Mind and Emotions (10 page)

Circumlocution

The labels above are circumlocutions—longer, wordier descriptions of your thoughts, sensations, or urges that take your assessments off of automatic pilot and cast those assessments as transient creations of your mind, rather than as true facts about you or the world. Circumlocutions help you separate yourself from your mind and also dilute your interior monologue with extra verbiage, slowing down your stream of consciousness so that you can see what your mind is up to.

You can make up your own circumlocutions to defuse from fast, short, sharply painful thoughts. For example, “I’m anxious” might become “My mind is once again having that very familiar thought that I am anxious.” Likewise, “Asshole!” might become “I notice that my mind is having a hateful thought about Jim and calling him an asshole.”

“Thank You, Mind”

This is a very brief defusion technique in which you simply thank your mind every time an unpleasant thought pops up. It’s a quick way of reminding yourself that it’s only a thought, that thinking is what your mind does, and that in a minute your mind will be doing something else. It may take several thank-yous to defuse from a persistent train of thought. Here’s an example:

What I said was lame.
“Thank you, mind.”

I’m a loser.
“Thank you, mind.”

They’re laughing at me.
“Thank you, mind.”

I’m anxious.
“Thank you, mind.”

I’m dizzy.
“Thank you, mind.”

Oh, all right, never mind.

Breathing Mindfully While Observing Thoughts

Many of these brief defusion techniques can be enhanced by using mindful breathing to relax your body while you’re observing your thoughts. When you switch part of your attention to your breathing, it interrupts your thoughts and distracts you from giving them your full attention. In addition to observing your breath, try slowing it down. This calms your body’s flight-or-fight response to stress and sends your mind and body the message that everything is okay. To review the full instructions for mindful breathing, see chapter 5, Mindfulness and Emotion Awareness.

“How Old Is This?”

Each time you have a familiar painful thought, ask yourself, “How old is this?” Recall the earliest time you can remember having the thought. This will remind you that it’s just a thought, that it has come up before, that it will continue to come up from time to time, and that you will continue to survive the thought and carry on with your life, just as you always have before.

Turning a Hand

Each time you have a painful thought, let go of it by turning your hand over as if you’re letting go of a small stone that you’ve been carrying. Tell yourself, “There’s a thought… Let it go,” as you turn a hand and let the thought fall away.

Card Carrying

Write your most typical bothersome thoughts on a 3 by 5 index card and carry it in your pocket or purse. When your mind comes up with one of these thoughts, dismiss it by saying to yourself, “I’ve got that on the card.” You don’t need to once again dwell on past mistakes, worry about a potential confrontation, or catalog your shortcomings. You’ve already done those things, and you’ve got them on the card.

“What’s That in Service Of?”

When intrusive thoughts plague you, ask yourself, “What’s that in service of? What is my mind trying to get me to do?” For instance, say your husband’s birthday is coming up and you know he’d like to go out to dinner at his favorite restaurant, but every time you think about making reservations, you remember the inner-city neighborhood where that restaurant is located and think, “What if we get mugged?” A wave of anxiety and depression comes over you and you feel overwhelmed.

The next time it happens, ask yourself, “What’s that in service of? What is my mind trying to get me to do?” The fact is, maybe you almost never go out at night because it makes you nervous to be away from home after dark. In that case, you’d realize that your thoughts are in service of immobilizing you until it’s too late to make the reservation.

Seeing the purpose of an intrusive thought—usually to prevent you from doing something scary—is very different from buying into the thought. When you buy into a thought, you’re assuming it’s true. When you see the purpose of a thought, you realize it’s just your mind trying to make you do or not do something.

“And How Has That Thought Worked for Me?”

This exercise continues the theme of the previous one. If you have the thought “What if we get mugged?” and feel paralyzed whenever you consider going out at night, ask yourself, “And how has that thought worked for me?” Chances are, it’s worked to keep you stuck at home alone while your partner or friends go out without you, and your life and relationships have diminished over time as a result.

By asking “And how has that thought worked for me?” you expose the consequences of
being
your thoughts, as opposed to
having
your thoughts. You gain a bit of distance from your thoughts and throw some light into the space between what you think and who you are.

“I’ll Take This Thought with Me and Still…”

Here’s the payoff of the two previous exercises. You’ve defused from habitual, painful thoughts by asking what they’re in service of, and you’ve reminded yourself that buying into these thoughts hasn’t worked well for you in the past. Now you can tell yourself, “I’ll take this thought with me and still…

• make the birthday dinner reservation.”
  
• finish the report on time.”
  
• tell her I love her.”
  
• register for classes on Tuesday.”
  

This self-statement is shorthand for a major theme of acceptance and commitment therapy, which could be characterized like this: “Yes, I have this thought and it makes me feel anxious (depressed, angry, guilty, and so on), but it need not stop me from living my life. I can have this thought and this feeling and carry on with what I really want to do. As I go forward, this thought and this feeling will come up again, and again I will take it with me. I accept this thought and commit to pursuing what I really value in life.”

Applications

Defusion applies across the board to all the mood disorders, lessening the impact of the worry thoughts typical of the various anxiety disorders and the judgmental thoughts that fuel depression, anger, and shame. Let’s take a look at the applications of defusion for each of these mood states.

Anxiety

Anxious thoughts come in a wide variety of forms. Here are just a few examples:

• I’m freaking out. I’ll have a panic attack.
  
