Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (28 page)

‘Me! Me!' Charlie was shoutin.

‘Here ye are! Hold yer horses, there's yer black jacks.' An then I gave the babby his marshmallow mouse. An he looked at it, wit the tail an the eyes, an then looked up at me. ‘Yes! Eat it! It's lovely.' An he put it in his mouth an started suckin it. He was delighted wit the taste an took it back out te give me a big smile wit his six teeth. An me heart turned over cos of the big lump on his poor forehead. I gave him a squeeze, an he roared, cos he thought I was tryin te take his mouse.

I sat down an was enjoyin the heat from the sunshine. Teddy was happy, climbin up an down on the wide steps, an Charlie was lookin in the shop windas at the cakes. His mind was always on grub. It would be great if I didn't have te worry about Jackser goin mad cos the babby got hurt.

People were passin up an down, stoppin te talk te each other. One woman stopped wit a big fat purse in her hand an a shoppin bag in the other. ‘There ye are!' she said te another woman, who had hair rollers in her head an was tryin te hide them wit a scarf tied aroun her head. ‘Are ye gettin yerself ready?' she laughed, lookin at the hair rollers.

‘Yeah!' Hair Rollers said. ‘I'm nearly all done. This daughter's weddin will be the death a me yet! The fella she's marryin has relations comin back from England. Well, as I said, Mrs, he needn't think I'm puttin them up! I've enough of me own crowd te be worryin about.'

‘Go way! Ye're right there. Ye'd only be a fool te yerself! They won't thank ye if ye're dead an buried in the mornin from all yer exertations!'

‘No, indeed they won't, Mrs!' Hair Rollers was enjoyin herself no end. She was enjoyin all the glamour of it all, wit people comin all the way from England. ‘I got the new wallpaper!'

The woman wit the purse checked te see if she still had it an shook herself, pulled wit the excitement of hearin it all an jealous cos it wasn't happenin te her. ‘Go on! Tell us more.'

‘It's only gorgeous, Mrs!' an she slapped the other woman's hand.

‘Go way!' Purse said.

‘Yeah, it's heavy red flock wit big white roses. I gorrit on Capel Street. Now tha it's up, I can't stop lookin at it. Even me neighbours think it's lovely. They've been in an outa the house, havin cups of tea an askin if there's anythin I want help wit. They're lendin me chairs, an old Granny Egan is lendin me her china teacups an saucers an matchin plates from her china cabinet. I'm nearly there. Me sisters are cookin the big lump a bacon an a leg a lamb I got. An the neighbours are makin a ton a sambidges. An he has a man tha works fer Guinness's, so the barrel a porter is sorted.'

‘Ah, it will be lovely!' Purse said. ‘I'm delighted fer ye!'

‘Right then, I'd better run. I'll catch up wit ye again,' Hair Rollers said. An off they went about their business. I watched them go, takin the excitement wit them.

Fer a few minutes, I lost the run of meself. Thinkin I was part of it all. Now I felt empty. Teddy was fed up an tired. He was leanin in me lap an slappin me. He wanted te climb inta the pram an get a sleep. Harry was sleepin, so I stood up an fixed his pilla, pullin him down te stretch out an get more comfortable. I pulled up the hood te keep out the sun an said te Teddy, ‘Come on, we'll see wha's in the shop winda! Charlie, you sit there an rest, an keep an eye on the babby.'

We walked slowly down te the shop an stopped te look in the winda. I looked at the lovely little dolls. They cost sixpence. If I could get the money te buy one of them, I'd be so happy. I've never had a doll. I'd get meself a shoebox an make a bed fer it. I could put holes in the arms of old rags an dress the doll. I'd never stop playin wit it. Tha would be heaven. Teddy started roarin his head off an pullin me hand. He wanted te go back an sleep in the pram. ‘Come on, then, off we go,' I said te him. He wanted me te carry him, but he was too heavy fer me. I started te pretend te run wit him, te make him laugh, but he was rubbin his eyes exhausted. ‘All right! Martha will put ye te sleep. Let's go.'

I started te walk home wit the pram, wonderin if maybe they might be back now. An I didn't see them passin me, so I started te hurry. I put Teddy sittin in the bottom of the pram an told him not te lie down on the babby's feet. I looked at Charlie runnin beside the pram. ‘Are ye all right, Charlie? Maybe me ma's home.'

‘Yeah!' Charlie said, his spirits liftin at the thoughts of gettin in fer a rest an maybe somethin te eat.

