My Blue River (23 page)

She looked confused and I could tell she was wondering what had happened. She looked at Jack as though he might give some clarity to the situation, but his expression gave nothing away.

“We’re picking a trail,” said Jack, ignoring Claire’s questioning stare.

“Oh, okay. Well, I’m sure you’ll pick the right one, Jack,” said Claire.

I added, “Besides, whatever trail we take I’ll probably just have to use the tuck-and-roll-approach.”

Everyone laughed at my joke and Sheridan made sure her laugh was heard above all others and just then, it was as if a light bulb had gone off just above Claire’s head.

“So, Jack. How’s your girl doing?” Claire asked Jack as she put her arms around my shoulder. Sheridan raised one eyebrow. I smiled. If she didn’t know I was Jack’s girl before, she certainly knew now.
I’m Jack’s girl.

“Oh, you mean my
best friend
, Addy? She’s doing great.” I gulped hard as he smirked at me.

Claire furrowed her eyebrows but she also knew Jack even better than she knew me. She immediately knew something was eating at him as well.

“Can we talk, Jack?” She summoned him to her with one index finger as if he were a little boy about to be scolded.

I looked at Sheridan who broke the silence with, “So this is fun. I’m really glad we’re here today.”

“Yeah, me, too. Glad you could come to Montana.” There was a brief silence again as I mustered up the courage to lay it all on the line with her.

“Um…Sheridan…remember how I’ve been talking to you about Jack lately?” I asked.

“Yeah, I remember.” She replied as she fished a tiny mirror from a small pocket in her ski pants and began inspecting her reflection.

“Well, I’ve actually been dating him…like…a lot…like, regularly so…” my voice trailed off and I thought she could fill in the blank with what I wanted to say—
so stop flirting.

She put the mirror away and said, “Oh really? You didn’t tell me you were dating let alone that you were serious.”

“Well, I’m not sure
serious
is the word, but yeah, we date pretty regularly.” I wondered if our relationship had to be considered serious for her to stop being an uncontrollable flirt.

When Sheridan didn’t respond, the topic seemed to dissipate into thin air, especially when Jack and Claire returned. They didn’t explain their private conversation to me and simply recommended we get down to the lodge. Skiing was pure hell and we had to stop often because each time I picked up any level of speed I panicked and stopped off at the side. Jack was extremely patient and encouraging, but each time he stopped with me, he then needed to check on Sheridan because she would manage to fall and then begin to tumble and scream like she was being stabbed to death, so I would ask him to check on her. This routine went on for what seemed like an endless amount of time, but eventually we made it in one piece to the bottom of the mountain.

Once we got comfortable inside the lodge, Sheridan came on to Jack even stronger. She managed to touch nearly every part of his body that was publicly acceptable. If we were standing she was touching his arm. If we were sitting, she touched his leg. She pretended to remove something from his face. I knew Jack was putting the ball in my court and wouldn’t do anything to stop her. He wanted me to admit defeat. If I would just admit I was his girlfriend, this would all go away.

When I could no longer take it, I left the bland conversation Sheridan was having with Jack and decided to warm myself by the fire. It was a double-sided fireplace and once I sat down, I could hear the voices of Claire and Sallie coming from the other side. I couldn’t help but tune-in to their conversation.

“I say it’s harsh,” insisted Sallie.

“I say it’s cold—cold as ice. With a best friend like Sheridan, Addy doesn’t need any enemies,” declared Claire.

“That’s what I was thinking. Didn’t Addy tell her she was dating Jack?”

“Well, I got Jack aside at the top of the mountain. He said Addy doesn’t want to admit they’re boyfriend/girlfriend. She wants to keep it casual—yet committed—then this way, neither of them will get hurt when she leaves.”

There was a brief silence and then they both started to laugh.
What’s that about? Rude!

“You’ve gotta be kidding me. She isn’t serious right?” asked Sallie.

“That’s what I thought. I think it’s time for her to admit that, either way, it’s gonna suck when she leaves. Jack wants Addy to say it out loud and on her own terms because if she doesn’t, he’ll feel like he pressured her. I can tell you this much—Sheridan is the answer to his prayers.”

They both giggled a bit more, which I actually found really irritating. But Jack was right. If he had pushed me and insisted we define our relationship, I would have been angry and resented him.
Why must I learn on the level of a small child?

“If Jack were mine, I’d shout it from the roof top,” declared Sallie.

I couldn’t stand hearing this conversation any more than the one I had left, so I decided to return to Jack and Sheridan.

Sheridan was rubbing her hand on Jack’s arm, telling him how incredibly soft his sweater felt. I didn’t even bother to say “excuse me,” I simply walked up, grabbed his face with both hands and planted a kiss full on his mouth. His shock gave way to what I had been missing all day—his affection. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer for a second kiss. Sheridan rolled her eyes and looked away.

