Maybe Forever (Maybe... Book 3) (14 page)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Mads

This Is Love

I
woke slowly, absorbing the sounds around me, stretching and trying to gauge what time it actually was. My limbs creaked with each movement—was it the aftermath of a long flight or another sign I was getting older? Maybe both.

"Papa..." I opened my eyes and turned my head toward my daughter. She scrambled onto the bed and lay down beside me. She smelled freshly bathed. Her newly washed curls were still damp. "Mommy's gone for a walk. She said I was to wake you."

"I'm glad you did," I told her. I gave her nose a playful tap. "Where's Freya?"

"Mommy took her for a walk too."

"But you didn't want to go?"

Liv shook her head. "I want to stay with you so you won't be lonely." She patted the top of my head with one hand while she clutched her fox to her with the other hand.

Her skin was so tan now, like an acorn. Her dark, coppery eyes reminded me of Laney's. Laney swore her eyes were simply brown, but I saw the flecks of bronze and copper. And when her face was turned to the sun, her eyes flared amber and mesmerized me. Liv's eyes were the same. She was going to be a heartbreaker when she was older. I had the feeling Laney and I would have lots of headaches in our future thanks to our daughter and the boys whose hearts she'd break. But for now I was glad she was still four years old and the only thing she cared about was her stuffed fox and whether we'd spend the day at the playground.

"Will you sleep all day, Papa?"

"No...I need to get up, I need to take a shower."

"Mommy said you snored last night."

"I don't snore."

"Yes, you do, Papa. You sound like an airplane when you snore." And then she imitated what I apparently sounded like when I snored. She giggled and the sound of it filled me with happiness. Liv thrust Bobbi Fox at me and demanded I kiss her. "Bobbi Fox needs love too. She doesn't have a papa."

I indulged my little girl and kissed her fox. "Papa needs breakfast now. And a shower."

"I can make you breakfast, Papa."

"No, it's okay,
lille ven
, I'll make breakfast, but you and Bobbi can keep me company. Okay?"

She nodded enthusiastically and scrambled off the bed. "Come on, Papa. No more bed."

I trudged out of bed, grabbed a T-shirt from where I'd tossed it last night. My body still felt thick and heavy from the flight. In the kitchen, Liv was already trying to pull a chair over to the counter. I directed her back over the table and took over fixing breakfast. I settled for making scrambled eggs and toast along with a pot of coffee while Liv entertained me with Bobbi Fox stories. At some point, while I dazed out over my eggs, Cecily arrived from a morning at the studio. She gave my shoulder a warm squeeze and then joined me for a cup of coffee. Liv was still chattering, now doing voices for Bobbi Fox too.

Cecily cocked her eyebrows at Liv's story. "Have you been talking your papa's ears off?"

Liv shook her head. "Papa is listening."

"I always listen," I assured her, but my head felt cottony and my body was craving a few more hours of sleep.

"You look like you could do with a long shower and more R & R." Cecily surmised.

"R & R?"

"Rest and relaxation. That's what the GIs used to call it—R & R."

"Yeah, I could do with that, but a little bird thought it was time for me to wake up."

"It was time, Papa." Liv pouted at me. "You sleep all day. Then you keep Mommy up all night. Mommy needs sleep too."

I think I must have blushed. My skin felt hot and Cecily was covering her mouth, trying not to laugh.

"You think I keep Mommy awake?"

Liv nodded. "You do, Papa. I hear her. You talk a lot, and you make funny noises."

I couldn't hold it in anymore. Neither could Cecily. We both broke down laughing while Liv gave us concerned looks. She slid out of her chair and announced that she and Bobbi Fox were going to play in the garden.

"That daughter of yours is a mess, Mads Rasmussen." Cecily was still trying to contain her laughter. "Well, at least she knows her father keeps her mother entertained."

"I didn't think they could hear us... I thought we were pretty quiet."

"Hmm...no, well. You're not but you try." Cecily mused. "You were quiet last night, but I remember when I was in Copenhagen for your wedding and I spent the night in your guest room. Well, I know you make Laney happy..." She laughed again.

"I try. Lately I failed at it, but I want to change that." I went over to the door to the garden to check on Liv. She was sitting on the porch steps, talking to Bobbi Fox.

Cecily came over and stood beside me. She touched my shoulder again. "Now that you're here, you and Laney can begin working together on what you want."

"Liv said she went for a walk?"

"She goes every morning. She meditates while she walks. It does her a world of good." Cecily stepped out on the back porch, then turned and added, "Maybe you should join her tomorrow."

"I don't want to intrude on it, though, if it's something she needs for herself."

"Mads, maybe you both need it," Cecily countered. "You've both avoided talking about the problems you've had. And when she's walking on the beach, she's thinking through what she wants and what has gone wrong and how to fix it."

I let Cecily's words sink in while I watched Liv stretch out her hand to catch a butterfly. She sat very still, her fingers barely twitching. It didn't take long before a monarch butterfly landed on her index finger. I held my breath, wondering how long it would rest there or if Liv's contained excitement would scare it away. She sensed this was a special moment. She didn't giggle, didn't call out for me or try to capture the butterfly. Instead she bent forward a bit and peered at the butterfly's wings.

"You need to treasure my niece, Mads. You need to hold her dear."

"I do, Cecily. Trust me, I do."

"She gave you two very sweet little girls...she gave you the family you said you always wanted. That's proof of her love for you. You treasure her, and you and I will be fine."

