More Than I Wanted (6 page)

His
kiss was sweet, and standing in the water we enjoyed the intimacy of
the moment. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed kissing someone
more. He did something to my heart and mind, leaving me breathless
and happier than I ever remember being.

Austin
reached over and took the soap from my hand, slowly bringing the bar
to my chest. He drew small, lazy circles around each breast. The
steam from the hot water left tiny bits of mist in the air. Closing
my eyes, I saw nothing but darkness, drifting along in the sensation
he offered.

The
smell of the soap played in the air as he lathered my body. It was a
springtime fresh scent, and right now it was heavenly, combined with
each stroke across my skin, accompanied by Austin’s hand. My
head felt dizzy in the most delicious way, enjoying his caresses.

Placing
the bar of soap back in its holder, he rubbed his body against mine,
spreading the lather between us. Pressing against him, grinding, I
was highly aroused. Sliding together, we played with the slippery
feel of the soap and our slick bodies.

I
turned so he could take a turn under the shower spray, and ran my
hands across him, helping push the suds down, letting water and
gravity do the rest. The small bubbles spilled down the length of his
legs, and then spun around the drain before disappearing.

Austin’s
fingers were tight on my ass cheek, groping and squeezing me. With a
playful spank, he paddled my rear. Laughing, I squealed and told him
to stop, but he continued on, lightly spanking my ass. Each new slap
across my fleshy cheek brought out an arousal that I wasn’t
expecting. The sound bounced around the tiled wall. I was getting
hotter and hotter with each passing moment, and soon my hips started
to grind on their own in a slow and steady rhythm.

“Mmm,
looks like somebody likes this,” he said, lowering his head to
my breast. Teasing me, he paddled my bottom lightly, while suckling
my nipple. “It’s my lucky day, I’ve found a secret
little desire.”

Light
moans escaped my lips and echoed through the tiled room. Austin
turned me to the wall, and pressed me tightly against it. Our kisses
grew more heated, and hands roamed. I could feel his hardness swell
against my hip and wanted to feel him inside of me.

The
water sprayed over and around us, and in those next few moments, I
was lost in our kisses, feeling his soft, sweet lips pressed to mine.
Our tongues explored one another. I gently sucked and nibbled his
lip, and then got lost in a passionate kiss once again.

Lifting
my thigh, he slid into me, and together we bonded intimately. Groans
and whispers bounced around the tiled walls, and as we finished,
moans of pleasure filled the room.

Cleaning
up yet again, we finally turned the water off and reached for towels.
Drying off, I headed to the bedroom, “I’m thinking
pancakes,” I called over my shoulder.

Austin
stood drying his body. Tossing his towel over the rack, he grabbed
his toothbrush. “Sounds good,” he said, his mouth full of
foam, as he brushed vigorously.

Tossing
on a t-shirt and panties, I padded into the kitchen to start
breakfast. I was famished between my run and our shower encounter,
and was ready for some food.

I
should have known he’d start trouble as soon as he saw the
pancake spatula. “Stop that,” I said hopping around, as
he swatted at my bottom. We were laughing, and when I finally
finagled the spatula back, I was able to flip the pancakes before
they burned. “Great, now I’m flipping breakfast with a
dirty spatula,” I pouted.

“You’re
clean. You just got a shower, and your panties are fresh from the
wash,” he winked. “I think you like that. I could totally
see us adding a little extra sensual spanking to our escapades.”

I
smiled, pretended to be offended, and then broke, “Sure, twist
my arm,” I teased. “What can I say; the girl likes her
bottom pink sometimes.” Austin came in and was groping me. “How
am I going to get this stuff done? Sit down at the table,” I
pointed. “Let me finish here.”

“Fine,”
he playfully pouted, “if I must.”

Serving
up breakfast, I grabbed the syrup and butter and joined him.

Sitting
across from Austin while finishing my pancakes, I smiled watching him
eat. I was in love, and there was no denying it.

