More Than I Wanted (15 page)

“I
was hot?” He said, pretending to be wounded. “Have I lost
my boyish good looks all ready?”

“Hardly,”
I said, “I just pinch myself sometimes, realizing that you’re
mine. You barely batted an eye at me the day we met. I was all
drooling and stuff and you barely flinched, yet here you are standing
in my kitchen, totally in love with me.” I wore a silly grin.

“You’re
right about that, I am totally in love with you,” he leaned in
and gave me a sweet, simple kiss. “How could I not be? You’re
warm and kind, gorgeous, and you’re just the right amount of
naughty.”

“Well,
come on lover boy, let’s go get naughty together now,” I
teased, placing my glass down and skipping to the bedroom. Chasing
behind, Austin pounced on me, and together we landed on the bed.

“I’m
going to miss you so much,” I sighed. I wasn’t ready to
let him go, not yet. I knew I didn’t have a choice, but it
didn’t change the fact that I ached to have him by my side
daily.

“I
know,” his fingers were pushing my hair out of my face. “But
when I get back, it’s over. I’ll be able to get out. My
time will be up, and then I’ll be on inactive reserve. This is
it, baby. Get through this with me, and we’re home free.”

I
nodded, “I’m not going anywhere.” I was sure of it.
They weren’t just words, I meant it.

“Now,
wasn’t this off earlier?” He said, helping me unbutton my
shirt again. I rolled off of the bed, and stripped my slacks and
panties off.

“Your
turn,” I edged. I loved watching him undress – never got
tired of it. He was like moving art, beautiful to watch.

Austin
stood and removed his clothing. Kicking his shoes off, he finally
slipped out of his shirt and jeans. Standing in his skivvies, he did
a little playful dance, and then stripped them from his body.

“Ooh,
you’re cute and hard. I like that combination in a man,”
I winked.

He
smiled and showcased his body, playfully posing for me. As Austin sat
back down, his legs remained on the floor. I climbed on his lap and
pushed him back so that he was lying down. My legs bent up beside
him, and I pressed my chest into his, layering sweet kisses on his
lips.

His
arms were strong, and as he embraced me our kisses grew more heated.
I carefully positioned myself on his hardness, and slowly lifted my
hips, then lowered them, feeling him penetrate me. With a gentle
thrust from below, we moved in slow motion, enjoying the sensation of
being bonded as one.

In
and out, in slow motion we moved together. My sighs turned into soft
moans, and as he reached down to cup my ass, his movements picked up
pace. The sounds of love were in the air as Austin filled me. I held
on fast, letting him take control from below, and with a final thrust
I let out a groan.

My
body stiffened, and I needed him to stop for a second while I
regained composure. Finally relaxing, Austin continued until he
reached his own peak.

His
words were tender, “You angelic, I love watching you.”

I
blushed, but it was sweet.

“That
was exquisite,” I purred. “Look at you tempting me like
this,” I said. “If you keep making me feel this good,
I’ll never let you leave.”

“I
wish I could stay longer, but at least we have tonight.” His
words were comforting, but our time was running out.

I
nodded, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s
okay, I knew what you meant.” He lowered his voice, “I’ll
be back, don’t forget that.”

“Not
for one second,” I whispered.

We
curled up under the covers, my head on Austin’s chest, his arm
wrapped around me, and we talked softly. We shared gossip, stories of
our youth, and were just being silly. I treasured every second.

I
had a small ache in my belly, knowing these would be our last moments
together for a year. If he got R&R, I’d see him for a two
week tease, but then he’d be yanked out of my arms again. We’d
decided that we’d say our good-byes here, and then he’d
take care of last minute things on his own before heading out. I
hated that this would be out last day, and I’d have a short bit
of the morning, but once that passed, he’d be gone.

He
reminded me that we might get a couple minutes of video chat here and
there, and he’d call when he could. That would have to be
enough. His time would be dictated by the military, and it wasn’t
like having a nine to five job over there. His days would be long,
his duties many, and stress would be high. He promised to do what he
could to contact me as much as he possibly could.

