Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (23 page)

“She is quite pretty and young.”  Georgiana smiled up at her brother, hoping to tease him a little.

“She is almost eighteen.”  He said, still watching.  She disappeared from his view and realizing he did not know her exact address, began walking, taking long strides, seeking her out again.

Georgiana started to hurry, trying to keep up.  “Where are we going?”  She asked and saw his focus was back on Elizabeth.  “Perhaps we could ask Miss Elizabeth for tea!  Oh it would be wonderful to have someone nearer my age to talk to!”

Darcy glanced at her, still striding.  “You do not like talking with me?  You hardly spoke just now.”

“Oh you know what I mean, alone with a girl!” 

“You will have a whole school full of girls to talk to, Georgiana.”  He briefly met her eye.  “You are going.”

“I know, Brother.”  She said softly.  “I wish that I could stay at home though.”  She peeked up at him.

He glanced down at her.  “We will discuss this later, Georgiana.” 

Arriving on the other side of the park, he finally caught sight of Elizabeth, and was struck by the scene.  She was holding the hand of a little boy, perhaps about five years old, and a little girl of about three was clutching her skirts.  She was laughing and talking to Mrs. Gardiner, and he noticed that a tall blonde girl had joined them, a sleeping baby in her arms.  He let out a breath and slowed his ground-eating pace, and knew for certain that he could happily spend the rest of his life hearing this woman laugh. 

Then he saw to his dismay Elizabeth help the children into a waiting carriage.  He stood still and watched as she turned her head to look out of the window in time to catch sight of him, and smiled.  They gazed at each other as the carriage quickly departed.  Darcy sighed, and he kicked himself for not asking her address sooner.  “Gracechurch Street.”  Bingley would know the house, all was well.  “Come Georgiana, let us return home.”

THE ENTIRE WAY BACK TO GRACECHURCH STREET Elizabeth was silent.  All she could do was wonder at the extraordinary sight of Fitzwilliam Darcy standing outside of her carriage. 
Why did he return?
Perhaps he just wanted to see me once more!
  She thought over the first time that she had seen him, and realized that was when he heard her mention Hertfordshire.  She gasped when she realized that he had remembered every second of that day, just as she had, he wanted her all that time!

Mrs. Gardiner observed the myriad of emotions playing over Elizabeth’s face.   “Lizzy, is Mr. Darcy the gentleman you have noticed on your other visits to town?” 

She nodded and looked down.  “I have thought of Fitzwilliam often.”

“Lizzy!”  She chastised her with the use of his Christian name and stopped.  “You knew who he was?” 

“Yes, only his name.  I realized recently that he was Mr. Bingley’s advisor, and have learned more of him.  For two years I knew only what I have observed . . .and imagined.”  She looked back up to see her aunt’s small smile and Jane’s astonishment.  “I suppose if I had told you his name you would have been able to fill in some details?”

“A few.”  She nodded.  “But if he does call on you, he can do that himself.” 

Elizabeth smiled and looked back down at her hands.  “I hope it is soon.”

Chapter 10

D
arcy and Georgiana returned to the house and as much as he wanted to relive every second of his meeting with Elizabeth, he knew that he had to address his sister’s behaviour first.  “Georgiana, please come with me to my study.”  She followed with her hands clasped and her eyes cast down, and passed before him to wait in front of his desk as he shut the door, jumping slightly as it clicked shut.  He stood for a few moments, gathering his thoughts, and inexplicably wishing that Elizabeth was there to help him.  He crossed the room and stood beside her.  “Georgiana, my disappointment in your behaviour today is indescribable.  Never could I have thought that my sister would put on such a display!   What excuse do you have for imitating the most uneducated urchin this city possesses?  Obviously Mrs. Somers has failed in her schooling.  If she were not already planning to leave us, I would be forced to dismiss her.”

Georgiana’s eyes shot up.  “No!  Nanny Kate is not at fault!  It was me, she has been so kind to me, she has been with me for as long as I can remember, she is the closest thing I have to a mother!”   She began to sob and hid her face in her hands while Darcy closed his eyes, and felt the guilt and pain that he understood too well.  “I am so sorry, Fitzwilliam!  I know that I have been just awful to you of late, but you have been out nearly every night and I cannot bear to see her go . . .I thought that if I was bad, you would convince her to stay or you would stay home more often.  If you send me to school, I . . .I will lose you, too . . .and . . .”