• I hope the hotel room isn’t on a high floor.
  
• Did I lock the back door? Better check one more time.
  
• I can’t let down my guard or something terrible will happen.
  
• Everything’s falling apart: the taxes are due, bills are due, the roof leaks, and Jan’s sick.
  
• They’re all laughing at me because I’m so clueless.
  

Anxious thoughts generally share two themes: worry about the future rather than a focus on the present moment, and fearful predictions of danger, catastrophe, or embarrassment that vastly exceed the likelihood that those things will actually come to pass. The defusion techniques that involve observing and labeling thoughts can reduce anxiety about the future by helping you detach from your thoughts and allowing you to see how they come and go. Defusion techniques such as Card Carrying and “I’ll Take This Thought with Me and Still…” help reduce the paralyzing impact of dire predictions.

Depression

Depressive thoughts tend to focus on failure, hopelessness, and loss. Here are some typical examples:

• I always screw up.
  
• What’s the use of trying? Nothing works for me.
  
• It’s hopeless.
  
• I’ve failed again.
  
• Why did I lose_______________?
  

The bleakly judgmental thoughts of depression are best defused by techniques that remind you that thoughts are transient and often just plain wrong. Remember, thoughts come and go, and they aren’t necessarily true; they’re just your mind trying to get your attention. If your depression leaves you feeling lethargic, use shorter defusion exercises that can be done quickly, such as “Thank You, Mind,” Turning a Hand, or “How Old Is This?”

Anger

Angry thoughts are heated, defensive, and relentlessly judgmental. Here are some examples:

• What a jerk!
  
• How dare she say that?
  
• I’ll show those bastards!
  
• Take that!
  

The best defusion techniques for the violently judgmental thoughts of anger are those that work quickly so that they can have an effect before rage escalates into shouting, breaking things, or hitting. Try Card Carrying or Turning a Hand. If anger has settled into smoldering resentment, you can try techniques that take a bit more time, such as “What’s My Mind Up To?” or Breathing Mindfully While Observing Thoughts.

Shame

Shameful thoughts turn your judgment back on yourself. They also frequently feature rumination on the past. Here are a few examples:

• I’m no good.
  
• I’m damaged.
  
• I’m unforgivable.
  
• I can never lift my head in the world.
  
• I don’t deserve anything pretty or fun or nice.
  

The judgmental thoughts of shame or guilt often focus on the past, so use defusion techniques that look back in time: “What’s That in Service Of?” “And How Has That Worked for Me?” and “How Old Is This?”

Duration

You can start practicing defusion right away. You’ll experience some of its distancing, quieting, calming effects immediately. But defusion is more like aspirin than surgery: It wears off and you have to keep taking it. You’ll need to practice various defusion techniques for several weeks or even a few months to develop the habit of using defusion in your day-to-day life. The automatic language machine of your mind has been spewing thoughts at you since the day you learned to say “Mama,” so it will take time to unlearn the old habit of accepting every random thought as true. Defusion techniques aren’t a one-time fix, like deciding to never wear lime green pants again. It’s more like practicing yoga or physical therapy to gradually improve your posture and flexibility over time.

In the long term, defusion has great potential for changing major behavioral patterns. As you learn to successfully defuse from habitual negative thoughts, they’ll become weaker and less frequent. This will improve your mood and make it easier for you to live your life according to your values and preferences, rather than your fears and doubts.

Everybody backslides from time to time. You can count on having some days when you forget to defuse from your negative thoughts for hours at a time. When you do finally notice that you’re caught up in your thoughts, don’t beat yourself up. Just return to one of the simple defusion exercises that you learned in this chapter, and remember that at any moment you can start observing your thoughts instead of buying into them. Every moment provides an opportunity to return to having your thoughts, rather than being your thoughts. Also remember that thoughts come and, thankfully, thoughts go. Throughout, you remain constant and can carry on with your life.

Emotional pain is a red flag signaling that you should return to one or more of your defusion strategies. It’s almost always triggered by a process in which one negative thought launches you into a linked series of related negative thoughts. Defusion is the best way to stop this chain of thoughts.

Chapter 7

Cognitive Flexibility Training

What Is It?

Cognitive flexibility training will help you broaden your thinking so you feel less trapped in rigid, negative beliefs and perceptions. Many people find themselves returning to the same negative thoughts over and over: the same judgments (“I’m a failure”), the same images of the future (“Something bad will happen”), and the same interpretations of events (“She doesn’t like me”). They don’t know how to expand their thinking to include a broader array of expectations and perceptions about events.

The transdiagnostic factor that cognitive flexibility training targets is negative appraisal. This maladaptive coping strategy uses one or more of five negative thinking patterns:

• Making negative predictions
  about the future
  
• Underestimating the ability to cope
  
• Focusing on the negative
  while ignoring all other aspects of a situation
  
• Making negative attributions (assuming negative motives and explanations for events)
  
• Thinking in terms of shoulds
  (rigid rules about how you and others must behave, and the belief that you and others are bad for breaking these rules)
  

In cognitive behavioral therapy, negative appraisal was originally targeted with a process called cognitive restructuring (Beck et al. 1979). People were encouraged to reappraise events with more positive interpretations and predictions while an emotionally challenging situation was occurring. The idea was to dispute negative assumptions and cognitive errors and replace them with healthier alternative thoughts. Recently, researchers have suggested that classic cognitive restructuring has two problems.