More Letters From a Nut (5 page)

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Authors: Ted L. Nancy

Tags: #Humor, #Form, #Essays

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Full text of the above letter to follow.

560 No. Moorpark Rd.

Apt # 236

Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Aug 22, 1996

Customer Service Dept.

MOTHER’S CAKE & COOKIE COMPANY

810 81st Ave

Oakland, CA 94621

Dear Mother’s Cookie Co.,

I heard that you were coming out with the soft chip. I like the soft cookie but don’t you think the soft chip will be hard to eat? It’s not even a chip anymore. Instead of altering an old snack why don’t you get a “brand new” snack? You could call it “The Slappy.”

The real problem with the soft chip is it will become soggy and bend. It will not stay up! Hard chips can be grabbed by the teeth before the fingers reach lips. You can’t dip the soft chip. You might as well put dip on your fingers and lick it off.

I thought you guys do research and development on these things. Has no one brought up the problems you will have with the soft chip? Any openings in Research and Development? I have some great new chip ideas.

How about a semi hard, chewy chip you can re-dip? It would come with a personal dip cup for sanitation purposes. I look forward to hearing from you regarding “The Slappy.”

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

Full text of the above letter to follow.

August 27, 1996

Mr. Ted L. Nancy

560 No. Moorpark Rd., Apt. 236

Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for your recent letter concerning Mother’s products which are available. Since it is our objective to produce items our consumers want, we are always interested in hearing comments firsthand.

Your suggestion for “The Slappy” chip will be passed along to our product development department, who are constantly working on new items.

The soft chip you mentioned you heard we were coming out with is news to us. A soft chip would be, as you mentioned, very impractical and is not anything we are considering.

We appreciate your interest in our products and hope you will feel free to write whenever you have a question or comment.

Have a good day.

Sincerely,

Jacqueline Dalke

Consumer Services Manager

Encl.

Mother’s Cake & Cookie Co. • 810-81st Avenue • Oakland, CA 94621-2583 • (510)569-2323 • FAX (510) 569-6604

Full text of the above letter to follow.

560 No. Moorpark Rd. #236

Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Nov 20, 1996

Customer Service

HILSHIRE FARMS

P.O. Box 227

New London, WI 54961

Dear Hilshire Farms,

I understand you make boneless frog nuts. I think this is the perfect bar snack. Better than cashews. While in New Zealand I ate them all the time and I don’t like frog!

Please send me your complete line of boneless frog nuts gift tins. Thank you. Good to see them here in America.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

Full text of the above letter to follow.

December 2, 1996

Mr. Ted L. Nancy

560 No. Moorpack Rd #236

Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for inquiring about the availability of a boneless frog nut product.

We regret to inform you that Hillshire Farm does not produce such a product. We hope you will continue to look for our fine quality products in your local retail market.

Enclosed are complimentary product coupons which we hope you will use toward future Hillshire Farm and Kahn’s purchases. Also enclosed are recipes we hope you will enjoy using to discover some of the many ways our smoked sausage products can be prepared and enjoyed.

Cordially Yours,

Vickie Moffitt

Consumer Affairs Representative

ENCLOSURES:
 
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3241 Spring Grove Ave. • Cincinnati, OH 45225 • 513/541-4000

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