Slowly
our words ran out, and our mouths and hands took over, enjoying
pleasures of the flesh once again. Making love, I hoped my feelings
were obvious. It didn’t seem like words were enough at this
point. How could I express such deep love with merely “I love
you” – it didn’t seem strong enough to express what
I was feeling.

Stirring
under the covers, I breathed in his fragrant cologne and nuzzled into
his neck. His skin was hot on my lips, and with desire in my loins I
tenderly licked and sucked his body.

I
couldn’t get enough of Austin. I was trying to absorb every bit
of him, soaking each second in, and knowing it would be the last for
awhile. I didn’t want to let go, couldn’t. Time was
moving too fast.

Austin
wrapped me in his arms and rolled up over me, taking charge. Watching
him above me, I couldn’t look away, he was captivating. As our
eyes locked on one another, I felt him enter me again.

The
bliss I felt in those moments was unexplainable. I was mesmerized,
watching him over me. The sensations rolling through my body had me
breathing heavy, and as I wrapped my legs up and around my lover’s
body, I held on tightly, hoping to never let go. The longing in my
heart, the craving from my body, it all came together overwhelming
me. It was agonizing knowing he’d be leaving soon. And yet it
was all consuming, my need, my yearning, and my desire for the man
over me.

As
we collapsed into a heap, sinking into the covers, we cherished the
time we had left. Satisfaction sat on my lips in a soft smile, and I
leaned in to kiss him. Austin looked into my eyes, raked his fingers
through my hair, and whispered that he loved me.

We
decided on pizza for dinner, and I’d stocked up on a couple
snacks to have around the house. I didn’t want to leave. I
needed to spend every second with Austin, undisturbed. I wanted to
talk, snuggle, make love, and laugh.

Sitting
on the sofa, we enjoyed a couple of slices. I turned music on low for
background noise and got up, dancing with pizza in my hand. Swaying
my hips, laughing and enjoying our time together, I felt silly, but
crazy in love.

We
tried to keep the mood light, because if we got too serious I’d
choke up and get all emotional on him. Sharing stories of our youth
and college days, I made the mistake of asking Austin about his first
time, wondering if it was awkward or magically. Kick me now; I know
some things are better left unspoken. What was I thinking?

He
hesitated and said, “It was with Emily.”

“What?”
I wished I’d never asked. Why did I do that? It wasn’t my
business, but now I’ll always know she was his first. How could
she possibly have been his first – it’s not possible, is
it?

“I
waited,” he said quietly. “Sure I fooled around and
stuff, but I waited until I met what I thought was the right girl. I
guess at the time she was. It was awkward, and that was that.”

“Wow.”
I was embarrassed; it was not only sweet, but nerve wracking. My
stomach turned. She really held his heart at one point. “My
first time was drunk at a college party, not so special,” I
blushed. I suddenly felt like a slut. I didn’t wait; I just let
it go in the heat of a drunken moment.

“Do
you wish it was different?” He asked, and I hated myself for
bringing this topic up. It was a poor choice of conversation, but now
we were smack dab in the middle of it.

“I
don’t think about it that way. It’s just my past,”
I said, shrugging it off. Maybe I did. Maybe if someone had swept me
off my feet, made me feel special, I’d feel differently. But
the truth is that there wasn’t somebody special until later. I
suddenly felt a little ashamed that I’d given it away so
easily, when a man as handsome as Austin, a guy who could get anyone
he wanted, cherished his virginity and gave it to someone special to
him.

I
desperately was trying to think of any other topic to change the
course of our conversation, but I was stuck. I was fixing to move on,
but I stumbled and couldn’t stop thinking about his words –
and Emily once again.

We
finally got over the hurdle and moved forward. We talked about pets
we had growing up, friends, and vacations we took over the years.
Heather and Scott’s baby was a topic, as was every kind of food
and favorite dessert we could think of. We shared favorite movies,
bands, and television shows. It was a continual flow of sharing. I
was taking in as much information as I could, and giving back just as
much.

He
liked sausage and pepperoni on his pizza, but sometimes he liked it
plain. His parents weren’t fond of pets, so they weren’t
part of his household. His sister was eight years younger than he
was, and while he adored her, they weren’t especially close due
to the age difference.