‘Come on, Mrs! Hurry yerself. We want te get down te tha Corporation Office while them fuckers are still awake!'

‘Ah, will ye leave me? I'm goin as fast as I can. Here, you,' me ma turned te me. ‘Wheel the babby outside.'

‘OK, Ma. I'll just put Teddy's coat on, then I'll do it.'

‘Will ye get the pram outa me way!' me ma roared at me. ‘I can't move meself in this kip!'

‘Wha the fuck is goin on in there?' Jackser came rushin in an stared at me. I ran fer the pram an made te open the door, an Jackser grabbed me by me neck an lifted me offa me feet. ‘Do as ye're told!' He shook me up an down. I was chokin an red in the face. Then he dropped me. I was coughin an picked meself off the floor an ran fer the pram.

‘Yeah, Jackser,' I croaked, coughin an tryin te get me breath.

I stood holdin the pram, waitin. ‘Don't be told te do anythin twice,' he said, pointin his finger in me face.

‘No, Jackser!'

‘An another thing! Ye won't be sleepin in tha bed tonight. Ye can sleep on the concrete floor in the scullery. Tha should put a stop te yer pissin the bed.'

Me heart sank, an I wheeled the pram outside. Every night now I've been dragged outa the bed from me sleep. I've been tryin te stop wettin the bed, but I dream I'm on the tilet, an then I just let go. An then Jackser yanks me outa the bed an spins me aroun the floor, an I don't know wha's happenin. He's standin over me shoutin, an I look at him not knowin wha's wrong until I get me senses, an he's screamin, ‘Ye wet the bed! Look!' An I get down on me hands an knees, an he pushes me head under the bed te see the pool of piss on the floor.

I came rushin back in. ‘Right, Ma! Are ye ready?' I whispered. Me ma gave me tha look, lookin inta me eyes te see if I'm all right. She was sorry she got me inta trouble.

‘Don't mind him,' she muttered te me.

I looked at her without sayin anythin, but she knew I was desperate fer her te leave him. She looked away, an me heart went cold against her. I'm on me own, an I don't belong te her. She has Jackser te mind her now.

‘Right, Sally. Let's go! Now, let me do all the talkin, we have te make these fuckers sit up an take notice. Ye never know, we could turn this inta our advantage an maybe even get a nice house outa them if we play our cards right. Ye have everythin?'

‘Yes! Yes!' me ma said.

‘Have ye the letter from the hospital? An the one from the doctor, sayin ye're under his care?'

‘Yes, I told ye!'

Jackser snuffled an shook himself. ‘Right, you! Stay here an mind the house. We don't want ye earwiggin an listenin te everythin tha's goin on an maybe givin the game away.'

I look at me ma an whispered when he was gone out the door, ‘Ma! Ask him te let me go out an play. Will ye, Ma? Please!'

She looked at me an chewed her lip, an then gave a little cough. ‘Eh, let her out on the street. She'd be better off runnin aroun.'

He looked at me, an me ma shouted, ‘Go on, then, if ye're goin.' I hesimitated fer a split second, watchin Jackser, an when he said nothin, I rushed out the door. He slammed it shut behind him, an I stood there watchin them go.

When they were outa sight, I let me breath go an felt meself go lovely an light. I wandered over te the waste ground an sat at the railins. The gates were always kept locked. Nobody was aroun yet. It was too early in the mornin. The childre were gone te school, an it was very quiet. I didn't mind. I was enjoyin sittin here havin nothin te worry about an no one te bother me. I looked through the bars an spotted a roller skate someone had thrown away. It was broken, but the two halves were there. I climbed up on top of the gate. It was very high up, an the spokes on the top were treacherous. I climbed over them, takin me time, an then slid down on the inside, lettin go of the bars an jumpin on te the grass. I picked me way over the broken glass, not wantin te cut me bare feet. The roller skate was grand. If I tie the two ends together wit twine, I could skate aroun te me heart's content. I looked aroun, searchin fer a bit of twine or somethin te tie it wit, but I had no luck.

I climbed back over the gate, an a bolt of lightnin went through me from the pain of hurtin meself on the spikes. When the pain eased, I lowered meself down slowly an limped off wit me two-half roller skate, an rubbed me belly te ease the pain.

