My Blue River (26 page)

There was suddenly a strange silence between us and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing that I was thinking.

Jack spoke first, “This is actually sounding like an interesting play.”

“Really? I think it is depressing.”

“Why? It sounds like a love story.”

“Not if you like unhappy endings.”

“What’s the ending?”

“Well, it goes from the moment of George and Emily’s love confession to a moving wedding scene.”

“Okay, still a happy story…then what?” Jack was eager for the ending.

“Then it moves ahead I don’t know, I think about nine years, when Emily and her second child die after she gives birth.” I looked out the window. This was awkward. I knew Jack’s mother had nearly died giving birth to him. I now wished I hadn’t continued with the details of the play.

“Oh. Dang, that’s sad but then what?” he asked.

“Well, Emily dies and goes to Heaven, where she’s given the choice to return to earth and relive a day in her life. The dead people she finds in the afterlife all tell her not to go back.”

“Why in the world would they tell her not to go back?”

“I know, right? Well, anyway, they tell her it will be too painful but she does it anyway.”

“Nice. I like that. She is stubborn…like someone else I know.”

“Geez, Jack…just who could you be talking about?” I asked through a laugh because after this long, we all knew it was me.

“So I have to know, what day does Emily decide to go back to?”

“It’s actually kind of interesting. She chooses to return to her twelfth birthday, can you believe that? I think that’s weird.”

“That does seem weird. I mean, why wouldn’t she relive marrying George or relive the day he told her he loved her or something more meaningful?”

“I’m not sure. I guess that was her point. It was meaningful to her and I think she thought it would be a happy time because she had been so young. You know, like how life gets too complicated as we get older.” I paused in thought, thinking of how complicated my life was already becoming. I snapped from my quick reverie and went on, “But anyway, as she relives that day she realizes it had been wasted with trivial things and wasn’t what she had remembered it to be, so she quickly goes back to her body’s resting place.”

“And?” I could tell he had become totally invested in the moral of this story.

“And she finds George grieving at her grave,” I began to get choked up, which surprised me but I also realized in that moment I had matured. In the past, I had never felt or thought much about this play, its characters, or the meaning of it until now—because at this moment, I found my life with Jack. For the first time ever, I was in love.

“That’s horrible! You’re right. I don’t think I like this play.”

“Actually, I guess it does have a valuable life lesson.”

“What lesson is that?”

“That we shouldn’t wait until we lose everything important to us to appreciate it and love it the way it should be. We need to blend all the important moments in life with all the little moments. Life is a gift. Love is a gift.”

Jack took a quick glance at me and softly whispered, “Wow.”

I looked at him and replied, “Yeah. Wow.”

I couldn’t describe it but there was a feeling in the air and in my body that told me I was right. We both fell silent—each lost in our own thoughts. I had no idea what he was thinking, but I knew I was thinking about my future.
Would I be like Emily and wait to love each moment in life? Would I wait until I lost someone important before I appreciated them? Would I write a new play called My Town, no, My Blue River, starring me, a story based on me losing Jack because I’m so stubborn?

The one thing I was certain of was that as I talked about George’s love for Emily, I had equal love for Jack. I was young and I was learning, but I knew this was love because a feeling this magical couldn’t be anything else but love—a forever kind of love.

********

Jack’s Journal

Friday, February 11

Our school is trying something new this year—a school play. I think the last time our school had a play it was 1977. That wasn’t yesterday, that’s for sure! But we have a new librarian and she’s in charge of stuff like that. Who knows, maybe it’ll be fun—not that I’ll be in it, but fun to watch everyone else try acting.

It’s an interesting play. Addy told me about it on the way home from school. It led to another one of those moments where I felt the conversation was about us even though we were talking about other people. Just like when we talked about Zeek wanting to date Sallie. Today, we were talking about the characters in the play, George and Emily. Only Addy is George since she’s the one who wants to leave and I’m Emily, afraid that Addy will lose interest in me once she’s gone.

Maybe by the end of summer, but in better than half-spoken, awkward sentences, I will be able to profess my love to Addy and that love alone will keep her in Blue River. If not keep her in Blue River, keep me in her heart. It was an interesting discussion for us to have right before Valentine’s Day.

Only time will tell how this story, starring Jack and Addy—will play out.

21. Change in Plans

“I’m not at all excited about this,” I said to Jack as we were walking to the special senior sex education class. Our public education system deemed it important to give us a “refresher course” before we headed out into the big world, but in my mind, if anyone didn’t know this information by now, then their parents had failed them. For the
lucky
groups of kids whose parent’s signed the permission slip, we were about to hear from the school counselor—my mother.

Ugh.
“Seriously, this could not be more embarrassing,” I hissed.

“It’ll be fine. Nobody cares that she’s your mom,” Jack reassuringly squeezed my hand.

“I care!”