His
favorite desserts were pumpkin pie and cheesecake, though a good bowl
of ice cream would never be turned down. I loved learning tiny
details about him, and tucked away as many as I could remember. I
wanted to know everything, no matter how mundane he thought the topic
was. I was trying to absorb every single detail that I could.

Austin’s
phone rang, and as he ran to the other room, scooping it out of the
pocket of his jeans, he flipped it open answering it. He put his
finger to his lips to shush me.

“Hey
Mom,” he said.

I
felt a weird twist in my stomach. I wanted her to know about me, but
it wasn’t my choice.

“Yeah,
I know,” it was one sided for awhile. “Mmhmm, I will.
Right…” he looked over at me. Taking a deep breath,
“There’s something I have to tell you,” he started,
and then right there in front of me, he told his mother about this
amazing woman who has been in his life for awhile now, and he thought
she should know. Yes, he would fill her in on more information later,
and with the tiniest little smile, he looked relieved. “Right,
I love you too, I’ll call you tomorrow before I go.”

Hanging
up the phone, he looked at me. I jumped off of the sofa and into his
arms, “Thank you.” I couldn’t believe it, he told
her. I didn’t expect it, but that small act meant so much to
me. It said that he believed in us. I was no longer a secret, some
invisible person that didn’t exist in their world.

A
soft smile, “It wasn’t too painful. I think she’s
simmering, trying to keep it to a low boil since she knows I’m
going away shortly. She’ll keep a lid on it for now, but I’m
sure at some point she’ll list every thing that could possibly
be wrong with you, even though she’s never met you. Either way,
it’s a done deal. I’m going to do you a favor and not
give her your information. Trust me; she’s the type to be in
touch with way too many opinions. If I can’t reach you, Scott
will, I promise.”

It
was enough, more than enough. I was ridiculously happy that he said
it out loud, taken the initiative and finally told his mother that I
was a special person in his life. I couldn’t wipe the smile off
of my face. He said it out loud, said I was the one that held his
heart, and what girl wouldn’t want to hear those words. He
loves me.

The
day moved way too quickly, and soon we were drifting off to sleep in
each other’s arms. On waking, I knew it would be the last I’d
see of him for awhile. I forced myself to wake early, and watch him
sleep for a bit. He was such a handsome man, but it was more than
that. He owned my heart, plain and simple. There was nobody I’d
ever wanted more. Sometimes it overwhelmed me looking over at him; my
feelings were so much stronger than anything I had control over.

I
reminded myself to snap a picture of us together before he leaves.
Pulling my camera out of my purse, I put it in the center of the
coffee table so I wouldn’t forget. With that, I crawled back
into the warmth of the covers, and snuggled into Austin’s body
heat.

When
he stirred, he pulled me closer and then drifted back to sleep.
Closing my eyes, I replayed the events of the previous night in my
mind and fell back into a light slumber. I felt safe in Austin’s
arms, secure and protected.

I
woke to Austin leaning up on his side, watching me sleep. His hand
gently stroked my cheek, and then his finger drew across my lips,
“Morning.” His face was relaxed, and he was content.

“Morning,”
I smiled. This is how I wanted to wake every single morning for the
rest of my life, with him beside me.

His
fingers traced along my jaw line, the curve of my neck and then over
my shoulder. His touch was tender, and there was love in his eyes.

We
shared an intimate moment, and then climbed out of bed. I went in to
make breakfast while Austin took a shower. I picked French toast with
a little bit of powdered sugar, making a mental note that I’d
need to run a couple of extra miles this week based on the way I’ve
been eating lately.

My
stomach was slowly knotting, knowing today was the day, but I pushed
it from my mind, not wanting it to steal the joy of being with Austin
today.

An
entire year…365 days…it was too big to wrap my head
around, so I decided I’d have to take it one day at a time. I’d
all ready made a special calendar to cross off the days as each went
by. I wondered if day 10 would be harder than day 20, or if day 30
would see me in tears, or if at day 200 I’d be fine – or
would I still be at the point of breaking down and crying thinking
about him.