MEMORIAM (8 page)

“I will be waiting at the other end. Your job is to get through safely.” He held out a hand gun. “This is your weapon.”

I stared at the gun. In my head I was saying no, but I wasn’t sure if it was coming out. Obviously not, because I reached out and took the gun. It felt as though a sudden weight was added to the right side of my body and I felt lopsided as I held it in my hand.

Sam flashed in my mind, his hands around my waist. I held a gun in my hands and was aiming at knot in a tree. We were standing in a forest together. The smell of damp earth after a rainstorm filled the air. 

“Point it like this. Position your body - perfect.”

The moment stopped.
What the hell was that?
I’d never shot a gun with Sam before. Thinking of the way he’d touched me made me blush.

Trent was staring at me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. How do I know where it ends?”

“I don’t know. It’s your creation, not mine.” He trudged back out the door, leaving me alone. I looked back at the large forest, rubbing my head. It was just me and this forest. This kind of solitude made me feel like I was back in my room all over again, hoping for time to pass faster so I did not have to feel the pain of what I’d lost.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, my breath coming out in one big puff, hanging in the air like a cloud before disintegrating. It was now or never.

It was eerie to walk amongst the trees and remind myself that this wasn’t real. Every tree I touched, every branch that quivered when I hit it, or the heavy
thud
when I walked, seemed real. There was nothing but endless trees and no sign of a path. If there was, it was probably a trap set up by Trent. He taught me never to trust man-made paths. I heard a rustle in the trees that made me cock my gun.

“Hello? Trent, if that’s you it’s not funny,” I yelled out.

Was Trent somewhere in here? Was he hiding and expecting me to find him and shoot him with this fake gun? No one appeared so I kept walking. Soon my ears rang from the cold and my eyes were strained from trying to see through the fog. I cupped my hands over my face to warm my lips and nose. There was a slight moan, as if the trees were sighing. I lowered my gun and rested against a tree, listening to the quiet
hum
of the wind. Then I felt it; someone was watching me.

I spotted a figure out of the corner of my eye. I snaked my way around the tree and poked my head out. A man with rigid cheekbones and small frame sprang out from a grouping of pines, pointing a gun at me. I screamed and jumped back, my heart racing. Was that man real? If not, what was he?

It was seeing the man’s eyes that made me sure I could shoot him. They were red. I swallowed and came out from my hiding spot. My finger rested on the trigger. Whatever this creature was, he had to be part of the simulation.

“He’s not real, Vi,” I said to myself. “Just shoot him and he’ll be gone.” I gripped my gun tighter. “Sorry,” I said. The gun fired and the man was gone. I was alone once more.

I was tired. An hour and a half had to have passed since I had run into the red-eyed man and I was still wandering around trying to find a way out. The end had to be close. Up ahead I spotted an old cabin that looked abandoned. I sighed in relief and broke into a run, leaving my gun in the leaves as I climbed the steps and burst through the door. A warm feeling swelled in my chest as if I were home.

It was a one-room cabin. In one corner was a pile of blankets and in the other a fireplace with two logs, charcoaled and brittle. I went over and nudged the blankets. To my surprise they moved. Before I knew what was happening an arm poked out, then a leg, and then a head.

I shouldn’t have dropped my gun back in the forest. The realization of my big mistake hit me as a figure rose from the blankets. It was a woman. She had short dark hair that hid half of her face and she was wearing an old jacket that hung on her like a sack. The woman turned and spotted me. Curiosity perked its head up when I saw her face. She had the same small lips, the big eyes, and the same puzzled look as me.

I shook my head. “No. This isn’t real.”

The woman was me. That was my hair. Her red eyes looked into my hazel ones. On the woman’s wrist was a Trux tattoo. Confusion, hate, and sadness exploded inside of me. What was happening?

“Trent, get me out!” I yelled, looking around. “I know you can hear me! Get me out!”

“He can’t hear you,” she said. She sounded just like me.

The blankets fell at the woman’s feet. I backed up against the cabin wall, fear ringing in my ears. This couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be me. She was evil, just like that red-eyed man. 