Austin
was making plans, with less than a year to go, he’d be out of
the military. He was hoping to go back to school and start a new
career. While the idea of psychology appealed to him, he wanted the
stability of having a trade, and was thinking more along the path of
electrician or heating and cooling, knowing there’s always
work. He even thought about starting his own business over time. With
four years in the army, his ideas of what he wanted had changed over
time. He’d have four years of inactive reserve to account for,
but he was hoping his time was coming to an end. Many of his friends
re enlisted, but he knew a military career wasn’t for him.

When
the news came that he’d have to serve another tour, he took it
hard. Someone fell off of a roster, and he was used to fill the gap.
He had a little over six months notice, but he’d be going back
overseas. He wanted to step up and help his unit, but thought he was
finished with tours. He’d all ready served two and thought he
was done. He was a mix of emotions. He’d finally stabilized
after coming back, blending into civilian life, and the thought of
having to do it again overwhelmed him. The nightmares had started to
subside, or at least happen less often, and he was torn over the
mental energy it would take to go back.

He
had no inclination to try to get out of it, and knew he’d do
his duty. He wasn’t a coward or a quitter, but he wasn’t
ready to go back – not so soon. Some guys volunteered and kept
going over, but Austin was ready to get out of the military. He
didn’t have a choice in the matter, and finally had to make
peace with it.

I
didn’t know what to say. I wanted to comfort him, but reeled
knowing just as I’d fallen in love with the man, he’d be
taken away from me for a year. He’d have three months of prep
time, and then another nine months abroad. I was stunned, and had to
decide where this left us as a new couple.

That
gave me with just over six months with Austin, and then I wouldn’t
see him for a year. The weight I felt in my heart was like lead. My
stomach was sick, and I didn’t know what to do. We were a new
couple, and I wasn’t even sure where he stood in this
relationship. Would we continue to stay together, or split up and
hope when he returned we’d find our way back together?

How
much commitment would it require, and was I shooting myself in the
foot not being able to date others for an entire year, only hoping
he’d come home and still want me. I was confused, scared, and
desperately wanted to wake up from this bad dream.

I
finally found a wonderful guy, fell in love, and now this. It wasn’t
fair. I tried to be strong when I talked to him, but I was falling
apart, little pieces of my heart dropping to the floor, uncertain
what to do.

It’s
not like we’d been a couple for a year or two, we’d only
been dating for a few months. My head was spinning, and the more I
thought about it, the more confused I got. Half of the time I thought
it was smarter to part ways, and not put myself through the pain of
losing him, and the other part of me knew I’d always feel like
half of a person without Austin in my life.

I
knew I had to hash it out with Heather, as much as I had to discuss
it with Austin. She’d been through it with Scott and could help
me sort through my feelings. She knew me as well as anyone, and I
could be honest over my selfish thoughts, as well as my loving ones.

“This
is more than I need, I don’t know what I’m supposed to
do. I finally get attached, and I’m going to lose him. I mean,
do I stay with him for another six months and let go, or do I hold
on…” I was talking too fast, as my thoughts jumbled in
my head. I paced, holding my cell phone as I walked, keeping Heather
on speaker.

“If
I let go, I lose Austin. I’m not ready to lose Austin. I love
him. Oh my gosh, did I just say that out loud, so yeah, okay, there’s
that. I love him. There I said it. And yet, if he’s gone for a
year, I’ll be alone, lonely, no boyfriend, and wondering if
he’ll even want to get back together when he gets home.”

“Take
a breath,” Heather said, listening. “And no surprise, I
knew you loved him. You can’t stop talking about him, and if I
even say his name, you break out into this massive smile. No secret
there, champ.”

“Yeah,”
I sighed. “He makes me feel,” I stopped myself. “He
hasn’t told me yet. This could all be a mute point; he’s
never once told me he loves me. Maybe he’s planning on breaking
up with me before he goes.”

Heather
calmed me down and helped me through it. She knew the panic, the
sensations, and this being a newer relationship, she told me about
the trade off I’d have to make, dating a soldier. Was our
relationship even strong enough, and should we strengthen it or let
go?

Austin
and I spoke at length about the topic. We could stop seeing each
other now, and try to pick up again when we get home, or we could
hold out. He said some guys liked to go unattached, while others knew
having someone at home gave them something to hold onto. Each guy had
his own thoughts on the matter. He had not a clue what he wanted, but
knew what he needed. He said he needed me. I told him I wouldn’t
let go.