We filed into the biology room. Jack and I sat in the back of the room by Claire, Mimi, Sallie and Zeek. We were in the VERY back of the room. I wanted to hide my face from everyone. As soon as my mother entered the room, I felt myself flush cherry red. Nothing could be more humiliating than listening to my mother speak to my peers about sex and birth control, not to mention the idiots who kept making remarks like, “Dude, the counselor is hot,” and “I’d tap that” or my particular favorite, “a mother he’d like to…do something really inappropriate with.”
Blech!
I had to paraphrase it in my head or I’d vomit. I let out an audible groan.
This is without a doubt the most painful day of my life.

Jack heard what they said and leaned over to me saying, “Addy, it’s a compliment and besides, your mom really is quite pretty, but that last comment was just…wrong.” He then turned around and demanded, “Hey guys, stop with the inappropriate comments.” I heard a “whatever, Jack” and a “dude, sorry…forgot about your girl.”
My hero again.

I groaned again at the idea of Jack thinking my mother was pretty. I knew she was, but I didn’t want to hear about it from my boyfriend and I especially didn’t want to hear that some pubescent turd wanted to “tap” her!

Principal H gave a few words about how the school’s official position was abstinence, and that it was the only one-hundred percent effective birth control. He then introduced my mother. As her lecture, began so did my nausea.

“Welcome students,” greeted Mom. “You are all here today because you have concerned parents and a concerned school district. We’re here for a very important topic—sex and much of what pertains to sex. As Principal Hyrniewicz just mentioned, the only one-hundred percent effective birth control is abstinence, but let’s be realistic, not one-hundred percent of you in this room will practice abstinence. In a perfect world, yes, but in reality, no. I recognize that you know, or should know, about sex and birth control measures, but what you may not know about are the statistics that come with failing birth control. Chances are, failing birth control leads to a pregnancy. Again, let me say, abstinence is the best policy. But let’s talk about teen pregnancy. Dealing with the responsibility of being a parent is one of the hardest tasks anyone can take on. Becoming a parent involves emotion, compassion, dedication, strength, knowledge, protectiveness, and being able to financially support the child. It also involves many other components that not everyone is capable of doing. It’s hard enough to be a parent as an adult and even harder as a teen.”

Mom shot a quick glance in my direction, which several people didn’t miss, which meant they now thought Jack and I were having sex and that the school counselor knew it.
I want to die.

I whispered to Jack, “Could you please put a bullet in my head?” He just smiled and rolled his eyes.

She continued on with her lecture. “The incidence of pregnancy in teenagers is rapidly increasing each year. Many teenagers don't know how big the responsibility of raising a child is, especially since they still have a lot of growing up to do themselves. Today’s teens need to be more educated about themselves and their bodies as well as ways to protect themselves from getting pregnant if they are sexually active as well as sexually transmitted diseases.”

I leaned to Jack and whispered, “I’m leaving.” I started to stand but he pulled me back down. I shot him a nasty look.

Jack whispered back, “No, you’re not.”

“Excuse me? I’m not? Why?” We continued to whisper our conversation.

“Because your parents signed your permission slip.”

“Very funny.”

He snickered at his own joke. “Seriously. I think she’ll make a scene if you try to leave.”

“Crap! You’re right.”

“Hang in there.”

“I’ll try, but I swear, if she breaks out a banana and a condom I’m out of here!” I started to listen again to the lecture I heard often from the woman I now called my school counselor.

Mom continued, “…and dealing with children involves a lot of patience, which a lot of teens simply do not have.” Some of the students in the room chuckled because they knew she was right but I thought,
I know a certain mother who doesn’t have a lot of patience either. Her name is Dr. Margaret Davis!

Mom began to lay out a few statistics about what percentage of teen have had sex before the age of fifteen. Even though I already knew this was the truth, it made me gag a little.
Fifteen is so young and so immature
. She went on to tell us how many kids are not even seventeen, and engaged in intimate, sexually active relationships.  Despite how uncomfortable I felt, I couldn’t help but be drawn into what she was telling us.

She kept spewing statistical data until my brain went numb. I tried to drown out her words by thinking of other things. She then began to talk about sexually transmitted diseases. I leaned over to Claire’s ear and whispered, “I’m about to puke.”

“Me, too.
Me, too
,” she replied. Claire truly did look very pale.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah, I’m just joking. I’m fine,” said Claire but her voice quivered and her face defied her words. She wasn’t fine.

Once again, Mom shot a very concerned look our direction just as she began to talk about the effectiveness of birth control along with the various methods. I was now certain these looks were for me and Jack, and that she thought we were having an intimate relationship; she was afraid I would screw up the perfect future she had planned for me which must be why she has a problem with Jack. I vowed to set her straight…
soon
.

********

“Are you as excited as I am? I’m so excited!” I was talking so much about college and our imminent departure that I hadn’t noticed Claire didn’t seem quite as jubilant. She had come to my house to talk about going to college.

