Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (21 page)

“We have not ever met, sir.  We have never spoken.  My sight of him at Kensington Gardens was the first in nearly a year, and I do not believe that he has seen me in that time either.  We seem to be dwelling on the memories of each other equally, though.”  She saw his astonishment and smiled.  “I thank you for that gift, sir.  I cannot say how dearly I appreciate it.”

“May I tell him of this conversation?”  He touched her arm.  “He is so unhappy; I would like to see him smile.”

“What troubles him?”

Bingley shook his head.  “He is an important man with heavy burdens.  May I tell him of you?”

“If I can ease his burden . . .”

“You would, I am sure of it.”  He bowed and smiled.  “Good day, Miss Elizabeth.  Please give my compliments to your aunt and sister.” 

Elizabeth closed the door after him and returning to the ladies, slowly took her seat.  “Mr. Bingley seems to be very interested in you, Lizzy.”  Mrs. Gardiner observed.  “I would say that he called specifically to see you.”

“Oh that is silly, Aunt.  Mr. Bingley is not attracted to me.”

“He did not centre his attention on me.”  Jane said.

Must every man in London look only at you
? Elizabeth held her tongue.  “Mr. Bingley is an amiable and kind man who does not really have the rules for drawing room discourse figured as yet.  He has improved though, do you not agree, Aunt?”

Mrs Gardiner studied her niece and nodded her head slowly.  “He has indeed.  Perhaps his advisor’s work is at last paying dividends.”

“I have no doubt of his skill.”  Elizabeth smiled.  “None at all.”

BINGLEY STOOD AT THE EDGE of the dance floor and watched closely as Darcy moved with his partner.  The young woman looked oddly familiar, and it took him a few moments, but when he saw Darcy actually smile slightly at her, the realization hit him.  This woman resembled Miss Elizabeth.  “You poor fool.”  He whispered.  The dance ended and Darcy bowed to the lady, and escorted her from the floor.  A flurry of conversation followed the couple.  Darcy had danced only rarely that Season and for this girl to have won a dance, one where he seemed to enjoy himself, was remarkable.  He lingered with her for a few moments then bowed and walked away, spotting Bingley when he waved.

“You danced, Darcy.”  He observed curiously.  “Who is she?”

“Miss Victoria Gannon.”  He said and glanced back at her.  She was surrounded by women who were all looking at him.  “She is satisfactory.”

Bingley began to laugh and Darcy frowned.  “Such a compliment!  Tell me about her?”

“She is friendly, her laugh was not grating, her conversation was intelligent, in fact I could find nothing at all wrong with her.  She is certainly a handsome woman.”  His brow creased when he saw his friend’s shaking head.  “What is it, Bingley?  I have finally discovered a woman of my circle who I do not find intolerable.”

“I paid a call to the Gardiner home today.”  Bingley heard Darcy’s quick intake of breath and saw how his eyes focussed on him.  “I sat next to Miss Elizabeth, as close as you and I stand together now.”

“Bingley . . .”

“It is remarkable how closely she resembles Miss Gannon.”  He tilted his head as Darcy’s eyes closed and his shoulders slumped.  “I told her of your reaction to the book.  She was . . . delighted is not the proper word, happy, relieved, it is difficult to describe, but her eyes glowed to know that it made you happy.  I asked how you met and she confessed that you never have.”  Darcy’s head shook.  “She saw you at Kensington.”

“She did?”  He whispered.

“She said it was the first time she had seen you in nearly a year.”  He nodded.  “She said that the two of you seem to be dwelling on memories of each other.” Darcy met his eyes, and Bingley could not mistake the hopeful expression.  “Listen to your heart Darcy.  She is beautiful, delightful, witty, and cares for you.  You have been carrying this attraction for so long, there must be something to it!”

Darcy looked back at Miss Gannon.  There truly was absolutely nothing wrong with her.  She was the daughter of a landowner similar to himself.  She had an enormous dowry, the proper connections, was educated, and he had no doubt she was very accomplished.  She could surely serve as Pemberley’s mistress without hesitation and take on her duties quickly.  And she was healthy and could provide his heir.  She smiled at him and he returned it, then glancing at his reflection in the mirrored walls of the room, he saw that the smile did not reach his eyes and barely lifted his lips.  He turned back to Bingley.  “I think that I will return home now.”

