My Heart Can't Tell You No (22 page)

“I always got one for you, Mom.” He released Maddie and went to the woman to hug her gently and kiss her cheek.

“That wasn’t a hint, Bob,” Sarah told him dryly.

“You don’t have to hint for a hug; there’s always one here.”

“Bob, does the name Eddie Haskell mean anything to you? Now, what’s on your mind? I could tell something was wrong as soon as I saw your faces. What’s up?”

Maddie and Bob looked at one another before Maddie turned her eyes back to her mother. “Mom. I’ve—I mean, we’ve got some news for you.” She paused when she saw worry cover the woman’s face. “We—think I’m pregnant.”

Sarah took a deep breath and released it, moving to a chair as she took a Marlboro from her pack. She looked from one to the other as she lit it. “How far?”

“A month,” Bob told her.

Another deep breath. “Are you sure it isn’t closer to two?”

Maddie’s heart sank as she looked quickly at Bob.

“No, we’ve been keeping track. She got her period at the end of April. I tried to be careful, Mom. I didn’t want to get her pregnant before she was out of school. I guess I just wasn’t careful enough.” He glanced back at Maddie before going on. “We’re going to get married though. As soon as possible in fact. That is if we have your permission.”

“Yes, Maddie can’t be married without my and Jack’s consent. Are you
sure
you want to marry her, Bob?” she asked almost sympathetically as she eyed him suspiciously.

“Of course I’m sure. I’ve always been sure. You should know that.”

“And what about you, Maddie? Are you absolutely positive you’re not making a mistake marrying him?”

“Yes, she’s sure,” Bob answered for her. Maddie simply nodded. She wasn’t sure at all, and she couldn’t face lying to her mother.

“Maddie. Do you have a tongue?”

“I’m sure.” At that moment she hated herself.

“Oh, Maddie. You aren’t even finished with school.” Sarah’s disappointment was evident; suddenly she seemed very tired, but after a moment she looked up at them and forced a smile. “All right. If you’re both sure this is what you want to do. Do you want me to tell Jack or do you want to tell him? I think he’d appreciate it more if you told him.”

“Don’t you think he’ll get mad?” Maddie asked with astonishment.

“I wouldn’t doubt it one bit. You’re his little girl, no matter how much he yells at you. Don’t be surprised if Bob gets his head bit off.”

This time, Bob took a deep breath. “Well, I better get it done and over with then.”

Maddie followed him into the room where Jack was reading the paper. She couldn’t stop the mad shaking of her knees. She had faced (and run away from) Jack Baker’s anger more than a few times in her young life.

“Jack, can I talk to you?”

“You got a mouth?” Jack looked at the young man strangely and put down the paper.

“Maddie will be staying in town with me from now on.”

Maddie cringed under that remark. What a way to start.

“She’s got a bed upstairs,” Jack told him.

“We’re getting married,” said Bob.

“Why? You can see her as often as you like when you come out here.”

“She’s pregnant, Jack.”

Jack remained silent a moment as he eyed Bob. His expression was unreadable. “Is that why you want to marry her?”

“I love her.”

“
Hmph
. Well, Sarah and I have been married for twenty-eight years now. She was pregnant too.” He went back to his paper.

“Jack, will you give her away?”

Maddie’s eyes widened. Just what kind of a wedding was Bob planning? She thought they’d face a judge or JP, not in a church in front of a crowd of people.

“You got her.” Jack continued with his paper.

“I mean at the wedding. Will you give her away?”

The paper came down again and Maddie watched her father’s eyes. The combination of anger and disappointment was beginning to show.

“Sarah and I got married by a judge. John got married in a big church the first time—I didn’t go. The second time he got married by a preacher in Montana—I wasn’t there. The third time, he faced a JP and again I wasn’t there. No. I won’t be there whether you get married in the same big church John got married in, or if you stand in front of a JP. I only went to one wedding in my life—the only one I’ll ever go to.”

“Are you angry about this?”

“Me? No. You want to marry my daughter. She’s going to give me a grandchild. I couldn’t be angry over receiving a grandchild. She’s only seventeen Goddamn years old—what the hell have I got to be angry about?” He put his paper back in front of his face, then calmed down slightly. “I-I just won’t be there.”

“It’s okay, Dad. I understand,” Maddie said quietly.

“Then who’s going to give you away? John?” Bob asked her quickly.

“No, not John. He passed out at his own wedding once he saw everyone watching him.”

“Tom?”

“Tom would turn and run. If someone has to
give
me
away
and Dad can’t do it—then I know who I’ll ask.”

Maddie didn’t like this at all. She never in her wildest dreams, even as a child, imagined she would have a big church wedding. It embarrassed her to be taking her vows in front of a crowd. It was such a performance. But, she thought with regret, this was something she had to leave up to Bob. One of the few choices he had left.

“Yeah.” Jack looked back at his paper, already knowing whom she was going to ask. “Ask Lew. He’ll do it for you.”

By the end of June Maddie was dressed in a full-length ivory gown. The heels she wore made up some of the difference in height separating the top of her head from Bob’s. It was odd that she felt no sign of bridal nerves as her mother helped her dress, only a deep dread of the performance she was about to make in front of nearly one hundred people.

During the past two weeks Bob had made no attempt even to kiss her again as he slept in the same bed with her. And, as she had suspected, she clung to her side of the bed, but halfway through the night she would wake up holding Bob desperately. In her sleepy state it wasn’t Bob’s body she clung to though. The difference in Bob’s and Joe’s body made little difference when she slept. Bob’s build was bulkier than Joe’s from the constant weight-lifting he did every evening. Joe’s body was somewhat leaner, providing muscles in all the right places. It was during her wakeful hours that she would long to hold the leaner body; a longing she fought against. She didn’t want to want Joe. She wanted more than anything to be in love with Bob Green, but her heart had a will of its own.