“And I am the closest thing you have to a father.”  He said quietly.  Georgiana looked up and only saw him towering above her and frowning. 

“I am behaving stupidly; a Darcy does not do this.”  She sniffed and pulled herself together.  “I have shamed you and our family.” 

He sat on the edge of the desk, and indicated that she take a seat.  “So you have attained your goal.  You have my attention.  It is just you and me.  Please tell me how I have failed you.”

“Oh Brother, you have not, truly.”  She stammered.  “I . . . I sometimes wonder if I can live up to the expectations you have of me.  You speak so often of what it is to be a Darcy and I have tried to become accomplished in all of my areas of study, but I wonder if it will ever be good enough.  I . . . I wonder sometimes what it would have been like if . . .” Her voice trailed off.

“If Father had lived?”  He studied her.  “So do I.  To say that the past two years have been easy would be a lie.  But to wish that things were different will serve neither of us well.  I do not want to be both your brother and father, but I am.  So I must make decisions on your behalf, and you must trust that I am doing what is best for you.”

“I understand.”  She looked down.

“I will take your objections to the school into consideration and will consult with Richard, but you certainly should know that school is a normal and expected step for a girl of our society.  It would only be until you were fifteen, then we would form an establishment for you and find you a companion.  You would have masters to teach you and you would benefit from more exposure to the world outside of the sheltered home I have given you.”  He saw her dejection and added softly.  “I do not wish to send you away because I do not love you, Georgiana.  I do this because I do love you, and want the best for you.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”  Darcy bent his head to see her nod and held her hands when she stood.  “We will discuss this again when we are both a little calmer, however, I never want to experience an episode again as I just did.  You must suffer some consequences for it, and for that reason I will not allow you to practice your pianoforte for a week, and with the time you now have available,” He walked over to a bookshelf and pulled out a heavy tome, “I want you to read this cover to cover.”

She read the title.  “Our family history?”

“It is only complete up to our grandfather, but it should give you a good idea of just what it truly means to be a Darcy.”  He paused and then added.  “Being a Darcy is not about status.”  He saw her frown and remaining stern-faced, watched her turn and leave. 

The door clicked shut and he sighed.  “I am certain I botched that.  This is why Georgiana needs a sister, and why I need a wife, well one of the reasons I need a wife.”  He looked up to see the Pemberley landscape.  “I need an heir, and I need . . .” His thoughts returned to Elizabeth Bennet.  “Elizabeth.”  He whispered.  “How many times have I thought of the girl who laughed and smiled on that day, and knew she was never to be mine, could never be mine, not if I listen to my father, not if I am to hold up the name of Darcy?  She has been so near, so many times, growing lovelier with each year.  And now I understand that all of the pride that I have carried for my name was misplaced, it was not pride of station at all.  Father, now I understand.”  He spoke softly and thought of Elizabeth, her face looking through the coach’s glass, and how dearly he needed to reach inside and pull her out and into his embrace.  “Where are you now, Elizabeth?”

The question caused him to turn back to the bookshelves and look for his journals.  “Pemberley, that is where they are.”  He cursed and closed his eyes, imaging the worn page that he stared at countless times, describing his first sight of her.  He recalled speaking to his father, knowing that her family was below his; and his father telling him he must marry well, but that he . . .what?  The last ride he took with him at Pemberley, the day he died, George Darcy urged him to remember those words.  “What did you tell me, Father?”  He shook his head, it was lost in the pain of those two significant days, and he did not know how to get it back. 

Darcy turned to stare up at the portrait behind him.  It showed his parents dressed in the fashion of twenty years past.  His mother was seated, and wore a warm smile, her blue eyes sparkled.  Mr. Darcy stood behind her, a hand placed on her shoulder, a gentle smile on his face.  His parents had loved each other deeply.  He so wanted to marry and experience that same love, but how could he and uphold his promise to care for the Darcy name? 
Stop thinking like that you idiot; you know it is not about status anymore!  What did you want me to do, Father?  I need to know if this is right, before I take this relationship as far as I dearly wish.
  

