Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (29 page)

‘Yeah! When he gets wha he wants from some dyed blonde.'

Me heart sinks te see me ma worryin. But I'm annoyed, too. Now we have a bit of peace. ‘Yeah! An there's fuck all te eat!' she says.

‘Can I go out te play, Ma?'

‘Ah, don't be annoyin me. Here, get the pillacase an get up te the convent an get the bread!'

I take the tuppence fer the bus fare there an back, an walk up an get the number twenty-four bus te Marino. I get off an walk up Griffith Avenue wit all the big houses an gardens an trees, an then arrive at the gates of the Cross an Passion convent an walk up the avenue an past the big front door wit the steps up te it. An go aroun the side te the back door an ring the bell only once. An then I wait fer the nun te come an open the door. If ye ring twice, they give ye nothin.

The door opens after a while, an the nun just looks at me an says nothin an closes the door again. I can be up te an hour waitin here, an it's very quiet. I sit meself down on the step an look at the green grass an admire the huge conifers – tha's what a young nun told me they were called. She came out wit a load of other young nuns. They all had black lace hankies on their heads, an they still had their lovely shiny hair, so they weren't real nuns yet. The ground was covered in snow at the time, an they came runnin out te throw snowballs at each other. I watched them havin a great time, pickin the snow up an beltin each other, an roarin an laughin, an sayin, ‘Oh, blast!' Tha was supposed te be a curse! I thought they were real grand. They looked so shiny an clean wit lovely red cheeks an a Gibbs toothpaste smile full of white teeth. They thought the snow was lovely, an it did look lovely an white here. But I hated it, cos I was always freezin wit the cold, an me bare feet an hands was killin me wit the pain. I admired them no end an wanted te come an live here an be just like them, eatin an prayin, an sleepin in a bed wit white sheets. An bein shiny an clean, an have shoes an warm knickers. An rush aroun in the snow, an say ‘Oh, blast!' an be very grand altogether.

I came outa me daze when I suddenly heard a noise. I looked up an saw a tramp come shufflin over. He was wearin about six coats an had a bit of twine wrapped aroun his waist. I turned away an ignored him. After a few minutes, he crept over beside me. ‘Did ye ring the bell?' he whispered inta me face.

The smell of him was terrible. I moved away an didn't look at him. ‘Yeah!' I muttered.

A few minutes later, I heard hissin noises. I looked over te see what it was, an the tramp nodded over te the trees. ‘Come over there wit me, an I'll give ye sixpence!' He showed me the sixpence in his hand, an he was wearin black gloves wit no fingers in them. I looked at his face. It was red, an his eyes was dancin in his head. I didn't like the look of them eyes.

Me mind flew. I can't run off without me bread, an, anyway, I was here first! I jumped up an rang the doorbell. ‘I'm gettin the nun fer you. An I'm tellin her wha ye said te me.'

‘No! No! Don't do tha!' he said. ‘Oh, Holy Mother of God!' an he rushed off, tryin te shuffle fast, hangin on te his coats.

The nun didn't come out fer a long while. ‘Did you ring this bell?' She stared at me wit her lips pressed together.

I looked aroun me te see if he was still gone an satisfied meself he was not comin back. I said, ‘No, Sister! A man did, but he's gone now!'

‘You'll have to wait,' she said. ‘I'm busy.'

‘Ah, Sister, would ye have a drink of water? I'm parched, Sister.'

A while later, the door opened, an the nun handed me a tin mug wit hot water. I was disgusted! She took it from the hot tap! I drank half an handed the mug back. She had a smirk on her face an a glint in her eye. She's bad, I thought te meself. Nuns are supposed te be holy.

I took the leftover bits of bread she gave me thrown together in greasepaper. An put it in me pillacase tha was black wit the dirt an covered in blood spots from all the bites we get from the fleas. Pity I didn't get a nice nun. Once in a while, I can strike lucky an get bread an drippin, an even roast meat. The nun who gives me the bit of bacon, an maybe even a leg a lamb, doesn't seem te be there any more. Me ma will go mad an start givin out. ‘Why did the nun not give ye anythin? Did ye ask her? Wha did ye say? Did ye not tell her this, why didn't ye tell her tha?' An me ma will keep at me until the next time I bring home somethin good. I always like te see me ma's face light up when she's happy, an have maybe five Woodbines fer Jackser, te put him in good form. But I've nothin te bring home, an nobody will be laughin.

I hurry over te the other convent, High Park, an pass the shops. I get an idea an rush inta the butchers. ‘Eh, excuse me, Sir, but would ye ever have any bones fer the dog?'

