Mail Order Devastation (Montana Mail Order Brides, Book 4) (20 page)

Chapter
28

Thursday, March 12, 1891

There was a knock at the back door, and Noah set the bowl of soup in his hand down on the table as his mother poked her head in.

“
How is she doing?  Any change?”

He shook his head. 
“The same.  I was hoping to get her to eat some of this soup…”

“
If she doesn’t eat more, she’s going to waste away.”

“
I’m really worried.  This is so unlike her.  All she wants to do is sleep, or lie curled up, staring at the wall.  She won’t let me open the curtains or light a lamp.  She just lays in the dark.  She doesn’t even cry anymore.  It’s like she’s given up on life.”

“
She’s got melancholy, something fierce.”  His mother clucked his tongue.  “I suppose even the strongest of us can fall, given the right circumstances.”

“
I’m not even sure I understand it.  She already had given up on the idea of getting Nell back.  She knew Mr. Deming was likely to leave Helena.  I’m not sure what changed.”

“
Hope, Noah.  He took away her last shred of hope.  Before, there was still a chance he would stay.  That Nell would grow up in Helena, and that Mollie might see her photograph on the society page, or run into her someday.  She might still run into Nell, grown up and with children of her own, someday.  There was a chance.  There was
hope
.”

“
But Deming took that away,” Noah said, “by confirming that he intended to leave Montana, and go somewhere Mollie would never find them.”

“
Exactly.  It was the hope of seeing Nell, possibly even reuniting with her someday, that was keeping her going.  We have to help her find that hope again.”

“
But…how?  Deming will never speak to her, or to me for that matter.  I think talking to him would only make things worse.”

“
Not hope of seeing Nell again, my dear.  Hope for the
future
.  She could have other children someday.  That’s not the same, I know.  No one could ever replace Nell in her heart.  But there is room in her heart for other children too.  Loving other children doesn’t mean that she has to stop loving Nell.  Somehow, we have to help her understand that.”

“
I don’t see how we can.  She barely hears anything I say.  She’s in some kind of a stupor.”

“
I think her mind is just overwhelmed.  She needs rest, and time to grieve.  If she’s still the same in a week, we’ll resort to more extreme measures.”

***

Sunday, March 15, 1891

Nell awoke to the sound of voices.  She had no idea what day it was, or what time—she only knew that around the drawn, heavy curtains, sunshine leaked in, brightening the room.  It must be late morning.

A growl in her belly told her that for the first time in many days, she was hungry.  The days had blurred into one long, vague memory.  All she could remember was Noah coming and going, and trying to push food on her when all she wanted to do was sleep.

She pushed back the covers and stepped out onto the cold floor, padding across it to the bedroom door, which stood open a crack.  She reached to open it when the murmur of voices made her hesitate.

“
So you don’t think you’re coming to Mass?” 

It was Lettie. 
Is it Sunday morning already?

“
I don’t think I should.  I’m afraid to leave her alone.  I think God will understand.”

“
It’s ironic, isn’t it, that we only started going to church again because of her, and here I am, going alone?  Maybe I should just stay home, too.”

“
No, don’t.  She’d want you to go, Mother.  I know you’ve developed a distaste for established religion over the years—a bit of which has rubbed off on me—but let’s face it, we it hasn’t been terrible attending church again.  In fact, I like to think it’s helped me become a much more forgiving and understanding person.”

“
Not to mention, more responsible, and a little less spoiled.”

He chuckled. 
“True enough.  But I think Mollie deserves part of the credit, as well…as do you, for setting me straight.  But you go on to Mass without me.  Tell me how the sermon is.”

“
That’s one thing I
do
like—that Father O’Brien gives a marvelous sermon.”

“
Mollie says the same thing.  I wish she could go—I think it would help her.”

Mollie leaned her head against the doorframe. 
Why go to church?  To pray to God? He let my child be stolen from me.  I’m not ready to talk to Him, yet.

“
Have you told her yet?” 

Lettie
’s words caught her attention.
Told me what?

“
No.  She’s still not really communicating with me.  I think it would just make it worse.”

“
It’s been two days.  Don’t you think she has a right to know?”

“
What good could possibly come of telling her that Vera is dead?  All it will mean to her is that Mr. Deming will be taking Nell away even sooner. Who knows what that will do to Mollie?”

Mollie doubled over, as if she
’d been punched in the gut. 
Vera Deming is dead?  No…that can’t be!  She’s supposed to be Nell’s mother!  How can she be dead?

Hobbling over to the bed, she crawled in and curled up into a ball, her mind whirling.  Would her daughter grow up with no mother at all?  She imagined Nell being raised in an enormous mansion, with no brothers or sisters, brought up by nannies and governesses, and with cold Mr. Deming as the sole parental figure.  What a bleak future!

This isn’t what I wanted for her!  I was giving her up so that she could be happy! 
She tilted her head upward, directing her anger at God. 
How could You do this?  It’s bad enough that I have to suffer, but does Nell have to suffer too?  What purpose is there in all of this?

She pounded her pillow, pulling the covers over her and weeping softly until she had no strength left, and no tears left to cry.

A short time later, Noah entered the room.  “Mollie?  Are you awake?  How are you feeling?”

The last thing she wanted was to face a day with Noah hovering over her, worried and trying to force food down her throat.  She felt her cheeks to be sure the tears had dried, before pulling her head out from under the covers. 
“I…I’m better.”