She reached forward and grabbed my arm, dragging me over to the fireplace in the corner where I spotted a branding stick. It had the Trux symbol at the end.

“No.” I tried to pull away. She climbed on top of me and held the stick in one hand, bringing it close to my arm.

“Stop it!” I screamed. “I’m not one of you!”

Her red eyes widened. “You have my eyes.”

“That’s because we’re the same person.”  

The woman’s eyes widened and her body began to twitch. Within seconds she vanished. I was alone in the cabin once more. I pulled my knees to my chest and licked my lips.

“You’re done. It’s over. ” I recognized Trent’s shoes in front of me and saw him standing over me. The cabin was gone. Instead I was in a small white room, similar to the Memoriam one.

“What happened to the forest?”

“The simulation is over...along with the hallucinations. This is what the simulation room looks like when it isn’t being used.”

“Why did that cabin show up?”

“Each simulation is personal to the hunter who creates it. I don’t know why your subconscious chose to put you there.”

I shuddered. The red-eyed version of me, the one with the Trux tattoo, scared me. Was that what my future looked like? It was what I was most afraid of: losing myself to become a killer. I wanted to be better than that.

“You seem pretty upset. I’d go get an emotional relaxer from the healing center.”

“I’m not upset,” I snapped at Trent.

“Trust me, you need one.”

Trent did not say a word when I walked out of the room. No future training sessions, no nightly run, nothing. Trent said nothing.

I wondered what Sam would say. We hadn’t talked since the night I had met Mary and accused him of knowing more about me than he let on. I wasn’t sure how Sam was going to react when he saw me again. When I reached the healing center he was in the corner tending to someone. Bronte was putting new sheets on a bed.

“Violet, what are you doing here?” She asked.

“My trainer suggested I take an emotional relaxer.”

“You do look pale.”        

“Well I’d like to be a different color, but that’s not the way the world works.”

Bronte rested her hands on her hips. She must not have recognized my joke. “Take a seat. I’ll be with you in a moment.”

I went over and sat down on the bed she’d just made, keeping an eye on Sam. Would he be mad when he saw me? Bronte went over and rested her hand on Sam’s back, whispering in his ear. My legs swung back and forth, skimming the ground. Next thing I knew Sam was coming my way, his hand grazing my shoulder as he sat down.

“You look pale,” he said. His hand pressed against my forehead. “Fever. Are you sick, too?”

“I had a simulation. Trent insisted I get an emotional relaxer.” The expression on Sam’s face was unreadable. Was he still mad at me?

Sam shook his head. “The things he puts you through…”

I closed my eyes as Sam bustled around. It was easier to stare at the backs of my eyelids rather than Sam’s unreadable face. There was a sound of metal scraping against floor then warm skin against mine. Sam’s hand was against my forehead, rubbing some kind of ointment on my temples. 

“Thanks, Sam.”

“It’s my job.”

We were quiet for a second.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

I opened my eyes. “For getting mad at you the other night. It was rude to assume you knew anything.”

Sam’s eyebrows were strung together as he stared at my forehead.

“Please tell me I don’t have a stain on my forehead from that ointment you just put on me.”

Sam’s mouth twitched. “I hate to break it to you, but you’ll have this stain for the rest of your life.”

I grinned. “Shit.”

“My thoughts exactly. Hold on, let me get an oral relaxer.” He passed me a thin green square the size of my fingernail. “Let this dissolve in your mouth. It should kick in within minutes.”

I stuck the pill in my mouth. A hot sensation filled my cheeks and burned my gums. I stuck out my tongue.         

“I know, it’s not the tastiest thing in the world, but it will make you feel ten times better.”

“So what have you been up to since I last saw you?”

He leaned back in his chair and rested his hands behind his head. “Not much. A couple of new healers came in. One of them is incredibly tall.”

“Really?”

“Too tall, actually.”        

I smiled. “And how’s Mary?”

Sam seemed surprised that I mentioned her. “She’s well.”

“The skryers didn’t catch her the other night, did they?”

“No, they didn’t. I keep telling her she needs to be more careful. The idea of her getting caught by a skryer is too painful to think about. She deserves better.”

