Marriage On Demand (28 page)

Chapter 13

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"
O
kay, the glue should have dried on the wing,"
Austin
said, stretching across the workbench and picking up the white piece of plastic. "Looks like we're ready to paint. Where'd we put the brushes, sport?"

David slid off his chair and collected a brown paper bag from the corner. "They're still in here. We never unpacked 'em." When he handed
Austin
the sack, he glanced longingly at the wing of the plane. "What color are you gonna paint it?"

"I'm not the one doing the painting. You are."

David stared up at him, his big blue eyes wide with excitement. A grin split his face. "Golly. That's cool." The smile faded. "What if I mess up?"

Austin
recognized the sudden distress and silently cursed the circumstances that had made the boy fearful. David wasn't stupid. He knew what his relatives fought over. No doubt he'd figured out that even the promise of his parents' substantial estate wasn't enough to make any of his relatives willing to take him. In the month since the carnival, he'd gone from a bright, inquisitive child to a fearful one. He questioned every move he made, did his best to behave perfectly, as if finding the right behavior would make someone want him.

Austin
knew what that kind of pain was like. He wanted to tell David it would get better in time, but it wouldn't. All that would happen was that he would cease to care. He would lie awake in the night and refuse to admit he was bleeding on the inside.

Austin
spread out a sheet of newspaper and set the wing in the middle. After opening the pattern so the boy could see what colors were supposed to go where, he uncapped the first small container and handed him a brush.

David worked slowly and carefully, trying to copy the pattern exactly.
Austin
wanted to tell him it was no big deal if he went outside the lines. He was a kid; he should have fun. But he didn't speak. Partly because he knew David wouldn't understand and partly because he didn't want the kid to care any more than he already did.

Since the carnival, David had been a regular visitor to his workshop. At first
Austin
had resented the interruptions. He needed to concentrate on his work. In time he'd grown to expect the soft squeak of the door opening, then the hushed footsteps as David stepped inside. He let the boy continue to visit because Rebecca had mentioned that he was still not joining in with the other children. He stood on the outside, watching them play, but never entering the circle.
Austin
knew all about that, too.

David dipped his brush in the paint and drew a straight line along the edge of the wing.

"Great job,"
Austin
said. "This is going to be the best plane anyone has ever seen."

David smiled up at him. "Will it be done by next Tuesday?"

"It can be. Why? What happens next Tuesday?"

"It's my birthday. I'm going to be eight."

"So you want the plane ready for your party?" All the children had parties on their birthday. He knew. Rebecca was always roping him into taking care of the balloons. He and the helium-tank dealer were spending far too much time together.

David nodded. "My uncle Bob said he might come for my birthday. I want to show him what I can do."

His hopeful expression tore at
Austin
's heart. He wanted to pull the boy close and protect him against the bastards of this world. He shook his head.
Austin
was one of them.

Would he also protect the child from himself? He had no answer. He only knew it tore him up inside to see David so eager and know he was bound to be disappointed.

"Sure, we'll have the plane ready by then,"
Austin
promised.

David bent over the wing. "Are you coming to my birthday party?"

"I don't know, sport. I have to give a presentation in
Kansas
on Monday. I don't think I'll be back in time. "

"But you have to be there,
Austin
. You're the one I want there the most. More than Uncle Bob."

Even as the child's words warmed him, he fought against q the urge to run. He didn't mind spending time with David but he didn't want to get too involved. "I'll try," was all he promised.

David nodded, but his shoulders slumped and he stopped being quite as careful with the paint.
Austin
stared at him and swore silently. He was messing up again, this time with an innocent child. The problem was he was as wrong for the kid as he was for Rebecca. This was turning into a disaster. They continued to work in silence. Finally
Austin
couldn't it anymore. "Why don't we finish this up tomorrow?" he said.

Instantly David put down the brush and started cleaning up.
Austin
stared at him, not sure what to say or do to make things better. Should he even bother to try?

Footsteps in the garage drew his attention. He looked up, recognizing the sound of his wife.

"Are you two hiding out in here again?" she asked as she came in from the garage. "What is it about hammering and sawing that's so interesting?"

David looked up and returned her smile, but he didn't answer.
Austin
knew she was smart enough to figure out something was wrong. He steeled himself for her questions. But she didn't ask any. Instead, she crouched down beside the boy and draped her arm around his shoulders.

"What have you been doing?" she asked.

"Working on the plane."

"Show me, please. Is this the wing?"

David nodded.

"Did you paint it yourself? It's a very good job."

Slowly her questions drew him out until he was once again chatting animatedly. While David explained what they'd done and their plans for the plane, Rebecca kept her arm around him and used her free hand to brush the hair from his eyes and touch his face. Constant contact and reassurance
Austin
recognized her technique; she used it on him.

In the past month, she'd kept her word. She hadn't gone back to the bedroom he'd built for her. Every night she'd shared his bed. Every night they'd made love. As much as he'd tried, he'd never been able to reclaim his distance. He could only be with her, in her, and feel the moment.

He leaned back in his chair and studied the woman he had married. She wore her thick hair pulled back in a ponytail. The August heat made everyone irritable, but Rebecca looked calm and
cool
in a loose white dress. The waist was set low, around her hips, and the skirt flowed out around her knees. It wasn't see-through or low cut. Except for the fact that it was sleeveless, there was nothing sexy about the dress.