The butcher is very respectable, an he stands back an looks at me. He picks up a chunk of lap a lamb, an wraps it an hands it te me.

‘Eh, I didn't mean fer te buy.'

‘Yes! Yes! That's all right,' an he waves his hand at me.

I'm delighted an put it in me pillacase. ‘Thanks very much, Mister!' an I rush off.

I ring the bell at the convent, an Hairy comes out, looks at me an smirks, closes the door an I wait, hoppin up an down on the pebble stones on the ground, makin a crunchin noise under me feet. I got inta terrible trouble wit the nun once. I was dyin te go te the tilet but was afraid te go in the bushes in case she came out an I missed her. So I squatted on the ground in front of the hall door an was pissin away when the door opened an the nun's eyes met mine. We were both shocked, but I had te continue me pissin. She told me I had te send me mother, an she didn't want te see me face again. So far, I've been lucky. She hasn't opened the door fer me.

Hairy came out an handed me two stale loaves. I put them in me pillacase an put it over me shoulder, an decided te go out the back way. As I was passin the chapel, I saw a bicycle parked outside wit a black saddlebag strapped on the back. I peeked inta the chapel te see wha was goin on. The priest was sayin Mass. I shut the door quickly, tha must be his bike! I hesimitated fer a minute an put down me pillacase. I'll just have a look in the bag. I undid the straps, an the bag was filled wit ten-pack Carroll cigarettes! Me eyes lit up. Cigarettes! Jackser! Ah, no, he doesn't smoke these. He'd only smoke Woodbines. Then I had an idea. I filled me pillacase wit the cigarettes an rushed off. Aroun by the childre's home, past the farm, down the back lane, out the gate, an on te the road headin fer Drumcondra. Down the hill I flew, across Griffith Avenue wit the Whitehall police station on me right.

I stopped at the traffic lights, an gave a quick look over te see if the alarm had been raised an they were searchin fer me. Me heart was pumpin. I took out a ten pack of Carrolls an walked inta the shop an put them on the counter. ‘Me da says I'm te bring these back, cos it's ten Woodbines he wants. I got the wrong ones!'

The woman looked over the counter at me. ‘Did ye buy these here?'

‘Yeah, I did!'

She looked at them an looked at me. ‘I don't remember servin you.'

‘Oh, yes, Mam! I bought them here all right!'

She looked me straight in the eye. I didn't move a muscle. ‘All right, then.'

I let me breath out slowly. She handed me ten Woodbines, an change! I was out the door an inta the next shop. A few people were waitin te be served. I looked around. It was a vegebale an grocery shop. There were shoppin bags wit food lined against the walls waitin fer collection. Gawd! They're very respectable, the people livin aroun here, they get their messages done fer them.

I hesimitated fer a second – nobody lookin! I grabbed one of the shoppin bags an flew out the door. I tore up the hill an sat down on a bench outside the Bishop's Palace, an opened the bag. I pulled out a chicken wit some of its feathers still stuck te it, an it still had its head an the eyes were closed, an I was very disappointed. A chicken! But it wasn't cooked, an me ma doesn't know how te cook. I left the chicken beside me on the seat wit its two front legs stickin up in the air an looked in the bag. A packet of tea wit a picture on it of a woman holdin a basket full of tea leaves. I put tha down beside the chicken. A red jelly, an me ma can't make jelly either! I asked her once, when I came outa the hospital, te make jelly, an she said ye need an ice box. Maybe we can eat it raw. A jar of marmalade an a packet of Jacob's Cream Crackers. Tha's the lot. I opened the side of the bag an found a purse. It had half a crown ! Ah, Gawd! Me ma'll go mad wit delight, an Jackser will be over the moon wit his Woodbines.

I put everythin back in the bag an rushed on, goin from shop te shop until I had got rid of all the Carroll cigarettes an changed them fer Woodbines. I kept the half-crown fer me ma an spent the change from the cigarettes. I bought a packet of oxtail soup fer the meat, an a half-pound of margarine, an a pound of sugar. An I bought sweets fer the childre an a banana fer the babby Harry. An a choc ice fer meself an a
Bunty
comic. I better not let Jackser see the comic or he'll rip it te shreds. He goes mad if he catches me lookin at comics. He says I'm idlin, but I just love te look at the comics, especially the
Bunty
. I can't read them, but I look at the pictures an follow the story tha way. But tha's not enough fer me any more. I want te know wha they're sayin. So I'm mad te learn te read. I know the letters, an now I'm goin aroun spellin all the signs on the buses, an the shop names, an the billboards on the walls. Anywhere I see writin, I spell it, an then break it in half an get the sound, an then put them together an say the word. I do tha now wit me comics, an I'm nearly gettin there. Soon, I'll be able te read.