“
Do you feel like eating something?”

“
I think so.  Was that your mother’s voice I heard?”

He paused. 
“Yes.  She stopped by to see if we were coming to church.”

“
You should go.”

“
No!  I’m staying with you.  You need me.”

“
I could go, but I’m a wreck, and in dire need of a bath.  You go.  You can tell me about Father O’Brien’s sermon when you get back.”

“
I wouldn’t feel right…”

“
I
wouldn’t feel right, making you miss church.  You go, and I’ll stay here and eat something.  I promise.”

“
You do seem much improved.”  He looked at her for a long moment, then agreed.  “If you’ll eat something, then fine, I’ll go.  I’m just glad to see you up and about.”  He stepped toward her, reaching out to brush a finger across her cheek.  “I’ve missed you.”

Mollie tried to force a smile, but it felt more like a grimace. 
“I know.  I’m sorry.”

Ten minutes later, Noah was dressed and leaving for church.  As soon as she heard the buggy pull out down the alley, Mollie slid back under the covers, pulling them up over her head.  She was grateful to have the house to herself
…to be able to think, without interruption.  But instead of thinking, a heavy weariness settled over her, and the last thing she remembered was wondering if she should have taken Nell when she had the chance.

***

Nell was a newborn again.

Cuddled in Mollie
’s arms, amid layers of soft pink blankets, Nell’s tiny little strawberry blonde head nestled against her breast.  It was if she had never left her side, the feeling was so familiar.  Mollie sat up in her bed, dressed in a crisp white dressing gown, with fancy embroidery along the collar.  It was a scene of perfect, peaceful domestic bliss.  She had never felt such joy in all her life.

Without warning, Noah rushed into the room.

“Shhh, Noah, you’ll wake the baby.”

“
She’s here again.”  His tone was low and sharp.

“
No!” Mollie gasped, cuddling Nell closer.  “Why?  What does she want?”

“
What do you think she wants?  She wants Nell!”  Noah flailed his arms, filled with anger and bitterness.  It was a side of him Mollie had never witnessed.  “My mother is on her deathbed, and that selfish woman circles us like a vulture, waiting to swoop in while we’re at our weakest, and try to steal away our child?”

“
Surely Vera wouldn’t be so heartless!  I know she misses Nell, but she must understand that this is Nell’s home now.  It would be cruel to tear her away from the only family she’s ever known.”

Noah crossed his arms. 
“I don’t think she cares.  She’s only thinking of herself.  She’s got it in her head that she’s the rightful mother, and I don’t think she’ll stop until she gets her.”

“
Oh, Noah, you have to stop her!  Please, you must do something.  I couldn’t bear to lose her again!”

Movement by the window caught Mollie
’s attention, and a dark figure loomed first, tall and imposing, while a second appeared beside him, thin and frail.  It was the Demings.

“
They’re here!” she shrieked.  “They’ve come for her!  Do something!”

In her arms, Nell began to feel lighter and lighter.  When Mollie looked down, she realized her daughter was fading before her eyes.

Noah reached into the hallway and retrieved a rifle, which he raised and aimed at the window.

“
Hurry, Noah!  Stop them, before she’s gone!”

Noah ratcheted a round into the chamber and aimed. The blast was deafening, and Vera Deming clutched her chest and fell away from the window.  Nell began to cry, but she was fading so fast that her cry faded along with her.

“No!  My baby…not again!  Please, no!”

Noah took aim again, but Alexander Deming melted away from view. 

Moments later, the Demings were gone, Noah was gone, and Mollie sat alone, her arms outstretched and cuddling nothing but empty air.

“
No!” Mollie cried out in anguish, reaching out to grasp for her daughter, and finding only empty air.

“
Shhh, it’s alright.  I’m here.”  Noah sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her toward him.  “It was just a nightmare.  You’re alright.”

She held fast to him, sobbing. 
“Nell…she was gone.  I held her in my arms, and then she was just…gone.”

“
I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.  I never should have left you.” 

She wept for a long time, until the choking sobs gave way to sniffling and hitching breath.  At last, with a long, shuddering sigh, she pushed away from Noah and sat up. 
“I need to go see Mr. Deming.”

“
Go see—?  No.  I don’t think that’s a good idea.  He just…I’m sorry, I didn’t want to tell you yet, but he just lost his wife—”

“
I know.”

“
You do?”

“
I overheard you earlier.  That’s why I need to see him.”

“
After the fiasco at the hospital, and now his wife’s death, I don’t think he’s in any state to be reasonable.  I told you I’ll support you if you want to get Nell back, but I think we go through the courts, and avoid Deming altogether.”

“
No, you don’t understand.  I want to tell him that I’m letting Nell go.  And,” her voice broke, “and I won’t be bothering him anymore.  I know I said I was letting her go before, but I don’t think I really meant it.  Not completely.  As soon as I heard earlier that Vera was dead, I began seeing it in my mind as a justification for taking Nell.  I shouldn’t have allowed my thoughts go there.  And I wouldn’t have, if I truly had let her go.  Then I had that awful dream.”

“
I could hear you screaming all the way back in the kitchen, as I came in the door.  I thought someone had broken in.”

“
In the dream, I had Nell again.  She was a baby in my arms.  But then the Demings showed up at the windows, looking to get in and take her.  And she started to disappear in my arms.  You shot Mrs. Deming, trying to protect Nell…but she disappeared anyway.”