, hoping to compose himself. “I guess that’s my error, basing conclusions on guesses.”

“Let’s get back to you and Hannah for a minute,” Ken said. “Annie thinks a lot of Hannah. I know Hannah’s been through a bad time, too. She deserves every chance for a good life.”

Fighting the lump in his throat, Andrew only nodded.

Ken continued. “One thing I’ve learned since having a personal relationship with the Lord is in Proverbs 3. ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.’ In other words, lean on God and not your frustration. That’s the best lesson I’ve learned.”

“Good point. I’ve tried to reason things out on my own, but that didn’t work. I made a real blunder with Hannah.”

“It’s easy to do. Even though we’re Christians, you said it yourself, we’re human. We sin, but that’s what’s so neat about God. He understands that and gives us a chance to learn and fix it.”

Andrew already knew everything Ken had said, but today it made more sense. Now he needed to decide how to make things right.

“There’s another verse from Proverbs that’s guided my married life. It’s so important to me I’ve memorized it. ‘By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.’” He swung his arm toward the hallway. “I just tucked two of those rare and beautiful treasures into bed. The other one will be home soon. Nothing is more valuable than family.”

Andrew’s chest stung with grief, recalling what he’d done to his father and brother. The day Philip had wept in his arms filled Andrew’s mind. He’d said it himself. Nothing is more valuable than family. God had forgiven him. Letting go of the past made all the difference.

“And one more thought, then I’ll shut up.”

Andrew chuckled, glad that Ken hadn’t kept quiet.

“Memorize this verse, and it can save a relationship or a marriage. Ephesians 4:26. ‘In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.’ Annie and I have agreed that we don’t go to bed until we’ve resolved a conflict. We never part company without talking over a problem. It saves both of us from heartache. If a relationship is worth keeping, it’s worth the effort to understand, to resolve and to forgive.”

Andrew couldn’t respond. He let Ken’s words soak in and sensed the Lord had directed him here to learn the wisdom he’d longed to hear.

“Thanks,” he said, finally. “I know what I have to do. I’ll talk with Hannah tonight.”

After the sitter left, Hannah put JJ to bed and sank onto the sofa. She curled her legs beneath her and rested her head against the cushion, thinking about her earlier confrontation with Andrew. Her world had crumbled in the blink of an eye. Hearing Andrew’s harsh words, she’d been barraged with confusion. She’d feared he would take the news badly, and he had. But being correct disappointed her. She wanted him to understand, to take her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay.

She’d allowed her naïveté to catch her off guard again. She’d given her heart to a man who really didn’t
know her. She’d been afraid that might happen again if she fell in love.

And she had fallen in love with every ounce of her being.

She felt numb with the realization. Andrew had walked out of her life. In truth, she’d walked out of his, but for good reason. His reaction had disappointed her beyond words.

Hannah closed her eyes, overwhelmed by fatigue. She’d been let down, embarrassed and upset. She knew better than to go to bed now. She would toss and turn all night until daylight peeked through the crevice between the shade and windowsill. Her head spun until the dizziness overcame her, and she felt herself drifting into an uneasy sleep.

The doorbell jolted Hannah awake. Then a distant rapping sent her heart to her throat while her pulse thumped. Dazed with sleep, she pushed her legs off the sofa and rose, her knees weak from grogginess. She grasped the corner of a chair to gain her balance.

As she approached the door to the staircase, the bell rang again. What time was it? She glanced at the clock and realized it wasn’t late. She’d drifted to sleep on the couch. Jack? No, Jack wouldn’t ring the bell, she told herself.

Amid her thoughts, she heard her name. She moved closer to the door, unlocked it, then opened it a crack.

She heard the call again.

“Hannah!”

Recognizing Andrew’s voice, Hannah opened the apartment door and stood a moment, deciding what to do. She could ignore him or answer the downstairs door. Her hand froze on the knob while the word
forgiveness
rang in her mind.

But why Lord? Why should I take a chance again?
The answer rolled over Hannah. Because Andrew had been kind throughout her ordeal. He’d been caring and helpful—too helpful at times—but he’d become her dearest friend. He’d made a mistake with his reaction, but maybe she’d made a mistake, too, by walking away. She had known he’d be startled, but she’d hoped for compassion.

Andrew’s rapping sounded up the staircase, and his plaintive voice calling her name drew her to descend the steps. When she stepped to the door, she saw his face in the security light at the side of the building.

The noise stopped as his voice penetrated the barred entry window. “I need to talk with you. Please.”

His sad eyes and the contrite look on his face sent Hannah’s emotions tumbling. She turned the lock and opened the door.

“Thank you,” he said. “May I come in?”

“You’d better, before the police arrest you for disturbing the peace.”

“I’m sorry. I was afraid you wouldn’t answer.”

Seeing him now made her happy she’d relented. Hannah turned and headed up the stairs while Andrew’s heavier steps followed hers.