He
finally admitted his feelings in bed one evening. Our kisses were
tender, and slowly grew more heated and heavy. “I’m going
to miss you so much, and I haven’t even left yet. I love you,
Kate,” he whispered.

My
eyes shot open. He’d never said those words before. Did he just
say what I thought he did? “You love me?” I asked
quietly.

He
nodded, “I’ve known for a little while, but was almost
afraid to say it.” His hands raked through my hair.

“I
love you too,” I said, feeling weepy, though no tears fell. “I
don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to
lose you, and yet I don’t want to hold you back.” I clung
to his body, holding him tightly.

“Baby,
you won’t lose me,” his mouth was wet and warm, and his
lips were sweet. “Just don’t let go.”

I
closed my eyes, holding my soldier, knowing he’d be leaving in
a few months. I wanted to spend whatever precious time I could with
him before he went, and yet knew I’d have to deal with
loneliness when he left. It was bittersweet, fall deeper in love, and
then he’ll be pried from my hands – for close to a year.
Could I go a full year? Life would continue on, but my boyfriend
would be overseas fighting a war, and I’d worry about him every
single day.

Side
by side, our gaze met, and the softness, the genuine warmth was
beautiful. I fully knew in that moment this was love. He said it, he
meant it, and I knew how I felt. Together we would weather the storm.

Music
was playing softly in the background, a mellow playlist I usually put
on before I go to bed. It was the perfect back drop to what was about
to happen. Sensual and smooth, the music accompanied our lovemaking.
I opted for a smooth jazz for atmosphere, instead of my usual upbeat
stuff I use for running.

“I
just want to look at you for a minute,” he said, eyeing me up
and down. “You’re such a beautiful woman.”

I
blushed, hearing his words so openly. Austin was everything I wanted
in a man, sexy, smart, handsome, and fun. His body was amazing, and
every time we were in bed together, I loved to stroke him and let my
fingers draw across his skin, playing in the lines of his abs, along
his broad chest, or down his muscled biceps – tracing the lines
of ink on his tattoos.

Watching
him look at me so intensely, I grew shy and embarrassed, but saw the
hunger in his eyes. I knew how to quench that desire, and moved in
closer, pulling him to me.

His
words were soft, but I held onto each and every one, knowing I’d
play it back later. “I love you, Kate.” I melted into a
puddle of butter at that very instant.

I
interlocked my fingers with his, holding Austin’s hand. I
wanted to do something special for him, and leaned in close,
whispering my intent. A smile spread across his face, and as I slid
down between his legs, I let my fingertips drag along his body. His
erect cock stood proud and firm.

Slowly
I traced the side of his manhood, my finger stopping to play with the
head of his penis. I loved how it moved, dancing to my touch, a
flinch this way and that. Closing my hand around his member, I held
him as I lowered my mouth. Listening to his moans, I continued to
tempt his senses, hoping he enjoyed the moment. My fingers delicately
played with his naughty bits below, and as his groans and breathing
changed, I knew he was getting close to release.

With
the heated passion having reached its peak, Austin’s heart
raced. I climbed beside him and placed my head on his chest,
listening to it beat quickly.

“Wow,”
he said, wrapping his arm around my body, pulling me closer.

Austin
ran his fingers through my hair, reaching across. “Come here,
you,” he said lifting me up and onto his chest. Lying atop of
him, our lips found one another automatically, and his soft sweet
kisses filled my heart.

I
loved when his fingers played on my bottom, first tender, and then
groping. He’d squeeze my cheeks and things would heat up all
over again. His touch set me afire, making me feel alive. There was
something special, no matter how simple or erotic his touch was I
knew it was love.

“Get
up,” he whispered, “I want to…” he didn’t
have to say anymore.

Within
moments I shifted off of him, getting up on my knees. I was ready for
him to fill me completely. My insides felt empty and void, aching for
him to penetrate me and quench my desire. Climbing in behind me,
Austin’s hands found my breasts as he pushed in from behind. I
gasped as he entered me. Our bodies connected, his hands in front of
me, my own reaching back trying to hold him as he thrust deeper
inside.