I'd showered and dressed by the time Laney came home from her walk. Liv and I were in the garden, searching for more butterflies. She was convinced there were millions of them in the bushes, though we'd only seen one so far.

Laney latched the gate behind her and then pushed the stroller up the path towards us. She'd swept her hair into a messy bun, showing off the lovely curve of her neck. Her skin glistened there. If I held her, she'd smell of sunlight, heat and something more—something that I always connected with her. Freya was strapped in the stroller, the brim of her cotton sunhat drooping over her face. She must have fallen asleep on the way home.

"It's so hot today," Laney said and swiped beads of perspiration from her neck. "I think I need another shower."

"I may have to help you, then..." I said with a grin. A smile flickered over her lips. She lowered her eyes and then looked up at me through the veil of her lashes.

"Mads...the kids..."

"Freya can't understand everything we say and Liv's too busy looking for butterfly nests." We were speaking English together, the language we'd fallen in love in. Sometimes we behaved as though it was our secret language since Liv didn't always understand when we spoke took quickly, but her English was so good now that we couldn't depend on it as our code for much longer.

"Is Cecily still here?"

"She's still inside. She was waiting for you so she could take the girls on an excursion?" At least, that's what I thought Cecily had told me. Jet lag still fogged my brain. I just knew I wanted some time with Laney.

Once we were alone, I had to remind myself that we couldn't ignore the problems that had led to Laney leaving me. It was too easy to push it aside, to coax her into kissing me or to slide one hand along her side and enjoy the sensation of our bodies coming together. So we sat on the porch swing and tried to address some of our issues. Laney hugged her knees to her chest. She watched me from under her fringe. I reached out my hand, brushed her hair away from her eyes. I wanted to see them, didn't want her to hide behind her hair.

"Did you sleep with her?" Somehow I'd known she would ask this first. She spoke so softly I nearly missed it. "I know I shouldn't care. I should just want us to move forward...but I need to know."

My hand trailed down her neck. I needed to feel her, even if it was simply a fleeting touch. "I never slept with her, Laney. I didn't want her...not like that."

"But you were attracted to her, weren't you?"

"I don't know...yes, I was. I thought she was sexy."

"I knew it..." She let out a long sigh. "I saw how you looked at her. "

We sat there...the specter of Benny between us.

"She kissed me."

"I know she did. I saw the evidence..."

"No, she kissed me again...she thought I wanted it, but I didn't. And I told her. I told her I wasn't interested in her
.
” Lane
y’
s shoulders tensed, but I did
n’
t let go. I needed her to know that she was the only one I wanted in my lif
e—
no matter how stupid and thoughtless
I’
d been
.“
I think I just liked that she was paying attention to me. It sounds stupid. I kept telling myself her flirting was harmless, that she was
n’
t interested in me like that. And then it felt like you were pulling away
.
”

"She kissed you..."

"I don't want her though. I never did. I'
m here with you because you're who I want, Laney.
"

Laney drew back but I caught her hand before she could move too far away.

"I want to be honest with you, Laney. I don't want us to have any secrets. I'm telling you this because I know we drifted apart, but the thing is...I don't want anyone else. I don't want to
be
with anyone else. Just you."

"So what do we do now?"

"Laney, you can't tell me you were never attracted to anyone else. Even while we've been together. You never looked at another man and wondered?"

"I don't know, Mads. Honestly? I've been so busy with Liv and Freya—"

"Don't use the kids as a buffer. Let's just be honest."

"I don't know. I probably looked at some guy and thought he was good-looking...but I never acted on it."

"Neither did I."

"You flirted with her, and she was flirting with you. You forgot about me because of her."

Neither of us spoke for a while. Laney pressed her lips together. What was she thinking? I hoped she wasn't imagining the worst. I wanted to reassure her, but nothing seemed right.

"One night, I heard you on the phone, laughin
g…
" I could still remember that night. I'd fallen asleep while reading to Liv and woken up from Laney's laughter. "I don't know who you were talking to that night. Maybe it was Jesper. Maybe it was Ingrid or Niklas. But you sounded the way you used t
o…
and when you hung up, all that light and sparkle was gone. And I knew it was my fault."

"I thought yo
u’
d stopped loving m
e
… We were barely sleeping together, it felt like you were avoiding being with me." Her words came out in small bursts. She kept her eyes cast down, but the uncertainty in her voice came through. "I thought you'd realized this wasn't the life you wanted. Like maybe all of this between us happened too fast and now finally the reality was setting

i
n—
"

"No, this is the life I want." I pulled her closer. I needed her near me.

"All the argument
s…
all those nights when you barely touched m
e…
sometimes days went by without us even really speaking to one another."

"Laney...last night...did it feel like I wanted anyone else?"

She shook her head. "It was the same for me. Sometimes I wonder how it is that I love you so much that no one else matters."

"There is no one else for me, Laney. I don't want to spend my life with anyone else."

Of course my phone rang. Of course it was Anton. Laney glanced at my phone display. "You should probably answer it. It could be an emergency."

"It can wait."

"Mads, go ahead. Answer. It's okay."

When I answered, she pushed off the porch swing and then walked down the porch steps. As she crossed the yard, I watched the sway of her hips. She glanced over her shoulder at me. There was a double sun lounger in the shade of the tree at the back of the garden. She settled there, easing her feet out of her flip-flops. And I watched...not paying very much attention to Anton as I took in how truly lovely my wife was. 

"Sorry about that...it was Anton, he just wanted to tell me how the forum was going." I pressed the power button on my phone and turned it off. "Off now."