When I finally noticed, I asked, “Hey, what’s up? Why aren’t you excited?” I didn’t even give her a chance to respond and continued on, “I thought we were going to discuss our plans? I know it’s a ways off but let’s talk about it”—I rushed on—“Okay, first I think we should go get our room settled because I really can’t stand not unpacking, plus it’ll put the final punctuation mark on our old lives and mark the beginning of college life and by the way, I plan to ship my stuff ahead of time, you might want to do that, too”—I was rambling—“we’ll go to the beach. Oh my Gosh! I can’t wait to show you a real beach!”

Claire had never been more than five hundred miles away from Blue River. When I finally stopped for a breath, I noticed a lone tear had trickled down her face.

“Hey, what’s wrong? That’s a happy tear, right?” I asked. My gut feeling told me it wasn’t even close to a happy tear. Nothing about Claire’s expression was that of happiness and I was getting worried. A feeling of dread started to hang in the air—a feeling I didn’t like.

“Um…Addy…I…I won’t be going to California with you and I…I…won’t be going to college,” stated Claire.

“What do you mean? Your financial aid is already set up, we have our dorm room assignment—it’s all set—you can’t back out now! Claire, you said you’ve wanted to leave here since…since forever! What’s going on?” Now I was just plain mad.
Why did she change her mind? She has to be kidding!

“Addy, I’m…I’m…” she let out a heavy sigh. Something was definitely burdening her.

“Okay, now you’re really scaring me. What the hell is happening?” I demanded.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

My face froze. I stared into her eyes wanting to believe this was a joke but as each second ticked by, her eyes welled with more tears. She was far from joking. I shook my head back and forth as if I were shaking off a bad dream. Complete disbelief washed over me. She could tell I hadn’t quite comprehended her words so she repeated, “I’m pregnant” and ended with, “so there’s no California for me, no college, no anything, just…a baby.”

“No, no, you can’t be! You said Ethan used protection.”

“He did,
WE
did, but it failed…well, once at least. Nothing is one hundred percent, Addy, and that’s life’s reality. Accidents happen. Didn’t you listen to your mom’s lecture yesterday?”

“I tried not to,” I quipped.

“Well, I wish I had that lecture a long time ago.”

“Oh, come on. You know about sex and birth control, right? Your mom had to have the
birds and the bees talk
with you, right?”

“Yeah, well…kinda…but she didn’t exactly drive the point home about just how much birth control can fail and when you’re in the heat of the moment, you’re not thinking about your birth control failing. In fact, you’re not really thinking at all. Guess I shouldn’t have even put myself in that moment with Ethan.”

“I am so sorry.”
Is that even the right thing to say?
I didn’t know how to respond.

“Didn’t you see how your mom kept looking at me during the sex ed. class? I had already told her. She kept looking at me with such….such… pity, I guess is the word. I almost got up and left.”

I replayed that lecture in my mind. “She was looking at you? I thought she was looking at me!”

It all made sense now. Claire was seated to my left and my mom had been stealing glances at her simply because she was privy to her secret. Claire’s mom must not have known yet. Why else would she sign her a permission slip for a class that was obviously so unnecessary? As my mom lectured, she must not have been able to keep herself from gauging Claire’s reaction because the news had come too late for her—accidents happen—and for that moment, Claire was stuck in an uncomfortable lecture.

“And you thought you were the only one about to puke during the lecture,” Claire said with a slight chuckle. “I had morning sickness! Like, seriously, I about lost it right there in the biology room. The smell of chemicals and the sight of those dead frogs in jars were killing me!”

I offered a weak laugh but it certainly was not a funny subject.

“Guess I really screwed things up, huh? I went from someone about to go off to college and experience more to life than Blue River to someone who gave up her future,” said Claire.

“What do you mean by that? You still have a future.”

“Yeah, but it’ll be a struggle. I’ve already been looking into how I will make it work as a single mom.”

“Oh…um…a single mom?”

“I qualify for a lot of different programs so yeah, I’ll be fine—
we’ll
be fine,” insisted Claire as she patted her tummy.

“So Ethan isn’t in the picture?”

Claire laughed somewhat manically and turned away from me.

“Claire, seriously. What’s up with you and Ethan? Why aren’t you guys getting married? Is he paying child support? What did he say about his baby?” I knew I was bombarding her with questions, but I couldn’t help but explode with not only concern but curiosity.

When she turned back to face me, I realized her expression was now that of anger. “Ethan? Well, he handled it
real
well.” Her voice was thick with sarcasm. “He quit his job in Henley and took a job in some other state. I’m not even sure where he is right now. He left town two days after I told him.
I
was the one who had to tell
his
parents, which explained to them his sudden departure. They’ve offered to help in whatever ways they can, but I’ll need a lawyer to go after him for child support and there’s no money for diapers let alone a lawyer! I’m sure Ethan’s parents won’t help finance a lawyer to go after their son. My mom and Garrett have no money. They can’t help much…” Her voice was shaky as she trailed off in thought. She walked over to the window and simply stared out.