Loving the White Liar (28 page)

“Something’s wrong,” he said in a deep slur. “Something’s wrong call...help.”

Without hesitation, I ran and grabbed my cell from the purse.

“Who, baby? Who? Dr. Sawyer?” Panic shot through my every nerve and suddenly everything was heavy. My legs, my arms, all of it seemed to stop obeying my command. Dread coursed through me with his next words.

“No,” he said as his face crumbled and tears streamed down his cheeks. Jayden’s mouth opened again as if he were trying to scream, but no sound came out. A small amount of spittle accompanied his next words. “Help.”

“Oh, God, baby, what did you do!?”

I dialed 911 as I watched Jayden fall apart in front of my eyes. When the operator answered, I was in full panic mode. “Please help me! I think my husband may have overdosed on medication.” The shrieking voice coming out of me was not my own. “Jayden, what did you take?” I begged as he spaced out again. Shaking him back into reality, he looked back at me but might as well have been a million miles away.

I looked down at the scattered papers and saw every single one started with my name.

“Miss, are you there?” My welling eyes lifted to my husband, who was completely lost. I’d never felt so much pain as I had in that moment.

“Lithium?” I asked, thinking of the only medication I could remember.

Jayden nodded and his face twisted again as if he were in pain. He picked up his hand as if he wanted to grip the top of his head but couldn’t get it there. I grabbed it and held it to my chest. “Jayden,” I whispered hoarsely as he tried to focus on me.

“Ma’am, are you there?” I heard the operator ask in the distance. “Ma’am, keep him as alert as possible. Try not to let him fall asleep.”

“He took lithium,” I told her. “He took lithium.”

“Okay, get the bottle and present it to the medics when they arrive. Just hang on. They are four minutes out. I take it this is a new medication?”

Looking at Jayden’s vacant eyes, my strength wavered. “He just started,” I sobbed. “He just started for me,” I admitted as my love tried to close his eyes. “Stay awake,” I shook him hard. “Stay awake.”

“I’m sorry,” he slurred as he looked at me before blankly averting his eyes to Trip.

The next hour was a blur of activity as the medics came in to check his pulse, and take inventory of his medications, before they rolled him out of our apartment. The ride in the ambulance and then the wait outside of the ER while he was worked on was complete agony as I thought about the last text I sent to him. I’d called him selfish, only to realize too late that his choice to medicate was the epitome of selflessness. He loved me enough to do the one thing he swore he would never do.

I called Dr. Sawyer and he insisted that he would come, keeping me on the phone until I was relatively calm. At some point, I called Gerri, who joined me in the waiting room, and must have called my mother because less than an hour after we entered the hospital she was sitting next to me, holding my hand.

“He’ll be okay, sweetheart. He will,” she said, gripping my hand tightly in hers. “Someone needs to call Mallory. Let her know what’s going on,” I asked between a breath and a prayer.

“She’s on her way,” Gerri said, handing me my phone and purse and then gripping me to her tightly. “He’s going to be okay. I know it.” She pulled away from me to look into my eyes with a reassuring nod. And that’s when I broke. All of my frustration, my worry, and everything else I’d kept to myself, came out in a flood while holding Gerri. She pulled me to her tightly as I let out my grief as she reminded me she was my rock. “I love you,” I whispered as she cried with me.

I caught a glimpse of Dr. Sawyer as he strode down the hall towards us and waved him our way.

“We don’t know anything yet,” I said tearfully. Just as he was about to speak, I heard  “Mrs. Monroe?” I met the doctor as he came into the waiting room. He held up his hand, sensing my oncoming barrage of questions.

“He’s having a strong and uncommon response to the lithium he’s ingested and we think it has to do with him being severely dehydrated. The strength of the medication has slowed his motor functions to an alarming rate. It’s not an over dosage, but it’s definitely left him incapacitated for the time being. We are going to keep him tonight to monitor him and will do a complete evaluation once he’s slept most of it off.”

“So he’ll be okay?” I asked, completely floored.