I was wanderin aroun tryin te find somethin, an then I gorra great idea! I'll try the shops. They always have plenty of twine, an I might be able te get some. The butcher gave me a big bit of twine an told me not te play on the road, te go back inta the flats. An I said, ‘Thanks, Mister.' I was lookin back at him an wasn't mindin where I was goin, an I walked on a mangy dog sittin at the door waitin fer a bone. It snapped its jaws at me leg, an I leapt inta the air wit fright. But the dog missed me an didn't get a bite of me leg. I walked off slowly, watchin him te see if he'd come at me again, but he threw himself back on the ground te wait. I ran off, an when I looked back, the dog gave a big screech an was sent flyin out the door wit a kick from the butcher. ‘Get outa there, ye mangy bag a bones!' the butcher roared. An I ran on laughin. Serves ye right, tryin te bite me! I thought.

I tied the two halves of me roller skate together, an it held. Then I put the twine through the two holes at the back te tie it on me foot. It was grand. But then the twine cut inta me bare foot, an I had te take it off. I have te find somethin te cover me foot. I found an old woolly hat along the side of the road. It was a bit smelly an dirty. I looked at it, but I couldn't find anythin else. This'll do! It worked great, an I'm havin the time of me life runnin up an down, get goin, an lift me other foot, an I'm flyin. I had a great time all day on the roller skate. But then it kept gettin loose, an I kept tryin te fix it. But now I'd had enough.

I was sittin down wit me back against the pram sheds, watchin the other childre runnin up an down, playin chasin, an piggybeds, when a young one passed by me. I looked at her, cos she seems te be very upset. She just walks very fast an stares straight ahead. I know her te see, but I never played wit her, cos she lives in the next flats just beside mine. Her name is Nora, the same name as the song everyone is singing. I watched her walk on, not stoppin te look left or right, an wondered wha happened te her. It wasn't long after tha I heard screams an saw people runnin inta the next flats. I got up, an then I heard shouts. ‘She's fallen over the balcony!' I ran in, an there was Nora lyin on the ground at the pram sheds. She was very still, not movin. I looked from her te the balcony, an I wondered how she fell so far across te the pram sheds. She was lyin on her stomach wit her left arm under her. There was no one aroun her. ‘Don't touch her!' a woman screamed, an she came runnin across. She ran aroun Nora, not gettin too close, wit her arms out, wantin te keep everyone away.

We just stood starin across at Nora lyin there not movin, too shocked te take it in. ‘She fell from the second balcony!' one of the childre whispered. ‘I sawed her standin on the top of it.'

‘She's my size,' another one said. ‘She's nine, like me.'

A woman came rushin over an put a coat over Nora. Then an ambulance arrived, an a man came te put us all outa the way.

I ran up the road te the back shops. Didn't know where I was goin, but then I stopped just before I got there an ran inta the open waste ground an sat down. Why was Nora so upset? Wha happened? Me heart was bleedin fer her. Poor Nora, lyin there so still. I was afraid an I cried fer Nora, an it was as if I knew her. Could somethin like tha happen te me, too? I felt as if I was all by meself in the world an it would always be like this. But I never found out wha happened te Nora, cos we moved house.

The Corporation evicted us te the Corporation Buildins. Some people call it the Cage! They laugh an say the police used te have te come in crowds, cos they were afraid of their life te come on their own. It's beside Foley Street an just off Talbot Street. Ye step inta a little hallway, an there's four doors. We're on the ground floor, an there's balconies overhead. Our door is first on the left of the hallway, an we have a winda lookin onta the front. The room is very small, an we all have te sleep in one bed, cos tha's all we can fit in. The table fer eatin off sits at the end of the bed, an we have one chair beside the fireplace. An a little scullery wit a sink an a gas cooker – tha's it. We put the babby's pram under the winda, an there's very little room te move. A woman wit long grey hair, an two childre, a boy an a girl – the boy is about ten years old an the girl is about eleven – live across the hall from us. An old man lives in the other room, an the fourth room is empty. Some of the people manage te get two an three rooms as they become empty in their hallway, an pay the extra money fer each of the rooms.

Jackser's goin mad, cos the room's too cramped. We're all fallin over each other. He can't walk up an down when he's restless, an he keeps clenchin his fists an punchin his hands against each other. ‘Ah, fuck this, I'm gettin outa here!' an he runs out the door. ‘I'm goin te see a fella I know,' he says, an he disappears.

Me ma goes mad. ‘Where are ye goin te?' she shouts, but he's gone. ‘Get after him!' she shouts at me. ‘See wha he's up te.'

‘No, Ma! Let him go.'

‘But he's up te no good!' me ma says.

‘How do ye know, Ma? He'll be back,' I said.