Mahabharata: Volume 4 (7 page)

‘Droupadi said, “How can a woman, who has Yudhishthira as a husband, not be sorrowful? You know all my miseries. Why are you asking me? O descendant of the Bharata lineage! It burns me that an usher dragged me to an assembly hall, in the midst of the courtiers, calling me a servant maid. O lord! Which other daughter of a king, but for Droupadi, would wish to live like me, after enduring such miseries? When dwelling in the forest, who else but me would endure being molested a second time by the evil-minded Saindhava?
¹⁴
Barring me, who else can bear to be alive after having been kicked by Kichaka with his feet, in the presence of the king of Matsya and while that gamester looked on?
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O descendant of the Bharata lineage! I have been tormented by several miseries like these. O Kounteya! Don’t you know them? How does it profit me to be alive? O descendant of the Bharata lineage! O tiger among men! The evil-minded Kichaka is King Virata’s general and brother-in-law. While I dwell in the king’s residence in the disguise of Sairandhri, the evil-minded one incessantly addresses me, asking me to be his wife. O destroyer of enemies! Thus addressed by one who deserves to be killed, my heart is bursting out, like a fruit that time has ripened.

‘“You should censure your elder brother, who is addicted to gambling. It is because of his deeds that I confront these unending calamities. Who else but him, addicted to gambling, would give up his kingdom, all his possessions and his own self, so as to spend a life in the forest? If he had played from morning till evening for many years and wagered property worth one thousand
nishka
s
¹⁶
each time, there would have been no decrease in the value of his
golden ornaments, golden coins,
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garments, vehicles, teams of animals, goats, sheep, horses and mules. Under the guise of a gambling match, he has been dislodged from all his prosperity. He is now silent like a stupid person, reflecting about his own deeds. When he went out, ten thousand elephants, garlanded with gold and bearing the marks of lotuses, followed him. He now earns a livelihood through dice. A hundred thousand infinitely energetic men showed homage to the great king Yudhishthira in Indraprastha. A hundred thousand servant maids always served him in the kitchen, with plates in their hands, serving guests morning and night. The supreme among generous ones gave away a thousand nishkas. He is now confronted with this great calamity because of his gambling. Many bards and minstrels, with beautiful voices and adorned with decorated and bejewelled earrings, showed him homage in the morning and the evening. One thousand rishis were always seated in his assembly hall. They were rich in austerities and learning and all their wishes were attended to. Without any distraction, he supported the blind, the aged, the unprotected and the destitute of the kingdom. Yudhishthira was always devoted to non-violence. He has now found hell as Matsya’s servant. Yudhishthira calls himself Kanka, the gambler in the king’s assembly hall. At the time when he lived in Indraprastha, all the kings brought him tribute. He now seeks a salary from others. He was a protector of the earth and all the kings were under his suzerainty. The king has now lost his powers and is under someone else’s control. Like the one with the rays,
¹⁸
he dazzled the entire earth with his energy. But that Yudhishthira is now a gambler in King Virata’s court. O Pandava! Behold that Pandava! He was one whom kings honoured in his assembly hall, accompanied by the rishis. He is now seated below another. The immensely wise one now seeks livelihood from another. Who will not suffer on seeing the undeserving Yudhishthira, with
dharma in his soul, thus? The entire earth served that brave one in his assembly hall. He is now seated below another. O descendant of the Bharata lineage! Behold that descendant of the Bharata lineage! I am now like an unprotected one, having suffered from many such misfortunes. I am now in the midst of an ocean of grief. O Bhima! Do you not see?”’

‘Droupadi said, “O descendant of the Bharata lineage! I will now tell you about my great unhappiness. I am telling you this out of great misery and you should not be angry with me. I am bereft of my senses when you fight with tigers, buffaloes and lions in the inner quarters and Kaikeyi
¹⁹
watches you. On seeing me unconscious, Kaikeyi will arise and tell her women, ‘I think this affection is born out of this sweet-smiling one living with the cook and she sorrows when he fights with these immensely brave beings. Sairandhri is beautiful in form and Ballava is extremely handsome. The minds of women are impossible to fathom. But it seems to me that they are made for each other. Sairandhri is always overcome by pity because they happily live together. They have lived in this royal household for the same duration of time.’ Through such words, she always makes me known. When she sees me angered, she suspects that I am attached to you. When she utters such words, I am overtaken by great grief. I am immersed in sorrow over Yudhishthira and I cannot bear to be alive.

