More Than I Wanted (17 page)

I
was happy I could share pictures with Austin. We’d been using
video chat as much as we could, and thankfully he could text or call
time to time. It really helped seeing him or hearing his voice. I was
counting down the days, and there were still way too many to get
through. We would get through this though, I had no doubt.

I
worried about the loneliness at first, and while there were tons of
moments I desperately could have used him by my side, I never once
considered leaving him or breaking up for any period of time. He was
my man, my hero, my lover. We’d be together again, I was
certain.

…it
was late, but Austin finally got his turn on one of the computers at
his base. There was a loud noise, almost like an explosion nearby.
His face went serious, and I froze. Just as he went to speak again,
the picture started to go in and out. The words were cut off, then
another loud boom. It didn’t fade to black, but he was running
out of time.

“I
have to go,” he said, but I couldn’t hear him.

“What?”
I was trying to figure out what he was saying.

When
he realized I couldn’t hear, he wrote it down on a piece of
paper and held it up, “Have to go NOW… I’ll be
okay, don’t worry.” He scribbled as fast as he could,
knowing I could no longer hear him, but then he was gone.

I
touched the scream, trying to reach him, but his image was no longer
there. My heart sank.

Dear
God, let him be okay. Please bring him home to me. Let me have my
man, let him be safe, and please, please God, let all of his fellow
soldiers remain safe as well.

I
got a text a couple of hours later on my phone, “We’re
okay, sleep well.” I breathed a sigh of relief, and was
grateful for modern technology. Rolling over, I reached up and held
my ruby heart, saying a prayer of thanks.

Days
turned to weeks, and weeks turned into months. The year balanced
between moving slowly and quickly. One minute I’d be
complaining how slow the time was going, and soon I was counting down
Austin’s return. It wouldn’t be long now. I can honesty
say the only way I kept my sanity was being able to talk to him time
to time, spending time with Heather and baby Amber, and getting my
runs in. My days blurred together, and I just put one foot in front
of the other, knowing all I could do was wait. I hated waiting, but I
had no choice.

Looking
at my calendar, I realized I’d crossed off more days than I
thought possible, and he’d be home soon. Austin was supposed to
get R&R awhile back, but they had to cancel his leave. I was
crushed, but there was a piece of me that knew I’d never let go
of him if he was in my arms for that short of a time. It was like a
tease, and as desperately as I wanted to see him, I just wanted to
put this all behind us.

As
his homecoming arrived, I readied myself – knowing he’d
be back in my life once and for all. I wasn’t sure how the
entire year had passed, because at times it felt like time was moving
slower than molasses, but here we were almost ready to meet up once
again. He’d be home and in my arms. He was worth the wait, and
the closer the actual moment got, the more excited I felt.

I
wanted to look my best when he saw me, so I focused my efforts on
cutting out extra sweets and keeping my runs up. I’d taken to
eating way too many comfort foods this past year, and had a bit of
extra padding. If I worked hard, I could shed it before he got home.

I
went in search of the prettiest dress I could find for his return. I
wanted him to look at me and remember how much he loved me. I knew it
was just a moment frozen in time, but I still wanted to look my best.
I had an idea in my mind of what I wanted to wear, something timeless
and gorgeous.

I
scoured the racks of clothing at the mall, and after a lot of
frustration not finding what I wanted, I came upon something just as
I was about to give up. It was a tea length dress that flared out a
bit at the bottom. It said classic, feminine, and beautiful. It had a
rose pattern on it, with blues and reds, but it wasn’t
overdone. They were more muted than loud, almost understated, and
with a matching pair of navy heels my outfit was complete.

I
knew he liked my hair down, so I wore it that way, loose and with
soft waves through the ends. As I started to get ready on the big
day, I was full of nervous energy. What if he didn’t miss me as
much as I missed him? What if he didn’t think I was as pretty
as he once did? I knew it was silly stuff, and I berated myself for
even letting my insecurities step in on a day like today. We’ve
conquered this year together; it’s time to believe in this
relationship and myself. I was stronger than I thought I could be.