Bingley nodded and clasped his shoulder.  “I hope that you sleep well.  I will be happy to accompany you anywhere, should you decide to go.”

“Thank you, Bingley.”  Darcy straightened and left the room and was soon on his way home.  Bingley listened to the speculation by the ladies over what made him depart so early and laughed quietly to himself.  “If they only knew.”

“YOU CAME HOME EARLY.”  Georgiana said when Darcy applauded from the doorway to the music room. 

“You say that almost like an accusation.”  He smiled a little and entered. 

“I am sorry, it is just unusual, and you did not come down for breakfast.  I was afraid that you were ill.”  She stood up and hugged him.  “You are well, are you not?”

“Yes, dear.  I was up very late.  I had a great deal on my mind.”  He sat down on a sofa and invited her to join him.  “I have a great many decisions to make and some of them concern you.”

“Me?”

Darcy nodded and bit his lip, then plunged in.  “Mrs. Somers is leaving us in August.”

“What?”  Georgiana’s eyes grew wide and she began to cry.  “No!  What did she do wrong?  Brother, please do not dismiss her!”

“No, no, this is her choice.  Her father’s health is failing and she wishes to care for him.  I will present her with a gift of funds for her retirement so she will be able to keep her father’s home after he passes.”

“But . . .what will become of me?”  Georgiana said through her tears.  “I . . . I need her.”

“Richard and I have talked it over, and we have decided that it was time that you attended a school.”  Georgiana sat up and stared at him.  “We think that you would benefit from spending time with other girls your age, and establish friendships that will last the rest of your life.  And undoubtedly the school will teach you things that Mrs. Somers never could, particularly about how to move in society.” 

“NO!”

“Georgiana, it is for the best, and it is proper for you to be educated.”  He said calmly.

“You just want to be rid of me!”

“That is not true.”

“You want to go to your parties and balls and do not want me in the way!” 

Darcy held on to his anger with her accusations.  “No, I want you to become an accomplished woman.  Your cousin Audrey went to a school, I went away when I was twelve.  I would hire a new governess, but even Mrs. Somers said that she is at the limit of what she can teach.  I doubt that any other woman could do more.  You need what a school could provide to help you understand the society you will be entering.”

“I do not want any more!”  She cried.  “You cannot make decisions for me!”

At last reaching the end of his patience, he stood and glared.  “I am your brother and your guardian; yes I can and will make decisions for you.  I will do the same with my wife and my children one day, just as I do for every person whose life touches Pemberley or Darcy House.”  Georgiana jumped up and ran from the room.  “Georgiana, come back here!”  He watched her run towards the front door and ordered, “Georgiana!  Stop!” 

She kept running. “No!  I will not go to school!”

Fast on her heels flew Darcy.  His mouth was set in an unforgiving frown.  “Georgiana, enough of this display!  Return immediately!”

“No!  You cannot make me!” 

Darcy saw that the servants had disappeared.  He was at a loss, and had no idea what to do.  Glancing up he saw Mrs. Somers at the top of the stairs.  Summoning all of his will he took control of his anger and said in a tense even voice.  “Go to your chambers.  I will speak to you when you have calmed and can listen like a lady.”  He looked at Mrs. Somers.  “Please take your charge.” 

“Come along Miss Darcy.”  Mrs. Somers came down halfway and called.  Georgiana wiped her face and walked quickly past her brother and up the stairs.  Darcy stared after them, then seizing his hat, placed it haphazardly on his head and strode out of the house and across to the park.  He walked quickly, attempting to dissipate his anger and frustration. 

Now what do I do?  How am I supposed to make things better?  I am no good at this . . .this fatherhood, mothering, I do not know!
  Dropping onto a bench, he stared unseeing at the trees and whispered, “I am so tired.”  He had spent the entire night before awake, tossing in his bed, struggling with his desires, his duty, his family.  He did not realize when he bowed to Miss Gannon the night before and asked her to dance that it was a futile attempt to find a twin of Elizabeth.  “Thank God for you Bingley!”  He said fervently under his breath.  “But what do I do now?  Father what would you want me to do?”  A couple walking nearby looked at him quizzically and embarrassed, he rose to his feet and began walking again.  His thoughts drifted to another walk he had made, almost two years earlier in this same place, only that time he was trying to walk off the news of his father’s pending death. 