‘“Alone on a single chariot, he defeated gods, men and serpents. That youthful one is now a dancing master for King Virata’s daughter. The one with the infinite soul satisfied the fire god in Khandava. Partha has now gone to the inner quarters, like a fire covered in a well. He was a bull among men and enemies were always frightened
of him. Dhananjaya is now in a form that is despised by the world. Enemies trembled at the twang of his bow and the slapping of his palms. He now pleases women with the sweet sounds of his singing. A diadem that was like the sun always adorned his head. Dhananjaya’s unkempt hair is now braided. All the celestial weapons are known to that great-souled one. He is the repository of all knowledge and now wears earrings. Thousands of kings, whose energy was unlimited, could not cross him and overcome him in battle, just as the great ocean does not cross the shoreline. That youthful one is now a dancing master for King Virata’s daughter. He hides himself in disguise and serves the daughter. O Bhima! The earth, with its mountains and forests and mobile and immobile objects, trembled at the roar of his chariot. He is the immensely fortunate one whose birth destroyed Kunti’s sorrow. O Bhimasena! I now sorrow over your younger brother. He is adorned in golden ornaments and earrings and sports conch shells in his hands.
²⁰
On seeing him approach, my mind is immersed in sorrow. O Bhima! The archer Dhananjaya wears his unkempt hair in a braid. O Bhima! On seeing him surrounded by young maidens, my mind is immersed in sorrow. He is equal to a god. When I see Partha surrounded by young maidens, in the midst of musical instruments, like a bull-elephant in rut surrounded by she-elephants, and in the service of Virata, king of the Matsyas, who pays him, I can no longer see any of the directions. Surely the
arya
²¹
does not know the difficulties Dhananjaya has to confront, or those that Ajatashatru
²²
is immersed in, having become addicted to evil gambling.

‘“The youngest Sahadeva is a lord of warriors. O descendant of the Bharata lineage! On seeing him tend to cattle, in the disguise of a cowherd, I become pale. O mighty-armed one! I repeatedly reflect upon Sahadeva’s conduct. Truth is his valour. But I do not know of any evil act that Sahadeva has done, as a consequence of which, he should attain such unhappiness. O best of the Bharata lineage! On
seeing your beloved brother, appointed by Matsya, like a bull among the cattle, fever overcomes me. He is clad in red garments and he is foremost among the cowherds. He shows homage to Virata. Arya
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always praised brave Sahadeva because of his honoured reputation, his conduct and his virtuous nature. ‘He is modest, sweet in speech, devoted to dharma and dear to me. O Yajnaseni! Comfort him in the forest, even at night.’ O best of warriors! O Pandava! On seeing Sahadeva engaged with cows, covering himself with calf skins at night, how can I bear to live?

‘“He
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always possessed the three qualities of beauty, weaponry and intelligence. He now tends to Virata’s steeds. Behold! How times have changed! The great king looks and the assembled populace watches when Damagranthi
²⁵
trains horses and drives them swiftly. I have seen him wait upon the prosperous Virata of Matsya, supreme in his radiance, showing off the horses. O Partha! O scorcher of enemies! How can you think that I will be happy? Because of Yudhishthira, I am afflicted with a hundred different kinds of miseries. O descendant of the Bharata lineage! There are other miseries too, greater than these. O Kounteya! Listen and I will tell you about them. These many types of unhappiness are drying up my body. What can be a greater misery than that? And all of this is happening while you are still alive.”’

‘Droupadi said, “Because of the crafty one who is addicted to dice, I roam around in the king’s residence in the form of a
sairandhri, washing for Sudeshna. O scorcher of enemies! I am a princess. Look at the extreme and improper acts I perform. Like a diseased one, I am waiting for the time when all my difficulties will be over. For mortals, it is said that prosperity, success, victory and defeat are only transient. Thinking of this, I am waiting for my husbands to arise again. That which leads to a man’s victory may lead to his defeat too. I am waiting for that. Men give and beg, kill and are killed, in that order. I have heard that they kill, and are then killed by enemies. There is nothing that is too heavy for destiny. Nor can destiny ever be transgressed. Therefore, I am waiting for destiny to manifest itself. Where there was no water earlier, there may be water again.
²⁶
Thinking of this reversal, I am waiting for us to arise again. If one is not successful because of destiny, even though affairs have been conducted well, it is said that learned ones should endeavour to make destiny turn favourable. I will tell you the reason behind my words, whether you ask me or do not ask me. I am immersed in grief and I will tell you. I am the queen of the sons of Pandu and the daughter of Drupada. Having attained such a plight, who but me would wish to live? O descendant of the Bharata lineage! O destroyer of enemies! These sorrows that I have been overtaken by, bring disgrace to all the Kurus, the Panchalas and the Pandavyas. I am sustained by many brothers, fathers-in-law and sons. What woman, other than me, can bear to be so unhappy? In my childhood, I must have performed an act to displease the creator. O bull among the Bharata lineage! His ill favours have brought me this misfortune. O Pandava! Look at the pallor of my complexion, the likes of which I have not had, even in the worst of difficulties. O Bhima! O Partha! You know how happy I used to be earlier. I have now become a servant maid. I am helpless and can find no peace.

