Master of My Mind BN (3 page)

Within seconds, our bedroom was choked with EMTs and police.
The chaos and their thunderous voices made me dizzy. Someone wrapped strong
arms around my waist and plucked me off George’s body, as others swarmed in
around him. A uniformed officer helped me into my robe, and as two somber faced
paramedics set up their equipment, I clutched my waist.

I watched as the EMT’s attached two rectangular white pads
to George’s chest. The room grew eerily quiet. One of the medical techs called
out a command to
clear
before volts of
electricity surged through Master’s body. George jerked, and his back arched
from the floor. He sagged back to the carpet with a sickening thud, only to be
partially levitated once again.

“Please, don’t hurt him,” my bleak cry of torment pierced
the silence.

“I’ve got her,” another officer announced as he stepped
through the doorway.

I felt the man’s gentle hand wrap around my elbow as he led
me out of the room and down the hall. He sat on the couch and pulled me next to
him, placing his warm hand over mine.

“They’ll do everything they can for him,
Leagh
.
Tell me what happened, sweetheart.”

Leagh
?
Sweetheart?
I frowned and, for the first time, looked
at the officer’s face. Staring back at me were familiar hazel eyes.
James.
The young man was a member and Dungeon
Monitor at Genesis. Until that moment, I’d forgotten he was on the police
force.

“Oh, James,” I choked. “Please tell me he’s going to be
okay. I’m scared.”

“They’ll do all they can, honey. I know you’re scared, but
hang in there. We can’t give up hope.” He wrapped me in his arms and strummed a
hand over my hair. His kindness was intended as reassurance, but being away
from George, confined to another room, had me crawling out of my skin.

Peeling out of James’ embrace, I bolted off the couch.

“What are you doing?” he asked, standing up and latching
onto my elbow once more.

“I have to get back in there. What if George wakes up and
I’m not there? He’ll be scared with so many strangers in our room. I need to be
there when they bring him back to life.”

James gripped my arm with firmness. Compassion swam in his
eyes. Holding me tight, he eased me back onto the couch with him.

“The EMTs are doing everything they can. Mika and Julianna
will be here in a minute. I phoned them when the call came in and I realized it
was George.” James’ words were measured in a firm but gentle tone. “I need you
to stay with me, so the medical team can do their job. Can you do that?”

“Yes, Sir,” I responded automatically. James was a switch,
which meant he was both a Dominant and a submissive. He fashioned as either a
Top or bottom, depending on the type of fulfillment he desired. I’d addressed
him as Sir, because George had insisted I view James as a Dominant.

A slight smile tugged his lips, and he nodded. “Good girl.
Now take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”

I broke down several times as I relived the horrific details
to James. He both soothed and coaxed answers from me as he jotted notes in a
small spiral notebook. He was a trusted friend and understood the dynamics of
my relationship with George. While it gave me a small sense of comfort, it was
still hard as hell to speak the words.

Moments later, Mika and Julianna rushed through the door,
worry lined their faces. Julianna raced to the couch with me and kissed the
side of my head. Nervously sliding her hand up and down my back as Mika paced,
looking as if he’d been kicked in the gut. I fought to keep myself together as
James helped me explain to them all that had transpired.

The EMTs had been in the bedroom a long time, and when they
finally made their way into the living room, their bleak expressions confirmed
my biggest fear; my Master was gone.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am.” The shorter of the two men, in white
coats, spoke softly. “We did all we could to try and revive your…husband. But
we couldn’t save him.”

A cry of anguish tore from my throat. I felt my heart burst
apart and shatter as I sagged against Julianna and sobbed.

“
Leagh
?”
Tony’s deep, velvet voice ripped through the haze of unbearable memories.

“Huh?” I jerked my head in his direction as I swiped away
tears.

He nodded toward a large, French Colonial home.
“I said, we’re here.”

Tony pulled the car into the garage after he pressed a
button on the visor.

“Come on. We’ll get you into a hot shower, and I’ll find you
some dry clothes. You’ve been shivering for the past ten miles.”