“All of his vitals are fine. We can determine more when he’s fully alert. He said he’s just started the medication.”

“Yes. I’m his therapist. I prescribed it to him,” I heard Dr. Sawyer speak up behind me. “He’s taken it in the past and had a similar reaction, becoming extremely lethargic the first week, but has never responded like this.”

I reeled on Dr. Sawyer in shock. “When did he decide to do this?”

Dr. Sawyer looked at me. “Yesterday.”

“Why?” I shouted at him. “Why did he do this?” But I already knew the answer. I felt my mother’s hands on my back, letting me know she was there. I looked up to the ER doctor as he spoke. “He needs time to flush the amount he’s taken and let it filter through his system. We are pushing it out of him, but it will take a few hours. We will monitor him closely.”

“Can I see him?”

“Of course, but only one person at a time.” I pulled away from my mother’s grasp, leaving everyone behind as I heard my mother introduce herself to Dr. Sawyer. I didn’t have time for pleasantries, and truth be told, I was pissed at the doctor. But only because I refused to direct my frustration toward my husband—a husband who had decided to try again with a medication he hated, for me.

Self-loathing ran a close second to the panic I was still feeling from not being able to rouse Jayden. My body was sore from the tension as I walked into the room where he was sleeping peacefully.

I sat next to him in the chair, watching him closely for any movement. The raw ache in my chest pushed itself to the brink and I burst, laying my head on his bedside as I sobbed my apology.

“You don’t have to be anyone else, Jayden. I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. I pushed you to do this. You. Are. Enough. Please, baby, be okay, just...just be okay.” I cracked wide open as my need for him poured out of me. “I can’t have summer without the sun, Jayden. I need you. Fight this shit and come back, okay? Please.” I cried until my eyes ran dry, ignoring the nurse who came in and tried to comfort me with soothing words as I repeated to Jayden over and over that I couldn’t have summer without the sun.

“Hey, fishnipple.”

Jayden’s voice woke me as I felt the stiffness in my back scream at me for my sleeping position. I snapped to in my chair and the realization of what happened came back in droves. My eyes shot up to Jayden and I saw he was studying me. His normally strong exterior looked fragile and he was slightly pale.

“I’m okay,” he said before I had a chance to speak. “But you look like shit.”

“Not funny,” I said, diving into his open arms.

“I was sleeping so good until you came in here blubbering,” he said, running his fingers through my hair.

“You heard me?”

“Yes.” I looked up at him as he smirked. “I was hoping for a good bedtime story or some sort of raunchy sexual confession, but of course you were totally boring.”

“Stop joking,” I scolded warmly. “I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

“I know. I heard that, too,” he said, pulling me close. “It happens every time I start the meds. I slept almost two days last time.”

“Why, Jayden? Why would you do that without talking to me?”

“Because I love you. Because I don’t want our life together to stop. Because if taking them meant I got to be your husband longer, it would be worth it.”

Before I got a chance to reply, Jayden pushed me away from him suddenly and leaned over the side of the bed to throw up. I ran to the door as the nurse met me there. “Okay, Mrs. Monroe, you may want to step outside until we can get this cleaned up. I shook my head as Jayden scolded me. “Go, Hil.” When I hesitated, he pushed out again, “Go.”

Reeling, I walked out into the waiting room expecting to find it empty. It was early morning and I assumed everyone had gone home. Mallory and my mother were tearfully chatting and Dr. Sawyer was texting on his phone.

“I’m so sorry. God, I didn’t even come back out to let you see him.” Mallory and my mother looked up at me and were immediately at my side as they took turns hugging me.

“I got to sneak in a bit after you fell asleep,” Mallory piped. “I know you weren’t in your right mind, honey.”

I looked to my mother, who seemed to have aged overnight. “He got sick when he woke up. They kicked me out. They are cleaning him up, but he’s okay.” My mother’s eyes welled up as I reassured her. She had lost her husband suddenly and I could feel her fear for me. “He’s okay, Mom. I’m okay.” After a few minutes of holding her to me, I gave her a mother’s errand.