The conversation of that day washed over him, and he began to hear his father’s voice once again.  He arrived on the path above the Serpentine, and stood staring out at the water.  The sound of Elizabeth’s laughter seemed to come to his ear, just as it had that day.  It comforted him once again.  His eyes closed and he drew a deep breath, imagining the scent of her perfume from the gallery.  He imagined her eyes, smiling at him in approval when he rescued Bingley. 
Bingley.
  This man saved him from Miss Gannon the night before with his story of Elizabeth.  She remembers him, she was so happy to hear of his reception of the book.  Instantly the struggles of the night reasserted themselves.  “Father help me!  What should I do?”  He looked back down at the water, once more remembering that terrible afternoon when he let her walk away from him in that very park.  A wave of despair flooded throughout his body.

NO!  Do not let her go!
He screamed at himself, then his father’s voice once more filled his mind. “
Remember who you are!”
  He must always honour his name, he must do his duty.  Was that not what his father had said?  The charge had tortured him from the moment he returned from the ball, he had thought of his duty, and reached no conclusion.  His mind raced over that last conversation with his father.  They were looking out over Pemberley . . .honour our name . . .
By caring for the land!  NOT by being a social snob, he meant the land, our people, our family, our ancestor’s accomplishments!
  Darcy’s suddenly opened eyes stared at the sparkling lake.  His father had told him something else about marriage, what was it?  Once again that day he was at a loss, and desperately fought to remember his father’s words.

Suddenly a gust of wind came up and toppled his badly placed hat, and it flew, hitting the ground and began to roll, picking up speed as it found a slope leading down to the lake where it at last came to rest at the feet of a young woman with ebony curls peeking from beneath her bonnet.  The sound of her laughter moved Darcy from his petrified state, and he was drawn to her like a siren.  She retrieved the errant hat and turned with a triumphant smile to locate the owner.  Her eyes were sparkling.  She brushed off some dirt and met him.  “Here you are, sir.”  She at last found his eyes, and she gasped, nearly dropping the hat as her hand came to her mouth, and her eyes were bright with the sudden wash of tears, “Mr. Darcy!” 

He saw so many emotions passing over her face, the first and clearest was fear.  Elizabeth stood frozen and studied him, carefully trying to read his expression for any trace of disgust.  Darcy remained staring at her, returning the examination and trying to understand what was wrong. 
Please, whatever it is, do not fear me!
He thought urgently and tried to put his assurance in his look.  The moment seemed to last for hours, but at last he saw her relax, and a smile appeared.

Her smile warmed him as nothing he had ever known before.  “Thank you, Miss Bennet.  I am deeply in your debt.”  He smiled at her, the happiness reaching his eyes and shining into hers. Elizabeth felt the power of his admiration and responded in kind, their easiness with each other was instantaneous.

“Oh dear, that is serious!”  The laugh returned, bubbling, happy.  “No, sir, I am honoured to rescue your hat from its certain fate of joining the armada in the lake, although I am sure that it would have been the sturdiest craft there!”

Darcy noticed a group of boys and their makeshift navy on the water.  “I am quite certain that you are correct.  If I may not be in your debt, may I at least thank you properly?”  He smiled again.

“And what would you consider to be a proper thank you, sir?”  Elizabeth’s lips twitched, but she raised her eyebrow with mild chastisement.

He laughed softly and the thought of a kiss to those lips came to mind at once.  He blushed and did not meet her eye for a moment but when he looked up again, he saw that she was blushing and studying her gloves.  Obviously the identical thought had come to her.  He smiled with delight.  “Miss Bennet, forgive me, I seem to have disconcerted you somehow.  I am forgetting my manners at an alarming rate.  I am calling you by name and yet we have not ever been properly introduced.”

“I am afraid that my companions will not be of help in that endeavour, sir.  They do not know you either.”  She laughed and he sighed.    

 “Well then shall we pretend that we have indeed been formerly acquainted?  May I also know your companions, Miss Bennet?  I am glad to know that you are not in the park alone.”  He held out his arm and tilted his head.

“Miss Elizabeth, sir.  You see, I am the second sister.”  She took his arm and they began to stroll slowly.  Darcy looked down at her hand resting on his forearm, it felt so right.  “My aunt and sister are here with my little cousins.  They are just over the rise, you see.”  She pointed and he saw a group of women nearby.  “I wished to look at the water and . . . remember.”  She looked up at him then back down.