“Okay,” I nodded numbly before stepping out his car.

Once inside, I followed behind him as he weaved his way
through a spotless kitchen, past a cozy and inviting family room, and around
the corner to a wide open staircase. His home held an air of comfort and
sophistication which surprised me. I wasn’t sure why, but I’d envisioned his
bachelor pad looking totally different.

Without a word, I followed him up the stairs, down a long
hall, and into a large masculine bedroom.

“I’ve got a hot tub and shower in here.”
 
Extending his arm toward the spacious
bathroom, I stepped in past him and caught his scent. Summer grass, sea air,
and erotic spices filled my head. The walls of my pussy clutched, and my clit
tingled. I bit back the gasp rolling in the back of my throat.
What the hell was that?
My cheeks grew hot, and
I was caught off guard by my visceral response.
Oh,
you did not just go there! You have absolutely no business thinking with your
pussy,
Leagh
. Especially not with him!

Numerous subs at Genesis fell, or dreamed of falling, at
Tony’s feet. He brought available subs out of the woodwork at the club with his
sculpted body, gorgeous face, whiskey brown eyes, thick dark hair, olive skin,
and commanding dominance. The man was more than drool-worthy. Hell, he’d even
starred in
my
masturbation
fantasies—secretly, of course—a time or two. But it was only in my dreams.
Never once did I imagine them coming true.

Yeah, yeah - he’s easy on the
eyes.
Big deal.
This is not the time…
definitely
not the time to start letting your libido
overrule common sense. You’re in mourning for George, for the love of god. This
is way wrong on so many levels.

I clutched the doorknob with a death-grip as opposition
screamed in my head. The bathroom was huge, but with Tony standing so close and
smelling so damn enticing, arousal burned low in my belly. Craving him was
wrong, but I couldn’t rein in my inappropriate reactions. What the hell was wrong
with me? I’d just left my Master’s gravesite. Slammed with a wave of shame and
guilt that sluiced through my veins, I silently cursed my heartless hormones.

“Are you hungry?” Tony asked, lagging in the doorway.

Food was out of the question, especially now. My stomach
pitched in dishonor and longing. “No,” I replied quickly as I raised my head to
meet his stare.

His gaze, like hot fingers, scraped over my flesh sending a
shiver to ripple through me. Looking as if he’d just climbed out of the shower
with his wet, disheveled hair I couldn’t keep from gazing at his captivating
body… or picturing him naked. The man was incredible eye candy, but his
ruthless Dominant appetite scared the
beejeebies
out
of me.

My stomach growled at the mention of food, calling me out as
a liar.

One dark brow arched as he leveled a skeptic look. “When was
the last time you ate,
Leagh
?”

“Um…I don’t know. The thought of food makes me…” I wrinkled
my nose and placed a palm on my still swirling stomach.

His expression softened, and he stepped closer. The heat of
his body crawled over me like a seductive blanket. Reaching up, his broad
finger brushed over my cheek as he tucked a strand of wet hair behind my ear.
My mouth went dry, and my heart hammered against my ribs.

“You’ve been through a lot, angel, but you have to take care
of yourself. You can’t go without eating, or sleeping, or doing the things you
need to in order to stay healthy.”

I closed my eyes as Tony’s finger lingered on my flesh.
Memories of George’s gentle hands rolled through me on a bittersweet wave. And
for a few glorious seconds, I was no longer breathing in the scent of a sadist;
who viewed me as an inadequate submissive but basking beneath the tender touch
of my Master back at the house on the shore of Lake Michigan. But when I opened
my eyes, Tony speared me with his usual critical gaze, crushing the short
reprieve from reality.

It was no secret that he, and others at Genesis, viewed me
as a tumultuous
brat
. I tried to turn a
blind eye to the looks of disapproval Tony flashed my way. But his annoyance
always seemed to roll off him in waves and singe my skin; making it impossible
to ignore. I never sought Tony’s approval. The only person I needed to please
was George. If he was happy with my submission Tony and the rest of the members
could kiss off.