A flame of envy lit in my chest but I pushed it away. I didn’t need to be jealous of Mary; Sam and I were friends. That should have been enough.

“You know, it’s not your fault if they catch her. You can only help a person so much before it’s out of your hands.”

“We promised we’d look out for each other.”

“Still, it’s not your fault if she gets caught.”

“You are acting as if she’s already been caught.” Sam raised an eyebrow. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“I was about to ask you the same question.”

“What?”

“You’re planning something, aren’t you? That meet-up with Mary wasn’t just a friendly visit. Why else would she sound so worried?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Sam.” I looked at him. He knew that of all of the things I wanted, the biggest one at this point was honesty. “Please tell me.”

“It’s nothing, really. Mary had talked about escaping and I was going over the logistics with her.”

“You are going to escape?”

“Nothing’s set in stone. This place is locked up like the Head is in his mansion. We have to be careful if we’re going to be successful. Bad things happen to people who try to escape and fail.”

“There has to be a safe way out.”

“Mary and I are working on it. For now let’s keep it under wraps, okay? If word gets out then we’ll be caught.”        

“But you’ll tell me if you find a way out?”

“Of course.”

“How long do you think it will take?”

Sam smirked. “You have a deadline in mind?”

“No, but the sooner the better. I only have two days left of training before I have to start hunting.” The red-eyed Trux version of myself popped up in my head.

“You’ll be fine.”

“I have nightmares every night about killing Pax; I can’t sleep. Once I kill I won’t want to be around you anymore.”

“Are you saying you actually like spending time with a healer who technically doesn’t have the proper education required for a healer?” Sam grinned, nudging me. The selfish me wanted Sam to tell me that he wanted me around no matter what, but right then a skryer interrupted us.

“Violet Hansen?” I froze.

“Y-yes?” I stammered. It was hard not to notice the whip on his belt.

“The Secretary of the Head would like a word with you in her office.”

No one knew who the secretary was, but everyone knew she existed. Some people called her the Head’s right hand, others called her his puppet. She watched over most of the bases. Although I was terrified to become a hunter, I was more scared about this request to meet the secretary. I wasn’t going to punished, was I? I hadn’t done anything wrong. Unless she just wanted me dead. That was always a possibility.

“Why?”

“You don’t ask the questions. She does.”

Sam’s face hardened. I tried to manage words but none came out. I reached out and wrapped my arms around Sam’s neck, whispering in his ear, “see you soon,” then letting go. I didn’t to let go.

“Be safe,” he said. His breath sent shivers down my neck and into my core. “Don’t be a stranger.”

I stood up and walked over to the skryer. My whole body shook. Thoughts of never seeing Sam again and being locked in a cell ran through my mind as I left the healing center with the skryer, glancing over my shoulder at Sam, who watched me leave. Stares followed us as we walked down the hall leading to the hunters’ division, past my eating facility, the training hall, and the living quarters, past any point that I knew of. The air was colder here. The ceilings were taller, hollow and empty.

The skryer stopped by a metal door. It parted and revealed a circular white-paneled room with a large skylight overhead. There was another metal door at the opposite end of the room.

“She is waiting through that door.” The skryer jerked his head. I tried to calm my racing heart as I scanned my tracker against the door, holding my breath as they parted.

The room was small, but the ceiling made up for it. Three story ceilings with skylights poured in natural light, casting shadows on the large metallic sculptures that lined the glass wall overlooking the forest beyond the base. A giant chandelier hung above my head, almost identical to the one I saw in Memoriam. I thought that odd that my memory created that image without ever being in the secretary’s office before. Over to my right was a desk with a slate fireplace that crackled behind it, spitting ashes out and hissing. I was mesmerized to the point that I almost didn’t notice the woman sitting in front of the fireplace in an ice chair, molded to fit her body. Her small legs were like bird legs, crossed one over another. Her eyes were huge, bulging out of her face unlike anything I had ever seen.

“Welcome Violet Hansen.” The woman did not meet my gaze. Instead she watched the fire. I wondered what she saw in the flames, her future or the Trux’s past - either way they both had fire. She took a sip from the cup in her hands.