She waved him inside, and he headed through the doorway into the living room. She shut and locked the door, and when she joined him, he crumpled into a chair and dropped his face into his hands. “I’m sorry, Hannah. I know I reacted badly, but you startled me. No, it hurt me. I couldn’t think.” He raised his gaze to hers.

Hannah had to fight herself from pulling him into her arms. Andrew, the strong comforter, looked like a beaten child, and his appearance set her back. “I shouldn’t have
walked away, Andrew, but your reaction upset me. I’d hoped you would understand.”

“I think I do now, but you didn’t explain. I was startled. Confused.”

She remained standing, hoping to make him realize the depth of the offense. “You didn’t give me time to, but it’s really not your problem, Andrew. It’s mine.”

He rose and walked to her side. “I care about you, Hannah, so it’s my problem, too. I was afraid—” He sought her eyes as if unable to say what he had thought.

“You were afraid of what? That I’d willingly slept with him?”

His gaze dropped. “I didn’t know what to think.”

“Andrew, we’ve only known each other a few months, but I hope you know me better than that.”

He lifted his head. “He forced you?” His response sounded confident as if he knew he was correct.

A knot twisted between her shoulder blades. “Yes.” She lifted her hand and pressed it against her chest.

Andrew’s eyes darkened, and Hannah could see he was struggling to understand what her
yes
meant.

“He raped you.”

“Yes. More than once.”

“Dear Lord, no.” His voice was weighted with horror. “Did you tell anyone? The police? Anyone?”

She shook her head. “I felt unclean and violated. I didn’t know what to do. What anyone could do.”

He grasped her shoulders. “I’ll tell you what I feel, Hannah. I’m angry. I’m incensed. I want vengeance.”

“Vengeance belongs to the Lord, not you or me. What can you do? It happened, but it won’t happen again.”

Andrew wrapped his arms around her shoulders and
drew her closer. She pressed her head against his chest and felt his heart thumping against hers. When she raised her head, Andrew’s gaze caught hers before his lips found her mouth. The gentle kiss blanketed her sadness and warmed the icy thoughts rooted in the back of her mind.

He drew back, and his voice sounded husky. “I’m so sorry. Sorry for what happened and how I reacted.”

“I’m sorry for walking away. I should have told you the rest.”

“The rest?”

“How it happened.”

He nodded. “It’s too awful to think about. You’ve been alone with this.”

“To be honest, I told Jenni. I had to talk with someone about the baby.”

A look of disappointment charged across his face, and she realized she’d hurt him with her admission.

“I needed to clear my mind, Andrew. My first thoughts were about whether I could love this child when it was conceived in such a brutal way.”

His gaze lowered to her abdomen as if trying to envision a baby there. Then he lifted his eyes. “But it’s a child.”

Though he said the words, Hannah recognized the mixed emotions crossing his face. “My horrible thought was fleeting. I couldn’t abandon my child. I’m carrying a little life inside me.” Her hand slid to her rounded tummy. “I love this baby already.”

Andrew’s eyes searched hers. “We’ll work it out. I’m with you, Hannah, if you’ll have me.”

“Why would you want to?”

He embraced her again as he whispered into her hair. “You’re as important to me as life itself. You and JJ.”

You and JJ.
But what about the child growing inside her?

Andrew rose from his desk and looked out his office window toward the back of the resort. He’d been trying to concentrate, but for the past month, he’d been distracted. He wanted to support Hannah and her new child, yet he felt anger and resentment for what had happened.

Hannah wasn’t to blame. Logic told him that, but jealousy jabbed at him every time he thought about it. Hannah would have another child, and Andrew feared resenting the new baby. His feelings made no sense, but he knew they were real. He’d come to love JJ, a child already born to Hannah and the madman—he seemed unable to say Jack’s name—but facing another child, Andrew’s logic left him and bitter emotions took its place.

Emotions were the part of life Andrew wanted to escape. When he’d learned his father had died, Andrew had been tormented by his avoidance of the funeral. He’d lived with his heart in his throat while he watched his family money sink faster than the
Titanic,
and he’d had no idea what to do about it.

Andrew had avoided serious romantic relationships until he’d met Hannah, and then he’d let down his guard. Perhaps his original interest in her had resulted from compassion, but he questioned that. Hannah was a woman who’d been dealt a bad blow, and he admired her strength. He’d felt drawn to her from the moment they met. At first, he’d seen a comrade—someone who understood hard times. Perhaps the look in her eyes had drawn him or her
vulnerability had captured his interest. But her determination and fortitude had been what fascinated him.

Now it didn’t matter what had caused his involvement with her. His life had become enmeshed with Hannah’s, and a plan had developed in his mind. He’d prayed their relationship would grow into something permanent. Yet how could he follow through now with the constant jabs of envy and worry that he would never be able to accept this new life?