But George was gone. And as Tony leaned closer, the warmth
of his fingers upon my cheek, coupled with his damp breath wafting over my
lips, perversely turned me on. Something was horribly wrong with me. I had to
be certifiably insane.

The sexual ache growing inside me confused the hell out of
me. In order to keep my sanity, I reminded myself that Tony’s lifestyle tastes
required a specific type of sub. I wasn’t even in the same ballpark with his
passions. I was bunny floggers, clothespins, and bondage—the soft stuff. He was
whips, quirts, and blood—a pure sadist. We were on opposite ends of the BDSM
spectrum making my sexual attraction to him even more perplexing, not to
mention, ridiculous.

“Did you hear me?” he asked in a whiskey smooth voice.

Holding me in a prickly, piercing gaze, he feathered his
finger down my cheek before settling it beneath my chin. His subtle claim of
control lit me up like a firecracker.

“Yes, Sir.
Take care of myself. I
will.” I cast my eyes to the floor to escape his intent stare.

The room felt like a sauna, the air thick and electrified.
My nipples pebbled and slick juices oozed between my folds.

Why was my body responding so fervently to him? I hadn’t had
an orgasm in days but surely I could go a few weeks without my hormones going
all squirrely on me… except obviously not.

George had seen to my needs, almost daily, whether he
achieved completion or not. I brutally missed him—not only sexually—and longed
to feel protected one last time. My throat constricted with emotion, and a fat
tear rolled down my cheek.

“
Awww
,
Leagh
,”
Tony groaned. Stepping forward he pulled me against his rugged chest.

The wet heat pouring off his frame, coupled with his potent,
manly fragrance,
vanished
all rational thought from my
brain. I pawed at his suit, nuzzled his neck and writhed against his steely
body like a cat in heat. Pressing my mouth against his throat, I felt his pulse
hammer beneath my lips. Inhaling deeply, I filled my lungs with his
intoxicating scent.

As if possessed by a brazen nymphomaniac, I peeled his
jacket over his rugged shoulders. As it fell to the floor, even more inviting
heat spilled from beneath his damp cotton dress shirt. Desperate to feel his
flesh, I loosened his tie before fumbling with the buttons at his collar. My
fingers tangled in the fabric, revealing a tempting glimpse of his tawny flesh.
I clung to him breathless and impatient.

“Jesus,
Leagh
.” he choked out
gruffly. “What the hell are you doing, sweetheart?”

“Make love to me, Tony. Please,” I implored. Pulling apart
the gap in his shirt, I grazed my tongue over his sculpted chest. “I’m so dead
inside. Please. Make me feel alive, one more time.”

“
Leagh
,” he growled, low and
hungry, as he pried me off him.

Staring down at me, Tony’s eyes bore the all-familiar look
of disdain. I shrunk beneath the crushing weight of my embarrassment.
George.
My wonderful Master hadn’t even been in
the cold, hard earth an hour and already I was begging another man to fuck me.
Guilt slammed in from all directions, obliterating my insane lust.

“Just leave, please,” I begged, choking on tears of
humiliation.

Tony cupped my chin and tilted my head, forcing me to reveal
my shame. “No. You need to know the truth, angel. I’ve waited for what seems
like a lifetime to hold you…to touch you. If you need me to make you feel
alive, then that’s what I intend to do.”

I felt my eyes grow wide. “You’ve wanted
me
? I don’t understand what you’re talking—”

He pressed a gentle finger to my lips.
“
Shhh
.
Not another word. Relax. Let me help you
through this.”

Tony yanked his tie free, tossing it onto his jacket as he
held me with a hypnotic stare. My breath hitched in my lungs, and an icy wave
of panic filled my veins. Animalistic passion reflected in his dark, hooded
eyes, and when he peeled away his dampened shirt, I couldn’t keep my gaze from
sliding over his chiseled body. I studied every inch of him, as if he were a
work of art. Longing to reach out and rake my nails through the dark patch of
hair between his flat, brown nipples, I could only manage to lick my lips at
the tapering trail of dark hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his
tented trousers. His erection strained against the zipper, and I swallowed
tightly as the air in the room grew even thicker, stinging my lungs.