He sighed again and stared down at some papers lying on his desk.  He wondered if he had met Miss Elizabeth a week earlier if he would have allowed the pressure to make him consider, let alone act upon, such a desperate idea, and was grateful that only he knew what a fool he had been. 

Fitzwilliam stood in the doorway unnoticed and watched his cousin wrestle with himself.  “What have you there, Darcy?”

He startled and looked up.  “Richard, when did you arrive?  I did not hear the door open.”

“Never mind that.  You have been staring at those papers with an expression of mourning I have never before witnessed, not even on your miserable countenance.”  He walked to join his cousin behind the desk and picked up the papers.  “A settlement?”  He read them with a concerned brow.  “Who are these for, Darcy?”

“Someone . . . I decided that . . . I may as well make the family happy; and that I should just make a choice and marry.”  His voice was sad and resigned.

Fitzwilliam, keeping the settlement in his hands, walked away and sat in a chair opposite the desk.  “Talk to me Darcy.  You keep things bottled up.  Have you spoken to anyone?  You must not have said anything to my parents, and they surely would have told me.  Talk to me.  What is wrong?”

Darcy looked into the eyes of his cousin and friend and confessed.  “No, I have not spoken to anyone.  I had these papers drafted after a particularly difficult day with Georgiana last week; not that today was any better.  I realize now that I did this in a moment of insanity and as you witnessed, I have not moved to make anyone my offer.  I decided to listen to your parents’ demands and made a concerted effort to identify a potential wife last night, and fortunately Bingley stopped me before I advanced the meeting beyond one dance.”

“Thank God for that, choosing a wife should not be done in a hurry.”  Fitzwilliam said with heartfelt relief.  “Now, what is behind all of this?  Why the sudden desire to wed, and for God’s sake, tell me why you wish to give in to my parents’ demands?”

Darcy looked down at his hands, twisting together.  “Georgiana’s behaviour tells me that she needs a sister.”

“Yes, I agree, that still does not explain your sudden choice.”

“Richard, I have been exposed to hundreds of candidates for my wife, peer’s daughters, heiresses, titled ladies.  I have attended the balls; I have visited Almack’s.  I hated every moment of being under inspection and despised the machinations of the ladies and their parents to catch my eye or force my hand.  None of them, not one, has ever attracted me for longer than a moment of pleasure, well until last night when I discovered that the woman who I thought was acceptable was one who resembled Miss Elizabeth.”  He looked down and back up to his cousin’s suddenly understanding eyes.  Darcy continued, “Georgiana needs someone, a woman, to guide her through her coming out.”

 “Well, we just agreed to put her in school . . .” He looked up to see Darcy’s shaking head.  “She objects, am I correct?  And in a particularly poorly displayed manner?”   He chuckled, earning a glare from his cousin.  “Forgive me, but she
is
a Darcy, would you not expect her to express her objections with some level of spirit?”  He smiled to see the surprise on Darcy’s face and nodded.  “Well, what of the other ideas we tossed around?  Form an establishment for her.  My only concern there is that Georgiana is probably a bit young for that step.  I would prefer to stick with the schedule we had discussed.  I spoke to Father and Mother about this.  They would like to take her for the rest of the Season to give you a reprieve and have promised to stop pushing you to marry.  They also see the sense in school for Georgiana.”  Darcy’s eyes closed in relief and Richard looked down at the settlement.  “But what I do not understand is why you suddenly need to be married?”

“Perhaps I do not have the desire to look anymore.”  Darcy said quietly.

Trying to read his inscrutable mask, Fitzwilliam studied him.  “I think that the pressure of all that is on your shoulders drove you to this; and that some lady of the
ton
is not your real choice, but by marrying one you would be forced to forget the woman who is.”  He saw Darcy blush and smiled, sitting back in his chair.  He waved the settlement papers at him.  “I wager you have someone entirely different in mind for these papers, and her name is Miss Elizabeth Bennet.  Darcy, I know that my parents have been pushing you, and I demanded that you look over the ladies of society and be sure, and you have been absolutely miserable.  Clearly your decision was made long ago.  So what are you waiting for?  Do not tell me she is attached, or married?  Is that what drove you to look elsewhere?”  He sat up, suddenly struck with the thought.