“Yes, Sheridan I agree. Doesn’t my boyfriend’s sweater feel fantastic?” I smugly interjected. I rubbed his arm as I peered up to his face. His eyes twinkled with sheer delight. A smile larger than the Blue River itself broke out over his face.

“Boyfriend? Oh, Addy you didn’t tell me that? Forgive me, Jack. I’m an incurable flirt. I’m so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, but you didn’t say anything at all! I feel so silly.” She reached out and touched his arm yet again.

Jack opened his mouth to speak, but I spared him.

“Remember, at the top of the mountain? I told you I was dating Jack?” I asked.

“Yeah, but I know you, Addy. I thought it was casual and I know you’re coming back to California.” Her tone changed from sticky sweet to bitter and defensive of her actions and she was taking me down with her.

“Guess this time, it’s not. Jack is my boyfriend.” I raised my voice a little, catching the attention of Zeek and Mac. Zeek smiled. Mac rolled his eyes. Before long, Claire and Sallie joined our conversation. I caught Jack offer a “thumbs up” to Claire, whose smile rivaled Jack’s.

I gently pulled Sheridan by the arm. “Hey, we need to talk.”

“Okay. Sure.”

We walked over to the fireplace. I remembered an important lesson I learned from my mom about therapy and about letting people know when and how they have hurt you.

“Sheridan, I’ve had a hard time admitting the depth of my relationship with Jack, but it really hurts me when you flirt with him. I would really appreciate it if you stopped.”

“Wow, Addy. I didn’t know. I really thought you would have told me, but we’ve always flirted with each other’s guys. I didn’t think you cared so much, but,” she looked over at Jack, “I can see why. He’s pretty
amazing
.” She said the last word like she was seeing a celebrity.

“First of all, you flirted with MY boyfriends. I didn’t flirt with yours. Secondly, yes, he is amazing and I think I…,” I stopped short. I wouldn’t admit to Sheridan I thought I was falling in love with Jack, because that would mean admitting it to myself, and eventually wanting—needing—to admit it to him, too. How perfectly poetic this snowball effect was beginning in the month of December. It was a snowball effect I wasn’t ready to handle.

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open because she knew me well enough to guess the words I didn’t say.

“Are you not coming back to California?” she asked deprecatingly.

“No! I mean, yes! Don’t worry. I’m still going back to California.” I grabbed her by the arms to make my position on the subject firm.

Relief washed over her face. “Don’t scare me like that.” She looked back at Jack. “So, what are you going to do about him?”

I looked at him, too. “I’m not sure. Convince him to go to California I guess.”

“Excuse me? I don’t think you can remove the country from the boy or the boy from the country. Good luck with that. He doesn’t look like he wants to go anywhere other than Blue River.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Right about that time, Jack joined us and asked if he could borrow me.

“Sure, babe…I mean, Jack. No problem,” replied Sheridan. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” As she walked away, she took one more look back at Jack’s backside and mouthed, “Wow!”
She’s hopeless.

I watched her join Claire and Sallie at a window table. God bless Claire and Sallie for their good manners. They were making her feel like she could fit right in even though she never would.

“So?” asked Jack.

“So what?”

“So, when your fit of jealous rage fades, are you going to regret that you just announced to the entire ski lodge that I’m your boyfriend?”

I flushed with embarrassment. Looking back on the moment, I knew my voice had been raised louder than I realized, but I didn’t regret it. “Nope. I want nothing more than to be your girlfriend,” I insisted as I reached up and threw my arms around his neck.

“Are you
absolutely
sure, because, I’m all in. This is the real deal for me.” His eyes pierced mine and his tone was completely serious.

“It’s the real deal, Jack.” He moved in slowly, as if it were our first kiss. I knew he was hoping he could change my mind and make me stay in Montana while I was hoping I could make him leave with me in August. I wondered who would win but for right now, in this moment, life was just as it should be, with me in Jack’s arms.

********

It was a long and tiring ride home. Sheridan’s flirt fest had almost ruined the day but in the end, we all managed to make it fun. For the next several days, Sheridan and I didn’t talk about the incident, or me and Jack and resorted to making plans for college life. When we took her to the airport, she graciously thanked us, but said she now knew life in a winter wonderland wasn’t for her.

When we hugged, Sheridan whispered, “Stay true to yourself, Addy, and you might want to think about giving up on the cowboy.”

********

Jack’s Journal

Saturday, December 18

Thank you Sheridan McCall. You have no idea how your over-inflated ego got me exactly what I wanted. I can officially call Addy my girlfriend!

20. Everything New

“Aren’t you supposed to kiss me? After all, I
am
under mistletoe.” I pointed upward to the dangling greenery in the entryway. The entire house smelled of Christmas—peppermint, sugar cookies, and pine. For the first time in my entire life, we had a real tree that Dad and Aaron had chopped down and drug home.