“I’ve dreamed about you,
Leagh
.
You’ve been the center of my fantasies since the first night I saw you. I can’t
get you out of my head. Everything about you drives me wild.”

I froze. A million questions sat poised on the tip of my
tongue, yet I couldn’t string a single word together. It was if I’d shuttled
from one disintegrating universe into another.

Without a word, Tony devoured me in a silent, predatory
stare. Unable to stop myself, I reached up and trailed my fingers over each
ridge and plane of his defined shoulders. My fingers tingled as I absorbed the
heat of his hard flesh. Leaning in, I nuzzled my nose and lips over the dark,
coarse hair on his chest as he slid his hand into my mane and gently massaged
my scalp. His hot breath slid over the shell of my ear, rendering me speechless
as I trembled beneath his touch.

Taking a step back, he gazed into my eyes and began
unbuttoning my blouse. Steady and sure, his strong, dominant touch helped still
the chaos in my brain. Closing my eyes, I gave in to the comfort he offered and
savored the brush of his fingers over my skin as he slowly stripped me bare

“Look at me,
Leagh
,” he ordered in
a raspy command.

My lids fluttered open. His predatory gaze was
imposing…stripping my body and my soul. It was too much.
Too
possessive.
Too overwhelming and I dropped my gaze.

“Don’t touch me with your eyes,” I whispered.

Tony sidled in closer, his breath skimmed over my neck.
“What do you want me to touch you with, angel?”

Everything
.
Desperate to feel—something—anything except the ground crumbling beneath my
feet, I sucked in a ragged breath.
“Your hands.
Just your hands.
Nothing else.”

“But my lips will get jealous,” he replied in a provocative
drawl.

I gasped as Tony eased back, trailing his fingertips from my
collar bone, down both arms. His decadent beauty made my heart flutter and my
libido rage. He was stealing pieces of my broken heart and I did nothing to
stop him. I didn’t want to. His compassion brought something more than grief to
stir inside me; it brought a flicker of life. Whether it was right or wrong, I
ached for more—if only for a little while.

Leaning in, he lowered his mouth. My lips parted, welcoming,
needing, wanting. The brush of his kiss was gentle, but the feel of his hot
flesh sent a jolt straight to my core. Yielding beneath him, I reached up and
skimmed my fingers over the stubble darkening his jaw.

Tony swallowed my tiny whimper; then his kiss turned urgent.
Blistering me with demand, a deep groan rumbled low in his chest. His hands roved
over my naked flesh as our tongues tangled in a torrid dance. The air grew
thick in anticipation, and when his palms grazed over my rigid nipples, I
moaned. The walls of my weeping pussy fluttered hungrily.

Tony gripped the cheeks of my ass and pulled me tight
against his generous erection. His cock jerked against my belly as heat
penetrated through his trousers.

Trying to compartmentalize my madness, I pretended it was
George’s desperate kiss stealing my breath, his hot body controlling my
weakness. But he’d never kissed me like
this
.
I couldn’t hold onto the elusive fantasy, and the cold hard truth slammed
through me like a blast of arctic wind.

Tearing from Tony’s lips, I issued a mournful wail. Tears
filled my eyes and spilled down my cheeks as I backed away. Shame, guilt, and
embarrassment collided with remorse. Its ugly bite was vicious.

“I’m a… I… I’m a terrible person. God, how can I do
something like this to George?” I sobbed. Wrapping my arms around myself, I
curled my shoulders in, trying to hide my shame.

“You’re not a terrible person,
Leagh
,”
Tony whispered as he cupped my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. “You’re
human. You’re not betraying George, your relationship with him, or his memory.
Don’t start beating yourself up for what you’re feeling. It’s a defense
mechanism. It’s very common. When people lose a loved one, they sometimes feel
an overwhelming need for physical contact. It’s perfectly normal. Your psyche
is seeking validation that you’re still alive...still breathing. Physical contact
with another person is your subconscious confirming that you’re still here.
Trust me, angel. Everything you’re feeling is normal.”