“Are you about ready, brat?” Lew entered the room provided at the back of the church as she pulled the traditional garter up over her pale stockings.

Any other man would have turned and left the room when he saw the leg exposed clear to her thigh. Not Lew; he barely noticed as he lit one of his
Winstons
and sat uncomfortably in his black suit with a tie that made him look as if he were being hanged. Maddie knew that to dear Lew’s eyes, her long shapely limbs were still the short stubbly legs that would carry her down the dirt road to his porch, most of the time with banged up knees resembling hamburg.

“Is it time?” Maddie’s heart sank.
Damn
, she didn’t like the idea of doing this.

“I guess so. They told me to come back and get ya.” He looked at her with his sparkling eyes. “Next time your cop decides to buy us all new clothes, tell him to get me a pair of work-pants and a sports shirt. This is damn uncomfortable.”

“This isn’t much better,” Maddie sighed as she straightened then turned to look in the mirror. The reflection was surprising.

“Did your old man give you guys the bathroom speech? You know, you don’t love each other until you’ve shared a bathroom with each other?”

“Yeah. A few days after we told him we were getting married.” She moved to a neighboring chair and sat down. Folding the satin gown between her legs, she crossed an ankle over a knee and leaned back, picking up one of Lew’s cigarettes and lighting it.

“Ah yes—that’s the Maddie we all know and adore,” Lew laughed.

“I don’t care. In a few minutes I have to be all dainty and feminine. I would just love to put on my cut-off jeans and T-shirt and run out, turn around and yell
surprise
! But . . . .”

“But Bob wants dainty and feminine.” Lew finished for her.

“He deserves to get what he wants.” Maddie drew back on the cigarette. “Lew—I’m starting—to feel—sick.”

“Just don’t puke on my new suit. You better go in the bathroom quick. Stick your finger down your throat if you have to. The organ’s going to start any minute.”

Her last look in the mirror showed a beautiful stranger. As she hurried past this time, she couldn’t help be a little more satisfied with the green-tinged teenager she saw. She held a towel against her dress as she leaned over the toilet, going through her newly acquired ritual. Goddamn Joe! How she wished he’d have to kneel to the throne day after day to york
his
guts out.
“Well,
so
much
for
breakfast
,” she thought as she cleaned up her face. She still felt like a limp rag when she came back to the room with Lew. Within seconds the organ music drifted back to them. Her stomach twinged again in response.
God
, she hoped she wouldn’t throw up out there.

She took a deep breath, then walked to the door with Lew. He would be forty-one in a few days, and he was still the huge gentle giant she adored. As they started out the door, he pulled her back.

“
WHAT
?!” She almost barked as she glanced up at him nervously.

His eyes laughed down at her, then he pulled her veil to the front of her face. “Now they can’t see how green you are.”

In another moment they were on their way. Her eyes scanned the crowd. On one side were cousins and friends from school, on the other, a lot of policemen she barely knew. There was Mom and Beth in the front row with Janet and four of Lew’s children; his other two wouldn’t fit, so they were sitting in the second row. Her two bridesmaids were dressed in pale yellow, holding violets.
Damn
, they looked completely at ease in their gowns. They were her best friends from school. They should be wanting to jump into a pair of jeans and T-shirt as much as she wanted to. On the other side stood Tom, looking like his greatest wish was to pluck a cigarette from his pocket. And John—she almost laughed at his red face. Anyone would think he was the one getting married again.

And there was Bob. He looked great. What she would give to be sitting on the groom’s side, watching some lovely girl approach him, ready and willing to give herself to him completely and give him the life he deserved. But she was the one walking up to take his hand, giving her bouquet of violets mingled with baby’s breath to the girl on her left.

The ceremony, thankfully, was short and they were on their way to a Victorian-style hotel across town after a kiss that was neither casual nor heated and pictures taken by the local photographer. It bothered her that Bob had spent all this money on their wedding, but he had insisted it was what he wanted. He insisted that, since he planned to get married only once, he wanted to go all the way. Funny how she thought her parents
went
all
the
way
when they stood in front of a courthouse judge with the maid and janitor as their only witnesses.

Maddie’s and Lew’s families had decorated the reception hall the night before. They had fun doing it. And she and Bob had fun sneaking down to watch them from the shadows of the hall. Lew spent his time supervising and eating butter mints from tiny bowls, much to Janet’s irritation; for, each time she filled one, he would come up behind her to take several of the pastel candies as half-hearted orders would roll off his tongue.

Today the atmosphere was so different, so stiff and formal. She liked it better when her family played employees, just doing their job, instead of the family of the guests of honor. She and Bob cut the cake and drank champagne—under Bob’s orders her glass was filled with white grape juice. She didn’t mind. She could smell Bob’s drink and didn’t like the aroma. She threw her bouquet into a crowd of teenage girls, each trying to out-jump the other for its possession; she was glad when it landed in the arms of a more subdued friend who was trying to hide in the back of the other, more spirited girls. Then it was time for Bob to remove the garter. With her foot on the seat of a chair he pulled up her dress, revealing the curvy leg for all to see, bringing playful whistles and howls from men beginning to feel the effects of too much liquor. His hand possessively slid up her leg before moving to the inside of her thigh. It was the first time he had ever touched her there and she felt nothing. He could have been knocking a fly off her arm for all the sensation she felt. His expression as he looked at her showed they weren’t experiencing the same emotions. Seeing her apathy, he removed the garter and brought down her leg. She watched the garter sail through the air, landing in an unsuspecting Tom’s hands. He drew back as if it were a wasp and sent it flying back into the air. The squeal that escaped Tom’s lips was almost hair-raising.