“Oh, with pleasure.” Jack was about to move in for a kiss when my father entered the room, causing Jack to jump about three feet backwards, blushing all the while.

“You know, son, I really don’t mind if you kiss my little girl…just keep it G-rated,” Dad said slyly as he winked at me.

“Dad…” I replied deprecatingly.

“Yes, sir.” Jack flushed cherry red.

“And another thing, please, start calling me Bill,” Dad instructed.

Jack responded, “Yes, sir. I promise, sir.”

Dad shook his head and chuckled as he walked off with his sugar cookies and milk. My father had become very aware of how shy Jack was about affection in his presence. He said it only made him respect Jack more. I could elope with Jack tomorrow and my dad would be thrilled.

My mom, on the other hand, would have her first heart attack and cry for a year about how I ruined my life. She thought my life should follow exactly in her footsteps. She wanted me to attend the University of California, San Diego, major in psychology, and pledge to Alpha Chi Theta. She wanted me to marry a Sigma Phi Epsilon who was preferably majoring in pre-law, pre-med, or working on an advanced degree like an MBA, like Dad’s…but only after I got my
first
degree. I felt like I would never live up to a single one of her expectations. I really did get how Aaron felt about Dad’s expectations for him because I lived it with Mom.

“Guess I should go,” said Jack. “It’s late and if you don’t get to bed, Santa won’t come.”

“Awe, how cute. You still believe in Santa,” I smiled up at him adoringly, pinching his cheek as if he were a little boy.

He chuckled. “I do. I believe in all magical possibilities. So, I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“I don’t know, Jack. Sounds like you’ll have a full house. I think I’ll feel awkward.”

Jack’s parents had invited an insane number of family members to their house for Christmas. The holidays were about loved ones for the Cooper family. Jack was about to be the host of at least a dozen cousins. I felt like I would be an unnecessary body in the house, but his parents insisted that not only was I welcomed but expected.

“You have to come. In fact, you won’t get your Christmas present if you
don’t
come,” he said as he pulled me closer.

“That’s not fair. You know I’m a sucker for presents.”

“Then I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.” He smirked, knowing he got to me with the gift bribe. He peered over my shoulder. I assumed he didn’t see either of my parents because he then gave me a lingering, passionate kiss.

“‘Night, Addy.”

“Goodnight, Jack.”

I shut the door and turned around. There stood my mother with her arms crossed around her chest. Her lips were pursed and her expression told me she was irked. It must have been a very long kiss.
How did Jack miss her snooping presence?

I rolled my eyes. “What?” I asked tersely.

“Jack is
what.
He is entirely too serious about you, Adelaide.”

“Guess that’s my business.” I started to pass by her but she grabbed me by my arm, stopping me.

I turned my face to hers. She looked me sternly in the eye and said, “I guarantee you, you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t leave for college in August.”

“I never said anything was changing, Mom. Could you please just let me enjoy the time I have left with Jack?”

She released my arm and her face relaxed. I had obviously told her something she needed to hear—
the time I have left.

“So you two aren’t serious?” asked Mom.

“No, we’re totally casual…I mean, I call him my boyfriend and we don’t date anyone else, but we’re just casual so don’t worry.”
 

Complete relief washed over her face. “Well, good. Keep your head on straight, young lady. Stay focused on our goal.” She gave me one last stern look then left the room.

I pounded up the stairs. I hated how she gave so little credit to my ability to think for myself. Obviously, I was focused. I had applied to every school she asked me to. I even secretly prayed I would get into the school she had attended. But it wasn’t
our
goal; it was
my
goal and the sooner she recognized that the sooner she could begin to heal whatever her own issues in life were.

I also hated that I had just lied to her. I was in no way casual about Jack. I knew I was falling in love with him and leaving in August would be extremely painful. My other focus in life was to convince Jack to leave with me. I didn’t care if he went to college, waited tables, or parked cars. I wanted him with me and Jack had just said he believed in magical possibilities.

********

“Jack is always welcome to come here instead,” insisted mom as she followed me to the coat rack.

“Mom, the Coopers are the ones with a house full of family.” I shrugged my shoulders into my black, leather coat.

“Your family is equally important, or did you forget that fact?” she curtly asked.

I didn’t have the patience for this argument so I called in a reinforcement. “Dad!” I called out to him. I pleaded with my eyes for his help but he wasn’t looking at me. Mom and I had been having this argument all day and I had grown weary of it and I suspected he had, too. It was time for me to leave for the Cooper’s Christmas party and she was being a baby about me leaving.

Dad didn’t even look up from the newspaper he was reading as he said, “Maggie, I do agree with Addy. It is much more difficult for Jack to come here. Besides, we’ve grounded Aaron. We could use some alone time with him, wouldn’t you say?”