Yet looking at her now got to him. It made him want her. She didn't even have to touch him. If he closed his eyes he was able to see her as she'd been last night, on top of him, riding him like a pagan queen. As he'd suspected, she had a wild streak of passion far beyond what she'd known about herself. She was flagrant and daring in bed, yet every morning she looked at him with the calm, loving eyes of a Madonna.

Here, in the confines of his workroom, with her safely occupied by David, he could admit the truth. He adored being with her, next to her, inside her making love. More than that, he lived for the sound of her voice, the way she walked, her innocence, her belief in him, the light in her face when she smiled at him. He admired everything about her. But he refused to love her. That final step of faith was beyond him. It always would be. He couldn't trust her. Even more, he couldn't trust himself. Something would happen and she would leave. Not loving her was the only thing that would keep him alive in the aftermath.

Rebecca stood up, drawing his attention back to her. "It's almost lunchtime, David. Why don't you head on back?"

The boy slid out of the chair and obediently headed for the door.

"You want to finish this tomorrow?"
Austin
called after him. David shrugged. "I thought you wanted it done in time for your party?"

David stopped by the doorway and looked back. Disappointment filled his blue eyes. "It doesn't matter now," he said, then left.

Austin
grimaced.

"What was that all about?" Rebecca asked, taking the boy's seat and picking up the wing. "He told me he wanted to have the plane done by next so he could have it at the party. I guess he changed his mind. Why?"

He had a suspicion, but if he was right, it meant that he'd started to matter to the child. That was dangerous for both of them.

It wasn't about him, he assured himself. David wouldn't notice if he was at the party or not. "I'm not sure," he said, then realized he'd just lied to her for the first time.

She set the wing down, then leaned forward and placed her hand on his arm. "I really appreciate your taking the time to work with him. It means a lot to him."

"No big deal." He'd kept his voice gruff on purpose. At the unfriendly tone, he saw Rebecca frown. He knew he confused her. She kept trying to get close to him and he kept backing away. He wanted to tell her it was a mistake to keep trying, but he couldn't. For some stupid reason he needed her to try, even though it was useless. In the back of his mind, he kept waiting for a miracle. There wasn't going to be one. He was long past believing in anything good happening. But he couldn't shake a sense of expectation.

His gaze dropped to her stomach. There was the barest hint of rounding in her belly. He could feel it when they were together at night. He ached at the thought of having a child. It filled him with wonder. At the same time he prayed she would leave him before their baby was born. He couldn't survive losing them both.

"You're not listening to me," she said impatiently.

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

She shook her head. "No. Tell me what you were thinking. You had the oddest look on your face."

He couldn't lie to her again. "I was thinking that you make me very happy."

Her smile was slow and sweet, filled with promise. "Do I? I try. It's important to me. Well, of course it is. I mean, I'm your wife. Every wife wants her husband to be happy. Well, not every wife. Some wives might hate their husbands, especially if they're getting a divorce. I'm not saying I want to get—"

"Rebecca?"

She clamped her mouth shut. Faint color stained her cheeks. Her eyes held his, then slipped away. "Yes?"

" You're babbling."

"I know. I was embarrassed by your compliment. Thank you. I'm glad I make you happy." She bit her lower lip. "You make me happy, too."

"Do I?" The thought surprised him. "How?"

"There's that thing you did last night." Her grin was teasing.

He was surprised to find himself feeling a twinge of hurt at her words. He didn't want their relationship to be just about sex. Which was insane, he told himself. He was the one so damn set on keeping her out of his life. "You make me happy by being with me," she went on. "By helping me and supporting me, by holding me. And mostly by talking to me like I'm an intelligent person."

"You are."

"A lot of guys hate that."

He leaned forward and brushed her lips with his. "A lot of guys are wimps."

She giggled and tilted her head so their foreheads touched. '"I'm worried about David," she said.

He straightened. Great. So she'd figured out he'd hurt the child. He tried to think of a defense, then realized he didn't have one. He deserved whatever she was about to say.

"He's been talking about one of his uncles coming to his birthday party," she said.

"He mentioned it."

"The uncle isn't going to show up. He hasn't called or anything, but I've been working with this family for three months now. They don't want anything to do with David. I don't understand them. They make me crazy." She stared at him and twisted her ring. " You…"

He braced himself. He told himself he could handle any criticism she might make. He'd always known he wasn't perfect.

"You…" She took a deep breath. "This is so hard."

"Just spit it out."

"I don't spit," she said, giving him a quick smile. Her mouth twisted. "I thought maybe we could adopt him."

He stared at her, sure he couldn't have heard her correctly. "You want the two of us to adopt David?"

She nodded. "I know it's asking a lot. We're still trying to put the marriage together. I'm pregnant. This is the worst possible time. But he needs us, Austin. We would be good for him. And I've seen you working with him. I know you care about him."

"No." He stood up and glared at her. "You want me to be some kid's father?" He laughed harshly. "Hell, lady, you should have been here about twenty minutes ago. I nearly sent the kid into tears because I told him I couldn't make his birthday party."

"But you're going to be in
Kansas
next week. It s a business trip. That's hardly your fault."