‘“I think it cannot be anything other than fate. The mighty-armed Partha Dhananjaya, whose bow is terrible, has been pacified, like a
fire that is covered. O Partha!
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It is impossible for men to comprehend the fate of beings. I know that this downfall of ours could not have been thought of earlier. You are the likes of Indra and you have always glanced at my face. I am supreme among women. But you now look towards the faces of those who are inferior. O Pandava! Look at my plight, something that I did not deserve. Though all of you are alive, look at how times have changed. The entire earth, up to the frontiers of the ocean, was under my control. I am frightened of Sudeshna and am under her control. Earlier, I used to have servants before me and behind me. But I now walk before Sudeshna and follow her at the back. O Kounteya! Listen to another misery that I find to be insufferable. I have never before had to grind unguents, not even for my own self—only for Kunti. O fortunate one! I now have to grind sandalwood. O Kounteya! Look at my hands. They have never looked like this earlier.”’

Vaishampayana said, ‘Having said this, she showed him both her calloused hands.

‘Droupadi said, “I was never scared of Kunti, or any one of you. But I now stand like a servant maid before Virata, always terrified. ‘What will the emperor tell me? Have I prepared the unguents properly? Perhaps Matysa will not like sandalwood when it has been ground by others.’”’

Vaishampayana said, ‘Narrating her miseries to Bhimasena, the beautiful Krishna wept silently and glanced towards Bhimasena. Her voice was choked with tears. She sighed repeatedly. Bhimasena’s heart was shattered and she said, “O Bhima! In earlier times, the offence that I have caused to the gods cannot have been trifling. O Pandava! I am unfortunate that I continue to be alive, when I should be dead.” Vrikodara, the destroyer of enemy warriors, then placed the swollen and calloused hands of the trembling one against his face and began to weep. The valorous Kounteya grasped them. Extremely miserable, and in a voice choked with tears, he spoke these words.’

‘Bhimasena said, “Shame on the strength of my arms and on Phalguna’s
²⁸
Gandiva! Your hands used to be red earlier, but are now covered in callouses. I would have created a great uproar in Virata’s assembly hall, but Dharmaraja restrained me with a glance. O beautiful one! Knowing his intentions, I controlled myself. That we have been dislodged from the kingdom, that I have not killed the Kurus, Suyodhana, Karna and Soubala Shakuni, that I have not sliced off the evil Duhshasana’s head—all of these burn me, like stakes impaled in my heart. O fortunate one! Do not abandon dharma. O one with the beautiful hips! O immensely intelligent one! Conquer your anger. If King Yudhishthira hears this censure from you, he is certain to give up his life. O fortunate one! O one with the beautiful hips! O slender-waisted one! So will Dhananjaya and the twins. When they have gone to the other world, I will no longer be capable of being alive. O beautiful one! Sukanya, the daughter of Sharyati, followed Bhargava Chyavana, who had become a termite hill, into the forest, so as to pacify him.
²⁹
You may have heard of the beauty of Nadayani Indrasena. In earlier times, she followed her aged husband, though he was one thousand years old.
³⁰
You may have heard about Janaka’s daughter, Vaidehi Sita. She followed her husband when he dwelt in the great forest.
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Rama’s beloved queen was molested by a rakshasa. Though she went through many difficulties, the one with the beautiful hips followed no one other than Rama. O timid one! Like that, Lopamudra possessed youth and beauty. By renouncing all the objects of desire that can be obtained by men, she followed Agastya.
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O fortunate one! Just as these beautiful
ladies
³³
became famous because of their devotion to their husbands, you will also triumph because of all your qualities. Wait for a little more time. Only a month and a half is left. When thirteen years are completed, you will become a king’s queen again.”