“Then we should all be here. I guess Jack and Addy don’t need to see each other today,” stated Mom. It was such a ridiculous notion that she didn’t even sound confident in her own declaration.

“Mom! It’s a Christmas party! Besides, they invited you guys, too!” I raised my voice as frustration set further in my soul. “Just come with me if this is such a big deal to you!”

“Well, you
are
just casual, Adelaide. You told me that so I really think it’s no big deal,” she threw my words back at me. She took a seat and picked up the book Dad had just given her for Christmas this morning and began nonchalantly flipping through it.
I knew she would throw it in my face that I had said we weren’t serious
. She was lucky I had waited until the evening hours to go over to Jack’s house instead of spending all day with him like I wanted to.

“Dad…” I pleaded once more. This time, he looked at my mother over the top of his reading glasses with a troubled expression. I could tell that even he couldn’t understand why she was having such a problem with me going to Jack’s house.

He let out a heavy sigh. “Go ahead and go,” said Dad. “Right, Maggie?” He asked her like a real question, but you would have to be deaf to think he wasn’t sending a clear message that he wasn’t on board with her. He was allowing me to go with or without her consent. Dad placed his newspaper on the coffee table.

“Thank you! Finally, the voice of reason!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands to the air.

“Fine. I guess I have no say in the matter,” Mom curtly responded. She started to snap the pages of her book as she turned them.

She was lucky I didn’t break out my, “
I’m eighteen and can do whatever I want”
speech.

I snatched Jack’s gift off the entryway table, which was a computer program that would help him write his music. I doubted he needed any help.

My dad joined me at the door then gave me a hug. I kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, “Thanks, Daddy.”

“No problem. Have fun. But you might want to make it an early night, if you know what I mean,” he whispered back, nodding his head in the direction of the other room where Mom was seated.

“Only for you.”

On the short drive to Jack’s house I was excited and nervous all at once. I couldn’t tell why but I guessed that no matter how old you became, Christmas was exciting. Also, I was about to meet people who were very important to Jack and that mattered to me more than I probably even realized. I wanted to make a good impression.

Bright, beautiful holiday decorations were everywhere, inside and out. Outside, Ted had strung large, colored light bulbs the length of the driveway, along the long, white fence and tiny, white lights lit every pine tree. Large, red bows were tied on each tree trunk. It looked incredibly festive. All that was needed was a sleigh ride, large, puffy snowflakes, and a kiss from Jack to make this a perfect Christmas.

Jack greeted me at the door and I apprehensively entered the overwhelming filled room. I whispered, “These people are
all
family?” It was literally wall-to-wall people.

“Yep. That’s my Uncle Harold over there with the fiddle. That’s my Aunt Fay passing around the cookies. She’s married to Harold.” Jack continued to point out a few people then decided it was rude to point.

He pulled me along making introductions along the way. Some people were singing Christmas carols but they started to complain that they sucked because Jack wasn’t playing his guitar. He told me he’d better rescue them. They were so good they could have been the largest ever performing family. Jack picked up his guitar and played while he sang along with them. He stopped and mouthed the word, “sing” to me. I mouthed back “no way.” I could barely sing and I certainly didn’t have the talent of these people. Part of me couldn’t help but hope I could someday be a part of this family, the other part of me heard my mom’s voice detailing each one of her goals for me.

Ted announced he had a surprise for everyone and suggested we put on our coats and venture outside. Once we were outdoors, we found two large, red, sleighs.

“A sleigh ride!” I exclaimed loudly like a little girl. I even clapped my hands together. When everyone looked at me my cheeks became hot from the embarrassment of my childlike outburst.

“Um…Addy’s from Southern California. She’s never had a white Christmas.” Jack offered a justification on my behalf and then there were a lot of “Ohs” and head nodding in understanding.

Jack whispered in my ear the names of his favorite cousins and we joined them in a sleigh. Once we were settled into our seats we covered up with plaid, wool blankets. We engaged in a conversation that was all about me and it felt awkward. It was more like the Spanish Inquisition because the most frequently asked question was about my intentions to leave in August. Jack could tell I was becoming uncomfortable. He leaned to me and said, “They’re just curious about the girl I’m so crazy about.”

I wasn’t sure if Jack had given them the cease and desist sign or what, but each person finally wandered off into a conversation with someone other than me until it was suggested they sing again.

I looked up at Jack and said, “All we need now are big, puffy snowflakes.” He nodded in agreement and put his arm around me.

Jack must have had connections with The Man Upstairs, because as if on cue, large, puffy snowflakes began to fall from the dark, wintry sky. My holidays couldn’t have been happier. Now all I needed was a quick kiss from Jack to top it off.

He read my mind.

********

Jack’s Journal