I
finished dressing and touched up my make-up. One last glance in the
mirror, and with a deep breath I was ready. Oh wait, I forgot my
perfume. I chose his favorite and headed out the door. Today was the
day! It was hard to grasp the amount of time that had passed. It felt
like forever, and yet here we were. I’d waited so long for this
moment; I couldn’t wait to see him.

Sitting
in my car, I gripped my steering wheel and exhaled. I was more
nervous than I anticipated, and had butterflies in my stomach. It was
the not knowing what to expect. I remembered when he got back after
his last deployment; Heather said he needed time to adjust. How much
time will it take, will he be okay? He’d gone through a ten day
cycle of reintegration, and today was the day. I pulled my seatbelt
on, took another deep breath, and started the car.

In
just a few short hours we’ll be together. I wasn’t
expecting so many people when I arrived, but it was in that moment I
realized how many other families and people had gone through many of
the same feelings and things I had. How many children missed their
mommies or daddies, and how many wives or girlfriends missed their
partners, and how many men missed their partners…it was a sea
of faces. I wasn’t the only one. There were anxious people
everywhere, excited and ready to greet their soldier and loved one.

And
there, like a moment in a movie, our eyes met. That sign of
recognition, I know you, and we were running into each other’s
arms. He was really here, Austin was home! He wrapped his arms around
me, swinging me around. I couldn’t let go, didn’t want
to, I was so scared it was a dream and he wouldn’t be here when
I woke up. Only it wasn’t a dream, and he was here, and his
lips, oh his lips, I melted when he kissed me. I forgot how much I
missed that kiss.

His
lips were so soft, and as he parted them, his mouth opening slightly,
I tilted my head and together we shared a kiss that had passionately
been waiting for a year. An entire year had passed since the last
time his lips had been on me, his arms around me. I felt like we were
the only people in the world, even in that sea of people. Breaking
free from our kiss, I couldn’t stop looking at him and kissing
him again. I was overwhelmed with joy. I felt like my heart might
burst from happiness at any given moment.

Tears
of happiness ran down my face. I couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t
stop looking at him, kissing him…he was here. And suddenly
there were his parents coming over after recognizing him, and sizing
me up in the process. I wanted the moment to be mine and only mine,
but that was selfish. I knew he’d want to see his parents as
well.

In
all honestly, thinking of his homecoming, I didn’t even think
about his parents coming today. I’d totally forgotten they’d
be here. Of course they wanted to see him too, only they hadn’t
existed in my world until this moment. I composed myself the best I
was able, watching him greet his mother and father.

His
mother wore a charcoal gray pant suit, his father slacks and a button
down shirt. Turning towards me, his father was the first to speak,
“You must be Katherine. It’s nice to meet you,” he
said, extending his hand.

Ew,
it felt so formal. “You can call me Kate,” I said, taking
his hand and shaking it.

“Kate
it is.”

“I
much prefer Katherine,” his mother chimed in coldly. “It
sounds more ladylike, don’t you think Austin?”

Seriously?
That’s the first thing you’re going to say to me? I could
feel her cold shoulder and scrutinizing stare all ready
.

“Mother,
behave,” Austin warned. And so it began.

Apparently,
the plan was to share a meal together, and then his folks would head
off, leaving us to celebrate our time together. I didn’t know
if I could handle an entire meal sitting beside his mother, but I was
damn well going to try. This was my celebration to see Austin too,
and I wasn’t going to let her get me down or crowd me out.

Austin
and I would drive over together, and he told his parents we’d
meet them at the chosen restaurant. I couldn’t wipe the grin
off my face when he sat in the car with me. “You’re
home,” I sighed. “You’re really here.”

“I’m
here, baby.” He reached over and stroked my cheek.

“I
missed you so much,” I started.

“I
know,” his voice was low, oh how I missed him sitting this
close to me.

“I’m
not used to you driving, don’t scare me,” he teased with
a smile.

“Better
buckle in,” I winked, “I’ve been known to drive too
fast and too close.” I of course didn’t, but I couldn’t
let him off that easy.