Jackser's gone mad on the drink. Our nerves are gone very bad, sittin in the dark waitin fer him te come home. Me ma sits on the chair lookin out the winda. I go te bed an pray there will be no more trouble. I roll meself inta a ball, cos every night Jackser kicks the legs an back off me, cos he says I'm te get me fuckin legs away from him. I don't know I'm touchin him, cos I'm in me sleep. An he stretches his feet all the way down te me back. Me ma keeps mutterin te me from the winda. ‘Oh, Jaysus! Me nerves are gone wit this bastard,' she says. ‘He'll come in now, mouldy drunk, an upend the place.

‘Here he is! Here he is!' she suddenly says, an me heart starts te pound.

‘Don't say anythin, Ma. Please, Ma! Don't say anythin. He'll kill us. Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!' I beg. Me teeth are chatterin, an I'm shakin all over. Dear God, don't let him start any more trouble. Keep us safe. I don't know whether te dive under the blankets, or get up te save me mammy. I sit up in the bed, holdin me hands, an me ma jumps up an rushes inta the scullery.

He stumbles inta the hall an slams against the door. ‘Ma! Ma! Let him in,' I croak.

‘Open the fuckin door, Mrs. Come on!' An he bangs on the door wit his fist. I jump outa the bed an open the door. He pushes the door an flattens me against the wall, bangin me head wit a thump. ‘Where is she? Come outa there, ye fuckin aul hag, ye!' An he stumbles inta the scullery an drags me ma out. ‘Ye won't keep a man locked out of his own home.' He shakes her by the neck an then starts punchin her. Me ma screams, an Harry sits up in the bed. He doesn't know wha's happenin an screams from fright. Teddy wakes up, an his face is blue from the shock, an he crawls over Charlie an puts out his arms fer me te lift him.

Jackser tears the hair from me mammy's head an throws her aroun the floor an kicks her. I jump outa the way an press meself inta the corner. ‘Ah, no, Jackser! Please! Please! Don't hurt me mammy. Please, Jackser! We'll do whatever ye want,' I'm sobbin, too afraid te scream.

Jackser whirls aroun on the balls of his feet an glares at me. His eyes are mad, an the spits are leakin outa his mouth. He grabs the chair an swings it through the air, an smashes the winda. ‘I'll kill ye's all!' he screams. ‘I'll do time fer ye's! They'll fuckin hang me!'

The glass smashes on te the ground an inta the room, an I'm screamin. Charlie charges outa the bed an dives underneath. Jackser lunges fer the bed an just misses Charlie, an grabs Teddy instead an picks him up by the legs. An Teddy catches his breath, an he swings him out the broken winda, an me ma can't get up from the floor. She's holdin her stomach, an she gives a piercin scream an says, ‘Murder! He's murderin me child! Get help, Martha! He's goin te kill the lot of us.'

I tear me face from me ma an look at Jackser flingin poor Teddy across te the bed. I charge fer the door, an he grabs me by the hair an punches me in the face. An me nose shoots out blood like a fountain. Then he opens the door an slams me across the hall, flyin through the air until I hit the woman's door opposite.

I lay like a heap of rubbish on the ground, pumpin blood everywhere, I was chokin on it. The woman came runnin out an screamed at Jackser te stop his blackguardin cos she was goin across te Store Street police station te bring back the police. She had her coat thrown on, an she ran fer the police. I was crawlin aroun, tryin te get up, but the blood was pourin outa me like a tap. An I wanted te get up te try an stop him from killin everyone, but I was winded, an the pain in me back an chest wouldn't let me breathe. I was desperately lookin out the hall, hopin someone would come, but it was dark. An the only noise was our screamin. Jesus! Jesus! Please don't let him kill us. Make him stop.

The door of the old man's flat opened, an he came out slowly, afraid of his life. ‘Sweet Jesus!' he whispered, comin towards me. I pulled meself up slowly, holdin on te the wall. The blood wouldn't stop pumpin from me nose, an I had te keep me head down an let it flow, or it went down me throat an choked me if I lifted me head. He held me arm an asked where all the blood was comin from, an saw it was me nose, an said he'll get somethin te stop the bleedin. Then he let me go an put his head in the room slowly an said, ‘Are ye's all right?'