“It’s
so amazing to see you. I have to say, looking into your eyes in
person is way better than on some lame video, there’s so much
more depth.” He said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m
grateful for the technology, but it doesn’t do you justice.
You’re even more gorgeous in person.”

“I
can’t believe you’re finally home,” I reached over
and stroked his thigh. “I’m so happy to see you.” I
couldn’t stop touching him. I was giddy sitting beside him.

“Baby,
there’s something I want to ask you before we see my parents,”
he cautioned.

I
knew what was coming. He’d probably be warning me not to bite
off his mom’s face when she went all cold and mean on me. I
could feel her judgmental thoughts as soon as she walked up to us
earlier. “I’ll behave,” I said. I knew he adored
her, even though he complained about her ways.

“Oh,
I’m not worried about you; I’m more worried about her.
She doesn’t have a good filter, and pretty much says what’s
on her mind,” he laughed.

“I’ll
bite my tongue as much as possible, regardless.” I offered,
knowing I’d at least try to behave.

“What
I actually wanted to ask you was if you’d give some thought to
being my wife,” it came out so casually, and with a simple
little smile.

“What?”
I sat blinking at him, almost like I was imaging what he’d just
said.

“Will
you marry me?” His eyes, those eyes, I couldn’t look
away.

Did
he just….OMG, I think he did!

“Really?”
I was stunned in a most pleasant way. I never thought…I didn’t
think…I mean…wow.

“Really.
I’m asking you to marry me. Will you be my wife?”

“Yes!
Yes! A thousand times, yes!” I squealed, realizing what just
happened.

Reaching
over, he pulled me into a sweet kiss. “You mean it?”

“Are
you kidding me? You’re really questioning this?” I was
taken off guard, I mean, I knew he’d been burned in the past by
Emily, and I honestly didn’t know if he’d ever go that
route again. I mean, sure I hoped he would, but it was totally
unexpected. We’d never discussed the details. I was afraid to
bring something so permanent up.

“We’ll
have to go ring shopping later,” he said. “We can do it
this weekend. I’m sorry; I don’t have a ring yet.”

“Oh
my gosh, don’t apologize for something like that! You were
overseas, oh my gosh, did you really just ask me to marry you?”
I couldn’t stop rambling. I finally took a deep breath to calm
myself.

“I
did,” he grinned.

“I
love you,” I whispered, realizing we were still parked and his
folks were waiting on us.

“I
love you too. I appreciate you sticking with me this past year, and
I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve
missed you too. It’s like a dream that you’re here with
me.” It truly was. I knew I’d have to drive, but I wanted
to sit there and just look at him, hold him, touch him. I couldn’t
believe he was finally home.

“Let’s
go have lunch, tell them the good news, and then you and I can take
this celebration back to your place. I want to get you naked, I can’t
think of a better way to celebrate,” he grinned. “I’ve
missed being intimate, holy shit did I miss having sex with you!”

I
laughed and then snapped back to reality. “Oh, your mom,”
it hit me in that instant. He’s about to tell her our good
news, and she’s about to spoil it – just like that. It
made me want to beg off of lunch, steal him away for myself today,
but I had to be mature and remind myself they hadn’t seen their
son in a year either.

“It
will be fine,” he soothed. “Trust me.”

I
inhaled sharply, and nodded. “Okay, tell me more about them.
Fill me in on the details that I need to know.”

“Mom
is a power hungry and career driven, and Dad is more laid back these
days. He works a typical nine to five corporate job and that’s
all he wants to do. He was more driven when I was younger, working
really long hours, but I think he’s worn down – either
the job did it, or Mom. Mom on the other hand is the kind of person
who wants to break every glass ceiling she can. She seemed to get
more into her career as Dad was getting bored of his. She can get a
little intense, but don’t let it get to you. Underneath it all,
if she thinks you’ll be good to me, she’ll come around.
She’s just a little over protective, even these days. I’m
still her little boy, or so she likes to remind me, even though I’m
a grown man. Oh, and while we’re on the subject, my little
sister Maggie is actually the baby, by about eight years, but it
doesn’t matter – she treats us both like children. Mags
is pretty close to Mom, and Dad is just Dad.”